THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

Frollo:        Then this should be quite an education for you.  Come
               along.

(We descend to ground level, and see Quasimodo climbing down the side of
the cathedral.  He wanders into the crowd, as an oncoming group of
people begin to sing.)

People:        COME ONE!  COME ALL!
               LEAVE YOUR LOOMS AND MILKING STOOLS
               COOP THE HENS AND PEN THE MULES!
               COME ONE!  COME ALL!
               CLOSE THE CHURCHES AND THE SCHOOLS!
               IT'S THE DAY FOR BREAKING RULES!
               COME AND JOIN THE FEAST...OF...

Clopin:        FOOLS!
             
               ONCE A YEAR WE THROW A PARTY HERE IN TOWN
               ONCE A YEAR WE TURN ALL PARIS UPSIDE DOWN
               EVERY MAN'S A KING AND EVERY KING'S A CLOWN
               ONCE AGAIN, IT'S TOPSY TURVY DAY!
              
               IT'S THE DAY THE DEVIL IN US GETS RELEASED
               IT'S THE DAY WE MOCK THE PRIG AND SHOCK THE PRIEST
               EVERYTHING IS TOPSY TURVY AT THE FEAST OF FOOLS!

(Quasimodo is working his way through the crowd, but he can't escape
Clopin, who seems to be singing to Quasimodo.)
              
Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin:        EVERYTHING IS UPSY-DAISY!

Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin:        EVERYONE IS ACTING CRAZY
               DROSS IS GOLD AND WEEDS ARE A BOUQUET
               THAT'S THE WAY ON TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(Quasimodo, having joined a chorus line of dancers, is shoved away,
through a curtain and comes crashing into the dressing tent of
Esmeralda.)

Esmeralda:     Hey!  Are you all right?

Quasimodo:     I didn't mean to...I'm sorry.

Esmeralda:     You're not hurt, are you?  Here, here, let's see.

Quasimodo:     No, no, no!

(Esmeralda tries to pull the hood away from Quasi's face, and he is
unsuccessful at stopping her.  Djali, upon seeing Quasi's face, sneers. 
Esmeralda, however, doesn't flinch.)

Esmeralda:     There.  See, no harm done.  Just try to be a little more
               careful.

Quasimodo:     I--I--I will.

(He starts to leave.)

Esmeralda:     By the way, great mask!

(As Quasi exits, we return to the celebration outside.)

Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!
              
Clopin & Crowd:BEAT THE DRUMS AND BLOW THE TRUMPETS!

Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!
              
Clopin & Crowd:JOIN THE BUMS AND THIEVES AND STRUMPETS
               STREAMING IN FROM CHARTRES TO CALAIS

Clopin:        SCURVY KNAVES ARE EXTRA SCURVY
               ON THE SIXTH OF "JANUERVY"
              
Clopin & Crowd:ALL BECAUSE IT'S TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(As Judge Claude Frollo, Phoebus, and the guards enter the scene, Clopin
jumps onstage to present Esmeralda.)

Clopin:        COME ONE!  COME ALL!
               HURRY, HURRY, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
               SEE THE MYSTERY AND ROMANCE
               COME ONE!  COME ALL!
               SEE THE FINEST GIRL IN FRANCE
               MAKE AN ENTRANCE TO ENTRANCE
               DANCE LA ESMERALDA...DANCE!

(On the last word, Clopin disappears in a puff of smoke, and Esmeralda
appears in his place.  She proceeds to perform a sultry dance.)

Frollo:        (To Phoebus) Look at that disgusting display.
Phoebus:       (Enthusiastically) Yes, sir!

(She continues to dance.  She pulls out a handkerchief and wraps it
around Frollo's head playfully, using it to pull him closer.  She moves
in to kiss him, but jumps away at the last moment.  Frollo yanks the
handkerchief off his head.)

Clopin:        And now, ladies and gentlemen, the piece de
               resistance!

               HERE IT IS, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!
               HERE IT IS, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S IN STORE!
               NOW'S THE TIME WE LAUGH UNTIL OUR SIDES GET SORE!
               NOW'S THE TIME WE CROWN THE KING OF FOOLS!

               You all remember last year's king!?!

(Last year's king, carried on the shoulders of the crowd, belches
loudly)

Clopin:        SO MAKE A FACE THAT'S HORRIBLE AND FRIGHTENING
               MAKE A FACE AS GRUESOME AS A GARGOYLE'S WING

(Hugo is watching from far above)

Hugo:          Hey!

Clopin:        FOR THE FACE THAT'S UGLIEST WILL BE THE KING OF FOOLS!
               WHY?

Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin:        UGLY FOLKS, FORGET YOUR SHYNESS!

Crowd:         TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin:        YOU COULD SOON BE CALLED YOUR HIGHNESS!

Crowd:         PUT YOUR FOULEST FEATURES ON DISPLAY
               BE THE KING OF TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(Clopin has been pulling contestants onto the stage.  Esmeralda pulls
Quasimodo to the stage.  Esmeralda works her way down the line, ripping
off masks and revealing the ugly faces underneath.  The festivities
continue until Esmeralda reaches Quasi.  She tries to pull Quasi's mask
off, but soon realises that it's not a mask.)

Man 1:         That's no mask!

Woman 1:       It's his face!

Woman 2:       He's hideous!

Man 2:         It's the bell ringer from Notre Dame!

(Quasi, realising that people are disgusted by him, is devastated.
Frollo realises that the only man left standing on stage is Quasimodo.
Clopin, trying to keep things festive, jumps in.)

Clopin:        Ladies and gentlemen, don't panic.  We asked for the
               ugliest face in Paris, and here he is!  Quasimodo, the
               hunchback of Notre Dame!

(Upon hearing Clopin, the crowd once again grows festive, and Clopin
crowns Quasimodo the King of Fools.)

Crowd:         ONCE A YEAR, WE THROW A PARTY HERE IN TOWN
Clopin:                                       HAIL TO THE KING!

Crowd:         ONCE A YEAR, WE TURN ALL PARIS UPSIDE DOWN
Clopin:                                       OH WHAT A KING!

Crowd:         ONCE A YEAR THE UGLIEST WILL WEAR A CROWN
Clopin:                                       GIRLS, GIVE A KISS

Crowd:         ONCE A YEAR ON TOPSY TURVY DAY
Clopin:                                WE'VE NEVER HAD A KING LIKE THIS

All:           AND IT'S THE DAY WE DO THE THINGS THAT WE DEPLORE
               ON THE OTHER THREE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-FOUR
               ONCE A YEAR WE LOVE TO DROP IN
               WHERE THE BEER IS NEVER STOPPIN'
               FOR THE CHANCE TO POP SOME POPINJAY
               AND PICK A KING WHO'LL PUT THE TOP
               IN TOPSY...TURVY...DAY      (TOPSY TURVY)
                   (MAD AND CRAZY, UPSY-DAISY TOPSY TURVY DAY!)

(From above, the Gargoyles whoop and cheer, while down on the ground,
the crowd chants "Quas-i-mod-o!"  To the side, Guards 1 and 2 are
watching.)

Guard 2:       You think he's ugly now?  Watch this!

(He throws a tomato at Quasi, hitting him square in the face.  The crowd
quickly goes quiet.)

Guard 2:       Now that's ugly!

Guard 3:       (Mockingly)  Hail to the king!

(He throws another tomato.  Soon, Quasi is being pelted with produce of
all kinds.  Shouts come from all directions.  Quasi is soon lassoed and
tied down on a rotating platform.  He is spun around, as onlookers
continue their torment.  He sees Frollo watching and shouts for help.)

Quasimodo:     Master!  Master, please! Help me!

(Phoebus has seen enough.)

Phoebus:       Sir, request permission to stop this cruelty.

Frollo:        In just a moment, Captain.  A lesson needs to be
               learned here.

(As soon as he's said this, the crowd gasps and goes silent.  Phoebus
and Frollo look up to the stage and see Esmeralda ascending the steps. 
She kneels next to Quasimodo.)

Esmeralda:     Don't be afraid.  I'm sorry.  This wasn't supposed to
               happen.

Frollo:        You!  Gypsy girl!  Get down at once!

Esmeralda:     Yes, your honour.  Just as soon as I free this poor
               creature.

Frollo:        I forbid it!