剧本《罗马假日》romanholiday

ROMAN HOLIDAY
TRANSCRIBED BY Graham (hepburn@unforgettable.com)





(A newsreel begins:)

--PARAMOUNT NEWS--
NEWS FLASH

(A commentator describes the newsreel showing Princess Ann at several ceremonies in various European locations.)


NEWSREEL

Paramount News brings you a special coverage of Princess Ann's visit to London, the first stop on her much publicised goodwill tour of European capitals. She gets a royal welcome from the British as thousands cheer the gracious young member of one of Europe's oldest ruling families. After three days of continuous activity and a visit to Buckingham Palace, Ann flew to Amsterdam where Her Royal Highness dedicated the new International Aid Building and christened an ocean liner. Then went to Paris where she attended many official functions designed to cement trade relations between her country and the Western European nations. And so to Rome, the eternal city, where the Princess' visit was marked by a spectacular military parade highlighted by the band of the crack Piersa Yeri Regiment. The smiling young Princess showed no sign of the strain of the week's continuous public appearances. And at her country's embassy that evening, a formal reception and ball in her honor was given by her country's ambassador to Italy.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The Embassy ballroom. People fill the floor of the room. A fanfare sounds. The Master of Ceremonies appears and the people clear a path down the middle of the hall in front of him. The Master of Ceremonies announces "Her Royal Highness"--first in Italian, then in English.)

(The orchestra starts playing as the Master of Ceremonies walks down the newly-formed aisle. Princess Ann, resplendent in her ballgown, diamond tiara, and necklace, appears at the door accompanied by the Ambassador in formal military dress. Behind them follow together the Countess Vereberg and General Provno, and others. As the company walks slowly down the aisle, Princess Ann smiles and nods her head to acknowledge the guests who line their path. They bow as the Princess walks past them.)

(As they reach the front, the Princess and the others step onto the dais as the orchestra finishes playing. The dais is furnished with chairs--a large one in the center. The Princess and the others stand, facing the guests. Princess Ann is about to sit when the Ambassador discreetly stops her with a hand on her arm.)

(As they stand waiting, the guests form in a line in front. The Master of Ceremonies announces them as they walk forward to greet her, in turn.)


MASTER OF CEREMONIES

His Excellency, the Papal Nuntius, Monsignor Altomonto.

(Ann greets him warmly in Italian, shaking his hand; he replies, in Italian.)


MASTER OF CEREMONIES

Sir Hugo Macy de Farmington.


ANN

(he bows to her)

Good evening, Sir Hugo.


SIR HUGO

(shaking her hand)

Good evening, Your Royal Highness.


MASTER OF CEREMONIES

His Highness, The Maharajah of Kalipur; and The Rajkumari.


ANN

(shaking the Rajkumari's hand)

I'm so glad that you could come.


THE RAJKUMARI

Thank you.


THE MAHARAJA

(shaking Ann's hand)

Thank you, madame.


(The Master of Ceremonies announes the next couple, in German.)


ANN

(hidden beneath her dress, she takes her right foot out of its shoe and stretches it)

Guten Abend.


MASTER OF CEREMONIES

(as Ann puts her foot back)

Prince Istvan Barossy Nagyavaros.


ANN

How do you do?


(he kisses her hand)

(The Master of Ceremonies announces the long German name and title of the next guest.)


ANN

(holding the woman's hand as she curtsies)

Guten Abend.


(She greets the man as he kisses her hand.)

(The Master of Ceremonies announces the next couple. As she greets them, Ann rubs her tired right foot against her leg.)

(Much later on and Ann is still greeting the guests.)


ANN

(greeting another couple)

So happy.


MASTER OF CEREMONIES

The Count and Countess von Marstrand.


ANN

Good evening, Countess


(holding her hand the woman curtsies. To the Count.)

Good evening.


COUNT

(kissing her hand)

Good evening.


(Suddenly, Princess Ann loses her balance as her foot slips over her shoe, knocking it over. The Count's eyeglass pops out in surprise and he smiles back as she regathers herself. The Ambassador looks down in disappointment at her error. The Master of Ceremonies introduces the next couple--a Senor and Senora.)


ANN

(she tries to manipulate her shoe back into position which has been knocked over and she greets the couple, disguising her discomfort)

Good evening


(the man kisses her hand.)

(The Master of Ceremonies announces the next guest as Ann pushes her shoe again in an effort to right it.)


ANN

(as the man bends, gesturing with his hand in greeting)

How do you do?

(As the last guest moves back Ann looks around anxiously, trying again to right her shoe, resulting in her pushing it further away. The Ambassador then motions her to sit down. As she sits back into the chair with the Ambassador and the Countess on either side her dress pulls back, revealing the shoe.)

(The orchestra starts playing a waltz. Ann tries as inconspicuously as possible to drag her shoe back with her foot. The General, standing behind her frowning, motions to the Countess to look at the shoe. She looks down at it and closes her eyes in horror. The Princess stirs in her seat trying to get her shoe back, fiddling with her gloves as cover. A man standing behind the Ambassador motions to him and he shrugs and gets up, bowing and presenting his arm to the Princess. The Princess rises and, pausing for time to regather her shoe, is lead onto the ballroom floor by the Ambassador. Taking her up to dance he looks at the area in front of the eat and, relieved that the shoe isn't to be seen, continues dancing with her as the other guests watch. )

(Later on and the dance floor is filled people. Princess Ann dances with a short, lively gentleman who rattles off rapid Spanish phrases to her. She listens, nodding and smiling politely. Still later and she dances with a short, elderly gentlemen. They smile and nod to each other silently. Later again and Ann dances with a somewhat remote gentlemen. She almost speaks so as to strike up a conversation, but thinks better of it.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Later that night in Princess Ann's bedchamber. She stands on her bed dressed in her nightgown, her hair let down. She picks up the skirt of her nightgown and drops it.)


ANN

(brushing her hair)

I hate this nightgown. I hate all my nightgowns. And I hate all my underwear too.


COUNTESS

(coming over to tend to her bed, dressed in a bedrobe and wearing glasses)

My dear, you have lovely things.


ANN

But I'm not two hundred years old!


(Dropping down on the bed)

Why can't I sleep in pyjamas?


COUNTESS

(looking up as she folds the sheets into place)

Pyjamas!


ANN

(Just)

the top half.


(The Countess takes off her glasses, shocked, then walks over to the window. Ann pulls the covers over her, sitting up)

Did you know there are people who sleep with absolutely

(nothing)

on at all?


COUNTESS

(opening the window)

I rejoice to say that I did not.


ANN

(lying against the headboard, smiling as she hears distant music coming in through the window)

Listen.


(She jumps up out of bed and runs over to the window, looking out.)


COUNTESS

Oh, and your slippers.


(She goes to fetch them from beside the bed as Ann looks out with pleasure at the dancing going on far below in the distance)

Please put on your slippers and come away at the window.


(Ann walks back to the bed, dejected, as the Countess shuts the window. The Countess holds a tray)

Your milk and crackers.


ANN

(taking the tray; as the Countess helps her pull the covers over her)

Everything we do is so wholesome.


COUNTESS

They'll help you to sleep.


ANN

(stubbornly)

I'm too tired to sleep--can't sleep a wink.


COUNTESS

(putting on her glasses, taking a diary from the bedtable)

Now my dear, if you don't mind: tomorrow's schedule--or schedule


((skedule),)

whichever you prefer--both are correct.


(Running through the items with a pen)

Eight thirty, breakfast here with the Embassy staff; nine o'clock, we leave for the Polinory Automotive Works where you'll be presented with a small car.


ANN

(disinterested; absently playing with a napkin)

Thank you.


COUNTESS

Which you will not accept.


ANN

No, thank you.


COUNTESS

Ten thirty-five, inspection of food and agricultural organisation will present you with an olive tree.


ANN

No, thank you.


COUNTESS

Which you

(will)

accept.


ANN

Thank you.


COUNTESS

Ten fifty-five, the Newfoundling Home For Orphans. You will preside over the laying of the cornerstone; same speech as last Monday.


ANN

Trade relations?


COUNTESS

Yes.


ANN

(chewing a cracker)

For the orphans?


COUNTESS

No, no, the other one.


ANN

'Youth and progress'.


COUNTESS

Precisely. Eleven forty-five, back here to rest. No, that's wrong... eleven forty-five, conference here with the press.


ANN

'Sweetness and decency'


(she rolls her eyes.)


COUNTESS

One o'clock sharp, lunch with the Foreign Ministry. You will wear your white lace and carry a small bouquet of (& ANN) very small pink roses.


(The Countess looks up, unimpressed. Continuing, as Ann drinks her milk from a glass)

Three-o five, presentation of a plaque.
(ANN (to an imagined guest:) Thank you.)
Four-ten, review special guard of * Police.
(ANN No, thank you.)
Four forty-five (ANN How do you do?) back here to change (ANN (becoming distressed) Charmed.) to your uniform (ANN So happy.) to meet the international--.


ANN

(screaming at the Countess)

STOP!!!


(Looking away, her hair covering her face)

Please stop! stop...!


COUNTESS

(retrieving the tray)

It's alright, dear, it didn't spill


(she places the tray on the table.)


ANN

I don't care if it's spilled or not. I don't care if I


(throws her head into the pillow)

drown in it!


COUNTESS

(putting her hands on her shoulders to comfort her)

My dear, you're ill. I'll send for Doctor Bonnachoven.


ANN

(turning over, facing the opposite way)

I don't want Doctor Bonnachoven; please let me die in peace!


COUNTESS

You're not dying.


ANN

(facing the Countess)

Leave me.


(Sitting up, shouting at her)

Leave me!


COUNTESS

It's nerves; control yourself Ann.


ANN

(throwing herself on the pillow, beating it with her fist)

I don't want to!


COUNTESS

(standing up straight, speaking with authority)

Your Highness


(Ann continues blubbing.)

I'll get Doctor Bonnachoven


(she heads for the door.)


ANN

(looking up as she leaves)

It's no use; I'll be dead before he gets here


(she gives a defiant blub.)

(Later, the Countess enters the bedchamber, followed by Doctor Bonnachoven and the General. They walk to her bed and the doctor looks at Ann, who doesn't move.)


DOCTOR

(to the Countess, puzzled)

She is asleep.


COUNTESS

She was in hysterics three minutes ago, Doctor.


DOCTOR

(he puts his Doctor's bag on the table and bends over to her; quietly)

Are you asleep, ma'am?


ANN

(without moving)

No!


DOCTOR

Oh.


(He feels her forehead then takes a thermometer from his bag)

I'll only disturb Your Royal Highness a moment, ah?


ANN

I'm very ashamed, Doctor Bonnachoven; I-

(the Doctor places the thermometer in her mouth)

suddenly I was crying.


DOCTOR

(reassuring)

To cry--a perfectly normal thing to do.


GENERAL

It most important she be calm and relaxed for the press conference, Doctor.


ANN

Don't worry, Doctor: I-

(takes the thermometer out)

I'll be calm and relaxed and I-I'll bow and I'll smile and- I'll improve trade relations and I, and I will..


(she throws herself onto the pillow, in hysterics again.)


COUNTESS

There she goes again. Give her something, Doctor, please.


DOCTOR

(holding up a syringe from the bag)

Uncover her arm, please, hmm?

(The Countess uncovers her arm as the General looks away.)


ANN

(calming down; without looking up)

What's that?


DOCTOR

Sleep and calm. This will relax you and make Your Highness feel a little happy. It's a new drug, quite harmless.


(As he injects her the General faints behind them, unnoticed)

There.


ANN

I don't feel any different.


DOCTOR

You will; it may take a little time to take hold. Just now, lie back, ah?


ANN

Can I keep just one light on?


DOCTOR

Of course. Best thing I know is to do exactly what you wish for a while.


ANN

(smiling)

Thank you, Doctor.


COUNTESS

(the Countess looks round at the General on the floor)

Oh, the General! Doctor, quick!


DOCTOR

Oh!


ANN

(sitting up)

Hah!


(she puts her hand over her mouth, covering her smile.)


GENERAL

(embarrassed; straightening his bedrobe)

I'm perfectly alright.


(To the Princess)

Goodnight, ma'am.


(He bows and leaves.)


DOCTOR

(bowing, smiling at the Princess)

Goodnight, ma'am.


ANN

Goodnight, Doctor.

(The Doctor leaves, followed by the Countess, who turns off the light and, looking back at the Princess, shuts the door behind her.)

(Alone, the Princess looks around the large room at the lavish, ancient ornamentation on the ceiling and the huge sculpted headboard. She lies back, and then, remembering, eagerly climbs out of bed and runs to the window. She looks out longingly at the dancing below, the breeze blowing in her face then out over the city, the buildings lit up in the night far in the distance. Thinking, she looks back at the door and then back out the window, then she runs to her wardrobe, and starts rummaging in the clothes hung there.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Later, dressed in a plain white blouse and skirt and picking up her gloves from the dresser, she peers out the door of the bedchambers. She sees a guard sat at the end of the wall stir in his semi-sleep. Pausing as she closes the door, she goes out of the side window onto the balcony outside. She walks along to the edge of the adjacent balcony, jumping down with a slight noise onto the ground. Glancing furtively around she goes inside to a large, empty room. She pauses for moment to look around on either side and then continues. Going through the door she finds herself on a corridor upstairs, encircling the large central area. She runs along to the end, turning the corner and then onto the other side. She continues on, reaches a staircase and goes down it towards the exit.)

(Outside, still in the grounds of the Embassy, she runs along a courtyard area. The shadow of a man walking appears where she has just come from but she reaches safety at the other end before he can see her.)

(Running through the buildings further she pauses, her back against a wall. Looking round the corner she sees a man jump out of a small supply truck. While he is gone she runs over and quietly hops into the back of the truck. The man comes back and throws a couple of bags into the back where she is hiding. He then gets in, starts the motor, and drives off. Guards at the entrace of the Embassy grounds open the doors and the little truck drives out. Ann peers back over the top of a bag to see the guards closing the doors again as the Embassy recede into the distance. She looks round with delight, moving the bag out of the way, leaning her arm on some goods to see out the back better. She watches the truck go past a sidewalk cafe, busy with people, then waves to a couple driving behind on a scooter; the woman waves back at her. The goods rattle in the back as the truck bounces around, and Ann rests on a box, closing her eyes.)

(The truck continues through the city but Ann is awakened when the truck stops for a couple walking across the street in front. As it is stopped she hops out, running to the footpath as the truck screeches away. She leans against a tree, yawning then continues on.)

(Crossing a street, she walks straight across the passenger cabin of a horse-drawn carriage parked alongside the pavement, to the bewilderment of the passengers and driver. The cab drives away as Ann continues on.)

(A light pours from the window of a room on the second floor of the building the carriage was parked in front of...)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


(Inside the room are sat Joe Bradley, Irving Radovich, and several other men around a poker table.)


CARD PLAYER 1

Bet five hundred.


JOE

(placing his bet down, firmly)

Five hundred. How many?


IRVING

(placing his bet)

One.

(The others still in the game place theirs.)


CARD PLAYER 1

I'll take one.


CARD PLAYER 2

Three.


JOE

Fool, boy.


(Checks his cards; bets more)

Two for papa.


CARD PLAYER 1

(places a note in the pool)

Five hundred more.


JOE

(following)

Without lookin'.


IRVING

Five hundred; and, er


(clears his throat,)

raise you a thousand.

(Joe looks at him suspiciously. Irving rubs his beard but stays unemotional. Joe places his money in the pool.)


CARD PLAYER 1

(laying his cards down)

Two pairs.


JOE

Oh, well I got three

(shy)

little sevens.


IRVING

Er, a nervous straight


(lays his cards down; Then, with relish)

Come home, you beauties.


(Counting his money as he picks it up; Joe looks on grimly)

Now, look at that: six thousand five hundred--ah, not bad, that's ten bucks.


(As the dealer gathers the cards back and Joe does up his tie)

Er, one more round and I'm gonna throw you gents right out in the snow...

(The remaining players objective to his leaving:)

Say-; what-; wait a minute-, etc.


IRVING

I got to get up early: date with Her Royal Highness who will


(dramatically)

graciously pose for some pictures.


JOE

What do you mean, early? My personal invitation says eleven forty-five.


CARD PLAYER 1

Couldn't be anything to do with the fact that you're ahead?


IRVING

(smiling)

It could.


JOE

It works out fine for me: this is my last five thousand and you hyenas are not gonna get it.


(Putting his money in his pocket, patting Irving on the back)

Thanks a lot, Irving.


IRVING

Yeah.


JOE

(getting up)

See you at Annie's little party in the morning.


IRVING

Ciao, Joe.


JOE

(picking up his jacket off the back of the chair)

Yeah, ciao.


(The other men say goodbye: )

Goodnight, Joe; Ciao; Stay sober, etc.


IRVING

(as Joe leaves)

Alright! a little seven card stud.


CARD PLAYER 1

Ok with me.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Joe Bradley walks along the street, hands in pockets. He slows down by a park bench. Princess Ann is lying on it and Joe glances at her curiously as he walks by.)


ANN

(sounding drunk because of the drug's effect)

Sooooo happy.


(Joe stops, turning round to look at her. Interrupting, as Joe almost walks on)

How are you this evening?


(She stirs on the bench, luxuriously)

Mmmmmmmmm.... hmmmmm.... mmmmmmmmmmm..."


JOE

(rushing over to prevent her from falling off)

Hey! hey, hey, hey.


(Turning her on her back)

Hey, wake up!


ANN

Thank you very much, delighted.


JOE

Wake up.


ANN

No, thank you.


(Raising her gloved hand to him)

Charmed.


JOE

(tentatively, shaking her hand)

Charmed too.


ANN

(after a pause)

You may sit down.


JOE

I think you better sit up; much too young to get picked up by the police.


ANN

(as he straightens her)

Police?


JOE

Yep, po-lice.


ANN

Two-fifteen and back here to change. Two forty-five..


(she wavers slightly, not fully awake.)


JOE

(putting a foot up on the bench)

You know: people who can't handle liquor shouldn't drink it.


ANN

(she looks up at him)

If I were dead and buried and I heard your voice beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice. Do you know that poem?


JOE

Huh, what do you know?


(Sitting down)

You're well-read, well-dressed; you're snoozing away in a public street. Would you care to make a statement?


ANN

What the world needs is a return to sweetness and decency in the souls of its young men and--

(unable to support it, her head falls on his shoulder)

mmmmmhhhhhhhhmmmmm.....


JOE

(he takes his money from his breast pocket and puts it into his trouser one)

Yeah, I er, couldn't agree with you more, but erm--

(hears a car approaches and whistles. A taxi pulls up. Joe gets up, pats her on the shoulder.)

Get yourself some coffee; you'll be alright.


(He goes over to the cab, looks back to see her lying back down. The driver notices too and looks away innocently when he sees Joe looking at him. Joe goes back over to Ann, trying to stir her)

Look: you take the cab.


ANN

(without stirring)

Mmmmm.

(Joe looks back at the driver who rests his arm against the window, impatiently.)


JOE

Come on;


(takes her up by the arm)

climb in the cab and go home.


ANN

(as she drags herself to her feet, helped by Joe)

Mmmmm...mmmmmm, so happy.


JOE

You got any money?


ANN

Never carry money.


JOE

That's a bad habit.


ANN

Mm.


JOE

Alright, I'll drop you off; come on.


(He leads her to the taxi.)


ANN

(brightly; noticing it for the first time)

It's a taxi!


JOE

Well, it's not the superchief.


(He follows her into the cab.)


CAB DRIVER

(says something in Italian)

Where are we going?


JOE

(to Ann)

Where do you live?


ANN

Mmmmmm?


(Closing her eyes)

Colliseum.


JOE

Now, come on, you're not that drunk.


ANN

(laughing)

If you're so smart I'm not drunk at all. I'm just being


(her head falls against his chest)

verrrrry haaaappy......


JOE

Hey, now, don't fall asleep again.


CAB DRIVER

(first speaks something in Italian)

Where are we- we going?


(Joe says something in Italian, impatiently.)

Ok.


(Turns back around.)


JOE

Look, now where do you wanna to go? Hmmm? Where shall I take you?


(Holding her jaw, shaking her head; Ann moans in annoyance)

Where do- where do- where do you live? Huh? huh? Come on. Come on,


(lightly slapping her face with his hand)

where do you live?


(The driver looks back, unimpressed)

Come on, where do you live?!


ANN

(mumbling, half-asleep)

I....ohhhhh....Colliseum.


JOE

(hopelessy; to the cab driver)

She lives in the Colliseum.


CAB DRIVER

(shakes his head)

It's wrong address. Now look, senor: for me it is very late tonight ...


(some Italian)

... wife ...


(more Italian)

... I have three bambinos--three bambinos, you know, bambino?


(he pretends to cry like a small child)

My- my taxi go home, I- I go home er to- together. Senor--.


JOE

(giving up, sitting back)

Villa Marguta, fifty-one.


CAB DRIVER

(pleased, finally)

Villa Marguta, fifty-one.


(Pleased)

Oh, some Italian!

(The taxi drives off. The cab arrives outside the address.)


CAB DRIVER

Yes, Villa Marguta fifty-one.
some Italian I am very happy.


(Joe looks grimly at Ann, asleep beside him)

Thousand lira some Italian.

(Joe responds in Italian. He reaches into his breast pocket then, remembering, his trouser one and gives the driver the money.)


CAB DRIVER

One, two, three, four mila*.


(Gives him back some.)


JOE

Ok.


(Says something in Italian then gives him back the money. The driver thanks him in Italian.)

Ok, ok. Now look: take a little bit of that; take her wherever she wants to go.


(The cabbie thinks for a moment, unsure)

Hmmm? Capito? Capito.


(Some Italian. The driver nods and they say goodbye to each other. The driver takes one look at Ann sitting asleep and quickly calls out to Joe as he leaves.)


CAB DRIVER

Oh- no, no; moment, moment, moment! No, no, no


(the cabbie pulls him over by the arm)

(JOE Alright). No, no, no.


JOE

(leaning down to the window)

Alright, alright; look: as soon as she wakes up, see? she tell you where she want to go. Ok.


CAB DRIVER

Moment, moment: my taxi not for sleep; my taxi--no sleep. You understand? you understand?


JOE

Look, look, pal: this is not my problem, see? I never see her before. Huh? Ok.


CAB DRIVER

It's not your problem, it's not my problem. What you want: you don't want girl, yeah? Me don't want girl--. Police: maybe she want girl.


JOE

(he relents)

Stay calmo, stay calmo, ok, ok, ok.


(some Italian, reassuring him as he opens the cab door and drags Ann out.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Joe walks up the steps, followed by Ann, head down barely able to keep awake. He arrives at the front door. As he stops, leaning forward to open it, Ann rests her head on his shoulder. Before going through he straightens causing her to stand up, balancing herself, and then goes through; Ann follows. He shuts the door behind her, taking her by the hand up the steps. Without thinking she walks around the outside of the small spiral stairwell instead of following him up so Joe turns her around with his hand, leaning over the railing from above (ANN blissfully unaware as he leads her around So happy.), and leads her back around to the bottom of the steps (ANN So happy.) and up the right way.)

(She staggers up steps after him, stopping by a door as Joe goes to unlock his one a few steps up. In her stupor, she raises her hand and is about to knock on the neighbour's door when Joe sees her, running over to catch her hand just in time. He leads her to the door and unlocks it. He goes in and turns on the light.)


JOE

(muttering as Ann follows him in)

Out of my head.


(He shuts the door behind her.)


ANN

Is this the elevator?


JOE

(offended)

It's my room.


(He turns on a lamp at the other end of the room, by the bathroom door.)


ANN

(she almost topples over, walking to the bed and putting a gloved hand on the endboard to steady herself)

I'm terribly sorry to mention it, but the dizziness is getting worse.


(Looking around)

Can I sleep here?


JOE

That's the general idea.


(He walks over and opens a wardrobe on the landing next to the front door.)


ANN

(poetically)

Can I have a silk nightgown with rosebuds on it?


JOE

(walking over to Ann, presenting her with some pyjamas)

I'm afraid you'll have to rough it tonight--in these.


ANN

(with delight, taking them)

Pyjamas!


JOE

Sorry, honey, but I haven't worn a nightgown in years.


(He goes over to open another cupboard by the lamp.)


ANN

Will you help me get undressed, please?


(she stands ready, head raised expectantly.)


JOE

(pauses, unsure, then goes to her)

Er...ok.


(He undoes her necktie, sliding it away fom her neck; presenting it to her)

Er, there you are; you can handle the rest.


(She looks at it, blankly, then takes it.)

(Joe walks over to the table by the front door, pouring a drink into a glass from a bottle, and swallowing it.)


ANN

(just putting down her last glove)

May I have some?


JOE

(firmly)

No.


(Puts his glass down, going over to her)

Now look--.


ANN

(shaking her head)

This is very unusual.


(Unbuttoning her cuffs, then the bottom button of her blouse)

I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on.


(Pulling up her blouse out of her skirt)

With my dress off it's most unusual.


(With a half-laugh)

Hm, I don't seem to mind.


(Smiling at him as she starts to open the remaining buttons)

Do you?


JOE

I think I'll go out for a cup of coffee.


ANN

(amused)

Hm.


JOE

(pulling out a pillow from the bed)

You'd better get to sleep.


(She starts to sink onto the bed (ANN Hm?); he catches her)

Oh, no, no;


(pointing to the ottoman at the side, leading her over)

on this one.


ANN

(still working on her buttons)

How terribly nice.


JOE

Hey, hey:


(bringing the pyjamas from the bed, presenting them to her)

these are pyjamas; they're to sleep in; you're to climb into them, you understand?


ANN

(taking them)

Thank you.


JOE

And you do your sleeping on the couch, see?--not on the bed, not on the chair: on the couch; is that clear?


ANN

Do you know my favorite poem?


JOE

Ah, you already recited that for me.


(He goes to get some blankets from the bed.)


ANN

(as he lays them out on the ottoman)

Aritheuso* rose from a couch of snows in the Aquasaromian* Mountains. Keats.


JOE

Shelley.


ANN

Keats!


JOE

If you just keep your mind off the poetry and on the pyjamas, everything'll be alright; see?


ANN

It's Keats.


JOE

I'll be-- it's Shelley. I'll be back in about ten minutes.


ANN

(to her back as he goes to the door)

Keats.


(She shakes her head, looking at the pyjamas slightly confused. Thinking better of it, Joe takes the bottle and places it on top of the tall cupboard on the other side of the door. He opens the door and goes through. Ann turns to face him)

You have my permission to


(her skirt slides down)

withdraw.


JOE

(stopping in the doorway)

Thank you very much.


(He goes out; Ann resumes her task of getting undressed.)


(At the Embassy. The Ambassador is sat at a table, the Countess in a chair in front and the General standing next to her. All are in their bedclothes. A man marches to the desk.)


AMBASSADOR

Well?


SERVANT

No trace, Your Excellency.


AMBASSADOR

Have you searched the grounds?


SERVANT

Every inch, Sir, from the attics to the cellar.


AMBASSADOR

I must put you on your honor not to speak of this to anyone. I must remind you that the Princess is the direct heir to the throne. This must be classified as top-crisis secret. Have I your pledge?


SERVANT

Yes, Sir.


AMBASSADOR

Very well.


(The man turns and marches out. He turns to the other two.)

Now we must notify Their Majesties.

(The General looks up at him, worried; the Countess looks up at the General, standing, and turning to the Ambassador who looks at them, waiting for an affirmation. Receiving none, he stands up himself and walks from behind the desk.)


(Joe arrives back at his apartment building, closes the outside door, and walks up the stairwell. He unlocks the front door and walks in.)


JOE

(about to say something)

A--.


(Disappointed on seeing her asleep in his bed)

Oh...

(Looking at her, he slams the door shut, hard, but she doesn't move a muscle. He goes over to the other side of the bed and moves the table out of the way, making room. Then brings the ottoman over and places it next to her. He takes off his jacket, puts it down and loosens his tie. Then he grabs the undersheet beneath her and then, calculating, lifts it up quickly, throwing her from the bed and onto the ottoman. She stirs slightly after the disturbance, resuming her comfortable position.)


ANN

(muttering)

So happy.


JOE

The pleasure's mine.


(He puts the pillow on the other end of the bed, muttering as he goes to get undressed)

Ah, screwball.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The newspapers are turning out reports. A machine types out the following bulletin: "A SPECIAL EMBASSY BULLETIN REPORTS THE SUDDEN ILLNESS OF HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ANN.")


(Daytime. A clock in the city strikes 12 noon. Waken by the clock, Joe stirs in his bed. As the clock continues to ring he rises in bed, looking out the window as the sunlight streams in. He grabs an alarm clock, looking at the time, and shaking it.)


JOE

Holy smoke, the Princess interview--

(Ann stirs, half-asleep, with a questioning "hmmm?")

eleven forty-five.


(Ann makes annoyed noises as she buries herself back into the pillow)

Oh, shut up.

(Joe jumps up, pulling the curtain back to see outside. He rushes to the wardrobe but stops, going through his clothes laid over the chair, retrieving a piece of paper. He puts it back as goes back to the wardrobe to get his clothes.)


(Outside the window of an American News Service office. Mr. Hennessy comes to the window, looking down onto the street several stories down to see Joe getting out of a taxi, hurriedly paying the driver. He then sits at his desk, looking through the morning papers. The headline of the Rome American article, accompanied by a picture of the Princess, reads: "Princess Ann Taken Ill: Press Interview Cancelled". Another paper, in Italian, has an article, also with a picture of the Princess.)

(Joe arrives in the newsroom, reaching for a phone on a desk.)


NEWSMAN

Hi, Joe.


SECRETARY

Good morning, Joe.


JOE

Hello, honey.


(He goes over to the secretary, borrowing a drink of her coffee as she holds it.)


SECRETARY

Mr. Hennessy has been looking for you.


JOE

Uh-oh.


(He takes some bread from her desk, ripping off a piece and giving it to her, keeping the rest)

Thanks a lot, hon.


(He knocks on the door behind the secretary.)


HENNESSY

(from inside, angrily)

Come in.

(Joe braces himself, exchanging a worried glance with the secretary, and then marches confidently into the office.)


JOE

(taking a mouthful as he shuts the door behind him; walking to Hennessy's desk)

You've been looking for me?


HENNESSY

Just coming to work?


JOE

(innocently)

Who, me?


HENNESSY

We start our days at eight-thirty in this office; we pick up our assignments--.


JOE

I picked up mine last night.


HENNESSY

What assignment was that?


JOE

The Princess, eleven forty-five.


HENNESSY

(mouth open)

You've already been to the interview?


JOE

Well, sure; I just got back.


(Taking another mouthful.)


HENNESSY

Well, well, well; all my apologies.


JOE

(turning to leave)

'S alright.


HENNESSY

(stopping him)

Er, this is very interesting.


JOE

(trying to get away again)

Nah, just routine.


HENNESSY

Tell me, tell me: did she answer all the questions on the list?


JOE

Well, of course she did.


(Rummaging through his pockets)

I've got 'em right here, somewhere.


HENNESSY

Er, don't disturb yourself; I have a copy here.


(Looking at the piece of paper)

How did Her Highness react to the idea of a European Federation?


JOE

She thought it was just fine.


HENNESSY

She did?


JOE

(seeing the need to flesh it out, leaning against the desk in thought)

Well, she thought that there'd be...two effects.


HENNESSY

Two.


JOE

The er, direct and the...indirect.


HENNESSY

Oh, remarkable.


JOE

Naturally she thought that the indirect would not be as...direct...as the direct. That is, not right away. Later on, of course, well, nobody knows.


HENNESSY

Well, well, well; that was a shrewd observation! They fool you you know, these royal kids; they've got a lot more on the ball than we suspect.


(Looking at the paper again)

How did she feel about the future friendship of nations?


JOE

Youth.


HENNESSY

Yep?


JOE

She felt that, er


(nervously walking around the desk, sitting on the corner,)

the youth of the world must lead the way to a better..


(he nervously slides a piece of Hennessy's desk equipment a few inches)

world.


HENNESSY

Hmm-hmm,


(sliding it back)

original. Er, by the way, what was she wearing?


JOE

(he pauses blankly)

Oh, you mean what did she have on?


HENNESSY

(chuckling)

Well, that's usually what it means.


(Joe nervously adjusts his collar, getting up off the desk again)

Er, what's the matter, is it a little warm in here for you?


JOE

(walking back to the front of the desk)

No, no, I just hurried over here.


HENNESSY

Oh, naturally, with a story of these dimensions. Did you say she was wearing gray?


JOE

No, I didn't say that.


HENNESSY

Well, she usually wears gray.


JOE

Oh well, er, it was a...kind of a gray.


HENNESSY

Oh, I think I know the dress you mean; it has a gold collar--.


JOE

That's the one, that's the one (HENNESSY smiling, sitting back in agreement That's it.) Yeah, I didn't know exactly how to describe it but that's it, yeah.


HENNESSY

I think you described it very well.


(His expression changes as he sits forward, standing up dramatically)

--In view of the fact that Her Highness was taken violently ill at three o'clock this morning, put to bed with a high fever, and has had all her appointments for today cancelled in toto!


JOE

(helplessly)

In toto?


HENNESSY

Yes, Mr. Bradley: in toto.


JOE

(swallows audibly)

Certainly pretty hard to swallow.


HENNESSY

In view of the fact that you just left her, of course. But here it is, Mr. Bradley


(picking up a paper:)

all over the front page of every newspaper in Rome!


(he hands him the paper.)


JOE

Alright, alright; I overslept. It can happen to anybody!


HENNESSY

If you ever get up early enough to read a morning paper you might discover little news events


(pointing to the article in the paper)

--little items of general interest


(Joe looks at the paper and stares at the picture of the Princess--the same woman as in his apartment but in a regal gown, necklace and tiara)

that might prevent you in the future from getting immersed in such a gold-plated, triple-decked, star-spangled lies as you have just told me!


(As Joe continues to stare at the picture, open-mouthed)

If I was you, I would try some other line of business--like mattress testing.


JOE

Is this the Princess?


HENNESSY

Yes, Mr. Bradley,


(pointing to the picture)

that is the Princess. It isn't Annie Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame Chiang Kai-Shek. Take a good look at her


(Joe closes his eyes in disbelief:)

you might be interviewing her again some day!


JOE

(looking at Mr. Hennessy)

Am I fired?


HENNESSY

No, you're not fired. When I wanna fire you you won't have to ask!


(Joe looks back and forth and walks straight out of the office, carrying the paper)

--you'll know you're fired!


(Joe walks to the other end of the newsroom, stopping. Shaking his head, seeing that Joe has left the office)

The man's mad.

(Joe opens the other door, closing it carefully behind him and dials the wall-phone in the small foyer. Someone comes in from the front door and Joe watches him nervously until the man goes into the office.)


(An old man, Giovanni, sits down at the desk in his caretaker's room, picking up the phone. He greets Joe in Italian.)


JOE

Giovanni, it's Joe Bradley. Now, listen carefully: I want you to hurry up to my place and see if there's somebody there...asleep.


GIOVANNI

(amused)

A-ha! Say, Mr. Joe: I look;


(some Italian)

you wait.


(Some Italian.)



(He walks to the door as Joe looks back and forth, impatiently. A few moments later Giovanni walks back to his desk, smiling. He sits down)

Mr. Joe?


JOE

(almost shouting)

Yeah!


(Repeating, quietly)

Er, yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me, tell me!


GIOVANNI

Bellisimo.


JOE

(he looks up, very relieved)

Giovanni: I love you. Now, listen...


GIOVANNI

Yes, Mr. Joe. A gun? No!


JOE

Yes, a gun, a knife--anything! But nobody goes in and nobody goes out! Capito?


GIOVANNI

Ok.


(He hangs up, getting up to obey Joe's instructions.)

(Joe Bradley, stealing another look at the paper, puts it in his pocket and walks back into the newsroom on his way to Mr. Hennessy's office. The secretary looks up, puzzled, and Joe gestures to her, reassuringly. He strides back into Mr. Hennessy's office.)


HENNESSY

You still here?


JOE

(walking over he leans on the side of his desk)

How much would a real interview with this dame be worth?


HENNESSY

Are you referring to Her Highness?


JOE

I'm not referring to Annie (& HENNESSY repeating his words, overtaking him Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame....)--How much?


HENNESSY

What do you care? you've got about as much chance of getting--.


JOE

I know, but if I did, how much would it be worth?


HENNESSY

Oh, just a plain talk about world conditions, it might be worth two hundred and fifty. Her views on clothes of course would be worth a lot more--maybe a thousand.


JOE

Dollars?


HENNESSY

Dollars.


JOE

I'm talking about her views on everything:


(dramatically, walking over to the front of Hennessy's desk)

'The Private and Secret Longings


(pointing to the layout of an imagined heading in the air)

of a Princess'; her innermost thoughts as revealed to your own correspondent in a


(leaning over Mr. Hennessy's desk, closer and closer)

private, personal, exclusive


(in a loud whisper)

interview.


(Hennessy looks at him open-mouthed, in a kind of daze)

Can't use it, huh? I didn't think you'd like it.


(Joe walks to the door, opening it and slamming it shut, waking Mr. Hennessy from his daze.)


HENNESSY

(shaking his head, as if waking; firmly)

Come here!


(Joe, satisfied, walks back over)

Love angle too, I suppose?


JOE

Practically all love angle.


HENNESSY

With pictures.


JOE

(pausing, thinking)

Could be. How much?


HENNESSY

That particular story would be worth five grand to any news service. But, er, tell me Mr. Bradley--if you are sober--just how are you going to obtain this fantastic interview?


JOE

(confidentially)

I plan to enter her sick room disguised as a thermometer. You said five grand? I want you to


(presents his hand)

shake on that.


(Hennessy shakes his hand.)


HENNESSY

(as Joe rushes off to the door impatiently, stopping him)

Ah, you realise, of course, Her Highness is in bed today and leaves for Athens tomorrow.


JOE

Yep.


HENNESSY

Ah, now I'd like to make a little side-bet with you: five hundred says you don't come up with the story.


(Joe takes out the paper, unfolding it and taking a good look at the front page again)

What are you lookin' at that for?


JOE

Oh, I just wanna see what time it is.


HENNESSY

Huh?


JOE

Er, what day it is, er--

(puts the paper away)

It's a deal!


HENNESSY

Now I'd


(offering his hand)

(you)

to shake.


(Joe pauses then shakes. Hennessy laughs and Joe smiles with him)

Now, let's see, you're into me for about five hundred; when you lose this bet you'll owe me a thousand.


(Laughing)

Why, you poor sucker, I'll practically own you!


JOE

You have practically owned me for a couple of years now, but that's all over.


(As Hennessy continues laughing, leaning on the desk)

I'm gonna win that money and with it I'm gonna buy me a

(one way ticket)

back to

(New York!)


HENNESSY

Go on, go on--I'll love to hear you whine!


JOE

And when I'm in a real newsroom I'll enjoy thinking about you, sitting here with an empty leash in your hands and nobody to twitch for you!


HENNESSY

(stopping Joe, who stops in the doorway to face him)

So long,


(raises his right hand, his finger and thumb in an 'O')

Peachy.


(Joe leaves.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Outside Joe's apartment. Giovanni paces outside the door, a gun strapped to him, copying the actions of a sentry. A crowd of children sitting on the stairwell make fun of him. He goes after them, telling them off and they back away, shouting and laughing. As the children sit back down on the stairs Joe enters the open door leading outside and walks up the stairs, carefully avoiding the children, playfully batting one of them on the head with his newspaper.)


GIOVANNI

(as Joe arrives at the top)

What's your problem?


JOE

Everything ok, Giovanni?


GIOVANNI

(reassuring him, proudly)

Listen here, Joe: er, nobody is come, nobody is go; absolutely nobody.


JOE

Swell! thanks a lot.


(He is about to go into his apartment but stops, turning to Giovanni)

Oh er, Giovanni, er...


(Putting his arm round him, leading him to the side)

How would you like to make some money?


GIOVANNI

Money?


JOE

Yeah.


(Giovanni responds in agreement in Italian.)

That's the stuff. Now look, I've got a sure thing: double your money back in two days.


GIOVANNI

(suspiciously)

Double my money?


JOE

Yeah well, I need a little investment capital to swing the deal. Now, if you'll just lend me a little cash, I--.


GIOVANNI

(says some Italian.)

You owing me tomorrow's rent (JOE I know, I know, I know.) and you want me to lend you money? (JOE Yeah.)


(Emphatically)

No,


(Some Italian)

no!


JOE

(pointing his paper at him)

Tomorrow, you'll be sorry!


(Joe goes through his front door, seeing Princess Ann still asleep in his bed. He shuts the door quietly, fastening the chain across, also. Joe stands looking at her for a moment then moves round to the other side of the bed--the side she is facing lying down. He stands above her, looking at her face then looking again at the newspaper picture to compare them. He sits down beside her and moves a lock of her out of the way to get a better view of her face. He holds the picture up beside her but her hand still partially covers her face. He tickles her hand and she moves it restlessly. He leans closer to her:)


JOE

(quietly)

Your Highness?


(She stirs with a "Mmmm-mmmmm".)

Your

(Royal)

Highness?


ANN

(turning to her other side, sighing)

Yes... what is it?

(Joe sits up in delight, the fact of her identity passing through his mind. He stands up, excitedly putting the newspaper back in his pocket, and walks around the bed. Seeing the alarm clock on the cupboard missing he picks it up from the bed and replaces it. He replaces the pillow in its proper place, smoothing out the sheets then walks back around to Princess Ann. He carefully picks up her left arm, putting it around his neck, then slides his arms under her head and legs and carries her--blankets included--around to the other side of the bed. He is about to put her down but sees that she is holding her the wrong way. All of a sudden he hears police sirens sound outside and stops for a moment, then, still holding her, picks up the pillow with one hand and puts it at the other end of the bed, laying her down gently. She continues sleeping as he goes over to the window and looks down at the street at some police cars coming into view around a corner. Looking back anxiously at the Princess he goes back in.)


ANN

(stirring slightly)

Dear Doctor Bonnachoven.


JOE

(not sure what to do)

Hmm?


(Playing along, not wanting to disturb her)

Oh, oh, sure, yes. Well, er...er, you're fine; much better. Is there anything you want?


ANN

Hmm? So many things.


JOE

Yes? well tell the doctor (ANN So many--). Tell the good doctor everything.


ANN

(without opening her eyes, stirring in the bed, spreading her arm)

Mmmmm, I dreamt and I dreamt...


JOE

Yes? Well, er, what did you dream?


(Holding her wrist as a doctor might.)


ANN

I dreamt I was asleep on the street and... young man came and he was tall and strong and--

(screwing her face up)

he was so mean to me.


JOE

He was?


(He lets her arm down.)


ANN

Mmmm.


(Blissfully; putting her arm over her eyes)

It was wonderful.

(She opens her arms, stretching a little. Lying face-up, not quite awake yet, she looks at the ceiling, seeing the plumbing visible in the corner--quite different to the ornamentation of the Embassy bedchamber. Then she looks at Joe standing over her. She closes her eyes, smiling, then opens them again, her expression becoming severe as she stares at him.)


JOE

(cheerfully)

Good morning.


ANN

(she starts; in a low, worried tone)

Where's Doctor Bonnachoven?


JOE

(unbothered)

Er, I'm afraid I don't know anybody by that name.


ANN

(puzzled)

Wasn't I talking to him just now?


JOE

'Fraid not.


ANN

(suddenly frightened; feeling herself beneath the sheets)

Have- have I had an accident?


JOE

No.


ANN

(reassured)

Quite safe for me to sit up, huh?


JOE

Yeah,


(bending down to her)

perfect


(he lifts her pillow back and helps her sit up, leaning against it. She looks at him all the while, not fully trusting of him.)

(Joe leans against the cupboard at the foot of the bed.)


ANN

Thank you


(he smiles back. She looks down at her pyjamas then to Joe)

Are these yours?

(He nods. Ann, suddenly panicked, feels under the sheets for her pyjama bottoms.)


JOE

Er, did- did you lose something?


ANN

(smiling, relieved)

No. No.


(Politely, suppressing her anxiety)

W-would you be so kind as tell me w-where I am?


JOE

Well, this is what is laughingly known as my apartment.


ANN

(concerned; rising suddenly)

Did you bring me here by force?


JOE

No, no, no...


(smiling)

quite the contrary.


ANN

Have I been here all night...alone?


JOE

(smiling)

If you don't count me, yes.


ANN

(seriously)

So I've spent the night here--with you.


JOE

(hurrying to reassure her)

Oh, well, now, I- I don't know if I'd use those words exactly, but er, from a certain angle, yes.

(Ann looks down, thinking. After a moment, reassured that everything is alright afterall, laughs.)


ANN

(presenting her hand)

How do you do?


JOE

(shaking her hand)

How do you do?


ANN

And you are?


JOE

Bradley, Joe Bradley.


ANN

Delighted.


JOE

You don't know how delighted I am to meet you.


ANN

(gesturing to the chair to her left)

You may sit down.


JOE

Well, thank you very much


(he sits down on the bed instead; she pulls back her legs, looking back at him like a frightened gazelle.)

What's your name?


ANN

(she pauses, stalling)

Er...you may call me Anya.


JOE

Thank you, Anya.


(Cheerfully; rising to go to the table)

Would you like a cup of coffee?


ANN

What time is it?


JOE

Oh, about one thirty.


ANN

(panicked)

One thirty!


(Jumping out of bed towards the door)

I must get dressed and go!


(remembering, she grabs the blankets to cover herself.)


JOE

(casually; continuing to prepare the coffee)

Why? what's your hurry?--there's lots of time.


ANN

Oh no, there isn't and I've- I've been quite enough trouble to you as it is.


JOE

Trouble?


(Smiling)

You're not what I'd call trouble.


ANN

(pleased)

I'm not?


JOE

(going to the bathroom door)

I'll run a bath for you.


(As he goes in to turn on the taps on the bath, Ann picks up her clothes from the floor near the bathroom door, holding them to her chest. After laying a towel out on the floor next to the bath he comes back out, gesturing with his arm to her to go in)

There you are.

(Ann walks to the bathroom, keeping him in front of herself, turning round to go through the door, then quickly turning around so as to be able to see him as she shuts the door behind her.)

(As soon as the door shuts, Joe goes over to the door and in trying to open it gently, forgets the chain and causes a noise. He undoes the chain and goes out and down the steps.)


(Joe goes into a workshop full of people working on sculptures. He asks one of the men, in Italian, if he can use the phone. Joe thanks him then dials. As he waits for the phone to be answered Joe takes out the paper to look at the picture again.)

(The phone rings in Irving Radovich's studio. He is lying on his back holding a camera, next to a tub filled with water which produces a ripple effect on the ceiling. On his leg is attached a piece of string which runs up to a fishing rod, held by a model who sits on the upper level of the studio, her legs sticking out through the balcony.)


IRVING

(aiming his camera)

Here we go now.


(He takes the picture)

There you are; that does it.


(Pulling himself off his back)

Oh.


(To the model, trying to put his leg down to untie the string as she playfully pulls at the rod)

Gimme a little slack, will ya?


(He answers the phone)

Pronto?


JOE

(impatiently)

Irving! why won't you answer the phone?


(Calmer)

Look, this is Joe. Irving: can you get over here in about five minutes?


IRVING

(sitting back; the model dangles the line around his head)

Oh no, I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy. Oh no--

(playfully biting at the end of the line)

Joe: I'm up to my ears in work.


(To the model; covering the mouthpiece of the phone)

Go on, get into your next outfit, will you, Honey?--the canoe. What kind of a scoop, Joe?


JOE

Look, Irving, I can't talk over the telephone; one word in the wrong quarter and this whole thing might blow sky-high. It's front page stuff, that's all I can tell you. It might be political ro it might be a sensational scandal--I'm not sure which, but it's a big story and it's got to have pictures!


IRVING

But I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy.


(Looking up where the model is, in a lower tone to the phone)

I'm busy now and I'm meeting Francesca at Rocca's in a half an hour and--.


(A charwoman enters Joe's apartment, carrying a bucket and mop. She puts them down inside and closes the door, muttering a disdainful "Ah!" at the sight of the bed in a mess. She walks to the window and opens the curtains. Hearing the sound of water coming from the bathroom she rushes over and opens the door, revealing Ann just getting out of the bath, covered in a towel. She emits a scream of surprise at the intrusion, pulling the towel up, as the charwoman stands in the doorway, hands on hips. Ann tries to excuse herself in Italian, shutting the door, but the charwoman will have none of it and orders her outside, waving her finger at Ann and strongly reprimanding her in Italian.)


CHARWOMAN

Capito?


ANN

No capito--don't understand.


CHARWOMAN

Don't understand?


(Ann runs back to the bathroom and the charwoman mutters more Italian after her.)


(Joe runs up the stairwell and goes into his apartment. Looking around, he doesn't see Ann--only his empty apartment tidied and the bed made. He realises the balcony door is open and goes out into the sun, finding Princess Ann looking out over the city.)


JOE

There you are!


(She turns to meet him.)


ANN

I was looking at all the people out here.


(Smiling, looking around the buildings)

It must be fun to live in a place like this.


JOE

Yeah, it has its moments. I can give you a running commentary on each apartment.


ANN

(she turns to him, seriously)

I must go.


JOE

Hmm?


ANN

I only waited to say goodbye.


JOE

Goodbye?--But we've only just met. How about some breakfast?


ANN

I'm sorry, I haven't time.


JOE

Must be a pretty important date to run off without eating.


ANN

It is.


JOE

(walking her back to the apartment)

Well, I'll go along with you, wherever you are going.


ANN

That's alright, thank you; I can find the place.


(They walk back inside)

Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.


JOE

Oh, that's alright; think nothing of it.


ANN

It was very considerate of you--

(motioning to the ottoman)

you must have been awfully uncomfortable on that couch.


JOE

No, no--do it all the time.


(She smiles as he turns to open the door.)


ANN

(as she goes out she turns to shake his hand)

Goodbye, Mr. Bradley.


JOE

(shaking her hand)

Goodbye.


(Seeing her unsure about which way to go he points to the way out)

Oh: go right through there and down all the steps.

(She walks down the stairs and he goes back inside and shuts the door, walking out to the balcony again. Ann goes through the outside door, watched from above by Joe as she walks away. He runs back inside and out his front door.)

(Part-way down the outside steps, Ann stops and turns to run back up. Joe, running to follow her almost runs into her.)


JOE

(laughing as they stop on the steps)

Well, small world.


ANN

Yes- I- I almost forgot: can you lend me some money?


JOE

(as Giovanni appears in the window of the building overlooking the steps, opposite them)

Oh, yeah; that's right, you didn't have any last night did you?


ANN

Mmm.


JOE

(as he reaches for his money he sees Giovanni watching)

How much--

(looking back up at Giovanni, uncomfortably)

how much was it that you wanted?


ANN

Well, I don't know how much I need. How much have you got?


JOE

Well, er


(looks quickly up at Giovanni,)

suppose we just split this fifty-fifty: here's a thousand lira.


ANN

A thousand?! Can you really spare all that?


JOE

It's about a dollar and a half.


ANN

Oh... Well, I- I'll arrange for it to be sent back to you. What is your address?


JOE

Er, Villa Marguta, fifty-one.


ANN

Villa Marguta, fifty-one.


(Smiling)

Joe Bradley. Goodbye; thank you.


(She walks down the steps.)

(Joe watches her from the top of the steps, exchanging glances with Giovanni. As Ann reaches the bottom he heads down after her, watched by Giovanni.)


GIOVANNI

Ah, double my money, eh? You tell me you want double my money (JOE

(waving his hand up at him, reassuring him)

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.) that way?


(Repeating to himself, after Joe has walked past)

Eh, tomorrow.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Ann walks out onto the busy city street, dodging a motorbike as she arrives from a side-street. She looks out fascinated at all the activity, momentarily intimidated, but then venturing out confidently as she enjoys the bustle of the city around her.)

(Joe peers down the street after her, running between the people in order to keep within sight. He follows her into a market as Ann wanders along, taking her time, just enjoying herself. She walks past several vendors offering her their goods.)

(As Ann stops to look at a stall Joe has to back off, and is instantly targetted by the nearest vendor who offers him some of his huge melons. He shakes his head at him, more interested in keeping an eye on Ann who tries on a pair of shoes at the stall, then pays the woman vendor for them. Joe's vendor persists and Joe finally buys the melon off him, which at once quietens him down. So, carrying the melon, he follows Ann down to another street where she stops, looking out at the Fontana di Trevi: a magnificent facade ornamented with statues, fronted by a pool.)

(Ann continues down the street that runs beside the fountain, stopping outside a salon to look at the drawings of hairstyles in the window which surround a mirror. She appears disappointed at the way she looks in the mirror and, after smiling at the hair of someone who walks past, decides to go inside.)

(Joe walks up the the shop, smiling when he sees where she has gone.)


(Inside the hair salon Ann sits on one of the seats in front of the large mirror, holding up her long hair as the hairdresser (Mario Delani) fastens the cover around her.)


MARIO DELANI

(speaking rather hesitant English)

What a wonderful er, hair you have.


(He asks her something in Italian.)


ANN

Just cut, thank you.


MARIO DELANI

Just cut?


(Takes the scissors from his hair)

Well then, cut, er, so?


(he holds the hair at a certain length.)


ANN

Higher.


MARIO DELANI

Higher?


(He holds the hair further up)

Here?


ANN

More.


MARIO DELANI

Here?


ANN

Even more.


MARIO DELANI

(impatiently)

Where?


ANN

(she holds her hair at the shoulders)

There.


MARIO DELANI

There.


(Snapping his scissors nervously)

Are you sure, Miss?


ANN

(emphatically)

I'm quite sure, thank you.


MARIO DELANI

(he turns he round in the chair, taking her hair in his hand)

All off?


ANN

All off.

(Joe peers in them through the beaded curtain, still holding his melon.)

MARIO DELANI

(uncomfortable as he starts cutting off her long hair)

Off.

(Joe goes outside, looking round, then walks away down the street.)

(Ann sits in the salon still, her hair covering her face.)


MARIO DELANI

(pulling apart her hair to see her)

Are you sure?


ANN

(impatiently)

Yes.


MARIO DELANI

(dropping her hair back over her face)

Yes.


(As he cuts her locks off, working his way round)

Off! off; off..


(wipes his forehead with his arm.)

(Joe finds a public phone down the street opposite the fountain. Joe waits impatiently, studying his melon, as another person speaks on the phone, in Italian. Then, seeing a group of children playing on the statue, goes over to one of them, passing his melon to a boy.)

(Back in the salon, the hairdresser cuts of the last lock of her hair.)


MARIO DELANI

Off!


(He stands to the side of her as they both study the end result as Ann moves her head slightly from side to side. She looks down at something but, engrossed in her, the hairdresser jerks her head back to the centre to get a better view.)

(Outside, Joe sees a group of American schoolgirls, playing and talking around the fountain. He approaches one who carries a camera.)


JOE

(gently coaxing her to get a look at the camera)

That's a nice little camera you have there. Ah, it's nice. Mmmm. Er, you don't mind if I just borrow it, do you?


(He tries to coax it off her but the strap is around her neck.)


SCHOOLGIRL 1

(calling out; putting her hand up)

Miss Weber!


JOE

I'll give it back... just for a couple of minutes.


SCHOOLGIRL 2

(trying to resist him)

No. Go, it's my camera.

(Their teacher comes over, looking over Joe darkly. He lets go of the camera as the teacher leads the student away, then holds his head in his hand, embarrassed.)

(In the salon someone sweeps the hair up off the floor. Mario Delani is combing her hair, touching up the ends.)


MARIO DELANI

You musician, maybe? You artist, aha? Painter...? I know: you model!


(She smiles, flattered)

Model, hah?


ANN

Thank you.


MARIO DELANI

(says some Italian)

Finito. It's perfect.


ANN

Oh.


MARIO DELANI

(as the hairdresser turns her round from side to side, looking in the mirror)

Y-y-you be nice without long hair. Now, it's cool, hmm? Cool?


ANN

(turning her head to the side, playing with the ends)

Yes, it's, it's just what I wanted.


MARIO DELANI

Grazzi.


(As she looks in the mirror)

Now, why you not come dancing tonight with me? You should see, it's so nice: it's on a boat on the Tibérine, Tiber--the river by Saint Angelo--

(dramatically)

moonlight, music, romantico! It's very, very..


(his English vocab runs out)

very. Please, you come?


ANN

I wish I could.


MARIO DELANI

(disappointed)

Oh.


(As Ann gets up, taking out her money)

But, but, your friend: I think they not recognise you.


ANN

No, I don't think they will!


(She gives him the money.)


MARIO DELANI

Oh, thank you very much.


ANN

Thank you.


MARIO DELANI

(as she leaves he rushes out the door after her)

Ah, er, senorina.


(Standing in the doorway as she turns to him)

After nine o'clock, I'll be there. Dancing on river--remember: Saint Angelo. If you come, you will me most pretty of all girl!


ANN

(she smiles, surprised and flattered)

Thank you. Goodbye.


MARIO DELANI

(as she leaves)

Goodbye.

(Joe, watching from across the square, sees her leave and follows her. She passes by a shop window, stopping to look, and seeing her reflection checks her new hair. Joe follows her down the street towards the Spanish Steps. He keeps a safe distance as she waits for a gap in the traffic, dashing across. She walks up to an icecream vendor nearby, presenting him with some money.)


ANN

Er,


(unsure of the word)

Gelato?


ICECREAM SELLER

(nodding)

Gelato.


(He bends down to scoop up her icecream, all of this watched by Joe from the opposite side of the street.)


ANN

(taking her icecream)

Thank you.


(She pays him the money.)


ICECREAM SELLER

(calling after her)

Senorina.


(Hands her her change, speaking some Italian.)


ANN

Oh! grazzi.

(She walks away, licking her icecream. A flower seller catches her attention as she walks past.)


FLOWER MAN

(speaks some Italilan, presenting her with some flowers)

It is


(some Italian)

beautiful lady.


(Speaks in Italian, eagerly trying to make the sell, handing her the flowers. She shakes his hand in thanks but he waves his hand, speaking more Italian.)

..five thousand lira!


ANN

(trying to hand them back)

No money.


FLOWER MAN

No?


ANN

No.


(He replies further, in Italian.)

I'm sorry, I've really no money.


FLOWER MAN

(Some Italian,)

if you no, eh?


(Some Italian.)


ANN

Look


(she reaches for her money, showing it to him. Reluctantly, he takes the flowers back)

I'm sorry.

(Feeling sorry for her, the flower man pulls a flower out and gives it to her. She offers him her money but he waves his hand, telling her in Italian that she can keep it.)


ANN

(thanking him)

Grazzi, grazzi.


(She walks away.)

(As Joe watches her from across the street she sits down on one of the ornamentations which divide the width of the steps, licking her icecream. Joe runs up the opposite side, out of view, and then walks across the width of the steps, behind her. He walks down the steps towards her, and walking past her, looks round pretending that he has just noticed her.)


JOE

Weeell, it's you!


ANN

(looking up at him, smiling)

Yes, Mr. Bradley!


JOE

(looking at her hair)

Or is it?


ANN

Do you like it?


JOE

(Sitting down beside her)

Yeah... very much. So that was your mysterious appointment?


ANN

Mr. Bradley: I have a confession to make.


JOE

Confession?


ANN

Yes, I... ran away last night, from school.


JOE

Oh, what was the matter: trouble with the teacher?


ANN

No, nothing like that.


JOE

Well, you don't just run away from school for nothing.


ANN

Well, it were only meant to be for an hour or two. They gave me something last night to make me sleep.


JOE

(he smiles, realising)

Oh, I see.


ANN

(looking down at the street she finishes her icecream, rubbing her hands clean)

Now I'd better get a taxi and go back.


JOE

Well, look: before you do, why don't you take a little time for yourself?


ANN

(shaking her head, unsure)

It may be another hour.


JOE

(enthusiastically)

Live dangerously: take the whole day!


ANN

I could do some of the things I've always wanted to.


JOE

Like what?


ANN

Oh, you can't imagine... I'd, I'd like to do

(just)

whatever I'd like, the whole day long!


(She laughs.)


JOE

You mean, things like having your hair cut? Eating gelato?


ANN

Yes, and I'd,


(looking down to the street)

I'd like to sit at a sidewalk cafe; and look in shop windows; walk in the rain!


(Joe looks at the blue sky doubtfully)

Have fun, and maybe some excitement. It doesn't seem much to you, does it?


JOE

It's great. Tell you what: why don't we do all those things--together.


ANN

But don't you have to work?


JOE

Work?


(Standing up)

No! Today's gonna be a holiday.


ANN

(playfully)

But you'll want to do a lot of silly things.


JOE

(taking her hand)

Don't I? First wish: one sidewalk cafe, coming right up--I know just the place:


(he gently pulls her up, setting off down the steps)

Rocca's.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Joe and Ann sit at a table at Rocca's, watching the traffic go past. Joe sits watching as she eats a bread roll.)


JOE

What'll the people at school say when they see your new haircut?


ANN

(laughing)

They'll have a fit. What would they say if they knew I'd spent the night in your room?


JOE

(he looks around self-consciously, leaning closer, playfully)

Well, er, I'll tell you what: you don't tell your folks and I won't tell mine.


ANN

(smiling)

It's a pact.


JOE

Now, what would you like to drink?


ANN

(casually)

Champagne, please.


JOE

(pausing, slightly taken aback at her extravagance; to the waiter walking past)

Er, commerierie*, er...


WAITER

(bending down, inbetween Joe and Ann)

[Italian], senor?


JOE

Champagne.


(He says something in Italian.)

Well, er, champagne


(Italian)

for the senorina and er, cold coffee for me.


(The waiter acknowledges in Italian, bows then leaves.)


JOE

Must be quite a life you have in that school--champagne for lunch.


ANN

Only on special occasions.


JOE

For instance?


ANN

The last was my father's anniversary.


JOE

Wedding?


ANN

No, it was..


(hesitating)

the fortieth anniversary of umm...the day he got his job.


JOE

Forty years on the job; what do you know about that...


(Probing her further)

What does he do?


ANN

(thinking, cautiously)

Well...mostly you might call it...public relations.


JOE

Oh, well, that's hard work.


ANN

Yes, I wouldn't care for it.


JOE

Does he?


ANN

I've...heard him complain about it.


JOE

Why doesn't he quit?


ANN

Well, people in that line of work almost never do quit--unless it's actually unhealthy for them to continue.


JOE

(as the waiter delivers the drinks)

Uh-huh. Well, here's to his health then.


ANN

(the waiter places a straw by her wine glass)

You know: that's what everybody says.


JOE

(after they drink)

It's alright?


ANN

(sitting back in her chair, relaxing, playing with the straw)

Yes, thank you. What is your work?


JOE

(now he stammers nervously)

Oh, I'm er, in the selling game.


ANN

Really? how interesting.


JOE

Uh-huh.


ANN

What do you sell?


JOE

(he looks blank for a moment then, on hearing a horse in the street passing by, looks up at it; turning to her)

Er, fertilizer; er, chemicals, you know? Chemicals--stuff like that.


(Ann is somewhat unconvinced then, putting the straw in her mouth, blows the wrapper off. Joe looks up as it flies over the table. He smiles at Ann who laughs, very pleased with herself, holding the wrapper in her mouth. Joe looks up, brightly; standing up, shaking his hand as irving comes over.)

Irving! Well, am I glad to see you.


IRVING

(jokingly)

Why, did you forget your wallet?


JOE

(without laughing)

Er, pull up a chair, Irving; sit down with us here.


IRVING

Aren't you gonna introduce me?


JOE

Er, yes, this is a very good friend of mine, Irving Radovich;


(she presents her hand; they shake)

Anya: Irving.


IRVING

(still holding her hand)

Anya...?


ANN

Smith.


IRVING

(playfully; pulling up a chair from the next table to use)

Oh, hiya Smithy.


ANN

(politely)

Charmed


(she looks at Joe a little nervously as he puts the chair down next to her; Irving nods to Joe, impressed at her manner.)


IRVING

(sitting down)

Hey, er, anybody tell you you're a dead ringer for--

(Joe kicks him in the shin under the table. In pain)

Oh!


(Confidentially, Joe points a finger at Ann. Confused, Irving stands up)

Well er, I guess I'll be going.


JOE

Oh, don't do a thing like that, Irving. Sit down;


(pacifying him)

join us, join us, join us.


IRVING

(not sure)

Well er, just till Fransesca gets here.


ANN

Tell me, Mr. er, er, Radovich: er, what is a ringer?


JOE

(IRVING to the waiter Oh, er, waiter.) It's an (IRVING Whiskey, please.) American term and er, (IRVING Yeah.) and it means er, anybody who has a great deal of charm.


(Irving's look turns to puzzlement, responding with a questioning Hmm?.)


ANN

Oh.


(Politely; interjecting before Irving can ask Joe what he's talking about)

Thank you.


IRVING

You're welcome.


(Irving is about to probe Joe again when two women walk past--one puts a hand on his shoulder and the other runs her hand through his hair as they walk past. They greet him with a "Ciao"..)


IRVING

(smiling back at them)

Er, ciao.


ANN

Er, M--.


IRVING

(to Ann)

Cousins.


ANN

Mr. Bradley's just been telling me all about his work.


IRVING

Mmm, I'd like to have heard that.


ANN

What do you do?


IRVING

I'm the same rank as


(Joe starts coughing, holding his glass closer to Irving)

Joe only I'm a photo--

(Joe spills his glass over Irving. He stands up angry as Ann tries to dry him with a napkin.)


JOE

I'm awfully sorry, Irving!


IRVING

(barely keeping his manners)

W-w-wha-? What are you--?


JOE

I'm sorry, Irving.


IRVING

(to Joe)

Look, I can take a hint!


(Bowing, smiling, presenting his hand to Ann)

I'll see you around.


ANN

Oh, but your drink's just here; please sit down.


JOE

Yes, here's your drink right now, Irving; take it easy


(Irving looks at Joe, unsure about trusting him.)

I'm sorry about that. Sit down, that's a good fellow


(the waiter puts down Irving's drink and leaves)

(Something*).


IRVING

(sitting down)

You're t--

(sitting down; stopping to wipe the chair dry)

You're twisting my arm, you know.


JOE

(trying to communicate to Irving what can't say aloud)

Just- just be a little more careful not to spill...


IRVING

Spill?! Who's been doin' the spilling?


JOE

You.


IRVING

Me?!


JOE

(with a half-laugh)

Yeah.


IRVING

(to Ann)

Where did you find this looney?


(Smiling at her, remembering his manners, holding his glass up to toast)

You're ok; here's to you, huh? Here's hopin' for the best.


(Pausing, looking between Ann and Joe)

If it, if it wasn't for that hair, I- I- I'd swear that--

(Joe kicks his chair back and Irving falls to the ground. Ann screams in shock. Two men help him up, muttering words in Italian.)


IRVING

(as they pull him up)

Thanks.


JOE

(as him and Ann rush over to help)

You slipped, Irving. Slipped?--you almost hurt yourself that time!


IRVING

(losing control)

I slipped?! (

JOE

Yes.), I almost hurt myself?! Joe, I didn't slip!


JOE

(leading him away from Ann, pretending to examine his neck)

...got a bad sprain there.


IRVING

(pushing his arms of him)

Never mind I got a bad sprain, Joe.


JOE

(motioning to the cafe building)

You'd better go in here and get it fixed up.


IRVING

(going with him willingly)

Well, yeah, I'd like to--.


JOE

(back to Ann; walking to the door, his arm around Irving's shoulder as if he needs help)

Will you excuse us for a minute?


ANN

(standing helpless)

Yes, of course; I- I'm so sorry.

(Joe leads him to the back of the cafe, holding him around the shoulders, as Irving continues to argue.)


IRVING

Now wait, now wait; just a minute; let--; look, Joe, what are you tryin' to do? now take your hands off--!


JOE

(reaching the back, in some privacy)

Have you got your letter?


IRVING

What's that got to do with it?


JOE

Have you got it?


IRVING

Yeah! but what are you tryin' to do to me?


JOE

(firmly, as Irving tries to pull his arm away)

Listen: what would you do for five grand?


IRVING

(he ceases struggling)

Five grand?


JOE

Yeah.


(Pulling him down into a seat, reaching for a chair for himself, sitting down. Speaking in low tones)

Now, she doesn't know who I am or what I do. Look, Irving, this is my story; I dug it up, I gotta protect it!


IRVING

She's really the--?


JOE

(looking around anxiously)

Ssssh!


(Quietly)

Your tin-types are gonna make this little epic twice as valuable.


IRVING

(musing)

'The Princess Goes Slumming'.


JOE

You're in for twenty-five percent of the take.


IRVING

And it takes five G?


JOE

Minimum--Henessey shook hands on it.


IRVING

(counting in his head)

...seven, five; that's- that's fifteen hundred dollars!


JOE

(sternly)

It's twelve-fifty.


IRVING

Ok, now you shake.


JOE

(shaking his hand as they stand up)

Ok, now, lend me thirty thousand.


IRVING

Thirty th--? That's fifty bucks; you gonna buy the crown jewels?


JOE

She's out there now drinking champagne that I can't pay for. We got to entertain her, don't we?


IRVING

Joe: we can't go running around town with a... hot princess!


JOE

Ssh, you want in on this deal or don't you?


IRVING

(his gives him the money)

This I want back Saturday.


JOE

Ok, now where's your lighter?


(Irving pulls it out)

Let's go to work.

(Irving and Joe file out of the cafe and back out to the table where Ann sits drinking her champagne, observing the waiter who clears the table.)


ANN

(hearing them come back out, exchanging smiles with Joe)

Better now?


IRVING

Huh?


ANN

(to Irving)

Your ear.


IRVING

(as Joe sits; holding his ear)

My ear? Oh, yeah, er, Joe fixed it.


(He sits; offering her a cigarette from a packet)

Er, would you care for a cigarette?


ANN

Yes, please.


(She takes one; smiling to Joe)

You won't believe this but it's my very first.


JOE

(knowingly to Irving)

Your very first?


ANN

Mm-hm.


IRVING

(nodding to Joe)

Oh.


JOE

No, er, smoking in school, hmm?


IRVING

Your first cigarette..


(he flicks a switch on the lighter, turning a tiny wheel on the top. After a pause he switches the lighter on.)

There; gizmo works


(he lights Ann's cigarette and she puffs.)


JOE

Well, what's the verdict, er... ok?


ANN

(she takes the cigarette out; smiling)

Nothing to it.


IRVING

(laughing)

That's right: nothing to it.


JOE

(to the waiter at the next table)

Er, commerierie,


(he says something in Italian to the waiter, taking out some money.)


IRVING

(moving his chair round slightly to be more in front of Ann)

Stretch my legs a little, here.


ANN

(to Irving)

Hm.


(She takes another puff of the cigarette.)


JOE

(as Irving takes a cigarette himself)

I'll pick this one up, Irving.


IRVING

Yeah, you can afford it


(he holds the lighter in position again, waiting.)


JOE

(as he pays the waiter)

Well, what shall we do next? Shall we, er, make out a little schedule?


ANN

(turning to Joe)

Oh, not that word, please.


JOE

(he thanks the waiter in Italian; to Ann, quickly)

Oh, I didn't work sche- school schedule--I meant, er, fun schedule.


ANN

(laughs)

Yes, let's just go, huh?


JOE

How about you, Irving: are you ready?


IRVING

(as Ann puts the cigarette back in her mouth Irving flicks something on the lighter again)

Er, yeah.


JOE

(he and Irving rise)

Let's go


(Ann puts out the cigarette in the tray and rises also.)

(As Irving pulls Ann's chair out for her a woman comes up behind him and greets him in Italian.)


IRVING

(he takes out his cigarette to greet her)

Francesca. Oh, er, this is...


ANN

Smithy.


JOE

She's a grand girl, Irving


(shakes Francesca's hand,)

grand--Er, five grand, Irving.


(He takes Ann by the hand, leading her away)

Ciao.


IRVING

(calling to him as he leaves)

Joe!


FRANCESCA

But where are you going now?


IRVING

Honey, I got to work. I'll call you at night


(he kisses her, and runs across the road to catch up to Joe and Ann.)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


(The airport. A large four-engined plane with a Royal crest on its side taxis in. It is observed nervously by the General and the Ambassador who watch, sitting down, from an observation room. A stair opens out at the rear of the plane and some men start leaving the plane, one after the other, greeted at the bottom as they walk by by some officials. Suddenly, the Ambassador jumps to his feet, then the General stands up. They look out at the runway, frowning, at a long line of a dozen or more of the men filing away from the plane, dressed in black suits and hats.)


AMBASSADOR

Look at those men! They were supposed to be inconspicuous.


GENERAL

You asked for plain clothes.


(The Ambassador glances at him with raised eyebrows.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(In the city, Joe drives along the streets on a little Vespa scooter; Princess Ann riding side-saddle on the back, her arms wrapped around his waist. She looks out smiling at the sights as they drive to the Colliseum, looming up before them.)

(They walk inside the Colliseum, accompanied by a guide who points to the structure, instructing Ann. Joe follows just behind them, being joined now by Irving. They walk to the edge, looking down over the centre of the structure. Ann listens to guide, watched on by Joe and Irving who lights up a cigarette. Holding the lighter, Irving signals secretly to Joe who acknowledges him with a private signal of his own.)

(Back on the streets of Rome and Joe and Ann ride along on the scooter, followed by Irving in a small open-topped car. Irving overtakes them and, as Joe points out the sights to Ann, he takes pictures out of the back of the vehicle, barely regaining control of the vehicle afterwards.)

(Joe and Ann drive to a large intersection, where the traffic is directed by a warden who blows his whistle at them. Nearby, Irving pulls up, his eye on Joe and Ann. Joe and Ann get off the scooter as Joe goes to talk to the warden. Irving gets out of his car, peering round a streeet corner at them, a camera in hand.)

(Seeing Joe busy, Ann gets back onto the scooter herself, curious to test out the feel of the handlebars. Irving snaps a picture of her as she gingerly tests the controls. Suddenly, Ann lets out a shriek of fright as the scooter takes off. Joe turns round and, excusing himself from the warden, goes after her. Irving looks on, helpless.)

(Ann drives the scooter erratically along the side of the road, scaring some pedestrians who are crossing the road who leap back onto the pavement. Joe, running after her, calls out to her to stop. Irving runs back to the car. Ann, in sheer delight, keeps driving as Joe, laughing, jumps on the back of the scooter. The scooter suddenly goes at speed down the street, turning a corner, scaring more pedestrians out of the way.)


JOE

(putting his hands on the handlebars)

Let me take this; let me take over.


ANN

(pushing his hands out of the way, putting hers on top)

No, no, no; I- I can do it.

(The scooter drives head-on into the traffic, going slower now, and delicately missing a car and bicycle. A tram honks at them as they drive across its path and it swerves to avoid them. Irving follows them with difficulty through the traffic, his visibility impaired as he passes through a stream of water coming from a hydrant.)

(Ann mounts the pavement, driving between some people at a stall through a painting one of them is showing to the others. They drive through a sidewalk cafe, weaving between the tables as the diners get up, outraged at the disturbance. Ann continues on, knocking over a builder's workbench where a large man is setting up his equipment. Children run in to help him pick the materials up, blocking Irving's car in the process. Ann drives chaotically around a roundabout, scaring a woman who screams and jumps out of the way, dropping her groceries.)

(Police whistles ring out as the Polizia get into their cars, joining two motorbikes which give chase to Ann and Joe's scooter. Ann and Joe tear away down the street, followed the motorbikes, their sirens wailing.)

(Sometime later and Ann, Joe, and Irving stand in a room before a judge sitting at a table. In front of the judge are arranged the various victims of Ann and Joe's escapade, giving their testimonies and presenting their damaged goods as evidence. Ann and Joe answer the various questions of the judge then Joe presents him with his I.D., holding his head awkwardly back for the judge since that way it better matches the photo. The judge looks at the front of the I.D.: it says American News Service. Joe tells the judge something, putting his arm around Ann to perhaps better convince him. Irving intervenes, telling the judge something or other, although the judge looks unimpressed with what he has to say. Joe points out something to the judge on what he is looking at on his desk to which the judge reacts favorably. Irving, Ann and Joe--hand-in-hand, leave; Joe telling them something or other, saying goodbye to the witnesses and they smile back.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The three leave the police station laughing, stopping quickly on seeing the guard posted outside.)


IRVING

(as they walk by the guard)

Oh..


(coughs)

I'm going straight from now on.

(They walk out of earshot then stop, Ann turning to Joe, puzzled.)


ANN

American News Service? What did he mean?


JOE

Huh? Oh, well, you know: say you're with the Press and you can get away with anything.


IRVING

(laughing)

Yeah...ha! go to church to get married on a scooter--that's a hot one. Joe's a wonderful liar!


(Ann looks at them, puzzled.)

(The witnesses come out of the station together, congratulating them, shaking Joe's and Ann's hands as they pass. The large man kisses Ann on the mouth and then turns to Joe, kissing him on each cheek. He turns to Irving but, on seeing Irving's beard and thinking better of it, shakes his hand instead.)


IRVING

(slightly taken aback; as the man leaves, following the others)

Ciao...


ANN

(to Joe)

You don't have to look so worried; I won't hold you to it.


JOE

Thank you very much.


ANN

You don't have to be too grateful!


JOE

(smiling)

Ok, I won't


(in good spirits, they walk away.)


ANN

(stopping)

I'm a good liar too, aren't I, Mr. Bradley?


JOE

The best I ever met.


IRVING

(dramatically)

Uh-huh!


ANN

Thank you very much.


JOE

(looking over at a building in the distance)

Say... come with me.

(Joe takes her arm, leading her away.)

(They arrive in a small, dark building. They walk inside and up to a large stone carving of a face in the wall.)


JOE

The Mouth of Truth.


(He stands on one side, Ann the other. Irving watches from behind, taking out another cigarette)

The legend is that if you're given to lying, you put you're hand in there


(points to the mouth)

it'll be bitten off.


ANN

Ooh, what a horrid idea.


JOE

Let's see you do it.

(She looks up worried, but seeing Joe looking at her feels a resolve and, tentatively, she puts her hand towards the mouth. Irving, "lighting" his cigarette, looks on. Ann moves her hand, closer and closer but, losing her nerve at the last minute with a giggle, she pulls it back.)


ANN

Let's see you do it.


JOE

(he looks worried for a moment, then finds his nerve)

Sure.

(Joe takes a step forward, moving his hand onto the lip of the mouth. Ann, unblinking, leans foward from the tension. Joe slides his fingers into the mouth and then his hand up to the wrist. Suddenly he gives out a loud cry, pulling back, as if the mouth has hold of his hand and won't let go. Ann screams and rushes to his side, pulling at him from behind. Joe takes out his hand, apprently severed at the wrist and Ann screams in fright, putting her hands over her face. Smiling, he lets his hand spring open, out of his sleeve.)


ANN

(laughing, as Joe takes her in his arms as she throws herself toward him, playfully beating her fists at him)

You beast! it was perfectly alright! You've never hurt your hand!


JOE

(letting her go)

I'm sorry, it was just a joke! Alright?


ANN

(laughing still)

You've never hurt your hand.


JOE

(calming her)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ok?


ANN

(regaining her composure)

Yes.


JOE

Alright, let's go.


(They turn to leave and he cries out, jumping away from the Mouth)

Look out!

(Ann screams, running out of the building. Joe follows her, laughing, followed by Irving.)

(Later on, Irving pulls up on a quiet street.)


IRVING

(to Joe as he stands up to climb out of the car)

I'll park at the corner.

(Joe opens Ann's door and she climbs out. Joe is about to climb out of the open-roofed car but seeing Ann holding the door for him bends down under the rim of the door, barely squeezing through. Ann smiles at him as he struggles out. As Irving drives away, Joe follows Ann as she walks across the wide footpath, stopping before the huge wall covered top to bottom with small plaques. A little further up the footpath there is a woman kneeling down at a small prayer bench who stands up, crossing herself before leaving.)


ANN

What do they mean, all these inscriptions?


JOE

(walking with her alongside the wall)

Well, each one represents a wish fulfilled. All started during the war when there was an air raid--right out here. A man with his four children was caught in the street. They ran over against the wall,


(pointing behind them)

right there, for shelter; prayed for safety. Bombs fell very close, but no one was hurt. Later on, the man came back and he put up the first of these tablets. Since then it's become sort of a shrine: people come, and whenever their wishes are granted


(stopping, turning round to look back)

they put up another one of these little plaques.


ANN

(looking back along the wall)

Lovely story.


JOE

(taking her arm, directing her over to the wall)

Read some of the inscriptions.


(Irving stands beside the wall, holding his camera, "lighting" another cigarette. She walks over and looks at some of the plaques for a moment.)

Make a wish


(looking down, she nods.)

Tell the doctor?


ANN

(turning around)

Anyway, the chances of it being granted are very slight.


IRVING

(walking to them)

Well, what now?


ANN

(hopefully)

I've heard of a wonderful place for dancing on a boat.


JOE

Oh, you mean the barges down by Saint Angelo.


ANN

(excitedly)

Yes! couldn't we go over tonight?


IRVING

Hey, why not?


JOE

Anything you wish.


ANN

And at midnight I'll turn into a pumpkin and drive away in my glass slipper.


JOE

And that'll be the end of the fairytale.


(To Irving)

Well, I guess, er, Irving has to go now.


IRVING

I do?


JOE

Yes, you know, that big business development of yours that you have to attend to.


IRVING

Ah--

(he remembers)

oh, the development.


JOE

Yes, can't afford not to take care of that.


IRVING

Yeah. Er, I'll, er,


(shaking her hand)

see ya later, Smithy.


ANN

Good luck for the big development.


IRVING

(waving as he leaves)

Yeah, thanks.

(Ann smiles after Irving as he leaves. They hear the sound of horses' hooves on the road approaching and turn round to look. Joe looks back at her, asking, then she nods, smiling. Joe whistles at the driver and they walk over to the carriage as it stops, getting on.)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Evening, it is dark. Music greets Joe and Ann as they walk down the steps on the way to the barges. He pays the ticketseller as Ann stands, watching the dancing across the river.)


JOE

(to the ticketseller)

Grazzi.


(He walks over to Ann, smiling to her and they continue.)

(They walk onto the dance floor and start dancing.)

(Two men in black suits and hats--Secret Service men--watch out over the people. One of them turns to watch the dance floor and notices Joe and Ann, watching them as they dance. The Secret Service man stands on his feet and the other looks over at what he is watching. As the music stops for the next song, the man speaks some Italian to the other who leaves, and continues watching as the next dance starts. The other man runs back towards the steps, away from the dancers.)

(Joe and Ann continue dancing--closer now as it is a slower song. She rests her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed and smiling. She looks up at him.)


ANN

Hello.


JOE

(as they look at each other)

Hello.

(Joe smiles as she rests her head against his chest and they continue.)

(The band finishes the dance and the audience claps, the dancers on the floor dispersing. Joe and Ann walk over to the side of the floor.)


ANN

(looking up to him as she sits down)

Mr. Bradley: if you don't mind my saying so, I think you are a ringer.


JOE

(confused)

Oh-- wha--?


(Understanding, smiling; sitting down)

Oh. Thanks very much.


ANN

You spent the whole day doing things I've always wanted to. Why?


JOE

(guiltily)

I don't know. Seemed the thing to do.


ANN

I never heard of anybody so kind.


JOE

(he looks down, hiding his guilt)

Wasn't any trouble.


ANN

Also completely unselfish.


JOE

(Joe looks over to the other side of the barge, motioning to Ann)

Let's have a drink at the bar.


(Joe takes her hand and they walk over.)


MARIO DELANI

(turns to Ann, smiling)

Oh! Finalmentez: there you are!


(Remembering his manners to the woman apparently accompanying him)

Er, scusatmitanto.


(Turning immediately back to Ann)

I look for you long time--I think maybe you not come


(he pauses, noticing Joe standing just behind her, watching. He motions to her hair.)

Ah, off; all off!


ANN

Oh, it's nice without, isn't it? Cool.


MARIO DELANI

Oh, very, very good.


ANN

(introducing him)

Mr. Bradley.


MARIO DELANI

I, Mario Delani.


JOE

Old fri