HUDSON HAWK

                             HAWK
               Operator, I want to make a collect
               call to Alex Messina, New York....

     The Flunkies drift into view.  Hawk hangs up and seethes
     off.

     INT. HALLWAY LEADING TO CODEX ROOM

     Hawk saunters down a long resplendent hallway toward a
     room at the end bustling with excitement.  Coming to the
     mouth of the room, he looks to two gold framed mirrors on
     either side of the opening, rubs his head, and scribbles.

     INSIDE THE CODEX ROOM

     Hawk takes in the majestic beauty, and practical details,
     of the room--windows, statues, a Massive Ornate Lighting
     Fixture--as he moves down one of the twin winding stair-
     cases leading to a path of people behind velvet ropes and
     the object of their gaze...

     THE DA VINCI CODEX

     --an old book enclosed in a glass case, propped open to
     the familiar BEAUTIFUL DRAWING of a MAN inside a CIRCLE.

     The case is located between two informational tablets
     enclosed in glass columns.  Enter Holy Da Vinci theme.

                             ANNA (V.O.)
               But it is his gift as an inventor
               who drew together science and art
               that is most incredible.

     Hawk brightens to the return of Anna, carrying a portfolio
     bag, striding down the stairs with a group of INVESTORS
     AND FAMILIES.  She brightens back, giving him a quick
     verbal breath and a hand squeeze.

                             ANNA
               Tough guy.  What are you--How's
               your head.

                             HAWK
                       (vegetable)
               Yes, and my giraffe loves it, too...

     She laughs, going into her public voice.

                             ANNA
               As you know, the Da Vinci Codex,
               has lived in the Vatican for
               centuries and will continue to
               live here for centuries more.

                             HAWK
                       (under his breath)
               That's what you theenk.

                             ANNA
               Question, sir?   His untiring pen
               predicted the airplane, the
               submarine, the bicycle, the
               helicopter, and even the tank.
        
     A LITTLE BRAT trailing the group, moves next to Hawk,
     bitching away to her STUFFED ELEPHANT, POKEY.

                             LITTLE BRAT
               This is so bor-ing!  Do you hate
               Italy as much as I do, Pokey?
                       (bad ventriloquism)
               Si, senor!  Italy sucks the big
               one!  why can't we go to the Epcot
               Center!

     The Little Brat stops and lets Pokey the elephant dangle
     from her side.  Hawk eyes the elephant strangely.

                             ANNA
               These more dangerous designs
               inspired him to develop a secret
               code that ....

     The stuffed elephant suddenly goes flying over Anna's
     head.

     The ALARM goes off.  The Massive Ornate Lighting Fixture
     swoops down from the ceiling, inverting in air, and slams
     down over the Codex, transformed into a makeshift cage.

     Strange green gas comes billowing out of the vents.
     Needless to say, everyone goes crazy.

     Coughing gas, Hawk peeks to see that a line of light
     sensor alarms imbedded in the tablets are what set the
     alarm off.

     Two GAS MASKS drop airlinesquely from the mouth of the
     entranceway and TWO RACING-IN GUARDS wrangle them on.

     The Little Brat sees that Pokey the stuffed elephant has
     been beheaded by the cage/lamp.  She is pulled away and
     spanked.

                             LITTLE BRAT
               Pokey, come back!

     Anna yanks a notetaking Hawk away as the gas blusters in
     around him.  The Two Flunkies, eyes on Hawk, are hap-
     lessly making their way up the opposite staircase.

                             ANNA
               Come on, this stuff will knock you
               out.  Have you ever had the feeling
               you were being followed, Mr. Bond.

                             HAWK
               Never, why do you ask?

     Reaching the top of the stairs, just outside the door,
     Anna briskly pulls Hawk into a PIECE OF WALL THAT IS
     REALLY A DOOR.  The wall closes as the Flunkies come
     flying out, baffled.

     INT. CIRCULAR STAIRCASE

     Hawk, mucho impressed, and Anna move down a tight, dark
     circular staircase.

                             HAWK
               Whoa.  Name's Hawkins, Eddie
               Hawkins.
               My nickname's Hudson Hawk, but don't
               call me Hudson, not even as a joke.
               The Nuns at St. Agnes called me
               that and they're the ones who
               helped make me what I am today.
               Not a compliment...

                             ANNA
               Sure Hudson.  Are you going to
               tell me why you did that back there
               or are you going to blame it
               on Dumbo?

                             HAWK
               Could you believe that crazy
               elephant?

     Anna shakes her head as she opens a door into...

     INT. A LITTLE UNDERGROUND SUBWAY--DAY

     A four foot high mail train rumbles down the track of a
     mini-underground station.  Workers latch onto mail bags.
     Hawk and Anna emerge from a small door.

                             HAWK
               Whoa, part 2.  Does it go to Times
               Square?

                             ANNA
               Delivers up to ten at night.  The
               Pope has an obsession with his
               Easter Seals.  It's actually not
               that an unusual set-up.  The
               secret passageway on the other
               hand....

                             HAWK
               The Vatican is made of constant
               mysteries meant to be enjoyed,
               not explained.

                             ANNA
               Nice.  But right out of our
               brochure.

                             HAWK
               Oh, you read that.

                             ANNA
               Actually I wrote it.  It's a good
               sentence.  It can apply to people.

                             HAWK
               You're not an unmysterious thang
               yourself.

                             ANNA
               I don't steal stuffed elephants
               from little girls.
                       (smoothing his
                        jacket)
               And I buy my own clothes.  My
               life's a little boring...

                             HAWK
               God, I wish I could say the same
               thing.  What about having a nice,
               dull dinner with me tonight.
               Scrabble, Knock-knock jokes,
               Anecdotes about famous dead
               Italians....

                             ANNA
               I'll bring my entire repertoire...

     The Two Flunkies stumble into the station, looking
     around.  Anna and Hawk crouch down.

                             HAWK
               And I'll bring my entourage...

                             ANNA
               Secret passageways don't mean as
               much as they used to.  There's
               a place two blocks east of here.
               Enzo's.  Say 10:30.

                             HAWK
               Said.

     Hawk and Anna peck each other with a smile.  He crawls
     out an exit door.  As he leaves, Anna's smile disappears.
     She pulls out a rosary and gives herself a self-scolding
     bang on the head.  She then darts to a large crucifix
     and looks up.

                             ANNA
               Father, it's obvious.  He's up to
               something.

     Suddenly a speaker in Jesus's mouth gently crackles.

                             JESUS (Italian)
               Report downstairs at once.

                             ANNA
               Yes, sir.

     INT. CATACOMBLIKE AREA

     A CARDINAL paces in an enigmatic Vatican area.  Anna
     clacks up to him.

                             CARDINAL
               Did he mention the Mayflowers?

                             ANNA
               No, your Eminence.  I think he's
               going to steal the Codex, as
               early as next week.

                             CARDINAL
               Attempt, you mean.  The vanity
               of this man, Hudson Hawk.  The
               Vatican has foiled the advances
               of Pirates and Terrorists.  We
               will not lie down for some
               schmuck from New Jersey.  Must
               you flirt with him so realistically?

                             ANNA
               That's the best kind.  A wise
               woman once said "Polite
               conversation is rarely either."

                             CARDINAL
                       (chuckling)
               Let me be the one to quote
               Scripture.  ....As an agent of
               our organization, you are put in
               awkward situations.  Just
               remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil,
               evil man.

                             ANNA
                       (unconvinced)
               Yeah.  The big E.

     EXT. NAVONA PIAZZA--DAY

     The evil Hawk clumsily strides around a fountain, looking
     off in all directions, soft-shoes past some sedate
     painters and swings into...

     INT. A BIG QUIRKY PHONE BOOTH

     Hawk grabs up the phone and dials....

                             HAWK
               Hello, operator.  I'd like to
               make a collect call to New York
               number...

     The Mayflower limousine creeps to the edge of the piazza,
     behind an oblivious Hawk.

                             HAWK
               Thank you, operator, thank you.

     Hawk turns, putting a finger in his ear.  Seeing the
     limo, he FREAKS and balls himself into a corner.

                             HAWK
               Come on, Alex, pick up, you
               Reindeer goat cheese-eating
               motherfucker.

     INT. ALEX'S RESTAURANT--NIGHT

     It is late night in New York.  A phone rings atop the
     bar of Alex's restaurant with no one in sight.

     INT. PIAZZA--DAY

     Hawk pokes his head to see a Darwin and Minerva (holding
     Bunny) emerge from the limousine.  As he turns his con-
     centration back to the phone, ALEX HIMSELF flows out from
     a building to cheerfully speak with Darwin and Minerva
     and get licked by Bunny, before they all pile into the
     limo.

                             HAWK
               A-lex, A-lex, come on Alex.

     Hawk slams down the phone and turns to see the limousine
     pull off.

     Hawk angrily bursts from the door and is painfully
     CLOTHESLINED by agent Butterfinger, who is dressed as
     a mailman.

     Crumpled on the ground, Hawk kicks out with his foot,
     into Butterfinger's stomach, doubling him. Hawk then
     grabs him by the head and rams into the glass of the
     booth.

     Hawk rotates off for an escape...but the rest of the
     CIA crew cuts him off holding barely concealed guns;
     Snickers dressed as a maitre 'd, Almond Joy as a Bermuda
     tourist, and Kaplan in his usual emsemble.  Kit Kat is
     dressed exactly like Hawk, right down to a bloody lip.
     Hawk gives him a double take.

                             KAPLAN
               Hawk, Hawk, Hawk.  Enjoying
               Italy?  I always had a soft spot
               for Rome.  Did my first barehanded
               strangulation here.  Communist
               politician.

                             HAWK
               Why George, you big softie...

                             KAPLAN
               God, I miss communism.  The Red
               Threat.  People were scared, the
               Agency was respected, and I got
               laid every night.

     A humiliated Butterfinger comes waddling out, holding
     the phone.  Kaplan rolls his eyes.

                             BUTTERFINGER
               Sorry, coach...

                             KAPLAN
                       (shaking his head)
               If his father wasn't the head of
               Shit, I hate this, the
               government's got me farmed out,
               working for the Mayflower
               corporation now, money beats
               politics.  War isn't Hell anymore,
               it's Dull.  Don't slaughter their
               men and rape their women, just
               steal their microchips.

                             HAWK
               You know Kaplan, if you weren't
               the slimiest pinata of shit that
               ever lived, I'd feel sorry for
               you.

                             SNICKERS
               Good news, bud, the Mayflowers
               have moved up the time-table.
               You're hitting the Vatican to-night.

                             HAWK
               Tonight?  You're whacked.  The
               timing's off, I'm underequipped
               Damnit, I have a date!

     Almond Joy smoothly extracts Hawk's notebook and reads...

                             ALMOND JOY
               Grapple, Biker's bottle, hairspray,
               black turtleneck, Pocket
               Fisherman, acid, collapsible
               yardstick, softball, and 72 stamps.
               Gee Stud, this is going to be
               some date.  No Harvey's Bristol
               Cream?

                             KAPLAN
               Snickers, make the list happen.
               Oh and it's one thing to play
               hide and seek with the Mayflower's
               pathetic staff, but we're sore
               losers.  I've put jumper cables
               on the nipples of children and
               not always in the line of duty.

                             HAWK
               Thanks for sharing.

                             KAPLAN
               We blow up space shuttles for
               breakfast.  You and your friend
               Alex would be a late afternoon
               Triscuit.

                             HAWK
               If you do anything to my friend...

                             KAPLAN
               Yeah, right.  By the way, as long
               as I'm getting things off my
               chest, I'm the one who killed your
               little monkey.  Made it look like
               a Mafia hit.  Did it for fun.
               Ciao.

     Kaplan and the crew quickly disperse in different
     directions as Hawk howls in frustration.  Kit Kat moves
     behind Hawk and perfectly mimics him.

                             HAWK
               What did you have against Little
               Eddie, motherfucker?  He was just
               a monkey who liked to laugh.
               Come back without your yuppie
               army.  I'll triscuit you, you
               space shuttle eating...Shit.!

     Without looking, Hawk elbows the mimic Kit Kat in the
     face.  Kit Kat gives Hawk a strange smile and hands him
     a card that reads:  BEWARE THE ODD STEPS.