剧本《律政俏佳人》(Legally Blonde)

律政俏佳人 Legally Blonde

LEGALLY BLONDE



Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith




Shooting Draft
July 31, 2000





INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 1

"HEAD OVER HEELS" by the Go-Go's plays as we wind through a
flock of abstract, silky, golden strands -- PULLING BACK, to
discover that the strands are hair on a BLONDE GIRL's head.
But not just any blonde girl, a girl in Delta Gamma, the
blondest, most beautiful sorority at USC.

We PULL BACK further to see that she's signing a handmade
card. She holds it up ~ OVER HER SHOULDER, we see hearts
and glitter surrounding and "Good Luck Tonight!" and "Elle
and Warner forever!."

She carries the card out of her room and we FOLLOW HER across
the hall, into the room of --

THREE BLONDE CHEERLEADERS, who stop practicing their pom-pom
routine to sign the card. As they finish, we follow the Card
Girl out and into the room of --

A BLONDE GIRL IN A TANK TOP and shorts, working out on a
Stairmaster as "General Hospital" plays on a tiny TV. She
signs the card while continuing to exercise. We move on, to
the room of--

A BLONDE GIRL MAKING OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND who stops long
enough to sign the card, as her boyfriend nibbles on her
neck. She hands the card back and we head into the room of --

A BLONDE PARTY GIRL who pours a pink frozen margarita into a
glass from the blender, then passes it down to ANOTHER BLONDE
GIRL, assembly-line style. The card goes one way, being
signed, as the drinks go the other.

Once the card arrives back in the Card Girl's hands, we
follow her out of the room and down the hall until she
reaches the very last and biggest door --
She puts a kiss mark on the card, then kneels down and slides
the card under the door.

INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS 2


The CARD slides into the pink room, hitting the feet of
UNDERDOG, a tiny chihuahua ~ who picks it up in his mouth
and trots it over to a pair of perfectly pedicured feet in
strappy sandals.

An equally perfectly manicured hand with a "Sisters Forever"
charm bracelet dangling from the wrist, scoops up Underdog.





(CONTINUED)





2.


2 2


As he rises, we RISE WITH HIM, passing toned, waxed, tanned
legs in pink Prada pedal pushers and a pair of perky boobs
encased in a spaghetti-strap top -- until we finally reveal a
magnificent head of long blonde hair and a sweet, beautiful
face. This is ELLE WOODS, 21, the Goddess Queen of Delta
Gamma. She talks on a pink, fuzzy phone.

ELLE

(into the phone)
I love you, too!
Behind her, a "Go USC" banner is pinned to the pink wall. A
stack of "Cosmopolitan"s and "Glamour"s teeters on the
dresser. The closet overflows with trendy, designer clothes
in a predominance of pink.

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing; into phone)
I'll see you tonight.
She hangs up and lets out a squeal of joy, kissing Underdog's
head and taking the card out of his mouth. She reads it,
touched.

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
"Elle and Warner forever". Aww...
Underdog yips.

2


3 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - SAME TIME


A Delta Gamma/Sigma Chi barbecue in full swing. Beautiful
college students drink beer and mingle, trying to figure out
who they're going to sleep with next.
The main wall of the living room has been designated as a
"Model Wall" of Delta Gamma girls -- ELLE smiles at us from a
Hawaiian Tropic ad and a Miss June USC calendar photo. A
cover of an Italian Vogue shows a blonde sexpot MARGOT; a USC
cheerleader poster displays a hard-bodied non-blonde SERENA
in a pom-pom pose.
Serena walks up, fending off an admirer.

SERENA

Jeremy, enough! I am not going to formal
with you.
Jeremy slinks off as Margot arrives, agitated.

MARGOT

Can someone please tell Rick that he is
not the only Sigma Chi with a big penis?


(CONTINUED)





3.


3




ELLE (O.S.)

You guys are so sweet!

ELLE, a vision of fluffy blondeness, runs down the stairs
toward Serena and Margot, holding the card.

ELLE (CONT'D)

But I ' m not positive it's gonna happen
to n i g h t --

. SERENA

Helloo...he just had lunch with his
grandmother. You know he got "The Rock".

MARGOT

Why else would she have flown in from
Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a
six carat diamond.

ELLE

(excited)
You think?

SERENA

I can't believe you're getting engaged!

· . .

The three girls jump up and down, squealing and hugging.

ELLE

C'mon ·-- you have to help me pick out the
perfect outfit.

As they head toward the door, Elle spots AMY, a shy girl in a
Delta Gamma Pledge sweatshirt, standing alone.


ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Amy, what's wrong?


AMY

I don't really -- know anyone.


ELLE

(teasing)
That's because you spend too much time in
the library. Come with me.
(to Serena and Margot)
I'll meet you outside.
As they go, Elle leads Amy over to a group of jovial Sigma
Chi brothers.




(CONTINUED)





4.


( 2 ) 3




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Bra ndon , Jason, Grant --this is Amy.
Why don't you tell her about the time you
guys went golfing naked?

Elle winks at Amy and.heads off as the guys launch into their
story.

BRANDON

It was classic. Jason hit with wood all
day.

GRANT

And we never ran out of balls --
Amy laughs.

INT. SUNSET PLAZA BOUTIQUE - DAY


Serena and Margot watch as Elle stands in front of a mirror,
trying on a Herve Leger white mini-dress. Sexy and ultra-
tight. ;


ELLE

Too demure?


MARGOT

I think you should go with red. It's the
color of confidence.

ELLE

Well, I don't want to look like I know
what's coming. . .

SERENA

I don't understand why you're completely
disregarding your signature color.
She holds up a tiny pink slipdress.

ELLE

He's proposing! I can't look like I
would on any date. This is the date. The
night I'll always remember. I want to
look special. Bridal . . . but not like I
suspect anything.

ACROSS THE STORE


A SALESWOMAN looks at her cohort.




(CONTINUED)





5.


4




SALESWOMAN

(sot.to)
There ' s nothing I love more than a dumb
blonde with daddy's plastic.
She grabs a dress off the Clearance Sale rack, ripping off
the "HALF PRICE" TAG.


ON ELLE AND THE GIRLS


. SERENA

I can't wait to see you wearing The Rock!

Elle looks at them, suddenly concerned.

ELLE

Wh at if -- you know -- it's not the
night?


MARGOT

Why else would he be taking you to The
Ivy? You've been dating for a year --
it's not like he's trying to impress you.


SERENA

Elle, you've heard the man pass gas in
his sleep. That practically means you're
pre-engaged. '"
The Saleswoman approaches with the dress, kiss-assy smile on
her face.

SALESWOMAN

Did you see this one? We just got it in
yesterday.
Elle fingers the dress, then the new price tag, looking back
at the saleswoman, excited.

ELLE

Is this a low-viscosity rayon?

SALESWOMAN

Uh, yes -- of course.

ELLE

With half-loop top-stitching on the hem?

SALESWOMAN

(smiling a lie)
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.




(CONTINUED)





6.


CO NT I NU E D: ( 2 ) . · 4



^ Elle hands the dress back to her, no longer pretending to be
excited.


ELLE

It's impossible to use a half-loop
topstitch on low-viscosity rayon. It
would snag the fabric. And you didn't
just get this in, because I remember it
from the June Vogue a year ago, so if
you're trying to sell it to me at full
price, you picked the wrong girl.

The saleswoman slinks off, embarrassed.


MARGOT

(to the saleswoman)
Nice try...

Elle shakes her head and turns back to the girls as she slips
on her Manolo Blahnik sandals, doing one last mirror check,
smoothing down her golden mane.


ELLE

(dramatically)
Girls, this is it. In a few hours, I'll
be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.


5 EXT, DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - NIGHT


An attractive male finger presses the doorbell.


6 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT - SAME TIME


Amy peeks through the peephole and turns.


AMY

(whispering)
He's here!

Elle, standing nearby with Margot and Serena and several
other DG's, smooths down her dress and takes a deep breath,
o pening the door to find --

WARNER HUNTINGTON, III, 21, tall, chiseled and outrageously
handsome. He takes her in, a smile spreading across his
face.


WARNER

You're beautiful.


ELLE

So are you!



(CONTINUED)





.7.


6



She looks up at him, blushing and completely smitten. They
kiss. After a moment,-Warner extracts himself.


WARNER

(nervous)
You ready?

Her face is awash with devotion.


ELLE

I am so ready.


7 EXT. THE IVY - NIGHT


Warner and Elle are seated at a cozy table on the patio.
Elle takes a sip from her freshly poured champagne flute.
Nervous and excited.

ELLE

Here' s to ~ us.
Warner is slower to sip his.

WARNER

The reason I wanted to come here tonight
was to discuss our future.
Elle is on the edge of her seat.

ELLE

I ' m fully amenable to that discussion.

WARNER

I mean, we're having a lot of fun now --
but things are gonna be different when
I ' m at Harvard Law school is a completely
different world. I need to be serious.

ELLE

Of course.

WARNER

My family expects a lot from me. And I
expect a lot from me. I .plan on running
for office some day.

ELLE

And I fully support that.





(CONTINUED)





8.


7 7




WA R N ER

But the thing is, if I ' m gonna be a
senator by the time I ' m thirty -- I can't
keep dicking around.

ELLE

I completely agree.

WARNER

T hat 's why I think it's time for us to--
Elle takes a deep breath, filled with anticipation.

WARNER (CONT'D)

( ot n ig . . · > . ' .
c n iu n )
I think we should break up.
Elle's champagne glass drops from her hand and CRASHES onto
the patio.

ELLE

What?
Elle starts to flush, completely caught off guard.

WARNER

I ' m sorry, Elle, I just --

ELLE

You're breaking up with me?!
(tearing up)
I thought you were proposing.

WARNER

Proposing?! Elle, If I ' m going to be a
politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not
a -- Marilyn.

ELLE

(stunned)
You're breaking up with me because I ' m
too -- blonde?

WARNER

T hat' s not entirely --

ELLE

Then what? My boobs are too big?

WARNER.

Elle -- no --· your boobs are fine --
Her tears start.


(CON TINUED )





.9.

i

(2)


CONTINU ED:



ELLE

So when you said you'd always love me,
you were just "dicking around"?
Warner looks around the restaurant nervously.

WARNER

I do love you, Elle. I just can't marry you.
You have no idea the pressure I ' m under. My
family has five generations of senators. My
brother is in the top three at Yale Law. He ·
just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for crissakes.
Elle stares at him aghast, tears streaming down her face,
then pushes her chair away from the table and walks out.

WARNER (CONT'D)

(continuing)
It's not like I have a choice, sweetheart

He follows her out.

8 EXT.' STREET - NIGHT 8

Elle teeters down the sidewalk as best she can in her three
inch heels, sobbing. Warner pulls up alongside her in his
convertible Saab.

WARNER

C'mon. Let me take you home.

ELLE

No.

WARNER

Elle -- it's twenty miles back to campus.
Elle stops, thinks a minute, then gets in, still crying.
Catching her poofy little purse in the door. She re-opens
i t, yanking the purse back in. Warner pulls out.

9 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 9

Warner pulls up in front. It's a starry, romantic night.
Everything should be perfect. It's not.
Elle sits, still in shock, as tears continue to eke out.

WARNER

Elle, believe me, I never expected to be
doing this, but I think it's the right
thing to do.


(CONTINUED)





10.


9




ELLE

How can it be the right thing if we're
not together?

WARNER .

I have to think about my future. And what
people expect from me.

ELLE

So you're breaking up with me because
you're afraid your family won't like me?
(through her tears)
Everybody likes me!

WARNER

East coast people are different.

ELLE

Just because I ' m not a Vanderbilt, all of
a sudden I ' m white trash? I grew up in
Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from
Aaron Spelling! I think most people
would agree that's way better than a
Vanderb ilt --

WARNER

I told you, Elle. I need someone --
serious.

ELLE

I ' m seriously in love with you -- Isn't
that enough? He looks away.

WARNER

I ' m sorry.
She gets out of the car and drags herself up the stairs to
her sorority house. When she's at the top, she turns back to
look at him. His perfect cheekbones highlighted by the
streetlamp.
He meets her eyes, pained, but determined. Then pulls away,
leaving her there.

10 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 10


Elle walks down the pink and green carpeted hall, dazed and
tear-stained.
Margot and Serena emerge from the bathroom, post-shower.
Getting ready for a night out.




(CONTINUED)





. :-


1L



10 10




MARGOT

Why are you back so soon?

Serena sees Elle's bare hand.

SERENA .

Did he forget the ring?
Elle silently walks into her room. Serena and Margot follow,
worried.

11 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 11


Elle slumps down in an inflatable chair, hugging her knees
and cowering in a wretched little ball. Underdog stares at
her, concerned.
Serena and Margot stand in the door.

MARGOT

Elle?

SERENA

Where's the Rock?

ELLE ·.


.·.

We're not engaged. It's over!

SERENA AND MARGOT

What?!

ELLE


.

He broke up with me!
Serena and Margot gasp in horror, rushing to her side.

SERENA

Is it a Kappa?

MARGOT

It's not a Theta --

ELLE

No -- it's just -- not me.

I ' m canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist
Sigma Chi.

ELLE

Thank you, Serena, but I don't think
it'll do any good.



(CONTINUED)





12.


11 11




SERENA

What happened?

Elle starts to lose it again.

; ELLE

I don't know! Everything was normal at
first and then he said he needed someone
mo r e --
(sob-choked)
Serious! .


MARGOT

S e r i o u s ? ! Who the hell does he think he
i s ? Y o u ' r e the most popu l a r month on the
U S C calendar!
S h e points to Elle's "Miss June" page, hanging on the wall.

SER EN A

O h , he is so over on this campus.

ELLE

I just don ' t underst a n d what went wrong --

MA RG OT

Maybe it's the grandmother. Have you
e v e r me t he r ?
E l l e wipes her face.

ELLE

Last month on his birthday. And she
liked me! She said I looked like Britney
Spears. Why would you say that to
someone you didn't like?

They shrug, mystified.


SERENA

How could this happen?


ELLE

I don't know! I don't know anything any
more!
(wiping a tear)
I just need to be by myself.


SERENA

Are you sure?

Elle nods. The girls rise, hugging her.



(CONTINUED)





13.


11 (2) 11




MARGOT

We still love you. Sisters forever!

ELLE

(sniffling)
Thank you. I love you, too.
As they go, Margot looks at Serena.

MARGOT

Oh, God. What if Josh doesn't think I ' m
serious enough? .

SERENA

Helloo... you let him have anal sex with
you.

(TV VERSION)

Helloo... you let him videotape you
diddling yourself. ·

MARGOT

You're right. Phew!
As the girls go, they shut the door behind them.
Elle gets up and grabs a FRAMED PHOTO of Warner, then lies
down on her bed, clutching it to her heart. Underdog leaps
up and gives her little doggy kisses.

12 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 12


The sun rises on a sad day. "HOPELESSLY DEVOTED" by Olivia ·
Newton-John plays. .

13 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 13


Amy knocks on Elle's door.


AMY

Elle?
ANOTHER SISTER passes.


ANOTHER SISTER ·

(whispering)
Didn't you hear?
She leads a reluctant Amy down the hall.

14 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 14


Spread out on the bed are PICTURES of Elle and Warner: The
Sigma Chi formal; their Homecoming Queen and King "wave";

(CONTINUED)





14.


14 14


a 60's party; Mardi Gras night; beach weekend at Coronado.
Next to the pictures are thirty dried Ecuardorian long-
stemmed pink roses, remnants of their one year anniversary.
In the center sits Elle, wearing Warner's old oversized Sigma
Chi t-shirt, clutching a Gund teddybear. Depressed and
looking like hell, she speaks to an unseen confidante.

ELLE

I just love him so much! I loved him the
first moment I saw him. He's beautiful
and smart and someone I totally respect.
And I did everything I could to make him
love me, but it wasn't enough. Now what
am I supposed to do? I planned my whole
future around him. My life was going to
be all about Warner. Now what's it going
to be about?
She looks up -- waiting. Staring back at her is Underdog --
who sadly has no answers for her.

15 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 15


Elle remains in bed, Underdog now clutched to her chest,
soaps on the TV.

TV SOAP STUD

(on TV)
"Oh, darling. I'll love you forever."

ELLE

(teary)
Bullshit!
Serena and Margot enter, bearing Jamba Juice.

MARGOT

Honey, stop! You have to leave this room
-- it's been a week.

ELLE

So?




S erena sits down on the edge of the bed, trying to psyche
Elle up.

SERENA

What's the thing that always makes us
feel better, no matter what? .

MARGOT

Cunnilingus?

(CONTINUED)





15.


15 15



Elle lets out a wail, realizing what she'll be missing.
Serena shoots Margot a stern look.

SERENA

No -- the thing after that,


16 INT. UPSCALE MANICURE SHOP - DAY 16


A row of uniformed manicurists and their classy clients.
Chattering away. Therapy in full session. Serena sits in
front of her regular nail technician.


SERENA

It was awful. We all thought she'd be
the first to walk down the aisle and now
she's totally adrift.

The nail technician shakes her head in shared girl-power-
angst -- looking over at Elle, who sits in the waiting area,
shell-shocked, but showered.

Elle picks up the only magazine left on the table -- "Town &
Country". She wrinkles her nose. An OLD LADY next to her
reads "Seventeen". Elle looks at her, begrudging the access
to teen beauty tips, and flips through "Town & Country"
n oisily until she freezes on-- the Engagement Section. She
gasps.

ELLE

Oh, my God! .
She looks at a PHOTO of a horse-faced YOUNG WOMAN standing
next to a THREE-YEARS-OLDER VERSION OF WARNER. She turns to
the old lady next to her.


ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Do you know who this is?

The old lady looks.


OLD LADY

No.


ELLE

It's Warner's older brother!


OLD LADY

Who?

Elle continues, undaunted.




(CONTINUED)





16.


16 16




EL LE

He just got engaged to this -- this very
unfortunate-looking girl.
(reading)
"Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes
Huntington III and his fiance Layne
Walker Vanderbilt, first year Yale Law."
She turns to the old lady.

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
This is the type-of girl Warner wants to
marry. This is what I need to become to
be serious.
The old lady looks at the picture.

OLD LADY

Butt ugly?

ELLE

No -- a law student.
Elle rushes out. Serena looks after her.

SERENA

Elle?
(turning back to her nail
technician)
She'll never get him back with those
cuticles.

17 INT. COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY 17


Elle sits in front of her ADVISOR.

ADVISOR

(flummoxed)
Harvard Law School?

ELLE

That's right.

ADVISOR

But it's a top three school --

ELLE

(offended)
I have a 4.0.




(CONTINUED)





17.


17 17




ADVISOR

Yes, but your major is Fashion
Merchandising. Harvard won't be
impressed that you aced "History of
Lycra". What are your backups?

ELLE

I don't need backups. Harvard is the
school I' m going to.
He decides to humor her.

ADVISOR

Well, then. You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors, a
heck of an admissions essay and at least
a one-seventy-five on your LSATs.

ELLE

(confident)
I once had to judge a Theta Chi Tighty-
Whitey contest. Trust me-- I can handle
anything.

18 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 18


Elle sits on the floor surrounded by piles of LSAT prep
books, the framed photo of Warner, and Underdog.
There's a KNOCK at the door as Serena and Margot peek inside,
gasping in horror at the sight of books.

MARGOT

What are you doing?!
Elle smiles brightly at them.

ELLE

Reading about the LSATs.
Margot looks at Serena, confused.

SERENA

(in a horrified whisper)
My cousin had them. Apparently you get a
really bad rash on your --
Elle interrupts her.

ELLE

The LSATs are an exam.
She takes a deep breath.

(CONTINUED)





18.


18 18




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Girls-- I ' m going to Harvard!


· SERENA

What, like on va-kay?


MARGOT

Let's all go! Road trip!


. SERENA

Wait -- Cecil has a condo in Tahoe.
Let's go there!

ELLE

No -- I ' m going to law school at Harvard.

They look at her, confused.


MARGOT

Why?!


SERENA

I mean, I know you're upset and all, but
can't you just take a sedative?
Elle rolls her eyes at their naivete.

ELLE

Once Warner sees me as a serious law
student, he'll want me back. It's a
completely brilliant plan!

MARGOT

But isn't it kind of hard to get into law
school?

ELLE

I have the highest GPA in Delta Gamma!
Margot pulls something off her wrist and hands it to Elle.

MARGOT

Here. You're gonna need this.

ELLE

Your scrunchie?

MARGOT

My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass
Spanish.
Serena rolls her eyes and looks at Margot disapprovingly.


(CONTINUED)





19.


18 (2) 18




S ER EN A

You passed Spanish because you gave
Professor Montoya a hand-job after the
final.


MARGOT

(duh)
Yeah, luckily.

A MONTAGE OF THE NEXT 3 MONTHS BEGINS WITH...



19 EXT. WOODS' BEL AIR BACKYARD - DAY 19

ON VIDEO, Elle sits in a Jacuzzi in her bikini.


ELLE

(to the camera)
My name is Elle Woods and for my
admissions essay, I ' d like to tell all of
you at Harvard why I ' m going to make an
amazing lawyer.


20 INT. KAPPA SIG LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 20


The girls watch a horror movie with Kappa Sigs. Eating
popcorn and drinking red wine.

Off to the side, Elle reads an LSAT Study Guide.


21 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 21


ON VIDEO, a Delta Gamma chapter meeting takes place.


ELLE (V.O.)

As president of my sorority, I ' m skilled
at commanding the attention of a room and
discussing important issues.
Elle bangs a gavel, as she sits in front of her sisters.

ELLE (CONT'D)

~ It has come to my attention that the
maintenance staff is switching our toilet
paper from Charmin to generic. All those
opposed to chafing, pleas.e say "aye".
The sisters "AYE" in unison. Underdog barks his approval.

22 INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT 22


"LSAT Prep Course" is written on the board. Elle and forty
other law school hopefuls take notes furiously as practice
questions are reviewed.




20.





23 EXT. WOODS BACKYARD POOL - DAY 23


ON VIDEO, FROM ABOVE, we see Elle as she floats on a raft in
her pool, in a pink Versace bikini. She addresses the
camera.

ELLE

(to the camera)
I ' m able to recall hundreds of important
details at the drop of a hat.
We reveal Margot on a raft beside her.

MARGOT

(badly acting)
Elle, do you know what happened on "Days
of Our Lives" yesterday?

ELLE

Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we
joined Hope in the search for her
identity. As you know, she's been .
brainwashed by the evil Stefano --

24 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 24


Elle takes a practice LSAT exam as Serena, Margot and a few
other Delta Gammas do their butt-crunches in the Delta Gamma
living room.
Serena, while clenching her tush, hits a stop watch and Elle
starts writing furiously.

DISSOLVE TO:

Margot is now on all-fours, doing donkey kicks as she grades
Elle's practice exam. She writes "143" on top and holds it
up to Elle.
Elle slumps with frustration.

25 EXT. BEACH - DAY · 25

ON VIDEO, Elle is rollerblading in shorts and a tank top.


ELLE

(to the camera)
And the laws and bi-laws of civil
obedience are crucial to my life --
Serena skates by and fake-elbows Elle.




(CONTINUED)





21.


25 25




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing; calling after her)
No shoving on the skate path! City
ordinance 22G!

26 INT. LIBRARY STUDY ROOM - NIGHT 26

Elle sits in front of Amy, as Amy quizzes her with practice
LSAT questions. Books are piled high around them.
Elle gazes out the.window to see ---Warner and some BARE-
CHESTED FRATERNITY BOYS carrying a keg across the quad. Her
eyes light up and she looks at Amy pleadingly. Amy shakes her
head no. Elle slumps, then rises and goes to the window,
closing the shades and getting back to work.

·27 EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 27


ON VIDEO, Elle addresses the camera.

ELLE

I feel confident using legal jargon in
daily life.

CUT TO:

ON VIDEO, Elle walks across campus with Underdog in her
purse, feigning staged innocence. A RANDOM FRAT BOY pinches
her butt. She slaps his hand, dramatically.

ELLE (CONT'D)

I object!

28 INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY 28


"LSAT EXAM -- Sections 1-6" is scrawled on the chalk board.

Elle sits in an auditorium with about 90 other students, LSAT
booklet open, filling in answers. Concentrating so hard
she's practically getting a forehead wrinkle.

29 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 29

ON VIDEO, Elle speaks to the camera.

ELLE

(to the camera)
I've seen every episode of "The Practice"
and I ' m even on speaking terms with Dylan
McDermott.

CUT TO:





22.





30 EXT. DYLAN MCDERMOTT'S HOUSE - DAY 30


Dylan McDermott gets into his car and pulls out of his
driveway.
VIDEOTAPING MADLY, the girls follow in Elle's Boxster.

SERENA

There he is!

. MARGOT

Pull up next to him!
Elle swerves around to pull up next to Dylan McDermott. They
scream at him as Serena videotapes.

ELLE

Dylan! We love you!
Dylan McDermott burns rubber as he flees.

EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 31 "


31

ON.VIDEO, Elle jogs while she addresses the camera.

ELLE :

(to camera) . .
I'm totally focused and goal-oriented.
Plus I ' m able to sway people with my very
convincing arguments. .
She turns to Serena, jogging next to her.

ELL E (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Calvin Klein's spring line is atrocious.
Don't you agree?

SERENA

(convinced)
Absolutely!

32 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - DAY 32


Amy rushes in with a stack of mail, waving an LSAT envelope
as she calls out.

AMY

It's here!
Elle rushes down the stairs as the other Delta Gammas gather
around. Elle takes the envelope and says a quick prayer.


(CONTINUED)





23.


32 32




ELLE

One seventy-five...one seventy- five...

She opens it and stares at it for a long moment. Then turns
it to the crowd and raises it above her head in triumph. The
girls immediately begin jumping up and down as group joy
ensues. Underdog yips with pride. The MONTAGE ENDS.

33 INT. HARVARD LAW ADMISSIONS OFFICE - DAY 33


ON THE TV, Elle stands up in the Jacuzzi.

ELLE

(on TV)
And that's why you should vote for me.
Elle Woods. Future lawyer. For the Class
of 2003.
The video is PAUSED, as three ADMISSIONS GUYS in their 4.0's
sit at a table piled high with applications, the DEAN OF
ADMISSIONS at the head of it. STUNNED SILENCE fills the room.
Finally one of them speaks.

ADMISSIONS GUY #1

That was certainly a very --
(adjusting himself)
Imaginative essay.

ADMISSIONS GUY #2

(to the Dean)
She does have a 4.0 from USC and she got
a one-seventy-nine on her LSATs.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS

A fashion major?

ADMISSIONS GUY #3

Well, we've never had one before...
aren't we always looking for diversity?

AMISSIONS GUY #1

Her list of extracurriculars is
impressive.
The Dean looks at her application.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS

(unimpressed)
She was in a Ricky Martin video --

ADMISSIONS GUY #2

Clearly, she's interested in music...



(CONTINUED)





24.


33 33




DEAN OF ADMISSIONS

(reading on; skeptical)
She also designed a line of faux fur
panties for her sorority's charity
project --


ADMISSIONS GUY #3

Then she's a friend to animals as well as
a philanthropist.


. AMISSIONS GUY #1

I think it's obvious that she's a very
well-rounded individual.
He points to Elle -- freeze-framed in her bikini-top on
video, on the TV. The admissions guys look to the Dean. He
folds.


DEAN OF ADMISSIONS

Elle Woods -- Welcome to Harvard.


34 EXT. WOODS' BACKYARD - DAY . 34


Elle's parents -- DANIEL, in tennis clothes, and the face-
lifted SAPPHIRE -- stare at Elle over juice by the pool.


DANIEL

(frowning)
Law school?

Sapphire puts a hand to her throat in distress. Elle is
confused.


ELLE

It's a perfectly respectable place...


DANIEL

Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Law school is for people who are boring
and ugly and Serious. And you, button/
are none of those things.

Sapphire is in agreement.


SAPPHIRE

You were first runner-up in the Miss
Hawaiian Tropic contest. Why throw all
that away?


ELLE

Because this is what I want. I've worked
hard for it. Don't you understand that
this is important to me?


(CONTINUED)





25.


34 34



She looks at her uncomprehending parents.


ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Going to Harvard is the only way I can
get the love of my life back!

Sapphire looks at her, still not getting it. ·


SAPPHIRE

Can't you just suck his wiener?


(TV VERSION)

Can't you just get your nose done?

Elle reacts to her mother's skewed logic.

·




35 EXT. HARVARD DORM - DAY 35


Pale, studious LAW STUDENTS clad in earth tones, move into
their dorm, carrying in their spartan belongings (coffee
makers, books, computers).
In the distance, a HAPPY POP SONG (perhaps "Heaven Tonight by
Hole) is heard. As it gets louder, heads turn to see --
A silver, convertible Boxster driving up, Elle at the wheel,/
MUSIC BLASTING. A large MOVING VAN follows the Boxster.
Peop le lean out of their windows, buzzing with interest as--
Elle's car stops in front of the dorm. She hops out,
scooping up Underdog and looking every inch the LA-Fred-Segal-
glamour-queen, as she looks around with a smile.
Elle looks at Underdog.

ELLE

We're here!
She bends down to pour some Evian into his inflatable doggy
dish, inadvertently revealing cleavage to a passing
BESPECTACLED BOY (several yards away).
He trips, dropping his I-MAC. It shatters into a million
pieces.
Not noticing/ Elle stands and turns to two MOVING GUYS/ who
are hauling a pink, faux-fur love seat and a potted palm tree
out of the truck.



(CONTINUED)





26.


35 35




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
This way, guys!

With a beauty queen smile in place, she strides into the dorm
as the other students watch in amazement.


HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW


ARROGANT AARON, a Mensa geek with attitude, turns to his
roommate.


ARROGANT AARON

Whose knob did she honk to get in here?


36 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - DAY 36


" W e l c o m e Law Students Class of 2003" banners hang over
o r i e n t a t i o n tables manned by second year law students (2L's)
w e a r i n g red t-shirts. Club tables with banners that read
" H a r v a r d Law Journal" and "Environmental Law Association" are
s e t up nearby.
E l l e takes a packet from a fuzzy MALE 2L.

F U Z Z Y 2L

Class schedule, map, book list.

ELLE

H a s Warner Huntington checked in yet?

F U Z Z Y 2L

( ch ec ki ng)
U h , no. Maybe you should try the Lido
dec k.
S h e frowns and starts to move on, but then looks through the
p a c k e t with a frown and turns back.

ELLE

W a i t -- my social events schedule is .
mis sin g.

F U Z Z Y 2L

Y o u r what?

ELLE

You know -- mixers, formals, beach
· trips.





(CONTINUED)





27.


36 . 36




FUZZY 2L

(deadpan)
There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty
minutes. Does that count?


ELLE

(wrinkling her nose)
I guess it'll have t o . . .
The Fuzzy Guy looks at the red-shirted BALD 2L next to him,
as Elle walks off. ,


FUZZY 2L

What the hell.was that?


BALD 2L

(watching her go)
Malibu Barbie lives.


37 EXT. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL - OUTDOOR GARDEN - DAY 37


Elle sits at the outdoor table, ignoring her slice of pizza,
as she looks around for Warner. Not finding him, she turns
her attention to the Group Leader, a BURNED OUT 2L in a red t-
shirt.


BURNED OUT 2L

Okay. Welcome to law school. This is the
part where we go around in a circle and
everyone says a little bit about
themselves. Let's start with you.
He gestures at a guy with glasses, DORKY DAVID.


DORKY DAVID

I have a Masters in Russian Literature, a
Ph.D in Biochemistry, and for the last
eighteen months, I've been de- worming
orphans in Somalia.


BURNED OUT 2L

Awesome. How about you, Enid?

ENID, a militant feminista, looks up.


ENID

P h.D from Berkeley in Women's Studies--
emphasis in the History of Combat. And
last year, I led the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.


BURNED OUT 2L

Killer.


(CONTINUED)





28.


37 37



He looks at an intense guy in his late twenties, IVAN.


INTENSE IVAN

I've got an MBA from Wharton, worked on
Wall Street for four years, mushed in
three ididarods and I ' ve figured out how
to crash the stock market in Sri Lanka if
any of you want to get together later.


BURNED OUT 2L

Sweet. What about you?
He looks at Elle. She sits up straight.


ELLE

I ' m a Gemini. I have a Bachelors degree
from USC, where I was Sigma Chi
Sweetheart and president of Delta Gamma,
and last year '· -- I was Homecoming Queen .

She smiles, as the group leader nods, waiting.


ELL E (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Oh!
(dramatically)
Two weeks ago, I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred
Segal -- and talked her out of buying a
truly heinous angora sweater! Whoever
said that orange is the new pink is
seriously disturbed.

She looks around, pleased. Enid' snickers as the rest of the
group stares at Elle, dumbfounded.


38 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY 38

A grey, dingy, cell-block style room -- now crammed with
Elle's clothes, the pink fluffy love seat and potted palm,
along with an Elliptical Cross-Trainer, pink flamingo party
lights and a neon pink margarita glass sculpture.

Elle tries to shove a large law textbook into her tiny Prada
backpack to no avail. She gives up and tosses the book onto
the bed where Underdog leaps away to miss being squished.


ELLE

Wish me luck, Underdog. It's my first
class as a serious law student.

She kisses him and looks down at her completely inappropriate
skimpy Gucci outfit, which she accents by putting on trendy,
wire-rimmed glasses.


(CONTINUED)





29.


38 38




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing; to herself)
I totally look the part!


39 INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY 39

Elle heads for a classroom, amidst a crowd of students who
eye her like she's an alien. She rounds a corner, seeing --

WARNER, in all his handsome glory, looking over his schedule.
She starts toward him, as if pulled by a magnetic force.
Arrogant Aaron sees her passing by.


ARROGANT AARON

(seductively)
H l o t e e. . . . . . .
el hr.

Elle keeps going, not even noticing him. Eyes only for
Warner. Arrogant Aaron stomps away, pissed at the perceived
blow-off.

As Elle gets closer to Warner, she opts for wandering past
him, seemingly oblivious to his presence.


WARNER

(stunned)
Elle?!

Elle turns, ultra-nonchalant.


ELLE

Warner?! Oh my God, I completely forgot
you were going here!

He looks at her, confused. People walk by, staring.


WARNER

What're you talking about? You're not
here to see me?


ELLE

No, silly. I go here.


WARNER

(still confused)
You go where?


ELLE

Harvard. Law school.




(CONTINUED)





30.


39 39




WARNER

v- y
-- Y ou g o t in to Ha rv a rd L aw ?

E LL E.

(con fuse d at his confusion)
W h at , like it's that.hard?
W a rn e r stares at her :-- completely discombobulated. She
s m i l es sweetly and makes a show of checking her watch.

. ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Oops! Time for class. Meet me after?
On the benches?

WARNER

Uh -- sure.
She sashays off with a confident smile.

40 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 4.0.

Students file in and take their seats. Elle enters, looking
around nervously at the imposing auditorium. Arrogant Aaron,
next to her, leans over.

ARROGANT AARON

If you're looking for the best seat, I
hear the front row is the place to be.

Elle smiles at him.


ELLE ·

Thanks.

41 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY - LATER 41

PROFESSOR ELSPETH STROMWELL, a tough-as-nails Grande Dame in
her 50' s , addresses the class. Laptops abound -- except for
Elle, who has a fuzzy pink notebook and a pen with a pink
plastic heart on the end.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

A legal education means you will learn to
speak in a new language. You will be
taught to achieve insight into the world
around you, and to sharply question what
you know.
Everyone soaks this up. Including Elle.




(C ONT IN UED )





31.


41 41




PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
The seat you've picked is yours for the
next nine months of your life. Enjoy it.
And those of you in the front row,
beware. . ..
El le , in the front row, between two UNSHOWERED BRANIACS, ·
looks around, panicked. One of the braniacs passes her the
seating chart and she has no choice but to sign her name.
In the back, Arrogant Aaron nudges his friend and smiles.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
"The law is reason free from passion."
Does anyone know who spoke those immortal
words?
Dorky David raises his hand.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Yes?


DORKY DAVID

(confidently)
Aristotle.

Professor Stromwell approaches him the way Cruella de Ville
approaches a puppy.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Are you sure?

Now he's not.

DORKY DAVID

Yes?


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

~ Would you be willing to stake your life
on it?

DORKY DAVID

I think so...

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

H o w about --

She spins around, roughly POKING another student in the head.




(CONTINUED)





32.


41 (2) 41




PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
-- his life?


DORKY DAVID

(scared)
I don't know.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Well, I recommend knowing before
speaking.. The law leaves much room for
interpretation -- but very little for
self-doubt.

As she turns away --


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
And you were right. It was Aristotle.

The class half-laughs in relief.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
I assume you've all read pages 1- 48 and
are now well-versed in subject matter
jurisdiction.
Elle looks around, surprised, as students open their books.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Who can tell us about Gordon v. Steele?

Silence. Stromwell looks down at the seating chart.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Ivan Greenstein?

Intense Ivan straightens in his' seat.

IVAN

Gordon sued her doctors for malpractice.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

And what did the dispute entail?
(looking at her chart)
Let's call on someone in the hot zone.
Elle Woods? Elle looks up, distressed.




(CONTINUED)





33.


41 (3) 41




ELLE

Uh... I wasn't aware that we had an
assignment.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

(looking at her chart)
Sarah Knottingham?

SARAH KNOTTINGHAM -- a prim and preppy blue-blood brunette,
dressed in pearls and a sweater set -- looks up.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Do you think it's acceptable that Ms.
Woods is unprepared?
Sarah looks over at Elle. Elle gives her a mortified smile.
Sarah turns back to Professor Stromwell.

SARAH

No, I don't.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Would you support my decision to ask her
to leave and return to class only when
she is prepared?

SARAH

Absolutely.
Elle can't believe that this girl would betray her. Having
no choice,, she gathers her purse and goes, completely
humiliated. Professor Stromwell returns to the matter at
hand.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Now, Ms. Knottingham, did diversity
jurisdiction'exist in this case?

42 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - BENCHES - DAY - LATER 42


EMMETT -- a shy and quirkily handsome 28-year-old who could
pass for younger -- sits on a bench, going over some papers.
He looks up and spots Elle -- sitting across from him --
looking traumatized.

EMMETT

Are you okay?
Elle looks up, snapping out of her stupor.




(CONTINUED)





34.


42 . 42




ELLE

Do they just -- put you on the spot like
that? Like, all the time?

EMMETT

The professors? Yeah, they tend- to do
that. Socratic method.

ELLE

And if you don't know the answer, they
just kick you out?
He smiles.

EMMETT

You have Stromwell.

ELLE

(hopeful)
Did she do that to you, too?

EMMETT

No, but she made me cry once. Not in
class -- I waited until I got to my room,
but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel
your balls -- or you know, your
whatevers .

ELLE

(stricken)
Neat . · ' , '

EMMETT

Don't worry. It gets better. Who else
do you have?
Elle looks at her schedule.

ELLE

Donovan, Royalton and Levinson.

EMMETT

Speak up in Donovan's class. He likes
people with an opinion. Sit in the back
for Royalton. He tends to spit when he
talks about products liability.
Elle makes a face. He smiles. Liking her.





(CONTINUED)





35.


42 ( 2 ) 42




EMMETT (CONT'D)

(continuing)
And make sure you read the footnotes in
Levinson's class. That's where all her
exam questions come from.


ELLE

Wow. I ' m glad I met you.

She smiles at him, grateful.

EMMETT

Oh, and getting one of Stromwell's daily
quotes right is almost as important as
acing the mid-term. But you didn't hear
it from me.

Students trickle out of the building.


ELLE " .:.

Are you a third-year?
Warner walks up, behind Emmett, interrupting.


WARNER

Hey.

Elle looks up, pure adoration on her face.

ELLE

Hi!

Emmett rises and walks off.


EMMETT

Good luck.


ELLE

(calling after him)
Thanks again for your help!

Warner remains standing, still somewhat uncomfortable with
her presence here.


WARNER

S o -- uh -- how was your first class?


ELLE

Fine. Except for this horrible girl who
made me look bad in front of my Civ Pro
professor. But no biggie. You're here
now.

(MORE)



(CONTINUED)





36.


42 (3) 42


ELLE (CONT'D)

(perky)
How was your summer?

She pats the bench beside her. He doesn't move.


· WARNER

(distracted)
Good. Good.


ELLE

Do anything exciting?
A female hand snakes around Warner's chest from behind.
Warner turns and brings the owner of the hand around to his
side, presenting her.


WARNER

(nervous)
Urn, hey, have you met Sarah?

Sarah, the horrible girl herself, holds out her hand to Elle,
full of contempt.


SARAH

Hi. Sarah Knottingham.


ELLE

(to Warner; horrified)
· You know her?


WARNER

She 's --

Sarah jumps in. ·


SARAH .

-- I ' m his fiancee.

Elle stares at her. Sarah tucks a piece of her mousy brown
hair behind her ear and there it is -- The Rock.


ELLE

(in disbelief)
I'm sorry, I just hallucinated.


WARNER

Sarah was my girlfriend at prep school.
We got back together over the summer at
my grandmother's birthday party.

Elle looks stricken. Sarah gives her a smug smile.





(CONTINUED)




37.

42 (.4) 42




SARAH

Warner told me all about you. You're
famous at our Club.
She says it in a way that is anything but flattering. In
fact, it's completely condescending.

SARAH (CONT'D)

(continuing; pointedly)
But he didn't tell me you'd be here.


WARNER

I didn't know --

Elle looks from Warner to Sarah.


ELLE

Excuse me.

She rushes off. Sarah watches her go, a smug grin on her

' · · ··

face, ·

SARAH

(to Warner)
I thought you said she was pretty.

43 EXT. STREET/INT. ELLE'S CONVERTIBLE BOXSTER- DAY 43


Elle drives, wiping the tears from her face. She spots
something off to the side and SWERVES her car toward it, a
gasp of hope escaping her lips.

Her car stops in front of a strip mall salon called "Beauty
Oasis".


44 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 44

A downscale, blue-collar salon, with five hair chairs and two
manicure stations. Old ladies and young waitresses get perms.
PAULETTE --early 40s, lower-middle class, hard-edged, plus-
sirzed -- looks up as a defeated Elle sinks into the manicure
chair.(The manicure station is plastered with pictures of
RUFUS, a big, slobbering pit-bull). ·


PAULETTE

Bad day?

Elle holds out her hands. Paulette dips them into a dish of
soapy water.


ELLE

You can't even imagine.


(CONTINUED)





38.


44 44




PAULETTE

.Spill.,

Elle lets it all out in a rush.


ELLE

I worked really hard to get into law
school -- I blew off Spring Break and
Greek Week to study for the LSATs, I
completely neglected my Homecoming Queen
duties, I hired a Coppola to direct my
admissions video -- all so I could get my
boyfriend Warner back and now he's
engaged to this awful girl Sarah so it
was all for nothing! I wish I ' d never
even come to Harvard.

Paulette dries Elle's hands and begins filing.


PAULETTE

After you went to all that trouble?


ELLE :

Well, what am I supposed to do? He's
engaged! She's got the family six-carat
on her bony, unpolished finger.


PAULETTE

You're asking the wrong girl. I ' m with
my guy eight years and then one day it's
"I met someone else. Move out."


ELLE

(horrified)
What'd you do?


PAULETTE

Cried a lot and gained twenty pounds.
Dewey kept the trailer and my precious
baby Rufus. I got jackcrap.
She looks at a picture of the pit-bull.


PAULETTE (CONT'D)

(continuing; re the dog)
I didn't even get to go to his birthday
party.


ELLE

No!





(CONTINUED)





39.


44 ( 2 ) 44




PAUL ETTE

What could I do?
(shrugging)
He's a man who followed his pecker to
greener pastures. I ' m a middle-aged high-
school dropout with stretch marks and a
fat ass. Happens every day. At least to
women like me.

ELLE . ·

That's terrible!




PAULETTE

So, what's this Sarah got that you don't?
Three tits? -

ELLE

She's from Connecticut. She belongs to
his stupid country club.

PAULETTE

Is she as pretty as you?
Elle looks down.

ELLE

(embarrassed)
I ' m not pretty -- I ' m genetically
blessed.
Paulette rolls her eyes, shaking her bottle of polish and
starting on Elle's right hand.

PA UL ETT E

Is sJie.? "


ELL E

She could use some mascara and some
serious highlights, but she's not
completely unfortunate- looking.

UPS GUY (O.S.)

Hello, ladies.
Paulette looks up to see the UPS GUY, a strapping hunk of a
man in his late 30' s . She blushes and smooths down her hair,
knocking over a bottle of nail polish in the process. Trying
to play it off as she signs for the package.





(CONTINUED)





40.


44 ( 3 ) 44




UPS GUY (CONT'D) .

See ya later.
He goes. Paulette watches him. Elle notices.


PAULETTE

(hating herself) .
Could I be anymore goddamn spastic?
(beat)
So you're sure, this Warner guy is "the
one"?

ELLE

Definitely! I love him!
Paulette looks at her.

PAULETTE

If a girl like you can't hold on to her
man -- then there sure as hell isn't any
hope for the rest of us. What're you
waiting for? Steal the bastard back.

45 INT. DORMITORY - WARNER'S ROOM - DAY 45

Elle knocks on Warner's door, bottle of wine and two glasses
in hand.

ELLE

Warner?
When she gets no answer, she write a message on his memo
board -- CLOSE ON-- "Call me! Love, You Know Who".
She leaves the wine bottle and two glasses and goes.

46 EXT. HARVARD LAW CAMPUS - DAY 46

Elle is in her push-up bikini, reclining in her beach chair,
pink frozen margarita in one hand, Underdog in the other, law
book in her lap, pretending to study.
We PULL BACK to reveal that she's sitting on the sidelines of
a touch-football game that Warner is playing with a group of
other 1-L's.
Warner scores easily because the other male eyes are all on
Elle. He shakes his head and smiles.




41.





47 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 47


Elle sits, glaring at Sarah, who keeps waving her "The Rock"
in Elle's direction, as she plays footsie with Warner.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN -- 40s, a big fan of himself, salt and
pepper hair, no time for bullshit -- stands before the class.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

I should warn you that in addition to
competing against each other for the top
grade in this class, you'll also be
competing for one of my firm's highly
coveted four internship spots next year
where you will get to assist on actual
cases. Let the bloodbath begin. Now,
let's commence with our usual torture --
He looks around.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Ms . Woods --

Sarah and her bitchy, clone-like friend CLAIRE exchange
knowing glances.


SARAH

This should be amusing.

· PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Would you rather have a client who
committed a crime malum in se or malum
prohibitum?


ELLE

Neither.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Why not?


ELLE

I'd rather have a client who's innocent.

Elle smiles, proud of her answer. The class snickers. Warner
frowns.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

. Dare to dream, Ms. Woods. Ms.
Knottingham? Which would you prefer?





(CONTINUED)





42.


47 47




SARAH

Malum prohibitum. Because the client
would've committed a regulatory
infraction as opposed to a dangerous
crime.
Elle raises her hand.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Yes? Ms. Woods?

' ELLE ' ..

I changed my mind. I ' d pick the
dangerous one.
She looks pointedly at Sarah.

ELLE (CONT''D)

(continuing)
I ' m not afraid of a challenge.
Sarah glares back at her. Warner looks between the two of

·

them, worried.

48 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 48

The Harvard Public Interest Law Association meeting is
O underway. Warner .listens intently, A few seats away, Elle
appears to be taking notes.
C L O SE ON--her "notes" -- "I'm free for dinner tonight. Meet
me at The Cask & Flagon at 8."
She folds the note and sticks it in Underdog's mouth, then points
him toward Warner. Humiliated but dutiful, Underdog bounds off.
CLOSE ON -- Underdog, as he carries forth his mission,
arriv ing at Warner's feet. UNDERDOG'S POV -- Warner
discreetly takes the note from him, then looks over at Elle,
who feigns interest in the meeting.

49 INT. CASK & FLAGON RESTAURANT - NIGHT 49

Elle waits for Warner, alone at a table. Checking her watch
to see it's 8:45, she tries not to be sad.

50 INT. HARVARD LAW LIBRARY - DAY 50

Warner and his study group, Sarah and Claire included, sit at
a table, going over their outlines. Elle walks up to the
table, holding a basket of muffins, bright smile on her face.



(CONTINUED)





43.


50 50




ELLE

' I ' m here to join your study group. And
look! I brought sustenance!
She holds up the muffins as the others look up, frowns all
around.

WARNER

(nervously looking at Sarah)
Elle, what're you doing here?
Elle pulls up a chair from another table and holds up a
muffin. '

ELLE

Who's first?
She sits down next to Warner.

SARAH

Our group is full.

ELLE

Oh, God, was this like an RSVP thing?

CLAIRE

No, it's like a smart people thing. And
like Sarah said, we're full.

WARNER

Come on ~ we can make room for one more.
Sarah looks at Warner with evil eyes.

SARAH

We've already assigned the outlines, and
everyone has started theirs',

CLAIRE

(to Warner)
Besides, you wouldn't let the fat guy
_ join.

WARNER

He tried to watch me take'a shower!
Sarah looks at Elle.

SARAH

The answer is no.
Warner looks at her, feeling guilty. He shrugs an "I'm
sorry", but Elle's perkiness has gone.


(CONTINUED)





44.


50 (2) 50


She gathers up her muffins and stands, clutching the basket
to her chest as she goes.

ELLE

Then I guess I'll leave you alone.
She walks away, completely deflated, passing by the RAGING
FEMINIST STUDY GROUP. Enid calls out.


ENID

Maybe there's a sorority you could join
instead.
Elle stops and looks at her.

ELLE

(to Enid)
You know, if you'd come to a Rush party,
I would've at least been nice to you.


ENID

Before you voted against me and called me
a dyke behind my back?


ELLE

I don't use that word. Only mean people
use that word. You must've heard it from
Sarah. .
She looks back at Warner's table and walks off. As she does.,
she's nearly mowed down by a gaggle of NERDS led by DORKY
DAVID, who knock the muffins out of her hands. She stands
there, even more depressed.


51 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY - LATER 51


Elle sinks down onto her bed, deflated. She picks up the
phone and dials.


52 INT. BRIDAL SHOP - DAY 52


Serena, with a new hairdo, and Margot are surrounded by
wedding dresses. Margot talks on her cell phone. We

INTERCUT.



MARGOT

(to Serena)
It's Elle!
(into phone)
Guess what I ' m doing right this second?


ELLE

Power yoga?



(CONTINUED)





45.


52 52




MARGOT

Picking out my wedding dress!

ELLE

· What?!

MARGOT

Josh proposed!


ELLE

(startled)
N o way --
Serena grabs the phone.

SERENA

(into phone)
;;po you have The Rock yet?
Elle lies.

ELLE

Almost.

SERENA

Well, hurry up so you can come home! We
miss you!

ELLE

I miss you guys! The people here are so
vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me
unless it's to say something that's not
nice. Law school sucks!

SERENA

Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell
you!

ELLE

What?

SERENA

I got bangs!


ELLE

(hurt and annoyed)
Re a ll y --
Margot grabs the phone back.





(CONTINUED)





46.


52 (2) 52




MARGOT :

(into phone)
Keep June first open -- you're one of my
bridesmaids. And give Warner our love.

ELLE

Iwl.
il. . .
Margot hangs up and Elle follows suit. Even more deflated.

53 INT. ELLE'S DORM - HALLWAY - DAY - SAME TIME 53


Sarah and Claire walk past Elle's room, the door of which is
ajar.

SARAH

It's not just any Halloween party. It's a
"Come as Your Favorite Defendant" party.

CLAIRE

That-'s genius.
Elle pops her head out of the room.

ELLE

(excited)
No way! Someone at this school is
actually having a party?
Sarah and Claire turn around. Elle's face falls when she
sees that it's them.

SARAH

No.


CLAIRE

You must've heard us wrong.

SARAH

Sorry. Looks like you'll be staying home
ton ig ht. Alone.
They continue on as Elle goes back into her room, snubbed.

54 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS 54

Elle shuts the door behind her and looks at Underdog.

ELLE

I can't believe this. Not only do I not
have Warner, but I ' m --unpopular!
The realization hits her hard. Underdog barks. She looks at him.

·.'.···


(CONTINUED)





47.


54 54




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
But I wasn't invited.

He barks again.

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
You really think I should?


55 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - PORCH - NIGHT 55


Two feet in high heels and fishnet hose stride purposefully
up the sidewalk. .
A perfect butt wearing a bunny tail wiggles up the steps.


56 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - NIGHT 56


A party filled with people who are no fun to party with.
NAMETAGS denote which famous defendant everyone is dressed as.
Menenedez's, Tonya Harding's, and Buttafuco's pepper the room.

Elle, decked out in a Playboy Bunny costume -- looking sexy
as hell -- strides in. People roll their eyes and ignore
her. Elle continues on.

NEARBY -- Enid, dressed as Lizzie Borden, axe in hand/ is in
the midst of a tirade against some guy dressed like William
Kennedy Smith.


ENID

The English language is all about subliminal
domination. Take the word "semester". It's a
perfect example of this school's
discriminatory preference of semen to
ovaries. That's why I ' m petitioning to have
next term be referred to as Winter Ovester.

The guy backs up in fright. As Elle passes, Enid looks over.

ENID (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Hey , Elle-- I've been meaning to ask you
(re her boobs)
-- are those real?

Elle snorts.


ELLE

Enid, please -- silicone is so 90's.



(CONTINUED)





48.


56 56



She keeps walking.

57 INT. INTO THE LIVING ROOM - AT THE BAR -CONTINUOUS 57


Sa rah -- dressed as Hester Prynne -- and Claire --as Joan of
Arc -- sip wine.


ELLE

(continuing; sarcastic)
Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party
is super fun.

They roll their eyes, checking out her Bunny costume.

SARAH

You're supposed to be dressed as a famous
defendant.

Elle smiles at Sarah.


ELLE

I am. Didn't you hear about the Playboy
Bunny who slit her ex- boyfriend's new
fiancee's throat with a broken wine
glass? It was tragic.

She grabs a glass of wine and moves on.

58 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT 58


Elle walks onto the back porch and finds Warner --dressed as
O.J. in a USC football uniform, number 32, with a ball and
chain on his foot.


ELLE

Hey, O.J.

Warner turns. He looks around for Sarah. Not seeing her, he
smiles at Elle, admiring her costume.


WARNER

Wow. You're a walking felony.


ELLE

Thank you. Having fun?


WARNER

( c h e c k i n g her out)
Now I am.





(CONTINUED)





49.


58 58




ELLE

(flirty)
I feel like we've barely spent any time
together since we got here.

WARNER

That's because I spend all my time with
case studies and hypos.

ELLE

Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing
all this and Donovan's internship next
year.

WARNER

(scoffing)
Elle, c'mon, there's no way you'll get
the grades to qualify for one of those
spots . You're not smart enough.
She can't believe he's saying this. He realizes he's gone
too far, and back-pedals.

WARNER (CONT'D)

(continuing)
I didn't mean --

ELLE

(cutting him off)
Am I on glue, or did I not get into the
same law school you did, Warner?

WARNER

(covering)
We ll , yeah, but --

ELLE

But what? We took the same LSAT, we take
th e same classes --

WARNER

I just don't want to see you get your
hopes up. You know how you get.
She stares at him. Realizing the awful truth.

ELLE

I'11 never be good enough for you, will

I?

When he doesn't answer, she walks back into the house.




50.





59 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT -SAME TIME 59


One of them holds a salad
A group of tipsy ILs stand around.
bowl filled with cash.

ENID

I give her two more weeks.

She throws a twenty into the bowl. ' ·. .

DORKY DAVID

Two and a half?

He throws in his twenty as well.


SARAH

If she spreads her legs, maybe --


ARROGANT AARON

(adjusting his crotch)
Only if I ' m feeling generous.


ELLE (O.S.)

What is this?

They turn around to find Elle standing there.


CLAIRE

We're betting on how much longer you're
going to last.

ELLE

(stung)
What?


SARAH

Look around, Elle. Do you actually think
you belong here?

They all stare at her.


ELLE

(hurt)
Why wouldn't I?


ENID

Because the rest of us provide some
worthwhile value to society?


ARROGANT AARON

Hold on, now -- every society needs a
bimbo. Who are we supposed to sleep with
after we get rich?


(CONTINUED)





51.


59 59



Elle looks like she's been slapped. The others laugh at
Aaron's esteemed wit.


ELLE

You know what? All of you can just kiss
my ass.
She yanks off her Bunny tail and throws it at them. Hurt and
anger in her eyes. Then walks out of the room.


' ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing; to herself)
You're about to see just how valuable
Elle Woods can be.
She stomps out of the house.


A GIRL-POWER SONG STARTS TO PLAY AS A MONTAGE BEGINS:



60 INT. HARVARD BOOKSTORE - NIGHT 60


A hot pink laptop is yanked off the shelf.

CUT TO:


Elle, still in her Bunny suit, minus the tail, stands in
line, paying for the laptop. People gape at her, but she's
oblivious in her resolve.

EMMETT walks up behind her in line. He clears his throat,
trying not to look at her costume.

Elle turns, seeing him.


ELLE

Don't ask.

EMMETT

Wasn't gonna. -

She marches off. Laptop in hand.


61 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT 61


A pony-tailed Elle types a brief, coffee next to her.
Underdog sleeps nearby, belly-up. Legs twitching in a
nightmare. Typing furiously, Elle breaks a nail, then
struggles to forge on, despite her instinct to stop and
repair it.




52.





62 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 62


Elle -- arms full of books -- walks past the Warner/Sarah
study group. Sarah and Claire scowl at her, but Elle passes
with her head held high.

63 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 63

Enid is surrounded by study materials and notecards. When
she gets up to use the ladies' room, Elle casually walks over
and slips a notecard into the middle of Enid's stack. Then
quickly walks on. '

64 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 64


Pau lett e quizzes Elle from a law textbook as her nails dry.
As she waits for Elle's answer, Paulette showers Underdog
with kisses, showing him pictures of Rufus.

65 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY .. 65


Donovan is in the midst of a lecture. He points at Elle.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

And the purpose of "diminished capacity"
is?
She swallows nervously, then speaks.

ELLE

To negate mens rea?
Donovan nods affirmatively and continues. Elle hides a
smile.

66 INT. LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT 66


Elle reaches for a book on a high shelf, but she's not tall
enough. She tries a running start and leaps for it. Still
missing it.
FROM THE LEFT, she runs and leaps again, missing again.
FROM THE RIGHT, she runs and leaps again, missing again.
Dorky David walks up and sets down a step-stool at her: feet.
Now winded, she smiles her thanks, stepping up to retrieve
her book.




53.





67 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 67


Enid flips through her notecards, memorizing, when she comes
upon a picture of a NAKED MAN. Oh, the horror. She throws it
down in disgust as if her eyes have been burned.
Looking around, Enid sees Elle smiling and waving at her from
across the room.

68 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 68


Elle walks past Arrogant Aaron, as he sleeps at his study
cubicle, head back on the chair.
She stops, backs up, and waves her hand over his face. When
he doesn't stir, she takes a magic marker out of her knapsack
and leans over to write something on his forehead.

INT. ELLE1S DORM ROOM - DAY


69 69


Elle works out on her Elliptical Crosstrainer as she listens
to a lecture tape and watches Court TV on mute.

LECTURER (V.O.)


"A failure to act can constitute the actus reus for
accomplice liability if the defendant has the legal duty to
intervene, but fails to do so."

70 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 70>


Arrogant Aaron wakes up with a start, checks his watch, and
rushes off to class. Oblivious to his facial graffiti, which
we can't yet read.

71 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 71

Professor Stromwell is in front of the class.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

So you've filed a claim. Now what?
She looks over to see Elle sitting there, typing on her
laptop.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Ms. Woods?

ELLE

Don't you also need to have evidence?



(CONTINUED)





54.


71 71




PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Meaning?
Everyone now stares at Elle.


'ELLE

Meaning you need -- reasonable belief
that your claim would have, like,
evidentiary support?

Stromwell is somewhat impressed, but doesn't show it.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

And what kind of evidentiary support does
this case require? Let's ask Mr.
Harriman, who clearly believes that I
might be hungry.
She looks up at Arrogant Aaron in the back row. Who
unknowingly has "Eat Me" written on his forehead. He looks
back at her, confused, as the students around him snicker.


72 EXT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 72

A "Closed" sign is on the door.
THROUGH THE WINDOW, we see Elle and Paulette sitting in the
empty salon, laughing and clinking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon
as they toast Elle's small victory. We PULL BACK, leaving
them laughing, as the MONTAGE ENDS.


73 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 73

"THE STATE V. LATIMER" is written on the board. A pony-
tailed, less made-up Elle takes notes on her lap-top, as
Warner makes an argument.


WARNER

. According to Swinney v. Neubert, Swinney,
who was also a private sperm donor, was
allowed visitation rights as long as he
came to terms with the hours set forth by
the parents. So, if we're sticking to
past precedent, Mr. Latimer wasn't
st al ki ng -- he was clearly within his
rights to ask for visitation.


PROFESSOR DONQVAN

But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor,
and in our case, the defendant was a
habitual sperm donor, who also happens to
be harassing the parents in his quest for
visitation.


(CONTINUED)





55.


73 "73




WARNER

But , without this man's sperm --the
child in question would not exist.

He grins and looks around as the class murmurs their
agreement.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

EMMETT enters from the back, holding a file. He stands there
quietly, watching. ·
Elle tentatively raises her hand.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)

Ms. Woods?
Sarah looks at Claire.


SARAH

(sotto)
The idiot speaks.


ELLE

Although Mr. Huntington makes an
excellent point, I have to wonder if the
defendant kept a thorough record of each
sperm emission made throughout his life?

The class titters. Elle grows annoyed.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

(bemused)
Why do you ask?

Elle's hesitancy is replaced by conviction.

ELLE

Well, unless the defendant attempted to
contact every single one-night- stand to
determine if a child resulted in those
unions -- then he has no parental claim
whatsoever over this child. Why this
s p e rm ? Why now? '

Emmett's mouth twitches into a smile.





(CONTINUED)





56.


73 (2) 73




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
For that matter, all masturbatory
emissions where his sperm was clearly not
seeking an egg could be termed reckless
abandonment.

Warner's mouth hangs open. As does Sarah's and the rest of
the class. Donovan smiles.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

I believe you've just won your case.

Elle grins. :


74 INT. DONOVAN'S CLASS - LATER 74


As the students file out, Elle passes Donovan.


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

You did well today.

She stops.


ELLE

I did?


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

You're applying for my internship, aren't
you?


ELLE

I don ' t know --


PROFESSOR DONOVAN

You should. Do you have a resume?


ELLE

(excited)
" ··'.' . · ·. . . i do. ' ' , .''. ·' . . · ; . .
She pulls a resume out of her briefcase and hands it to him..
He looks at it. ·

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

It's pink.


ELLE

And engraved... Gives it that extra
little something, doesn't it? .
(smiling)
See you tomorrow!



(CONTINUED)





. 57.


74 74



She walks on. Emmett walks up, handing the file to Donovan.

EMMETT

I brought you the Windham notes.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

(watching Elle go)
You think she just woke up one morning
and said, "I think I'll go to law school
today!"?
Ei timett looks after Elle, bemused.


EMMETT

Aside from that lapse in judgement --
she's got potential.

75 INT. ELLE'S CAR-DAY 75

Elle drives. Paulette is shotgun. ·

PAULETTE

You showed up Warner in class? You're
supposed to be showing up Sarah.

ELLE

I couldn't help it! It was the most fun
I've had since I've been in law school.
Not only was I good enough for Warner --
I was better than him. He has to see
serious I am now. Even Donovan was
impressed, and he's a total hard- ass.
Elle stops the car and turns off the ignition.

ELLE (CONT'D)

You ready?

PAULETTE ·


.

No. '

·


ELLE

Yes, you are. Go -- you can do this. .
She points ahead of them. Paulette goes.

76 EXT. DEWEY'S TRAILER - DAY . 76


The door opens. DEWEY(40s) and his beer gut emerge.
Paulette is on the porch. Trying to exude confidence, but
failing.




(CONTINUED)




9/172000 Revision (Blue) 58.

16 76




DEWEY

(to Paulette)
What the hell do yon want? We're eating
dinner.

PAULETTE

I just --

DEWEY

You just thought you'd come over and show
me what I 'm definitely not missing?

77 INT. ELLE'S CAR - DAY -SAME TIME 77


She watches, frowning.


78 EXT. DEWEY 'S TRAILER - DAY -CONTINUOUS 78 '


Dewey's really having fun now.


; DEWEY


;

What the hell happened to you? You get a
job at a donut shop?

· PAULETTE

That's not what --

DEWEY

How many times you gonna show up here,
beggin1 me to take you back? '

Paulette reddens -- flustered and humiliated. Elle appears
next to her.

ELLE

Dewey Newcomb?

DEWEY

Who's askin'

ELLE

. I ' m Elle Woods. Ms. Bonaf ante's · .
attorney.

Paulette looks at Elle in surprise, Elle keeps going.




ELLE (CONT'D)

Under state law, you and Ms. Bonaf ante
had a common law marriage which entitles
her to the benefits of property law and
an equitable division of assets.



(CONTINUED)





59.


78 "78



Paulette watches Elle, mouth hanging open.


DEWEY

(confused)
Come again?

ELLE

Due to the fact that you retained the
residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to
full ownership of the canine property in
question and we will be enforcing said
ownership immediately.

DEWEY :

Huh?

ELLE


·

Tell him, Paulette.
A still-stunned Paulette looks at Elle, then turns to Dewey,
fire in her ass. '.

·"


.


PAULETTE ·




I ' m taking the dog dumbass.
(calling into the trailer)
C'mere, baby, Mommy's here!

Rufus bounds out, licking and kissing Paulette. The love
evident.

79 INT./EXT. ELLE'S CAR - A MOMENT LATER 79


Elle, Paulette and Rufus get in.


ELLE

W e did it! .
Elle high-fives her.

PAULETTE

God, that felt great!

ELLE ·

Look at him. He's still scratching his
head.

PAULETTE .

Which must be a nice vacation for his
bls . .
al.

She turns to Rufus, hugging him.




(CONTINUED)





60.


79 79




PAULETTE (CONT'D)

And now Mommy's got somebody to eat
dinner with again. You don't care what
Mommy's butt looks like, do you?
Elle looks over at Paulette, heart going out to her.

80 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 80


Elle turns on her Powerbook as Professor Stromwell faces the
class with her morning quote.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

"An image and a good hook can get you
into a room --· but something has to keep
you in that room."

She looks around as hands are raised.


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Mr. Greenstein?


INTENSE IVAN

Judge Sandra Day 0'Connor?


PROFESSOR STROMWELL

C ose.. . .
l

Intense Ivan's face falls. She looks around, seeing Elle
raising her hand.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)

(continuing) -
Ms. Woods?

ELLE

Madonna?
The class rolls their eyes and laughs, watching Stromwell.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL

Damn. Thought I ' d get everyone on that
one.
The class can't believe Elle is right.

81 EXT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - HALLWAY - DAY 81


A THRONG of buzzing students is gathered around the bulletin
board. Elle walks up.



(CONTINUED)





61.


81 81




ELLE

What's going on?


DORKY DAVID

Donovan's firm is defending a major
murder case and his caseload is so heavy
he's taking on first year interns.


ELLE

He chose them already?

Sarah, at the front of the throng, gasps, then turns to
Warner.


SARAH

We got it!

He grins and she kisses him on the cheek. Elle, shoved to
the back, tries to get closer, when she hears --


ENID

The competition must not have been that
'· stiff. ·

Arrogant Aaron pushes his way to the board. .


ARROGANT AARON

Why? ion .got a spot?


ENID

Hey! Watch your hands, Mr.Grabass.


ARROGANT AARON '

(ignoring her)
That only leaves one for --
Elle, now next to him, gets a look at the board.


ELLE

(shocked)
Me?!

Everyone REACTS. She turns and faces the throng. They stare
back at her in shock.
Dignified, she walks through them as they PART for her,
stopping in front of Warner and Sarah.

EL LE (CONT'D)

(continuing; to Warner) ·
Remember the time after Winter Formal?
When we spent four incredible hours In
the hot tub...?


(CONTINUED)





62.


81 (2) 81



Sarah looks away. . ·

ELLE (CONT'D)

This is way better than that.
(pushing Sarah aside)
Excuse me. I have some shopping to do.
As she goes, surprised CHATTER overtakes the hallway.


82 INT. SAK'S - WOMENS' DEPT. - DAY 82 ·

Elle scans the racks of conservative clothes. She holds up a
cashmere twinset and wrinkles her nose, but throws it over
her arm anyway.

83 INT. NORDSTROM'S - HANDBAGS - DAY - LATER 83

Elle admires a trendy handbag, but then promptly sets it down
and picks up a practical leather briefcase.


84 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LOBBY - DAY 84

The elevator door opens and Warner and Elle emerge. Elle is
sporting her new, boring "lawyer" clothes. Warner is baffled
and impressed by her transformation.


WARNER

You look -- nice.

ELLE

Thank you.

She gives him an aloof smile and walks off. Warner watches her
go. Sarah stands in the lobby. None too happy to witness this.


85 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 85

Donovan strides through the office, his four interns behind
him. He points as he walks.


DONOVAN

There's your office, there's the
bathroom, there's the coffee machine.
There's Gerard, Dick and1Bobby.

GERARD, smarmy and trim, DICK, short and bald, and BOBBY,
black and bespectacled, wave as the interns pass by.


DONOVAN (CONT'D)

(continuing)
They're the other associates on the case.
Ask them all your stupid questions, save
the smart ones for me.




63.





86 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT AND DONOVAN - CONFERENCE ROOM 86


Professor Donovan opens his briefcase as Elle, Sarah, Enid
and Warner hang on his every word.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

We're defending Brooke Windham, whose
very wealthy husband was found shot to
death in their Beacon Hill mansion.

SARAH

Gold digger?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

You'd think so, since the stiff was
sixty, but she was rich on her own. Some
kind of fitness empire. You can buy her
exercise tapes on infomercials.
Elle frowns.

ELLE

Wait a minute -- are we talking about
Brooke Daniels?
Donovan checks his papers.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

M a i d e n name--Daniels.
(looking up)
You know her?

ELLE

She was a Delta Gamma! Not in my pledge
class or anything -- she graduated ,five
years ahead of me. But I used to take her
class at the LA Sports Club. She's
amazing!
The others looks at each other and roll their eyes.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Amazing how?


ELLE

She could make you drop three pounds in
one class. She's completely gifted!

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

Well, in all likelihood, she's completely
guilty as well. She was seen standing
over her husband's dead body.


(CONTINUED)





.4.


6


86 86




WA RN ER

B y who?

SA RAH

(correcting him)
Whom?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN

His twenty-seven year old daughter and
the pool boy.


ELLE

Maybe she found him like that.

P RO F ES S OR DONOVAN

That's the story she'll be telling the
jury. We just have to prove it.

Emmett walks in and sits.

EMMETT

Sorry I ' m late.
Elle looks at him, confused.

P R O FE S SO R DONOVAN

This is Emmett Kerrigan, another associate.
Top three in his class and former editor of
H a r v a r d Law Review. You've probably seen
h i m lurking around campus doing my research.

EM ME TT

Or napping on the quad. .
Elle smiles at him. He smiles back. Almost shy.


WARNER

(to Donovan)
What about the murder weapon?


P R O FE S SO R DONOVAN

The gun is missing. The coroner said
he'd been dead thirty minutes dead when
the cops arrived -- giving Brooke plenty
of time to stash it.


ELLE

There's no way Brooke could've done this -
- exercise gives you endorphins,
endorphins make you happy -- happy people
don't kill their husbands!
Sarah and Enid snort.


( CON TINU ED)





65.


86 (2) 86




PROFESSOR DONOVAN

You don't really believe she's innocent?


ELLE

Of course, I do!

Emmett looks at her.


EMMETT

Then we may actually have a case.

He looks over at Donovan, who's not so sure.


.·'.'.


87 EXT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 87


Grey and imposing.


88 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 88


Donovan sits at a long table, next to BROOKE, a pretty 26-
.year-old blonde with a perfect body and a sad face. The
interns and associates sit at the far end of the table taking
notes. A cop stands guard at the door.


DONOVAN

What alibi?

' ·. .'


BROOKE

I can't tell you.

' DONOVAN

You understand you're on trial for
murder ?


BROOKE

I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my
husband lying on the floor, bent down to
check his heart, screamed my head off and
Chutney and Enrique ran inside.


DONOVAN

Where they saw you standing over the body
covered in his blood.
She glares at him.

BROOKE

Why would I kill my husband?

DONOVAN

Insurance? A love affair? Pure
unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA
will come up with plenty of reasons.


(CONTINUED)





66.


88 8E




B ROO KE

I l ov ed h im !

DO NO VA N

He was thirty-four years older than you.
That doesn't sound so good to a jury.

Now she's pissed.

BROOKE

Then show them a picture of his cock.
They might put a few things together.

Everyone stiffens except for Ell.e, who laughs out loud.


DONOVAN , .

Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is
gonna want an alibi.


BROOKE

I can't give you that. And if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.

Donovan takes a moment to look at her like she's an idiot.


DONOVAN

Were you with another man?


BROOKE

Go to hell.


DONOVAN

I'll take that as a no.


BROOKE

Are we done for today?


DONOVAN

I believe we are.
He stands. As do his minions. As they file out, Brooke sees
Elle.


BROOKE

Hey -- I know you.

Elle perks up.


ELLE

I ' m a Delta Gamma and I ' m a huge fan of
yours!




(CONTINUED)





.67.


88 (2) 8￡




BR OOKE

You took my class in LA. You had the
best high kick I've ever seen. Are you
one of my lawyers?

ELLE

Sort of.
Brooke looks at Elle as if she's her savior.


BROOKE

Well, thank God one of you has a brain.




89 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 89


Rufus sleeps happily on the floor. Elle sits in front of . '
Paulette, nails in the soapy water.


ELLE

I feel so bad for her. I mean, she's in
jail! And she's innocent. But I ' m the
only one who believes her. Donovan
totally thinks she's guilty.


. PAULETTE

That's because men are big, fat retards
who don't -- Oh, my God...

ON THE DOOR


The UPS GUY stands in the doorway with a package, sun
streaming in around him.

UPS GUY

Afternoon, ladies.

O N ELLE AND PAULETTE



PAULETTE

It's him!
Paulette smooths down her hair.


ELLE '

It's who?
She turns to look as we go to --

BUTT-CAM -- CLOSE ON the crisp brown shorts of a regulation
UPS uniform, as they stretch across the taut, muscular
buttocks of UPS GUY, as he strides through the shop.


(CO NTINUE D)





68.


89 89



When the butt stops moving, we WIDEN to reveal the UPS Guy
now standing in front of Elle and Paulette.


UPS GUY

I've got a package.
Elle turns to Paulette, eyes wide.

ELLE

(agreeing)
He's got a package. ·
Paulette is frozen. Blushing and nervous.


UPS GUY

How ya doin' today? .

PAULETTE . ·

Fine?
He waits for her to sign. She remains frozen. Elle takes
the pen and signs for her, trying to help. .

UPS Guy smiles kindly at Paulette and heads out.


UPS GUY .


·

Take it easy.
Paulette watches him go, hand over her heart. Elle looks at
her, concerned. ,


ELLE

So, this is the only interaction you two
have ever had?


PAULETTE

No. Sometimes I say "Okay" instead of
"Fine".


ELLE

Have you ever considered asking him if
he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a
neck massage?

·'. ' · · .''



PAULETTE

What's the point?
(matter of factly)
Look at me.


ELLE

I am. And I'm looking at a beautiful,
fabulous, sexy woman.


(CONTINUED)





· . 6 9.


89 (2) 89



Paulette snorts.

PAULETTE

Good one.

ELLE

Trust'me. You've got the equipment, you
just need to read the manual.
Elle stands. ,

ELLE (CONT'D)

I ' m going to.show you a little maneuver
my mother taught me when I was in junior
high. In my experience, it has a 98%
success rate in getting a man's attention
an d when used appropriately--an 83%
rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The HAIRSTYLISTS and CLIENTS listen, intrigued. .

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
It's called the "Bend & Snap".
(acting)
"Oh, look! There's something on the
floor that I need to pick up!" Bend...
She slowly BENDS down, as if to pick up something, sticking
out her tush, knee cocked. She slids her hand down her
cocked leg until her hand touches the floor and she SNAPS
back up, boobs a'bouncing.

ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
And snap! Now you try.
Paulette stands up repeating the maneuver.

PAULETTE

Bend...and snap!
I t ' s a spastic version of what Elle just did.

ELLE

Good. Now this time, put a little arch in
your back and maybe get your footing more
solid.
Paulette does it again. This time, getting it right.




(CONTINUED)





70.


89 ( 3 ) 89




ELLE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Perfect!
A HAIR CLIENT walks over, head full of curlers.


HAIR CLIENT

Like this? .
She tries.


ELLE

Good.
She adjusts her like a yoga instructor would.


ELLE (CONT'D)

But cock that knee.
ANOTHER CLIENT calls over.


ANOTHER CLIENT

Am I doing it right?
Elle walks over to her.


ELLE

More snap, less bend.
She turns to the rest of the clients.


ELLE (CONT'D)

C'mon -- everyone try!
Clients hop up out of their chairs as someone reaches over
and cranks the transistor radio, blaring "BRICK HOUSE" by the
Commodores.

All the clients and technicians, no matter what their age, or
how many foils are in there hair, are up and doing the "Bend
& Snap", repeating the mantra as they do.

Elle walks around them, continuing to adjust them.


ELLE (CONT'D)

Now everyone together.
They all bend in unison -- going down on "Brick" --


EVERYONE

Bend --
And snapping back up -- on "House" .


(CONTINUED)





.71.


89 ( 4 ) 89




EVERYONE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
And snap !

The frivolity continues as the roomful of ladies perfect the
maneuver . .
M AU R I C E , a male hair-dresser, comes out of the back room,
m i xi n g a bowl of bleach as he walks. He stops when he spots
the activity. .


MAURICE

Oh, my God! The Bend & Snap!
(to an old lady)
Works every time...


INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-DAY


90 90


CHUTNEY, 27, curly-haired and bitter, sits in front of
Donovan, the FEMALE DA, the associates, the interns and a
court .reporter, as she's interviewed.


CHUTNEY

I got out of the shower," walked
downstairs, saw her standing over my
father, and called the police.


DONOVAN

Did she have a weapon in her hand?


CHUTNEY

No.


DONOVAN

Was there any reason for you to believe
she had discarded a weapon?

CHUTNEY

Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him.


DONOVAN

Was there any evidence that Mrs . Windham
shot him?


CHUTNEY

(duh)
His dead body with a bullet in it. .


91 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-LATER 91


ENRIQUE, 25, Latino and hunky as hell, sits in the seat that
Chutney has vacated.



(CONTINUED)





72.

91 aONTINUED: 91



DONOVAN

What did you see when you entered the
house?

ENRIQUE

I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body
of Mr. Windham.

DONOVAN

Was she carrying a weapon?


· ENRIQUE

No, she was crying her eyes out.

Donovan smiles.

DONOVAN

So she was distraught that her husband
was dead?


ENRIQUE

Oh, yes. Mrs. Windham is the most sweet,
wonderful woman I know. I have loved her
since the day she hired me. She could
never do something this awful. I know
this because we are very close.

The others shift uncomfortably, then look at each other. Then.,
back at Enrique and his shiny, unbuttoned-to-show-his-pecs
shirt. The DA smiles.


92 INT. STEAKHOUSE - NIGHT .9.2


Donovan, the interns, and associates sit at a large table.


GERARD

She's screwing the pool boy.

Elle gasps and makes a face.


ELLE

There is no way a Delta Gamma would sleep
with a man in a shiny shirt. Warner,
back me up here.

Warner shrugs, embarrassed. Sarah looks at Donovan.


SARAH

I hate to agree ~ but I don't see the
two of them actually --
(wrinkling her nose)
-- doing it.


(CONTINUED)





73.


92 92




ENID

Women like that will screw anything.

ELLE

So, because she's beautiful and has a good
body, she's easy? What book of feminist
theory did you read iiiai in, Enid?
Emmett jumps in before war breaks out.

EMMETT

Okay, if Brooke didn't kill the guy, who did?

ELLE

My money's on the angry daughter or the
ex-wife.

DONOVAN

Chutney has a trust fund. She didn't
need the insurance payoff or the
inheritance.

BOBBY

What about her mother?

DONOVAN

Covered. She was in Aspen at the time.
Ten people saw her downing cosmopolitans
at the Caribou Club.

ELLE

Al l I know is-- it's not Brooke.

DONOVAN

That's touching, Elle, but we need an
alibi.
Elle thinks about this.


93 INT. BOSTON JAIL - LOBBY - DAY ' 93


A--nervous Elle stands in front of the burly CHECK-IN GUARD..
She holds a basket of goodies.

ELLE

I ' m here to see Brooke Wi'ndham.

GUARD

Licensed attorney or family member?

ELLE

Uh -- family.


(CONTINUED)





74.


93 93




GUARD

Relation?


ELLE

I ' m her sister.


GUARD

Name?


ELLE

Delta. Gamma.

He makes a note and buzzes her in. '


94 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 94


Elle sits at a conference table with her basket. A door
opens and a female guard brings Brooke into the room. Wearing
a horribly tacky orange jumpsuit.

ELLE

Are you okay? You look so sad...and so
. orange.

BROOKE

I ' m glad it's you and not Donovan.

. ELLE

He means well. He's really brilliant and
all.
Brooke sits, not looking convinced.

BROOKE

He better be, for what I ' m paying him.
Elle pushes her basket forward.

ELLE

I brought you some necessities. Pink
sheets. Aromatherapy candles. Loofah.
And The Bible.
She holds up a "Cosmopolitan".

BROOKE

You're an angel.
Elle squirms in her seat.





(CONTINUED)





75.


94 94




ELLE

But I have to tell you the real reason
I ' m here. Professor Donovan says we
really, really need your alibi.

Brooke tears up.


BROOKE

Elle, I can't. You don't understand.


ELLE

Who could better understand than me?

Brooke dabs her eyes with a corner of the pink Ralph Lauren
sheets.


BROOKE

It's so shameful...


ELLE

Whatever it is -- it could save you.

BROOKE

That's just it -- it would ruin me!

ELLE

How?

Brooke composes herself. Takes a deep breath. Looks at Elle.

BROOKE

I have made my fortune on my ability to
teach women how to perfect their bodies
with the Brooke's Butt Buster workout.

ELLE

I know! You helped me go from a six to a
four!
Brooke starts to cry again.

BROOKE

On the day of Heyworth's murder, I was --
She snorts back a sob.

BROOKE (CONT'D)

(continuing)
-- getting liposuction.
Elle gasps.



(CONTINUED)





76.


94 (2) 94




ELLE

No!


BROOKE

(completely shamed)
I ' m a fraud! But it's not like normal
people can have this ass! If my fans
knew, I ' d lose everything. I've already
lost my husband. I rather be in jail
then lose my reputation!

Elle hugs her to her chest, consoling her.


ELLE

Your secret is safe with me.

95 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LIBRARY - DAY 95


The associates and interns sit at a table piled high with
research, as Donovan goes over his notes.


DONOVAN

.. We've got two interviews tomorrow that
Dick and Bobby are gonna handle, and the
ex-wife in an hour.
He looks up.


DONOVAN (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Sarah, can you grab me some coffee?

Sarah rises, and fetches the coffee from the side table.


DONOVAN (CONT'D)

(continuing)
And according to this communique from the
prison, our client apparently had a visit
fr om her sister? A Miss Delta Gamma --
He looks at Elle.


DONOVAN (CONT'D)

(continuing)
Anyone you know?

Elle looks up, caught. The others looks at her.


ELLE

I went to get her alibi.

Emmett looks over, surprised.



(CONTINUED)





77,


95 95




DONOVAN

Did you get it?


ELLE

But I can't tell you what it is.
Yes.

The others can't believe this.

DONOVAN

Why the hell not?

' ELLE

I promised her I ' d keep it secret. I
can't break the bonds of sisterhood!

Now he's pissed.

DONOVAN

Fuck sisterhood. This is a murder trial,
not some scandal at the sorority house.
I want the alibi.

Sarah sets Donovan's coffee down. Watching to see what Elle
will do.


ELLE

I can't give it to you. All I can tell
you is that she's innocent.

An ASSISTANT pokes her head in the room.


ASSISTANT

Mr. Donovan? Mrs. Windham Vandermark is
on line two.

Donovan rises, still annoyed.


DONOVAN

Someone reason with her while I take
this.

He walks out. The others look at Elle.


BOBBY

Are you crazy? Tell him the alibi.


ELLE

, No!


DICK

We're gonna lose the case if you don't.




(CONTINUED)





78.


95 (2) 95




ELLE

Then we're not very good lawyers.

Emmett hides a smile. Warner leans over to Elle. Sarah is
nearby, listening. ·

WARNER

(quietly)
If you tell him, you'll probably make
summer associate. Who cares.about Brooke?
Think about yourself.


ELLE

I gave her my word, Warner.

Sarah watches -- seeing both Warner and Elle in a different
light.

Donovan storms back in.


DONOVAN

The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned with
the fact that her interview is today.
She's at a spa in the Berkshires.


GERARD

A spa?
(to Elle)
Isn't that like, your Mother-Ship?
Elle shrugs and looks at Donovan.


ELLE .

I can go if you want.

ENID

Why you?


GERARD

(to Enid)
Have you ever been to a spa?


ENID

And subscribe to the doctrine of self-
hatred imposed upon my gender by male
delusions of the way women are supposed
to look?
(beat) .
Twice.

Donovan motions toward Elle. Then looks at Emmett with a
pointed "Get the alibi" look.



(CONTINUED)





79.


95 (3) 95




DONOVAN

Go with her.


96 INT. EMMETT'S VOLVO - DAY 96