THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

Hugo:          You're telling me!  I'm losing to a bird!

Victor:        Oh, that poor gypsy girl.  I'm beginning to fear the
               worst.

Laverne:       I know, but, now, don't you say anything to upset
               Quasimodo.  He's worried enough already.

Hugo:          Yeah, you're right.  We'd better lighten up.

Victor:        Shh, shh, shh!  Here he comes!

Laverne:       Now just stay calm.

Victor:        Not a word.

Hugo:          Easy does it.

Victor:        Stone faced.

(Enter Quasimodo)

Quasimodo:     Any sign of her?

(Victor quickly breaks up)

Victor:        Oh, it's a lost cause!  She could be anywhere!  In the
               stocks, in the dungeon, on the rack!  (Begins to cry)

Laverne:       Nice work, Victor.

Quasimodo:     No, he's right.  What are we going to do?

Hugo:          What are you guys talking about?  If I know Esmeralda,
               she's three steps ahead of Frollo, and well out of harm's
               way!

(On "Esmeralda", Hugo shows a Queen from his deck of cards.  On "three",
he shows a 3, and on "Frollo", he shows a joker.)

Quasimodo:     Do you really think so?

Hugo:          Hey, when things cool off, she'll be back.  You'll see.

Quasimodo:     What makes you so sure?

Laverne:       Because she likes you.  We always said you were the cute
               one.

Hugo:          I thought I was the cute one!

Laverne:       No, you're the fat, stupid one with the big mouth!

Laverne:       What are you saying, exactly?

Laverne:       Take it from us, Quasi.  You've got nothing to worry
               about. 

Hugo:          Yeah, you're irresistible.

Victor:        Knights in shining armour certainly aren't her type.

Hugo:          And those guys are a dime a dozen.  But you?  You're one
               of a kind.  Look...

               PARIS, THE CITY OF LOVERS IS GLOWING THIS EVENING
               TRUE, THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S ON FIRE,
               BUT STILL, THERE'S L'AMOUR.

               SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IN THE NIGHT
               HER HEART IS ALSO ALIGHT
               AND I KNOW THE GUY SHE JUST MIGHT BE BURNING FOR...

               A GUY LIKE YOU, SHE'S NEVER KNOWN, KID
               A GUY LIKE YOU A GIRL DOES NOT MEET EVERY DAY!
               YOU'VE GOT A LOOK THAT'S ALL YOUR OWN, KID
               COULD THERE BE TWO?

Laverne/Victor:LIKE YOU?

'Goyles:       NO WAY!

Hugo:          THOSE OTHER GUYS THAT SHE COULD DANGLE
               ALL LOOK THE SAME FROM EVERY BORING POINT OF VIEW
               YOU'RE A SURPRISE FROM EVERY ANGLE
               MON DIEU ABOVE, SHE'S GOTTA LOVE A GUY LIKE YOU!

Victor:        A GUY LIKE YOU GETS EXTRA CREDIT
               BECAUSE, IT'S TRUE, YOU'VE GOT A CERTAIN SOMETHING MORE!

Hugo:          YOU'RE ACES, KID

Laverne:       YOU SEE THAT FACE, YOU DON'T FORGET IT

Laverne/Victor:WANT SOMETHING NEW?

Hugo:          THAT'S YOU

'Goyles:       FOR SURE!

Laverne:       WE ALL HAVE GAPED AT SOME ADONIS

Victor:        BUT THEN WE CRAVE A MEAL MORE NOURISHING TO CHEW

Hugo:          AND SINCE YOU'RE SHAPED LIKE A CROISSANT IS

'Goyles:       NO QUESTION OF SHE'S GOTTA LOVE A GUY LIKE YOU!

(A distinct slowdown in the music finds Laverne sitting on top of a
piano.)

Laverne:       CALL ME A HOPELESS ROMANTIC
               BUT QUASI, I FEEL IT
              
Victor:        SHE WANTS YOU SO
               ANY MOMENT SHE'LL WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR

(Hugo comes through the door dressed as Esmeralda)

Hugo:          FOR...

Hugo:          A GUY SO SWELL
Laverne/Victor:                      A GUY LIKE YOU
               WITH ALL YOU BRING HER
                                     I TELL YOU, QUASI
               A FOOL COULD TELL
                                     THERE NEVER WAS
               IT'S WHY SHE FELL
                                     ANOTHER, WAS HE?
               FOR YOU KNOW WHO
                                     FROM KING TO SERF TO
                                     THE BOURGEOISIE
               YOU RING THE BELL     THEY'RE ALL A SECOND STRINGER
              
'Goyles:       YOU'RE THE BELL RINGER!
              
               WHEN SHE WANTS OOH-LA-LA
               THEN SHE WANTS YOU-LA-LA
               SHE WILL DISCOVER, GUY,
               YOU'RE ONE HECK OF A GUY,
               WHO WOULDN'T LOVE A GUY LIKE YOU?

Hugo:          YOU GOT A LOT, THE REST HAVE NOT
               SO SHE'S GOTTA LOVE A GUY LIKE YOU!

Esmeralda:     Quasi?  Quasimodo!?

(They turn and see Esmeralda enter.)

Quasimodo:     Esmeralda?!?  Esmeralda!  You're all right!  I knew you'd
               come back.

Esmeralda:     You've done so much for me already, my friend, but I must
               ask your help one more time.

Quasimodo:     Yes, anything.

(She brings in the unconscious body of Phoebus.)

Esmeralda:     This is Phoebus. He's wounded, and a fugitive like me. 
               He can't go on much longer. I knew he'd be safe here. 
               Please, can you hide him?