House on Haunted Hill

     ON THE TV: Mr. Lee smiles for the CAMERA.

                           CHRISTOPHER LEE
                I'm Christopher Lee. More of
                "Terrifying, But True" in just a
                moment --

                           EVELYN
                No need, baby.

     She zaps the TV dead with a button on the armrest.

                           EVELYN
                You just gave me exactly what I needed.

     She reaches for the phone.

     EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY

     A beeping CELL PHONE is retrieved from a coat pocket, punched
     to life, and brought up to the lips of

     STEVEN PRICE - a 30ish bespectacled man.

     While not handsome in the classical sense, he still exudes an
     incredible appeal -- the kind that comes from incredible self-
     confidence, more money than God, and the most maniacal
     imagination in recorded history.

                           PRICE
                     (into phone)
                Price.
                     (listens; sarcastic)
                Evelyn, how nice...
                     (beat, listens)
                Well, that is fascinating -- but I'm
                gonna have to get back to you -- they're
                trying to shoot me here.

     PULL BACK TO REVEAL - Price buttoning the phone dead as a
     NEWS CREW of two videotapes him: an ENG Cameraman named
     BENNY and a 20-something Katie Couric wannabe with a
     microphone in Price's face -- KIRSTEN SAVAGE.

     They're all standing amidst a sprawling landscape of
     futuristic-looking buildings and rides: a spanking new theme
     park. We see the great steel arch that bears the place's
     name:

                              TERROR-INCOGNITA
                     A New Adventure From Steven Price

                           KIRSTEN
                Business or pleasure, Mr. Price?

                           PRICE
                My wife. Where were we?

                           KIRSTEN
                Your roller coaster that is, quote:
                "unlike any that has ever come before
                it."

                           PRICE
                Absolutely. No cheap thrills. A genuine
                Journey To The Brink Of Madness.

     He gestures grandly towards the huge and extremely tall
     expanse of steel girders and tracks in front of them.

                           KIRSTEN
                Sorry, but it just looks like a generic
                roller coaster to me. What's the
                gimmick?

     Price beckons them to an elevator at the base of the ride.

                           PRICE
                Ever seen one that starts at the
                top? 20 stories worth of top?

                           KIRSTEN
                And then what happens?

                           PRICE
                     (smiles)
                I think it's something better
                experienced then described.

     The Elevator door whooshes open. He bids them enter.

                           PRICE
                After you.

     INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS

     The DOORS CLOSE and the elevator starts up. Through small
     ports in the sides they see the beams of the roller coaster's
     superstructure dropping down past them as the cabin rises.

                           KIRSTEN
                Sources have told this reporter that the
                real reason your Park's opening has been
                delayed was a near-fatal accident on one
                of the rides here. Comment?

                           PRICE
                I wouldn't be opening this place
                tomorrow if every single thing down to
                the beheaded Beanie Babies hadn't tested
                100% safe.

      -- he's cut off by a loud GROANING sound like metal under
     stress.

                           BENNY
                What the hell was that?

                           PRICE
                     (all confidence)
                Growing pains: new steel's gotta bend
                and stretch a little before finally
                settling in.

     Another GROAN. A yelp escapes from Kirsten's mouth.

                           PRICE
                Don't worry. In the fifteen year history
                of Price Amusements we've yet to lose a
                single customer.

     The GROANING stops. But Kirsten and Benny remain nervous.

                           KIRSTEN
                First time for everything.

                           PRICE
                I've designed and built six of these
                places -- take my word for it,
                everything's fine.

                           BENNY
                     (nervous)
                How long 'til we're out of this thing?

                           PRICE
                Five, ten seconds, we're almost to
                the top --

      -- the elevator LURCHES to a DEAD STOP.

     Kirsten and Benny look at each other -- anxiety on overdrive.
     Price tries to reassure them, but he's not looking real
     relaxed anymore, either.

                           PRICE
                Look: even if, God forbid, something
                ...unexpected...should happen, there's
                always the safety cable --

      -- and now the cabin is rocking: sharp and nasty spasms that
     are buffeting them into each other --

                           BENNY
                 -- that does what?

                           PRICE
                Keeps the cab from just --

     -- he sees something out the window --

                           PRICE
                 -- oh, shit --

     A loud CRACK! The cabin starts dropping -- fast. All three of
     them scream.

     OUT THE WINDOW: we see the SUPERSTRUCTURE of the roller
     coaster flying by. The sound of cables screeching free of
     pulleys.

     Benny's camera is wrenched from his hands and bounces around
     the cabin. Kirsten's eyes are crazed with terror.

                           KIRSTEN
                Do something!

                           PRICE
                Like what?? This isn't supposed
                to be happening!!

     The scenery outside the window is a blur.

                           BENNY
                OhJesusohChrist!

     The ground is coming up to meet them; the noise inside the
     cabin is deafening.

     Benny starts jumping up and down; Kirsten is pounded to the
     floor. Price braces himself for impact.

                           KIRSTEN
                Please! Something! Oh-God!

                           PRICE
                Maybe if I --

     With all his strength, Price throws himself across the cabin
     and stabs an unmarked button on the elevator control panel --

      -- the cabin suddenly stabilizes --

      -- the elevator door opens --

     EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DEPARTURE DOCK - DAY

      -- revealing the cabin to be just where it should be: high
     atop the roller coaster, right across from the dock where the
     cars depart. They never fell so much as an inch -- all an
     illusion.

     The expression on Price's face has changed to a wicked grin.
     He looks at the two terrified souls on the elevator floor:

                           PRICE
                From here on, it gets really scary.

     A MAN IN OVERALLS (SCHECTER) stands on the dock, waves the
     News Crew towards a rear car.

                           SCHECTER
                Room for two more.

     The front car is already full with People strapped in so
     tight they're immobile.

                                                      TIME CUT TO:

     INT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DEPARTURE DOCK - DAY

     Price still on the departure dock, punching up a number on
     his cell phone. In the b.g. we can see the cars containing
     Kirsten, Benny and the others, zooming at incredible speeds
     on 45 degree banks, upside-down loop-de-loops, the works. All
     with screams of sheer pleasure accompanying.

                           PRICE
                     (into phone)
                Alright, Princess: now what were
                you babbling?

     He listens for a moment -- then his eyes crimp shut with
     disgust.

                           PRICE
                     (into phone)
                Congratulations: on a scale of one-to-
                ten, you just hit a 73 on the Perversity
                Meter. I don't suppose for once we could
                just celebrate at some nice, quiet
                little restaurant --

     Schecter taps Price on the shoulder.

                           SCHECTER
                Houston, I think we may have a problem.

                           PRICE
                     (into phone)
                Evelyn, go stir your cauldron or
                something for a sec.

     Price turns and watches in the distance as the coaster car
     takes a screaming hair pin turn.