HUDSON HAWK

                             MINERVA
               Get away from there, convict!

                             HAWK
               Just browsing.  Don't touch me....

     Snickers touches him.  Hawk smashes him in the jaw.
     Snickers rears back to reciprocate....

                             DARWIN
               Don't hurt him!  We need him for
               the final job!

     Snickers stops himself, snarling in frustration.  Hawk is
     suddenly the happiest man he's been in Italy.

                             HAWK
               Oh weeeeelly, don't hurt me?  Even
               if I do this....

     Hawk pulls Snickers' glasses off and stamps them.

                             HAWK
               And this....

     Hawk knees Butterfinger in the stomach.

                             HAWK
               Surely this must offend....

     Hawk body-block-dominoes Butterfinger and Snickers to the
     ground.  Kaplan and Almond Joy aim their guns.

                             KAPLAN
               That's it!

     Playfully lifting his shirt, Hawk grabs Minerva and
     manually swivels her hips to the beat of his.

                             HAWK
               Things are getting a little loose
               at the Da Vinci workshop tonight.
               "Put your left leg in, take your
               right foot out."  May I call you
               Minnie....

     Hawk mambos to Alfred who rifles his blade up to Hawk's
     crotch.  Hawk stops dancing.

                             DARWIN
               Come to think of it there is a part
               of your body that you won't need for
               your next job...

                             HAWK
               Hey, guys, I've always wanted to sing
               like Franki Valli and the other seasons,
               but come on....

     Alfred moves the blade a little upward.  Hawk a-a-ghs.

                             MINERVA
               Big girls don't cry-I-eye.

                             HAWK
               Two minutes, 35 seconds.  Damnit,
               I'm involved in this thing, so I
               just wanna know what this thing is.
               I wanna be treated as an adult.

                             DARWIN
               That's fair.  Tomorrow.  Back in
               Rome.  Now go to your room.

     Alfred strategically Vulcans Hawk on the neck.  He falls.

     INT. DARK CONFESSION BOOTH--MORNING

     The lips of Anna come into light.

                             ANNA
               Forgive me Father for I have
               sinned.  It's been 1200 hours
               since my last confession.

     INT. THE CARDINAL'S SIDE OF THE CONFESSION BOOTH

     The cardinal suppresses a yawn.

                             CARDINAL
               Hit me with your best shot.

                             ANNA (O.S.)
               I betrayed a man.  A good man.  An
               innocent man.  A thief.

                             CARDINAL
               Anna, what are you trying to say...

     ANNA'S DARKENED LIPS

                             ANNA
               He came into a world where crime
               is a legitimate business tactic
               and a legitimate government
               procedure.  But he knew Right and
               Wrong.  Oh, and we kind of messed
               around...

     THE CARDINAL

     freaks and goes into some Italian gibberish before...

                             CARDINAL
               "Messed around" messed around?  I
               know-- I don't want to know.  First
               base?  Second Base?  Stop me when
               I'm getting warm...

                             ANNA (O.S.)
               A little petting is not the issue!

                             CARDINAL
               Sorry.  Seventeen Hail Marys and
               five minutes outside.

     INT. OUTSIDE THE CONFESSION BOOTH--MORNING

     The Cardinal emerges and stands by Anna's confessional
     curtains.

                             CARDINAL
               So let me get this straight,
               sister, you're saying Hudson Hawk
               is not willingly working for the
               Mayflowers but Kaplan and the
               Candy Bars are?

     Anna moves out of the confessional curtains, wearing a
     FULL NUN HABIT for she is a Nun.  The gaspingly beautiful
     church unfolds as they walk.

                             ANNA
               You got it.  Operation Deflower
               Mayflower is a bad joke and I'm the
               punchline.  I thought we were using
               the CIA to help us to get Mayflower,
               but really the CIA was using me to
               keep us away from Mayflower.

                             CARDINAL
               Oh, why couldn't I be the Cardinal
               in charge of catering.... If the
               Mayflowers get the three sections
               of Da Vinci's crystal and his
               instructions for the gold machine--
               Aie-yi--Do we got anything?  What of
               Alex, Hawk's friend, where is his
               loyalty?

                             ANNA
               I'm going to find out.

                             CARDINAL
               I'm sorry for losing it back there,
               but you must remember, sister, you
               have vows to God as well as a mission
               to the world.

                             ANNA
               I know, I know, your Eminence, just say
               "God go with me."

                             CARDINAL
               God go with you, sister.

     Anna puts on the coolest pair of sunglasses, deliciously
     contrasting with her habit.  She moves off....

     INT. ROME CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY

     Beneath the wacky portrait, Darwin circles the board-
     member filled conference table as Minerva smooches Bunny.
     Everyone watches Alfred place a bar of Gold and of Lead
     in the hands of a blindfolded Hawk at the middle of the M.

                             DARWIN
               So, Captain Hawk, in one of your
               paws you got a gold bar worth
               about 8 thou.  In the autre, you
               got lead that won't get you
               gelato.

                             MINERVA
               Surely a master-thief like you can
               tell the difference.

                             HAWK
                       ("What's my Line")
               That's two down to Kitty
               Carlisle...

     Hawk "weighs" the two bars in his hands--digs with his
     fingernails.  He rips off the blindfold in subdued
     frustration.  As Minerva speaks, she unconsciously
     molests Alfred.

                             MINERVA
               Cool, isn't it?  Weight, feel,
               mal1eability, they're all but
               identical.  On the periodic chart
               of elements, they're but one
               proton apart.  Great minds worked
               for centuries to turn worthless
               into priceless.

                             HAWK
               Alchemy.

                             DARWIN
                       (casually goosing Alfred)
               Alchemy!  Is the business term of
               the 90's, my man!  Minerva read
               about it in an airline magazine
               about four years ago.  I dumped
               some lira into research... Shazam,
               we come across a diary by one of
               Da Vinci's apprentices detailing
               La Machine de Oro, the gold machine
               for those at home, and the rest is
               about to become history.  Money
               isn't everything, gold is.  Fuck
               blue chip stocks!  Fuck T-bills!
               Fuck Junk Bonds!  I got the real
               deal!  Money will always be paper
               but gold will always be gold!

                             MINERVA
               Market crashes.  Bomb drops.
               Greenhouse effect affects.  We'll
               still be the richest, most powerful
               people in the world.  In 1992,
               Europe is coming together to become
               one business superpower.  It's one
               party we'd love to poop.

                             DARWIN
               Well, that said, the last
               ingredient in the recipe is in, get
               this, you're gonna die, the Kremlin.

                              HAWK
               Sure.  The Kremlin.  Makes sense.
               The Kremlin.  Why not?  Listen,
               this is all too Indiana Jones and
               the Lost City of King Tut for me,
               man.  Throw me in jail and go ahead,
               just try and throw Alex...

                             MINERVA
               Jail, you asshole!  Our foot
               soldiers will blow your brains
               out!  Bunny, Ball-Ball!

     Minerva angrily throws the dog off her lap and whips a
     tennis ball into its mouth.

                             DARWIN
               I'll torture you so slowly you'll
               think it's a career!  I'll kill
               your family, your friends, and the
               bitch you took to the Prom!

                             HAWK
               You want an address on that last
               one?

     Bunny barks up at Hawk in anger.

                             HAWK
               Bunny, not you too?

                              MINERVA
               You've got a dilemma, tiger.  I
               think I know what's going to help
               you solve it.

     Alfred quickly latches on the state-of-the-art handcuffs
     and the blindfold.  The viewer's viewpoint stays on a
     writhing Hawk.

                              HAWK
               I'll kill all you.  Even the old
               lady.

     Hawk kicks back on the table, "jump ropes" the cuffs,
     then picks the lock with his teeth.  Hawk rips off the
     blindfold to see that the entire room is empty except
     for Alex, standing at the other end, in an incongruous
     Italian leather coat.

                             ALEX
               I hated cigarettes until I saw my
               first No Smoking sign.  Keep off
               the Grass?  Let's play Soccer.
               Only law I cared about was
               friendship.  Broke that one too,
               didn't I?  This Gates-Mario
               Brothers-CIA-Mayflower-Da Vinci
               thing seemed like a sweet deal.
               Visit foreign lands, take their
               treasures.  I don't know, I thought
               you'd get into it.  It's better
               than playing darts with M.B.A.'s at
               the bar.  I didn't know it was
               going to be like this.  Them using
               me to use you... I'm sorry, there's
               only one way out of this and it's
               gonna hurt me more than it's gonna
               hurt you.

     Alex pulls out a gun from his jacket and clicks it in.

     EXT. FAMILIAR PIAZZA--DAY

     The piazza from the fascist E.U.R. building are bustling
     with office workers laughing, smoking, and hustling.
     Darwin, Minerva and Kaplan are a solid troika in the
     center of the steps.  The other agents stroll in the
     periphery....

                              KAPLAN
               I just don't think it was a
               smoking hot idea to leave them up
               there alone.

                             MINERVA
               Don't worry George, this is the
               reason we put the old diabetic
               guinea on the payroll to begin
               with.  To keep Hawk in line.
               They'll talk about "being buddies"
               and "chugging brewskis."