HUDSON HAWK

     Hawk looks up from the card.  Kit Kat is gone, but
     Butterfinger scampers in his place.

                             BUTTERFINGER
               Hey, Mr. Hawk, I got those 72
               stamps!

     Sighing, Hawk takes the huge sheath of stamps.

     EXT. INDOOR TRAIN TRACK

     One of the small Vatican mail trains bullets across an
     indoor track.  The viewer's viewpoint whooshes to catch
     up, focusing on a very large package, addressed to the
     Pope, that has Hawk's sheath of stamps slapped onto it.
     The train zips into a tunnel.

     INT. THE VATICAN UNDERGROUND SUBWAY

     The train rumbles into the Vatican mini-station.  TWO
     HARRIED WORKERS heave up the strange cargo onto a sorting
     table.

     A bell rings as a clock hits 10.  The workers do a sigh
     of relief.  Shucking off their uniforms, they head out.

     A hand rips out of the huge package.

     INT. OUTSIDE THE CODEX ROOM--NIGHT

     Hawk pops out of the secret passageway door and moves to
     the mouth of the doorless Codex room.  He pauses to
     hand-comb his hair in the two large, framed mirrors at
     the sides.

     THE CODEX ROOM

     Carrying the now frameless mirrors in each hand, Hawk
     hustles to the top of the steps and suddenly stops.

                             HAWK
               "Beware the Odd Steps."

     Hawk crouches down and notices the step below him has a
     clear magnetic tape running across it to a dime sized
     alarm button.

                             HAWK
               Why Kit Kat, aren't you a
               gentleman...

     Hawk bounds down every other one of the steps down to
     where the Codex is bathed in a holy light.

     He hefts up the two now frameless mirrors and puts them
     each in a groove of a collapsible yardstick running
     across the top.  The parallel mirrors now face out from
     each other.  Hawk sprays a blast of Clairol to reveal the
     light sensor beams, and then with a deep breath, he
     thrusts the mirrors into the beams.

     The light bounces harmlessly off the mirrors and Hawk
     exhales.  He balances the connected mirrors then crawls
     through his tent-like passageway.

     Hawk squirts acid from a biker's bottle on the cracks of
     the rectangular glass case that holds the Codex.  The
     acid sizzles.

     INT. VATICAN LIBRARY HALLWAY--NIGHT

     A BURLY GUARD thoughtfully stares at a painting, fingers
     propping his chin like an critic then continues ambling
     on.

     THE CODEX ROOM

     Rubbing his head, Hawk gives an excited smile as the glass
     cracks of the rectangular case loosen.  Hawk pulls out a
     pocket fisherman....

     The viewer's viewpoint moves upward to reveal, through
     the mouth of the room, the Burly Guard is coming down
     the hall.

     OUTSIDE THE CODEX ROOM

     Burly Guard approaches the outskirts of the Codex room.
     He combs his hair into the piece of wall in the now
     empty mirror-frame then REALIZES.

     Muttering Italian into his walkie-talkie, Burly Guard
     rushes into the room and looks down to the sensor
     deflecting mirrors.

     He passes a statue, behind which, Hawk is revealed to
     be standing.

     Burly Guard approaches the Codex and sees the dripping
     acid.  He also notices a fishing hook attached to the
     binding of the Codex.  The fishing wire leads out of
     the glass case.  The Guard reaches to touch it when
     suddenly the wire is pulled tightly upward by a
     moving-out-from-behind-the-statue Hawk.

     The Codex FLIES off its perch, setting off the ALARM and
     sending the bizarre cage/lamp CRASHING DOWN and AROUND
     the hapless Burly Guard.  The green gas commences its
     noxious billowing as the Codex swooshes into Hawk's
     hands.  He then hurls a softball, smashing a window
     on the other side of the room.

     The familiar Vatican Guard and a Guard Three barrel
     down into the mouth of the codex room.  Only one
     Gas Mask drops from the doorway.  The Vatican Guard
     pulls it on and gives a "That's Life" shrug of
     shoulders to the fainting Guard three.

     Hawk puts on the missing gas mask and launches a grapple
     around the ceiling cord of the dropped Ornate Lighting
     Fixture.  Hawk then Tarzans from one staircase to
     another.  He then ungrapples and heads toward the
     shattered window.

     The Vatican Guard waits a stunned moment before giving
     chase.

     EXT. THE ROOF

     Hawk flings off his gas mask and begins a classical
     skipping-across-the-rooftop jaunt.  Suddenly a brick
     on the slightly slanted roof gives way and Hawk FALLS.
     His canvas bag goes skipping down across the roof,
     landing against the antennae.

     INT. THE POPE'S BEDROOM

     A T.V. showing Mr. Ed. speaking to Wilbur in Italian
     goes fuzzy.  THE POPE, wearing his famous hat and a Notre
     Dame bathrobe angrily bangs on it.

     EXT. THE ROOF

     Hawk harvests his grapple on the level part of the roof
     and slides down toward the dangling-off-the-antennae bag.

     The Vatican Guard pops out of the window and fires a
     warning shot.

     Hawk stretches to the bag.  His fingers touch as the
     Guard continues to bound forward.

                             HAWK
               Please God, Please God.......let
               the guard shoot me.

     Hawk pulls up the bag and turns himself to see Vatican
     Guard hovering over him on the roof.

                             VATICAN GUARD
               The worm's on the other foot,
               yankee noodle candy.

     Hawk sees the Vatican Guard's foot move toward the
     grapple.  Hawk ferociously tugs, ripping the Guard
     off-balance and knocking down a side of the roof.

     EXT. TOP OF A NEARBY WALL

     Hawk dashes atop a nearby wall and hurls his grapple
     across a road around a tree branch.  Hawk ties the end of
     grapple line, tosses on a friction belt, takes a breath
     and JUMPS OFF THE WALL.  The viewer follows him on his
     breathtaking ride.

     The brused Vatican Guard flops back atop the roof.  He
     gets off a wild shot before crumpling back down.

     HAWK

     is alnost to the other side when the Guard's bullet hits
     the friction belt.  Hawk drops with a wild scream...
     and lands with a painful straddle atop a street lamppost.
     His eyes bug out with the thought of a life without
     children.  He slowly spins off the lamppost and sails
     down upon...

     EXT. A BUS

     and the comfortable luggage housed on top of it.  Hawk
     tries to maintain his balance upon the wobbling
     baggage, but the bus makes a quick turn and Hawk goes
     flying off...

     EXT. RIGHT INTO A CAFE CHAIR--NIGHT

     Panting and discombobulated, Hawk looks across the table
     to the female hands holding open a menu.  The menu comes
     down.  It is Anna.  Hawk unpretzels and laps his canvas
     bag.

                             ANNA
               Oh Hudson, I was worried you
               weren't going to drop by....

                             HAWK
               I never break a date.  Scout's
               honor.

     Hawk does the honor sign with his black gloved hand
     then quickly rips it off as a WAITER comes to the
     table.

                             HAWK
               Fettucini con Funghi Porcini.

                             WAITER
               Bellissimo, signor.

                             HAWK
               Oh, and could I have some ketchup
               with that.

     Anna hits her forehead with the palm of her hand while
     the waiter's entire body sinks in disappointment.  Other
     TABLE OCCUPANTS sadly shake their heads.

     EXT. ANOTHER TABLE--NIGHT

     At a comfortable distance curled behind a heat lamp,
     Snickers is being an Uglier American to an UNCOMPREHENDING
     WAITER, while Almond Joy chuckles and Butterfinger spreads
     butter over an entire baguette.

                             SNICKERS
               Come on, Pierre, Steak-bur-ger,
               Fren-n-ch Fries.  This is France,
               you gotta have French.....

                             ALMOND JOY
               Actually we're in Italy, Snickers,
               she said as if it made a difference.

     The Waiter sneaks off.  Butterfinger devours his bread.

                             SNICKERS
               Italy, France, Moscow.  They all
               just wanna be Nebraska.  Old Man
               Kaplan thinks since Communism is
               dead, we got nothing to do.  Man,
               Democracy isn't free elections.
               We gotta teach the world that
               Democracy is Big Tits, College
               Football on Saturdays, Eddie
               Murphy saying the word "Fuck"
               and Kids putting their hands down
               garbage disposals on "America's
               Funniest Home Videos."

                             ALMOND JOY
               Damn baby, when's the last time
               you had a vacation...Jesus, I
               gotta get out of this job.  If
               my Mom knew her daughter
               assassinated the leader of the
               anti-Apartheid movement....

                             SNICKERS
               Quit bitching, you got the
               employee of the month plaque for
               that shit...Ah to be in Pari-is
               and in love.

     They look off to....

     HAWK AND ANNA'S TABLE

     Physically sarcastic, the Waiter brings a tall wine
     basket with a bottle of ketchup in it.  Hawk nabs it.

                             HAWK
               This is bueno.  They had the worst
               ketchup in prison.....uh...

                             ANNA
               Prison?

                             HAWK
               I was the Warden?

                             ANNA
               How long were you in?

                             HAWK
               Let's just say, I never saw E.T.

                             ANNA
               Wow, you were "in the joint."
               "Doing hard time."  It's funny,
               but that excites me.  I seem to
               have a thing for sinners.

                             HAWK
               I seem to have a thing for sinning.
               sinning.  Check please....

                             WAITER
               Ah, anything for dessert?

                             ANNA
                       (she shoots)
               Yes.  Something to go.

                             HAWK
                       (she scores)
               I'll bring the ketchup.

       INT. ANNA'S HOUSE--NIGHT

       The viewer's viewpoint pulls back, past the black canvas
       bag on a table, to reveal a barefoot Anna is straddling
       a bare-backed Hawk, demurely and tentatively studying his
       bruises.

                             ANNA
               What have you been doing?

                             HAWK
               Uh....old badminton injury.

     Anna giggles and bends to kiss a bruise.  She stops
     herself and opts for tickling.

                             HAWK
               tickles, ticKleS, TICKLES.

                             ANNA
                       (not stopping)
               Oh, I'm so sorry...

     Roaring with laughter, they capsize onto the floor.
     Hawk slithers around to devour her toes.  Anna closes
     her eyes and arches her back.....

     She opens her eyes and sees a large crucifix staring
     right at her.  With a gasp, she rolls away from Hawk
     and stands up, trying to brush off her sins.

                             ANNA
               I'm sorry.  I can't.  I....

                             HAWK
                       (softly approaching)
               Hey now, outside of a very
               friendly dog this morning, it's
               been a slow decade.  I don't make
               love every ten years, I get a
               little cranky.

                             ANNA
               It's also been a long time for
               me.  I--

     Their heads fuse for a semi-classic screen kiss until
     THE CRUCIFIX LIGHTS UP AND BEGINS SHOUTING IN ITALIAN.

                             HAWK
               Catholic girls are scary...

                            ANNA
               Somebody robbed the Vatican.

                            HAWK
               Oh.  No.

     Anna slides on her shoes and makes a hasty retreat.
     She bumps into the canvas bag.  The Codex slides out.
     They both catch it in mid-air.  Anna's eyes pop.  She
     wrenches the Codex away and kicks.  Hawk pulls her into
     a compassionate back-against-his-stomach hug.  The Codex
     falls to the floor unharmed.