THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

Victor:        It would be a veritable pope-pourri of educational
               experience.

(Hugo pulls the figurine out of Quasi's mouth.)

Hugo:          Wine, women and song!

Victor:        You can learn to identify various regional cheeses!

Hugo:          Bobbing for snails!

Victor:        And the indigenous folk music.

Hugo:          Dunk the monk!

Laverne:       Quasi, take it from an old spectator.  Life's not a
               spectator sport.  If watchin's all you're gonna do, then
               you're gonna watch your life go by without you.

Hugo:          Yeah, you're human, with the flesh, and the hair, and the
               navel lint.  We're just part of the architecture, right
               Victor?

Victor:        Yet, if you chip us, will we not flake?  If you moisten
               us, do we not grow moist?

Laverne:       Quasi, just grab a fresh tunic and a clean pair of hose
               and--

Quasimodo:     Thanks for the encouragement, but you're all forgetting
               one thing.

Gargoyles:     What?

Quasimodo:     My master, Frollo.

Gargoyles:     (Dejectedly) Oh, yeah, right (etc.)

Victor:        Well, when he says you're forbidden from ever leaving the
               bell tower, does he mean "ever ever?"

Quasimodo:     Never ever!  And he hates the Feast of Fools!  He'd be
               furious if I asked to go.

Hugo:          Who says you gotta ask? 

Quasimodo:     Oh, no.

Hugo:          Ya sneak out...

Laverne:       It's just one afternoon...

Quasimodo:     I couldn't--

Hugo:          ...and ya sneak back in. 

Laverne:       He'll never know you were gone.

Quasimodo:     I mean, if I got caught--

Victor:        Better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.

Quasimodo:     He might see me.

Hugo:          You could wear a disguise.  Just this once.  What Frollo
               doesn't know can't hurt you! 

Victor:        Ignorance is bliss.

Hugo:          (aside) Look who's talking...

Laverne:       Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.

(Quasi thinks for a moment, then a smile creeps across his face.)

Quasimodo:     You're right!  I'll go!  (The gargoyles cheer.) I'll get
               cleaned up.  (Another cheer) I'll stroll down those
               stairs. (Another cheer) I'll march through the doors
               and--

(Quasi and the 'goyles have been advancing on the door leading
downstairs.  As Quasi nears it, Frollo appears in the doorway suddenly,
cutting Quasi short and returning the 'goyles to stone.)

Frollo:        Good morning, Quasimodo.

Quasimodo:     Ah--um, good...morning, master.

Frollo:        Dear boy, whomever are you talking to?

Quasimodo:     My...friends.

Frollo:        I see.  (He taps Hugo on the head.)  And what are your
               friends made of, Quasimodo?

Quasimodo:     Stone.

Frollo:        Can stone talk?

Quasimodo:     No, it can't.

Frollo:        That's right.  You're a smart lad.  Now...lunch.

(Upon hearing the word, Quasi goes off and retrieves a table setting--a
silver chalice and plate for Frollo and a wooden cup and plate for
himself.)

Frollo:        Shall we review your alphabet today?

Quasimodo:     Yes, master.  I would like that very much.

Frollo:        Very well.  A?

Quasimodo:     Abomination.

Frollo:        B?

Quasimodo:     Blasphemy.

Frollo:        C?

Quasimodo:     C-c-c-contrition.

Frollo:        D?

Quasimodo:     Damnation.

Frollo:        E?

Quasimodo:     Eternal damnation!

Frollo:        Good.  F?

Quasimodo:     Festival.

(Frollo spits out his drink at the incorrect response.)

Frollo:        Excuse me?

Quasimodo:     Forgiveness!

Frollo:        You said...festival.

Quasimodo:     No!

Frollo:        You are thinking about going to the festival.

Quasimodo:     It's just that...you go every year.

Frollo:        I am a public official.  I must go!  But I don't enjoy a
moment.  Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed
together in a shallow, drunken stupor.

Quasimodo:     I didn't mean to upset you, master.

Frollo:        Quasimodo, can't you understand?  When your heartless
               mother abandoned you as a child , anyone else would have
               drowned you.  And this my thanks for taking you in and
               raising you as my son?

Quasimodo:     I'm sorry, sir.

Frollo:        Oh, my dear Quasimodo, you don't know what it's like out
               there.  I do...I do...

               THE WORLD IS CRUEL
               THE WORLD IS WICKED
               IT'S I ALONE WHOM YOU CAN TRUST IN THIS WHOLE CITY
               I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND
              
               I WHO KEEP YOU, TEACH YOU, FEED YOU, DRESS YOU
               I WHO LOOK UPON YOU WITHOUT FEAR
               HOW CAN I PROTECT YOU, BOY
               UNLESS YOU ALWAYS STAY IN HERE
               AWAY IN HERE?

               Remember what I taught you, Quasimodo...

               YOU ARE DEFORMED

Quasimodo:     I AM DEFORMED