House on Haunted Hill

      -- and right on that beat: the huge dome of STAINED GLASS
     above them all EXPLODES!

     All heads whip up -- as time seems to stand still -- and it
     begins raining COLORED SHARDS in the foyer.

                           MELISSA
                Oh...my...God....

     IN SLOW MOTION -- We see the rest of the Guests
     instinctively start to duck and cover against the deluge --
     all except EVELYN who's staring up at the descending
     projectiles with a profound look of annoyance on her face.

     EDDIE - notices that a huge DEMON-HEADED GLASS SHARD is
     hurtling, razor-point-down, for Evelyn's head! With an
     athlete's reflexes, he hurls his body at hers --

                           EDDIE
                 -- Jesus, lady! --

      -- tackling her to the floor, the giant SHARD missing her
     skull by literally a hair. It plunges six inches deep into
     the parquet, THWANGS like an arrow into a target.

     Beat of absolute sheer STUNNED SILENCE. And then:

                           MELISSA
                Wow.

     Everyone else stares at Evelyn, who's not moving.

                           SARA
                Is she...alright?

                           EDDIE
                I thought she was dead. For sure.

                           EVELYN
                Not even fucking close.
                     (seething; to Eddie)
                Get...off...of...me.

     It's like being spit at by a cobra; Eddie doesn't have to be
     told twice. Leaps off her, and Evelyn slowly, angrily gets to
     her feet, a trickle of blood coming down her cheek from a
     small cut there. A VOICE is heard from somewhere O.S.

                           VOICE (O.S.)
                Not dead now, but soon.

     All eyes look up to see: STEVEN PRICE perched on the balcony
     rail above them in formal wear, legs crossed, cigar in hand,
     blowing out smoke through highly bemused lips.

                           PRICE
                She's been marked for it. The House does
                that. Happened to Pritchett's father.
                Likely happen to you all. Isn't that
                what you told me, Mr. Pritchett?

                           PRITCHETT
                     (looking away)
                I can't remember at the moment.

     Blackburn applies his handkerchief to Evelyn's bleeding
     cheek. She recoils:

                           EVELYN
                Don't touch me!

                           PRICE
                I'm impressed: I don't think Evelyn's
                ever said those words to anything with
                genitalia.

                           EVELYN
                I'm not laughing, Steven.

                           PRICE
                You shouldn't be -- you were nearly just
                killed, sweetheart.
                     (to the guests)
                And now that our birthday girl is
                finally here, let the games begin!

                           EVELYN
                Haven't they already?

     Price just smiles.

                           PRICE
                Sure is a funky old house, ain't it?

     She glares back at him, steaming.

                           EVELYN
                Could we have a word?

                           PRICE
                Oh, I think we're going to have several.

     Evelyn doesn't have to be invited, she's already stomping
     halfway up the stairs. Price smiles down at the Guests:

                           PRICE
                This'll just take a moment -- you'll
                find food and booze in the main salon,
                knock yourselves out.

     Evelyn grabs him hard by the arm and yanks him back into the
     shadows; they disappear from sight. The Guests just stand
     there.

                           EDDIE
                So, what? The thing with the glass?
                Price did that?

                           MELISSA
                I hope not.

                           SARA
                Of course he did, for God's sake.
                     (beat)
                Didn't he, Mr. Pritchett?

                           PRITCHETT
                I can't comment until I get paid.

                           BLACKBURN
                I'm surrounded by idiots.

     Blackburn walks off into the Main Salon near the Foyer. The
     others shrug and follow him, except for Pritchett, who shouts
     upstairs:

                           PRITCHETT
                Mr. Price???

     No response from anyone. Pritchett's eyes jitterbug all
     around him -- he sees he's standing there alone. As
     nonchalantly as he can, he quick -- steps towards the Salon
     and the others -- passing right by a barely perceptible
     black dot in the wall, no larger than a dime --

     TRAVELING THROUGH WALLS

      -- and we PUSH IN on this DOT, until we're inside it, on
     the OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL and see that's it's connected to a
     COAXIAL CABLE, which we FOLLOW past ancient, decaying beams
     and mortar, past VERMIN -- rodent and insect, both -- that
     skitter maniacally right in our faces -- and then right
     into the innards of the multi-wired CABLE itself -- emerging
     out near...

     A VIDEO MONITOR

      -- that's atop a table with several other monitors and a
     literal Circuit City's worth of electronic and computer
     equipment, all of it inside a --

     INT. SMALL GRIMY ROOM

      -- in which sits Steven Price's engineer SCHECTER, in his
     coveralls, eating a sandwich, as he mans Haunted House
     Central Control. He hits a combination of keys on the
     computer. On one of the Monitors we see a door somewhere
     inside the House rapidly open-and-shut, open-and-shut.

     Nods with satisfaction, then YELPS! as he spots a MILLIPEDE
     wriggling out of his tuna salad, straight into his mouth.

                           SCHECTER
                Jesus!

     He flicks the insect away, nearly gagging. It lands on
     another VIDEO MONITOR that is trained on a room on the upper
     floor of the place. Some space that looks like it was going
     to be a bedroom, once upon a time: a lot of strange, ultra-
     modern furniture: all of it metal and of bizarre angles and
     shapes. And then into that room storms Evelyn and Price.

     PUSH IN on that video screen and suddenly we're there:

     INT. EVELYN'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

     As Evelyn slams the door behind her.

                           EVELYN
                I gave you a goddamn guest list two
                pages long -- where the hell are they?

                           PRICE
                Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one
                of my own: a group so hungry for money
                that they'd be willing to do anything. I
                thought you'd be more comfortable with
                your peers.

                           EVELYN
                I guess it was stupid of me not to
                expect something this twisted from you.
                Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Steven:
                Round One, you win.

                           PRICE
                Well, not quite. See, those people down
                there: they aren't the ones I invited.

                           EVELYN
                Then who are they?

                           PRICE
                You tell me. I don't know how you
                managed to hack into my Mac, but: bravo.

                           EVELYN
                What are you talking about? You
                think I invited them?

                           PRICE
                Sure know it wasn't me. And if you say
                it wasn't you -- then who the hell did,
                Evelyn?

                           EVELYN
                It you really loved me, Steven, you'd
                find a way to drop dead in the next
                three seconds.

                           PRICE
                Finding ways for me to die at these
                things is really your deal, isn't it?
                The "O.J." knife with the not-quite-
                retractable blade? Your "Jim Jones Kool-
                Aid" that was exactly that?

                           EVELYN
                All accidents until proven otherwise.

     He goes to her and begins brushing her hair with his
     fingers.

                           PRICE
                You know how happy I'd be if that was
                really true, Evelyn? And how positively
                goddamn delirious if you weren't fucking
                every living thing in our area code at
                the same goddamn time!

                           EVELYN
                Which part of that fantasy turns you on
                most: me with other men -- or just the
                other men?

                           PRICE
                You know everything you do gets me hot.

     His grip on her hair suddenly tightens and twists.

                           PRICE
                 -- just not always in the sexual sense.

                           EVELYN
                You're hurting me.

                           PRICE
                I know.

     She jabs his hand with a plasma-red, Dragon Lady-length
     thumbnail. He lets her go and sucks on a knuckle -- she's
     drawn blood.

                           PRICE
                Now, there's the simple country gal I
                married. Let's go back down and greet
                your guests -- show them the real you:
                corny as Kansas on the Fourth of July.

                           EVELYN
                My guests were shredded. It's your sick
                little scene now, Steven: enjoy. I'm
                going to go run scalding water on the
                places you just touched me, and then I'm
                calling a cab.

     She storms into the bathroom adjoining and slams that door.

                                                          CUT TO:

     INT. MAIN SALON - JUST AFTER

     Just off the foyer. The furniture, though dust-caked and
     rotting is antique Deco and sumptuous. Liquor and a lavish
     buffet have been set out on a sideboard that looks like one
     of Dali's limp pocket-watches. As Price enters the room
     grimly, he's descended upon by an angry Pritchett:

                           PRITCHETT
                Mr. Price: I've done everything we
                agreed on, your guests are all here and
                in one piece -- my 25 thousand now,
                please.

     Price produces an envelope froa his jacket and taps it.

                           PRICE
                Right here, Mr. Pritchett. As well as
                five other bona fide, bank drafts for
                one million dollars each. Made out to
                cash.

                           EDDIE
                And we get this money when?

                           PRICE
                The second the sun hits tomorrow
                morning. Assuming you have stayed the
                entire night - and you're still alive,
                of course. Any other questions?

                           SARA
                Yeah. Why's there five checks?
                There's only four of us.