House on Haunted Hill

     EXT. ROLLER COASTER - MOVING - DAY

     Kirsten and Benny in the rear car, wild with delight --

      -- until they see the front car derail, snap free from
     theirs, and go hurtling into mid-air. Screams of panic heard
     from the People in that car as they plummet to their deaths.

     Kirsten screams with horror, Benny retches, as their car
     continues to zip along the track and out of our sight.

     EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DEPARTURE DOCK - DAY

                           PRICE
                Problem where? Looked good to me.

                           SCHECTER
                "Dummy 6" keeps losing his arm.

                           PRICE
                So disengage his Flail Arm Mechanism
                and just make him a screamer.

                           VOICE ON PHONE (EVELYN)
                Steven!!

                           PRICE
                     (back into phone)
                Here, dear -- with a suggestion --

     INT. ROLLS ROYCE LIMOUSINE - TRAVELING - SIMULTANEOUS

     Evelyn is livid, as she listens to Price on the phone:

                           PRICE (V.O.)
                 -- forget it. Last birthday the Manson
                Family Ranch, the year before that:
                Jonestown.

                           EVELYN
                Oh. You think this is a request. Well,
                think again. I'm telling you: "Haunted
                Hill" is exactly where we're having my
                party this year. You'll find the guest
                list on your desk by the time you get
                back --

     INT. PRICE'S OFFICE - NIGHT

     CLOSE ON a two-page document with the title "Guest List."

     It's being turned into spaghettini by a large document
     shredder.

     PAN OVER TO - Steven Price typing mile-a-minute on a
     computer, talking to himself as he inputs his own Guest
     List.

                           PRICE
                You want it, Precious, you got
                it: the party of your very short
                goddamn life.

     A tentative DOOR-KNOCK heard O.S. behind him:

                           WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                Uh, Mr. Price? The Dreamworks people
                are getting a little...antsy.

                           PRICE
                Tell 'em I'm right there.

     He mouses his cursor up to a box marked "SEND", the list
     disappears, his hard drive starts chugging, and he gets up
     from his chair and exits. CAMERA remains on the working
     screen.

     Beat. And then a SHADOW flashes across the screen for a
     moment.

     Another beat. And the sound of clicking computer keys is
     heard. A "message box" appears on screen:

          ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE guestlist.doc?

     The Cursor clicks on YES. ZAP! A blank screen. And then the
     keys start clicking again, and we see a new Guest List being
     typed in.

     Starting with the name:

                           Ms. Jennifer Jenzen
                  Executive Vice-President of Marketing
                            Paragon Pictures

                                                      MATCH CUT TO:

     EXT. FILM SET - DAY (WE NEED TO RE-WORK THIS SCENE FOR
     LOCATION)

     The name "Ms. Jennifer Jenzen" etched in gold-leaf cursive on
     the top of a small CHROME AND ONYX-INLAID CUBE.

                           WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                Gorgeous.

     PULL BACK - and we see MS. JENZEN -- a rodent-eyed, thin
     lipped 30-something Exec who only needs "Screaming Bitch"
     stamped on her forehead to complete the picture. She's
     sitting staring at the Cube, the elegant paper it came in
     torn to shreds on her desk.

                           JENZEN
                So what the fuck is it?

     She's addressing her "assistant," a lovely, but harried-
     looking young Woman of 19, SARA WOLFE.

                           SARA
                I don't know, Ms. Jenzen.

                           JENZEN
                Well, who's the damn thing from?

                           SARA
                     (shrugs)
                Messenger just dropped it off.
                No return address.

                           JENZEN
                You didn't think to ask?

                           SARA
                I was in the middle of --

                           JENZEN
                 -- being utterly fucking useless,
                what else is new.

     Sara's face flushes with anger, but she keeps her cool.

                           SARA
                There's something there on the side --

     She's pointing to a small, SILVER CRANK jutting out of one of
     the Cube's sides. A legend is etched beneath it:

          Rotate Once To Operate

                           JENZEN
                I'm aware of that.

     Well, she is now, anyway. She twists the crank and a tinkling
     music box-like TUNE begins to play: Lennon/ McCartney's
     "Birthday," but in 3/4 time, like some schizoid Viennese
     waltz.

                           JENZEN
                It's not my goddamn birth --

      -- and she stops herself in mid-word as, suddenly: the top
     of the Cube pops open like a jack-in-the-box! And, slowly,
     like it's on some mini-hydraulic lift, ANOTHER CUBE,
     identical to this one, starts to inch up into view --

      -- which has its own tiny SILVER CRANK in its side. But
     etched beneath this one is a warning:

          Do Not Rotate Under Any Circumstances!

     Without a nanosecond's hesitation, Jenzen reaches out her
     hand --

                           SARA
                 -- I wouldn't --

      -- and turns the smaller crank. Beat. Nothing happens.

                           JENZEN
                 -- no kidding: that's why you're
                making ten bucks an hour and I'm --

      -- and BANG! A SKELETAL ARM comes FLASHING OUT from the
     smaller cube and SLASHES HER FINGER with a RAZOR!

                           JENZEN
                Jesus!!

      -- it's no more than a paper cut, but it's bleeding and it
     hurts -- and then they both see written on the tiny razor:

         Learn To Follow Instructions!

     Sara can't help herself -- lets loose a little snort of
     laughter. Jenzen goes ballistic, smashes the lid shut on the
     Cube.

                           JENZEN
                You think this is fucking funny??

                           SARA
                No, no, it's just --

                           JENZEN
                 -- well, here's a better one: you're
                fired.

                           SARA
                What?

                           JENZEN
                And here's your goddamn severance!

     She slams the Cube hard into Sara's hands.

                                                            CUT TO:

     INT. SARA'S CUBICLE - JUST AFTER (WE NEED TO RE-WORK THIS
     SCENE FOR LOCATION)

     The Cube sits in a wastebasket next to the desk that Sara's
     angrily cleaning out. She's SLAMS her entire blotter into the
     trash -- which hits the Cube's crank and starts the music
     playing again. Sara, startled, looks over -- and sees:

     AN ORNATE IVORY-COLORED CARD - begin to ascend from the
     Cube. It starts with the words:

         Now Try And Follow These:

     And then all we see are Sara's wide, growing-wider, eyes as
     she reads the rest.

                           SARA
                ...wow....WOW! Hey, Ms. Jenzen -- ?

                           JENZEN (O.S.)
                Are you still fucking here??

     Sara starts to flush with anger again -- and then stops, a
     small smile coming to her lips as she continues to stare at
     the card.

                           SARA
                On my way out. Thanks for the
                valuable parting gift.

     She snatches the ivory card and stuffs it in her purse.

                                                          SMASH TO:

     INT. HEARSE #1 - MOVING - NIGHT