HUDSON HAWK

                             HAWK
               It's not what you think.  Okay,
               maybe it is....

                             ANNA
               You really went and did it.  With
               one day, not even a day, of
               planning, you did it.  Nobody
               does it better, Hudson.  You
               started the week stealing the
               Sforza and you ended it swiping
               the Codex.

                             HAWK
               Wha--

                             ANNA
               What are your plans for the
               weekend?  Hoisting away the
               Colosseum?  Tell me, did the
               devil make you do it or did
               Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?

     EXT. A CAR OUTSIDE OF ANNA'S PLACE--NIGHT

     Crammed together in the front seat, Snickers, Almond
     Joy, and Butterfinger are watching the shadows of
     Hawk and Anna up in the window.  Snickers snaps a
     cartridge into a gun while Butterfinger attacks a
     goo-ey pastry.

                              SNICKERS
               What's going on in there?

                              BUTTERFINGER
               Do you want me to rape them?
                       (throwing pastry down)
               Dunkin does it better.

                              SNICKERS
               Just read, Butterfinger.

     Butterfinger pulls up the book on Da Vinci that Anna
     wrote and starts reading like a schoolboy.

                             BUTTERFINGER
               "Da Vinci had fears about his
               more dangerous designs, so he
               created a shorthand code in
               reverse script..."

                             ALMOND JOY
               To yourself!.....What are they
               doing?  In twenty seconds, we go
               in.

     INT. ANNA'S PLACE

     Foam shoots out over the coffee.  Hawk smiles down at
     it as Anna works a cappuccino machine.

                             ANNA
               For two years, I've been tracking
               the Mayflowers' peculiar interest
               in three Da Vinci pieces.  Their
               Sforza replica was as fake as
               the "gas leak" that supposedly
               destroyed it.

                             HAWK
               Does everyone in the world know
               more than me?  Jesus, I'm just
               some guy who happens to be good
               at swiping stuff.....Lifted a
               piece of licorice when I was one
               and a half.  Who knew it would
               lead... They even got the CIA
               involved!

                             ANNA
               The C.I. what?  God, no...

                             HAWK
                       (raising his cup)
               Ooh, I guess I do know something
               Here's looking at you, kid...

     THE CAR OUTSIDE

     The agents burst from the car, guns raised.

                             ALMOND JOY
               Now.

     ANNA'S HOUSE

     Hawk sips the cappuccino.  His face immediately contracts.

                             HAWK
               This doesn't taste like
               cappuccino.

                             ANNA
               Oh, I must have put too much
               ethyl-chloride in it.

     Anna throws a pillow on the ground and holds out her
     hand.  Hawk collapses.  His coffee cup lands perfectly in
     Anna's outstretched hand and his head lands perfectly
     on the pillow.

     The candy bars bash the door open, guns raised.

                             ANNA
               Why didn't you tell me at the
               restaurant that he had hit the
               Vatican tonight.  My people will
               not be happy.  I want to see Kaplan.

                             ALMOND JOY
               That's not overly possible.  He...

                             BUTTERFINGER
               But guys, remember, he's in the
               castle at Vinci....

     Snickers and Almond Joy grimace into fake smiles.

     EXT. THE CASTLE--NIGHT

     A helicopter thunders up to the awesome castle from the
     opening Da Vinci sequence.

     INT. HELICOPTER

     Anna pets the head of Hawk on her lap.  She is pondering.

     INT. A MYSTERIOUS DARK ROOM--NIGHT

     A sparse circle of light houses a chair and a pacing
     Kaplan.

     Snickers and Butterfinger flop Hawk onto the lit chair.

     Kit Kat is dressed exactly like Anna.  She reacts as she
     comes into the light.  Kaplan takes the Codex from her.

                             KAPLAN
               Way to go, Anna.

                             ANNA
               When the Mayflowers find out we
               have the Codex, they're going to
               want to make a deal...

                             KAPLAN
                       (gung-ho lying)
               And then we'll arrest those
               greedy pigs... Is that it?

     Hawk stirs.  The viewer gets his woozy P.O.V.

                             ANNA
               Actually George, it's not it.
               What are we doing in this castle?
               I happen to know the Mayflowers
               bought this castle last year when
               they found out Da Vinci used to
               do...

     The lights in the room come on to the sound of holy Da
     Vinci theme, revealing an almost perfect refurbishing of
     the exact same workshop Da Vinci toiled in in the
     opening.

                             KAPLAN
                       (trying to be solemn)
               It's the site of their new museum
               and we're taking it over.  Operation
               Deflower Mayflower is going full
               speed ahead.

                             ANNA
                       (taking it in)
               Oh Lord.... the only reason I ask is
               that Hudson, uh, Mr. Hawk, Hawkins,
               had some "neat" things to say about
               Darwin, Minerva, and you.
               Basically that you're part of the
               same car pool.

                             KAPLAN
               Anna.  Anna.  Anna.  If that were
               true, Almond Joy would have
               handed you your heart right
               after you handed me the Codex.
               Now, get some sleep.  Kit Kat...

     Kit Kat in drag spookily moves inches away from Anna.

                              ANNA
               Cat got his tongue?

                              KAPLAN
               Actually he never told us what it
               was.

     Kit Kat smiles, revealing the fact he has no tongue.

                             ANNA
               How sweet.  I trust you will see
               Hudson Hawk is given to the proper
               authorities.  I recommend
               leniency...

                             SNICKERS
                       (holding in a laugh)
               Oh, I think we all do.

     Hawk gives her a look of honesty and pain that causes
     Anna to guiltily gulp as she heads out with the mimicking
     Kit Kat.

                             SNICKERS
               Do you think she has any idea that
               Operation Deflower Mayflower is as
               bogus as Kit Kat's tits?

                             KAPLAN
               I don't think so, although bringing
               her to the castle gave her a big,
               juicy hint.

                             ALMOND JOY
               With all due respect to that great
               blouse, why didn't I cut out her
               heart?

                             KAPLAN
               Close call, but she's our only way
               of keeping tabs on that damn
               mysterious Vatican organization.
               Hawk, it's time to go to the
               principal's office....

     EXT. OUTSIDE THE CASTLE--NIGHT

     Moving into the chopper, Anna glimpses, Bunny, the
     obnoxious dog, in a Mayflower logo dog tag, taking a leak
     on some bushes.  She fakes a yawn to the like dressed Kit
     Kat who fakes one back.

     INT. THE G. MACHINE ROOM--NIGHT

     Kaplan, Hawk, and the other agents march into the mammoth
     room of the opening scene.  In the place of where one
     remembers the gold machine are undulating sheets, beneath
     which are unassembled parts of the machine.

     Inside, a ball goes whizzing out of a tennis ball
     machine.  In tennis gear and goggles, Darwin Mayflower
     thwacks it against the wall of (now faded) frescos.

     Also in tennis threads, Minerva is laying on a chaise
     lounge holding a gadget in her hand.

                             DARWIN
               Seven!

     Minerva turns the gadget up to SEVEN and presses a
     button.  Another tennis ball shoots out, a little faster.
     Darwin batters it.  The ball ricochets into the forehead
     of an "amused" Alfred who is retrieving balls in sweat
     pants.

                             ALFRED
               Jolly.  Good.  Shot.  Sir.

                             MINERVA
               Ooh, it's Hudson Hawk, you cease
               to amaze me, convict.  You are a
               terrible cat burglar!

                             DARWIN
               Haven't you ever seen, like David
               Niven?  You know tiptoe in, tiptoe
               out.

                             MINERVA
               Like a "cat", one could say.

                             HAWK
               Shucks, I'll just take it back.

     Hawk reaches for the Codex.  Kaplan pulls it over to
     Darwin, who pulls up his goggles and fondles the ancient
     binding.  Taking a knife from Kaplan, he begins to slit
     it open.

                             MINERVA
                       (bouncing up)
               No, let me!

                             DARWIN
                       (pout)
               I don't care.

     Hawk looks away to the billowing sheets and the strange
     machine parts behind them.

     Minerva slits the bindings and tugs out another geometri-
     cally perverted crystal.

                             HAWK
               Another piece of the puzzle for
               the Da Vinci Alchemy project.

     Kaplan, Darwin, and Minerva look up to Hawk, then to each
     other, all start to speak, then all stop.

     This quandary is deferred by the entrance of the twin
     Flunkies.

                             DARWIN
               Oh, you.  There's nothing more I
               hate than failure.  All you had to
               do was follow the Hawk, it's not
               like I said "Teach our nation's
               children how to read."

     Hawk uses the distraction to amble toward the sheets.

                             DARWIN
               I guess we're just going to have
               to kill 'em...

     Shockingly swift, Minerva pulls a small gun from beneath
     her tennis dress and blasts a burning hole between each
     set of Flunky eyes, splattering them to the ground.

                             DARWIN
               God Minerva, I was kidding.

     A SHOCKED HAWK

     quickly turns from the blithe carnage and pulls up a
     sheet.  He reveals the familiar Gold Machine Demonhead.

     THE MAYFLOWERS

     reverberate off each other with laughter.  Bloodstained,
     Kaplan and Almond Joy exchange an eye bulge.  Minerva's
     smile disappears as she sees Hawk by the sheets.