一曲相思情未了 The Fabulous Baker Boys 1989
时间:2007-10-27 22:05:44来源: 作者:
The
Fabulous Baker Boys (1989)
by Steve Kloves. Final draft, November 4, 1988.
by Steve Kloves. Final draft, November 4, 1988.
FADE IN:
1 INT. APARTMENT - DUSK
JACK BAKER is standing before a dirty window, looking
out at a dirty city street. He is wearing a tuxedo.
VOICE
Hey.
Jack looks at the GIRL in the bed, then at the rest of the
apartment. Not good.
JACK.
Hey.
GIRL
Whatcha doin' over there?
JACK
Gotta go.
GIRL
How come?
JACK
Job.
The girl glances at the bedside clock.
GIRL
Funny hours.
JACK
Funny job.
GIRL
Will I see you again?
Jack looks out at the dirty street again.
JACK
No.
The girl doesn't appear terribly unnerved by this.
GIRL
(the tux)
You weren't wearing that, were you, earlier?
Jack shakes his head, taps a brown bag on the sill.
JACK
Brought it.
GIRL
Thank God. You look like a creep.
JACK
Thanks.
GIRL
I mean, I'd hate to think I'd pick up someone who
wore that shit.
Jack nods, grabs the bag, and moves to the door.
GIRL
Hey.
(as he stops)
You got great hands.
Hearing this, a slow smile forms on Jack's lips and:
2 MAIN TITLES BEGIN
A) OMITTED
thru
E)
F) EXT. SEATTLE DOWNTOWN STREET - DUSK
Jeff walking. (Street wetdown.)
G) EXT. SEATTLE DOWNTOWN STREET - DUSK
Jeff walking. (Street wetdown.)
H) EXT. SEATTLE DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT.
Jeff walking on way to work.
I) EXT. SEATTLE DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT.
Jeff walking on way to work.
J) EXT. SEATTLE DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT.
Jeff stops at State Liquor store purchase.
MAIN TITLES END, we...
DISSOLVE TO:
3 EXT. A NICE DOWNTOWN HOTEL (STARFIRE)
- NIGHT
As Jack approaches, he takes a hit off a flask of whiskey,
then returns it to his pocket. A DOORMAN swings open
the door.
JACK.
How'm I doing, Tommy?
DOORMAN.
Two minutes.
4 INT. STARFIRE LOBBY - NIGHT
As Jack enters the lobby, he lights a cigarette, and nods to
a waitress (SHEILA) passing by.
JACK
Hey, Sheil. How's tips?
SHEILA
I ain't booking a cruise.
JACK
You seen my brother?
SHEILA
In the john.
5 INT. STARFIRE BATHROOM - NIGHT
Jack's brother, FRANK, is standing in front of the mirror,
stuffing the collar of his tux with towels while LOUIS, an
old black attendant, looks on. Jack enters.
JACK
(a nod)
Louis.
FRANK
You're giving me an ulcer, Jack.
JACK
I'm early.
FRANK
Forty-five seconds doesn't qualify as early, Jack.
Jesus, who's doing your tux these days?
JACK
Moon.
FRANK
Go to China Boy, will ya. You look like you just
crawled out of bed.
Jack picks up a tiny spray can on the sink, reads it.
JACK
"Be the envy of all your friends with Crowning
Glory's Miracle Hair"...?
(looking up)
You gotta be kidding.
Jack studies the bald spot on the crown of his brother's
head, then shakes the can. A MIXING BALL is heard.
JACK
This is paint, Frank.
FRANK
It's not paint.
(pointing to the can)
It's a "magical sheath which simulates a dazzling
head of hair."
JACK
Frank, this is paint.
FRANK
Just help me put it on, okay? You're supposed to
spray in a circular motion.
As Frank positions himself, Jack exchanges a glance with
Louis. Shrugging, Jack gives the can a shake, steps back,
and fires away.
FRANK
Well...?
Jack just stares. There is a dark spot on the back of Frank's
head about the size of a scooter pie.
FRANK
Louis?
Louis looks up. His face could conceal a royal flush.
LOUIS
Dazzling...
APPLAUSE is heard as we...
CUT TO:
6 INT. STARFIRE LOUNGE - CLOSEUP - A
CARDBOARD STAND-UP - NIGHT
featuring two 8x10 glossies of Frank and Jack (more hair)
and in bold letters: "TONIGHT! THE FABULOUS
BAKER BOYS!"
We HOLD on the stand-up, then RISE above it to reveal a
candlelit lounge, where Jack and Frank sit behind
matching grand pianos, a poor man's version of Ferrante
and Teicher.
FRANK
(Mr. Smile)
Thank you, thank you. Good evening and welcome
to the Starfire Lounge. My name is Frank Baker
and eighty-eight keys across from me is my little
brother Jack.
The audience -- consisting of middle-aged out-of-towners
swilling enormous banana daiquiris -- APPLAUDS.
FRANK
You know, my brother and I have been playing
together, gosh, I don't know. How long has it
been, Jack?
JACK
(lighting cigarette)
Thirty-one years, Frank.
FRANK
That's a lot of water under the bridge, eh, Jack?
JACK
Lotta water.
FRANK
Of course, back then, things were a little different.
I was eleven, Jack was seven. and about the only
one who would listen to us was the family cat,
Cecil. We must've shaved three lives off that cat,
eh, Jack?
The audience, having the benefit of the daiquiris,
LAUGHS. Jack smiles like he's got a mouth full of razor
blades.
FRANK
But seriously. It's been fifteen years since Jack
and I first stepped onto the stage as professionals.
But even though we've played some of the finest
venues in the world... there's one place that's
always been, for us, a very special place, and
that place is... this place, the Starfire Lounge.
Jack lays in a few soft bass chords.
FRANK
Why? Well, I guess you could say it's the...
(pregnant moment)
...people.
At which point, Frank's hands descend onto the keyboard
and give birth to the melody of -- what else? -- "People."
7 INT. STARFIRE KITCHEN - LATER
Jack and Frank pass through the steamy hotel kitchen.
FRANK
Now when we go in there, don't make trouble,
all right?
JACK
Who's gonna make trouble?
GIRL'S VOICE
Hi, Jack.
A young GIRL in an apron smiles at Jack.
JACK
Hi, Jenny. New earings?
JENNY
Like 'em?
JACK
Swell. You got something for me?
The girl holds up a huge soup bone.
JENNY
Been hiding it from Hector all day.
JACK
You're a doll.
FRANK
(as they exit)
I mean it Jack. Behave.
JACK
Like an angel.
8 INT. LLOYD'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Frank stands across the desk from the hotel's very young,
very condescending assistant manager (LLOYD) as he
prepares a cash envelope. Jack stays in the doorway,
smoking.
LLOYD
Terrific, boys. Really. Terrific. Yes, sir... You're
just what we needed on a night like this.
FRANK
Uh... thanks, Lloyd.
Frank glances at Jack and realises he should have left him
in the kitchen with Jenny and the soup bone.
LLOYD
Only Jack, do me a favour, will ya, pal. If you
wanna smoke onstage, put on a pair of sunglasses
and go play with the niggers on State Street.
Smoke curls out of Jack's nose. He is utterly still, like a pit
bull eyeing a steak.
LLOYD
Okay, boys, that ought to buy you a few more
lessons. By the way, Frankie, I'm declaring this.
Lloyd slaps a slender envelope onto the desk.
FRANK
Uh... You don't know when you'll be wanting us
back, do you, Lloyd?
LLOYD
I'll call you.
FRANK
Uh, well, you know, the way our schedule is, I
thought maybe...
LLOYD
I'll call you.
Frank bites down and takes the envelope from the desk.
JACK
Count it.
FRANK
Huh?
JACK
Count it.
FRANK
Jack...
JACK
Count the fucking money, Frank.
Lloyd looks up. Jack is staring right into him. Reluctantly,
Frank opens the envelope.
FRANK
It's all here.
(pulling Jack out)
I'll be talking to you, Lloyd.
Lloyd doesn't answer. He just looks at Jack, smiling with
amusement.
9 EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Jack comes out onto the street with the wrapped up soup
bone. Frank follows with the stand-up.
FRANK
Very nice, Jack. Very nice.
JACK
Fuck him.
FRANK
This isn't the Pine Tree Inn on Route 81, Jack.
JACK
Fuck him.
FRANK
Fuck him. Great, terrific. Fuck him.
As Frank reaches his car, he opens the trunk for the
stand-up, then counts out Jack's share of the night's money.
JACK
So we on tomorrow night?
FRANK
Maybe Thursday. I hear the harpist at the
Sheraton's got appendicitis.
Frank slams the trunk closed.
JACK
Hey.
As Frank turns, Jack tosses him the Miracle Hair can.
JACK
Don't forget your hair.
10 INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Small, old, sparsely furnished. A piano by the window, an
old phonograph, a bookcase full of records. Few
photographs.
As Jack enters, EDDIE, an old black Labrador, walks over
and yawns.
JACK
Try to control your excitement, will ya, Ed.
Eddie nuzzles the soup bone.
JACK
Let's see your mouth.
(taking a look)
All right. But go easy.
As Eddie retreats with the bone, Jack breaks the collar of
his shirt and pauses by the piano. He considers the keys
but, instead, flips on the PHONOGRAPH. As Bill Evans'
smoky piano solo "Turn Out the Stars" spills quietly into
the room, Jack takes off his tie... then stops. He glances to
the kitchen: dishes drip-drying in a rack. He touches an
ashtray: clean.
Taking two silent steps backward, Jack peers into the
bedroom. Inside, curled up on the bed, is a little girl
(NINA). Jack studies her a moment, then, taking the bottle
of whiskey from his coat, sits at the piano by the window,
staring into the night.
11 EXT. JACK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING
(EARLY)
The sun begins to peek through the buildings of Jack's
neighborhood. Suddenly, ringing out over the rooftops is
"JINGLE BELLS" -- not the entire song, just the first few
bars, over and over.
12 INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Jack, on the couch covered with a blanket, his arm draped
over the slumbering Eddie, opens his eyes, Across the
room, seated at the piano, is Nina, the little girl. She stops
playing and turns.
NINA
If you want some coffee? I made some coffee.
Jack looks into the sleepy face of Eddie and sits up. He
nods to the coffee. Nina goes to the kitchen,
NINA
(the piano)
I practiced last night. I think I'm ready for "oh,
what fun it is to ride."
Jack nods. Suddenly the SOUND of heavy footsteps is
heard. Jack and Nina glance up at the ceiling.
JACK
Sounds big. What's he do?
NINA
I don't know. Ma said it's like a lawyer, only the
hours are more regular. All I know's he came to
take the TV one afternoon and ended up staying
for dinner.
JACK
What happened to the donut king?
NINA
Married.
Upstairs, a door slams and heavy feet ECHO in the
stairwell. Nina peers out the window.
NINA.
No breakfast. Maybe they had a fight.
Two deep thumps SOUND on the ceiling, a signal.
NINA
Gotta go. Teach me later?
Jack nods. As Nina exits, Jack turns to the couch and
gives Eddie a nudge.
JACK
Hey.
12A EXT. WILLIE'S PIANO SHOWROOM - DAY
The front window is cluttered with photographs of
celebrity patrons, including two of Jack and Frank in their
tuxedos.
13 INT. PIANO SHOWROOM - DAY
Inside, Jack and Frank pick through a sea of rentals.
FRANK
I just think it's time you came out for a visit, that's
all. I mean, how long's it been? A year?
JACK
(pointing to a piano)
Try the Bosen.
As Jack plays a little "Alfie" on one grand, Frank follows
suit on another. Jack frowns and glances across the room,
where a fat MAN sits absorbed in the racing form.
JACK
When you getting the Steinways back in, Willie?
WILLIE
Wednesday next.
Jack frowns again, moves to another piano.
FRANK
Look. Here's what I'm saying. You come out to the
house next weekend. You spend a few hours with
the kids. You have a ball.
JACK
I hate your kids, Frank.
FRANK
You're their uncle.
JACK
Only by relation. Besides, they hate me too.
FRANK
They don't. They're always asking about you.
JACK
They tried to electrocute me.
FRANK
It was an accident.
JACK
It was no fucking accident. The little one...
FRANK
Cindy.
JACK
She threw a goddamn radio into the bathtub. How
do you explain that?
FRANK
She didn't know what she was doing. You're too
sensitive.
JACK
You got weird kids, Frank.
FRANK
(wearying of this)
Look. It's Cindy's birthday. It'd be nice if you came
out.
Jack
(pointing)
Try the Yamaha.
Jack and Frank do a little "I Think I'm Going Out Of My
Head", then Frank looks up for a verdict.
JACK
(exiting)
Tag 'em.
FRANK
The Capri, Willie. Monday and Tuesday.
14 INT. CAPRI HOTEL/LUAU LOUNGE - NIGHT
Decked out in Hawaiian shirts, Jack and Frank bang out
"The Girl From Ipanema," while the audience -- three
sorry-looking businessmen -- stares glumly at the
grass-skirted waitresses yawning by the bar.
FRANK
...Thank you. The concludes our show for the
evening. Jack and I only hope you enjoyed
yourselves as much as we did.
15. INT. CAPRI HOTEL MANAGER'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Frank stops before a half-open door marked "HOTEL
MANAGER." Inside, a heavy MAN in a shiny suit is
throwing darts in the general direction of a dartboard.
He's not very good.
MAN (CHARLIE)
Frankie.
FRANK
You wanted to see me, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Yeah, yeah. Come on in.
FRANK
Little slow tonight.
CHARLIE
(waving it off)
Mondays. How's Jack?
FRANK
Okay.
CHARLIE
The reason I wanted to see you alone... I mean the
kitchen crew, the maids -- everybody loves him.
But me, he makes me nervous.
FRANK
Sometimes he makes me nervous.
CHARLIE
Yeah. Well, anyway.
Charlie takes an envelope, hands it to Frank.
FRANK
What's this?
CHARLIE
Your pay.
FRANK
What about tomorrow?
CHARLIE
It's all there. Both nights.
FRANK
What are you saying, Charlie?
CHARLIE
Look, Frankie. You and Jack been playing here a
long time.
FRANK
Twelve years.
CHARLIE
Maybe it's time we took a vacation from one
another.
FRANK
Vacation? Christ, Charlie, it's a Monday night. You
said so yourself... I've got the pianos for two
nights...
CHARLIE
It wasn't half full out there tonight, Frankie. I got
six waiters standing in back listening to baseball.
I gotta move the liquor. To move the liquor, I gotta
fill the tables. It's a matter of economics. Me, I
love you guys, you know that. You're class. But
people today. They don't know class if it walks
up and grabs 'em by the balls.
16 INT. CAPRI HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT
(MINUTES LATER)
As Jack waits, he notices an elegantly dressed woman
watching him. She smiles. As Jack considers her, Frank
appears, carrying the stand-up.
JACK
Charlie's aim getting any better?
Frank keeps walking. Jack notices the stand-up.
JACK
What's with the board?
FRANK
We're dark tomorrow.
JACK
Dark?
FRANK
Don't worry. Charlie stayed true. I'll give you your
share this weekend. At the house.
As Frank moves quickly out of the door, the CAMERA
PUSHES IN SLOWLY on Jack's face.
17 OMITTED
thru
18a
19 EXT. STREET/FRANK'S HOUSE - DAY
A taxi dumps Jack out onto the street of shabby tract
houses. In his rumpled city suit, Jack looks like a cheap
gangster amid the weedy lawns and overgrown junipers.
He stuffs the gift he's carrying into his coat and walks up
to the small white house, presses the bell. No response.
The back yard is small, with a short chain link fence
surrounding it. Two kids -- a girl (CINDY) and a boy --
wearing party hats and buoyance devices, are splashing
around in a build-it-yourself above-ground pool. When
they see Jack coming, they hunker down like crocodiles,
only their heads visible.
JACK
Hey, kids. Dad home?
The two heads say nothing.
JACK
What d'ya say? Wanna run and get him for me?
Still nothing. Jack frowns, takes out a cigarette, pats his
pocket for matches. No matches.
JACK
Shit.
The kids' eyes widen at this profanity. Jack ponders things
a moment, then steps over the fence.
At which point, the tiniest head begins to SCREAM.
JACK
Hey, kid. Take it easy.
No use. The kid's a world-class screamer. Suddenly
Frank comes racing out of the house.
FRANK
Cindy! What is it?
(seeing Jack)
Jack.
JACK
Your doorbell doesn't work.
FRANK
Honey, it's only Uncle Jack. You remember Uncle
Jack.
(to Jack)
It's probably just the excitement of seeing you again.
As Jack nods slowly, we...
CUT TO:
20 INT. FRANK'S DINING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
A battered birthday cake, which reads "Happy Birthday
Cindy", sits amid crumpled party hats and shreds of gift
wrap. Jack stands alone, looking out the window into the
back yard. Turning, he glances at the cake, then exits.
21 INT. FRANK'S HALLWAY - EARLY EVENING
At the end of the hallway, shadows cling to the ceiling
outside the kitchen and VOICES can be heard -- the sound
of family. As Jack moves towards the light, a half-open
door catches his eye. Stopping, he pushes the door open,
flips on a lamp.
22 INT. BAKER BOYS' ROOM - EARLY EVENING
Elvis has Graceland. The Fabulous Baker Boys have this
little room in a tract house in the suburbs.
Memorabilia is everywhere: music ribbons, newspaper
clippings, photographs of Jack and Frank at every age,
always dressed alike, smiling identical smiles. The first
stand-up is there, carefully mounted and framed. Sheet
music, dusty and dog-eared, is everywhere, piled in
drunken stacks.
But most noticeable are the pianos: two tiny uprights,
perfectly matched, their simulated ivory keys yellowed
with age.
Jack enters and surveys all around him. There is a shelf
crowded with shot glasses from a hundred hotels, and,
next to that, a stack of souvenir coasters from another
hundred. Seeing a tiny monkey with "Hula Girl
Hideaway" printed on it's belly (lighter), Jack gives one
of the little plastic arms a flick and -- snap -- the little
tiki torch in the other hand flames up. Jack lights the unlit
cigarette in his mouth, replaces the monkey.
Slowly, Jack's eyes come back to the pianos. He taps a
key on the one nearest him and a curious expression falls
over his face. He moves to the other piano, taps a key.
They're in tune.
Turning, Jack sees that little Cindy is standing behind him,
holding a pocket radio. She looks at it, then takes a step
forward and holds her arms up to him. Jack looks wary.
She shakes her arms impatiently and he bends down.
Putting her hands on his neck, she gives him a kiss, then
runs out of the room.
WOMAN'S VOICE
Looks like you've found yourself a girlfriend.
Jack looks up, sees Franks' wife, DONNA.
JACK
The young ones always break your heart.
Donna nods, gestures to the pianos.
DONNA
Which one was yours? I can never remember.
Jack taps the one nearest to him and Donna nods again,
then studies a photo on the wall.
DONNA
Funny... I don't ever seem to come in here... you
guys were really something, weren't you?
JACK
Yeah, well, Frank always made sure we dressed
sharp. Said that was half of it.
Donna nods. She and Jack obviously don't talk much.
DONNA
So, how's that dog of yours?
JACK
Losing his teeth.
Donna nods slowly, then does a little shiver.
DONNA
Gee, it's cold on here, isn't it? Think I need a
sweater.
Donna starts to exit, then stops by the door.
DONNA
Thanks for coming, Jack. The radio, that was nice.
As Donna exits, Jack notices a stack of glossies on a table.
As he touches them they fan into a dozen images of himself.
23 INT./EXT. FRANK'S CAR - NIGHT
As Frank drives Jack back to his apartment, Jack taps an
unlit cigarette on the dash.
FRANK
(a shiver)
Jesus, it's gonna be mean this year, huh?
Jack taps the cigarette.
JACK
What happened the other night, Frank? With
Charlie.
Frank says nothing, just driving.
JACK
He paid us off, didn't he? Fifteen years, Frank.
No one paid us off.
FRANK
He made a deal. There's no shame in it.
Jack stares at Frank, then looks back out the window.
FRANK
We gotta talk.
JACK
Talk.
FRANK
I been thinking maybe we should make some
changes.
(pauses)
I been thinking maybe we should take on a singer.
Silence. Jack taps the cigarette again.
FRANK
It's just an idea. I want your opinion. I mean, we go
halfway on everything, right?
JACK
I wouldn't say exactly halfway, would you?
FRANK
We agreed if I took care of the business I'd be
entitled to a little extra. Isn't that what we agreed?
JACK
That's what we agreed.
FRANK
If you're unhappy with the arrange...
JACK
I'm not unhappy.
FRANK
If you'd like to assume more of the financial
responsibilities, I'd be...
JACK
Frank. Fuck it. Okay?
(beat)
How much? For the singer.
FRANK
I thought maybe twenty percent. I figure with the
additional bookings we'll come out ahead. The
big hotels, they want a pretty girl with a big voice.
We have to stay competitive.
Jack laughs coldly.
FRANK
What?
Jack says nothing, just tapping the cigarette again.
FRANK
Two pianos isn't enough anymore, Jack.
Jack looks out the window, at the night flickering by.
JACK
It never was.
24 INT. WILLIE'S REHEARSAL ROOM - DAY
A YOUNG WOMAN in a pink sweater and short black
skirt stands in a tiny room in the back of Willie's
showroom, holding some sheet music. Sammy Davis Jr.s
face is on the sheet music. Frank is sitting with a notepad
on his lap. Jack is at the piano.
FRANK
Good morning, miss...?
YOUNG WOMAN (MONICA)
Moran. Monica Moran.
FRANK
All right, Miss Moran...
MONICA
Actually, that's my stage name.
FRANK
I'm sorry?
MONICA
Moran. Monica. The whole thing. It's my stage
name. My real name's Blanche.
FRANK
Blanche...
MONICA
No romance, right? That's why I came up with
Monica. It's what I prefer.
FRANK
Well, that's fine.
MONICA
But if you call my house and my mother answers,
ask for Blanche. If you ask for Monica, she'll think
you have the wrong number and hang up.
FRANK
Right.
MONICA
And if she asks what it's about, don't tell her. She's
opposed to my career.
FRANK
Uh huh. Well, Miss Moran, what is it you'd like to
do for us?
MONICA
"Candy Man."
(worried)
Is that all right?
FRANK
It's one of Jack's favourites.
Monica turns, and, seeing Jack at the piano, gives a little
start.
MONICA
Oops. I almost forgot you were there. Here's the
instructions.
Monica begins to hand Jack the sheet music.
FRANK
Uh... he knows it.
MONICA
Really? Isn't that a coincidence?
JACK
Small world.
Monica smiles. She likes Jack.
FRANK
Well, shall we?
Probably not, but Jack begins to play anyway. Swinging
her arms and tapping her foot, Monica gets a feel for the
rhythm, then launches in -- between beats -- so that Jack
has to scramble over a chord to rescue her.
MONICA
"Who can take a sunrise
Sprinkle it with dew
Toss it in the air and make a groovy lemon pie
The Candy Man can
The Candy Man can..."
There would appear to be ample evidence as to why the
mother of Monica nee Blanch opposes her daughter's
career.
FRANK
Thank you, Miss Moran, that's enough.
Monica -- eyes closed, arms flung wide -- is fully caught
up in the moment. Frank looks at Jack. Jack shrugs and
continues to play.
FRANK
Miss Moran... Miss Moran... BLANCH!
Monica's eyes pop open, her mouth shut.
MONICA
Oh, sorry. I get so caught up in it sometimes. It's
scary.
FRANK
Yes, it is.
MONICA
Well... thanks.
(to Jack)
'Bye. Boy, you're good.
JACK
Drive carefully.
As Monica exits, Jack and Frank glance at one another
apprehensively and a --
25 MONTAGE BEGINS
in which a parade of singers come forth to offer their own
unique interpretations of:
A) "Feelings,"
B) "I Gotta Be Me," (sung by twins)
C) "This Is My Song," and perhaps most appropriately,
D) 揥hat Kind Of Fool Am I??
When it抯 all over, Jack and Frank -- ties limp, collars
broken -- look like they抳e been mugged.
FRANK
This must be statistically impossible.
26 INT. WILLIE'S SHOWROOM - DAY
A YOUNG WOMAN appears in the doorway, heavily
BACKLIT. A silhouette in high heels. Willie, eating a
corn beef on rye, looks up.
YOUNG WOMAN
Hey. You one of the Fabulous Baker Boys?
27 INT. WILLIE扴 REHEARSAL ROOM - DAY
(SAME TIME)
Frank is counting names on his note pad.
FRANK
Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven girls and not one who
can carry a tune.
JACK
There was a certain surreal quality to it.
YOUNG WOMAN (O.S.)
Goddamnit!
The woman in high heels stumbles into the doorway,
holding a shoe in her hand. It抯 broken.
SUSIE
Brand new Thursday. Believe it?
After today, Jack and Frank are prepared to believe
anything.
SUSIE
This where the auditions are?
FRANK
This is where the auditions WERE. We抮e finished.
SUSIE
What about me?
FRANK
You抮e an hour and a half late.
SUSIE
Yeah, well, I had a little trouble catching a cab.
FRANK Punctuality. First rule of showbusiness.
SUSIE
(looking around)
This is showbusiness?
FRANK
(in no mood)
Look, Miss. We抮e tired, you have gum on your
lip, and we抮e going home.
SUSIE
(touching her lip)
Just like that, huh? I come all the way down here,
break a heel, and you抮e not going to give me a
chance because I have gum on my lip and I抦 a
few minutes late?
FRANK
You抮e an hour and a half late. Do you want me
to say it again?
SUSIE
It抯 not exactly bewitching me.
(stepping in)
Besides, you抮e not going anywhere.
FRANK
I beg your pardon?
SUSIE
Intuition, I抳e had a hunch about this all day.
Only I gotta say, in my mind it was a little more
glamorous. And anyway, if I抦 so late how come
you抮e still here?
FRANK
We ran long.
SUSIE
Uh huh. So where抯 the winner?
Frank looks a little thrown. Susie nods knowingly and
makes a little clicking noise as she taps her head.
SUSIE
See? What I tell you? Intuition.
FRANK
(pleading)
Jack.
Jack studies the girl, shrugs.
JACK
What抳e we got to lose?
FRANK
Terrific. Thirty-eight.
SUSIE
What抯 that? Thirty-eight? You guys have some
kind of code or something?
Jack gestures as if to say, 搃t抯 nothing?
SUSIE
(to Frank)
You know, I抦 sensing a lot of hostility from you.
Frank ignores this and sits down with the notepad.
FRANK
Name?
SUSIE
Susie. Susie Diamond.
JACK
Catchy. You have any previous experience as
a singer, Miss Diamond?
SUSIE
No.
FRANK
You have any entertainment experience at all?
SUSIE
Well... for the last couple years I抳e been on call
for the Triple A Escort Service.
Jack and Frank exchange a glance.
FRANK
Any RATIONAL reason you think you can sing
professionally, Miss Diamond?
SUSIE
Well, I figure if you want to see if you can swim,
throw yourself in the water. What抯 the worst that
can happen?
FRANK
How about drown?
SUSIE
You know, my bet is that you抮e too literal a
person.
JACK
(intervening)
What is it you抎 like to share with us today,
Miss Diamond?
SUSIE
揗ore Than You Know.?
JACK
Key?
SUSIE
Low.
Jack nods and begins to play.
SUSIE
Real slow, okay?
Frank slumps in his chair, ready to be tortured again.
SUSIE
揗ore than you know
More than you know
Man of my heart
I love you so
Lately I find
You抮e on my mind
More than you know...
Whether you抮e right
Whether you抮e wrong
Man of my heart
I抣l string along
You need me so
More than you抣l ever know...?
Susie stops. Frank Just sits there. Jack just sits there.
She can sing.
SUSIE
So?
FRANK
Uh... We'll let you know.
Jack shoots Frank a glance.
SUSIE
Don't leave a girl hanging. Second rule of
showbusiness.
Frank's not amused.
SUSIE
Yeah, well, okay. 'Bye, Bakers. Nice socks.
Susie walks out barefoot. Jack's eyes have Frank pinned.
FRANK
I just thought we should talk about it between
ourselves. I mean, don't you think she's got a little
too much... personality?
JACK
I think she's got half a voice. That makes her a
goddamn diva in this choir. We put one of those
other girls onstage, we're gonna get arrested.
(leaning forward)
And in case you didn't notice, I'm not sure
anybody's gonna be keeping track of how many
notes she hits.
FRANK
What? Her? She looks like a tramp.
JACK
Trust me.
FRANK
(the notepad)
Look, not all of them were awful. Here, Teresa
Meyers. A very nice low soprano. Sweet,
unassuming...
JACK
Low soprano? That girl could make bats cry.
Besides, she was sixteen. What're we gonna do,
help her with her algebra between sets?
Frank stares glumly at the notepad.
JACK
Frank. There ain't no pearls in a litter box.
FRANK
All right. I'll call her.
Frank rises wearily, then freezes.
JACK
What?
28 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SHOWROOM - DAY
Jack and Frank dash outside. Nobody.
FRANK
We can always look her up in the book.
JACK
Right. Susie Diamond. She's probably listed right
next to Monica Moran.
The sound of a MATCH STRIKING is heard. There,
lighting a cigarette in the doorway, is Susie. She exhales.
SUSIE
Intuition.
29 INT. WILLIE'S REHEARSAL ROOM - DAY.
The new trio poises for their first rehearsal.
FRANK
Ready?
Jack nods.
FRANK
Ready?
Susie, sitting on a stool smoking, nods without looking
up from her lyric sheet. Frank pauses, then...
FRANK
Ready?
Jack squints strangely at Frank. Frank turns to Susie.
FRANK
Ready?
SUSIE
What are we, an orchestra all of a sudden?
Frank glares at her.
SUSIE
READY.
Frank begins to play the opening passage of "Can't Take
My Eyes Off of You". Jack joins in, then Susie.
Unfortunately, Jack and Frank, accustomed to playing
alone, are a tad overwhelming.
SUSIE
Fellas, fellas...
Jack and Frank stop.
FRANK
What's the problem?
SUSIE
The problem is I can't hear myself sing with all
this... music. You know what I'm saying?
Jack and Frank look at one another.
SUSIE
I mean back there it may be hard to notice, but up
here I'm having trouble getting a word in.
Jack and Frank just stare.
SUSIE
I mean you're supposed to be backing me up, right?
FRANK
(icily)
No. We are not supposed to be backing you up.
SUSIE
What I mean is...
JACK
We'll bring it down.
Susie's eyes shift to Jack.
JACK
Okay?
SUSIE
Okay.
30 EXT. JACK'S APARTMENT - EARLY EVENING
Once again, "Jingle Bells" is heard. Plaintively picked out
on PIANO.
31 INT. BATHROOM - JACK'S APARTMENT - EARLY
EVENING (SAME TIME)
A tuxedo, freshly pressed, hangs in the shower as Eddie
watches Jack soap his face with a shaving brush, then picks
up a razor. As NINA CLINKS badly on the final note of
"in a one horse open sleigh", Jack almost slices open his
throat.
JACK
Sharp! F Sharp!
(eyeing his throat)
Jesus.
As Nina appears in the doorway, she sees the blood
welling on Jack's neck.
NINA
You're bleeding, Jack.
As Jack gives her a "no kidding" look.
JACK
Hand me a towel, Chopin
Nina starts to gather up towels, cleaning up, and hands
one to Jack. She notes the shaving brush.
NINA
You shave like a old movie, Jack.
(nodding to ceiling)
Bigfoot gets his out of a can.
JACK
Yeah? How do you know?
NINA
I saw his stuff in the bathroom.
JACK
Sounds serious.
NINA
Uh uh. No toothbrush.
JACK
What do you mean?
NINA
No toothbrush. Toothbrush is serious. The donut
king...?
JACK
Yeah?
NINA
He had a toothbrush. And toothpaste.
JACK
I thought he was married.
Nina exits with an armful of laundry.
NINA (O.S.)
He was married, but he was serious.
32 INT. HILTON LOBBY - NIGHT (AN HOUR LATER)
As Frank paces, Jack smokes calmly.
FRANK
I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn抰 I?
Seven-fifteen.
JACK
She抣l get here.
FRANK
Just like the day of the auditions, right? Jesus.
How抯 my hair?
JACK
Awe inspiring.
FRANK
Yeah, well, yours isn抰. Let me run a comb through
it.
JACK
Get out of here!
FRANK
It抯 not gonna hurt you.
JACK
I抣l hit you, Frank. I swear.
Frank hesitates, like a basketball player trying to feint an
opponent, then takes a flick at Jack抯 hair. Jack cuffs him
on the shoulder.
FRANK
You hit me.
JACK
I told you I was gonna hit you.
He looks capable of hitting him again, too.
FRANK
All right, I抦 a little wound up.
JACK
You抮e a fucking alarm clock.
FRANK
I just wish she抎 get here.
JACK
She抯 here.
Susie, wearing a flamboyant dress, is standing across the
lobby, staring at the stand-up.
FRANK
Christ, look at her.
(walking over)
Good evening, Miss Diamond. You抮e late.
Susie is still looking at the stand-up, which is unchanged
except for a small notation at the bottom: 揥ITH GUEST
VOCALIST.?
SUSIE
Guest vocalist? Who抯 next week? Beverly Sills?
And how come you guys are the only ones with
your pictures on the poster?
FRANK
We抣l talk about it later. Where抯 your dress?
SUSIE
(to Jack)
What抯 he talking about?
FRANK
Is there a language problem here? Your dress. For
tonight. Where is it?
SUSIE
Do I look like I抦 naked?
FRANK
That! Are you insane!
SUSIE
(to Jack)
He doesn抰 like the dress, right?
Before Jack can reply, Frank grabs Susie抯 arm.
SUSIE
Hey!
FRANK
Come on. We don抰 have much time.
33 INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DRESS DEPARTMENT
- NIGHT
As the trio dashes into Ladies Wear, Frank begins to flip
frantically through the dress racks.
FRANK
What do you wear? An eight?
SUSIE
(offended)
A six.
FRANK
My wife wears a six. You don抰 look like a six
to me.
SUSIE
I WEAR A SIX.
FRANK
Okay, okay. Here, how about this?
SUSIE
Save it for your wife.
FRANK
Jack, you find anything?
Jack has drifted to lingerie.
JACK
Maybe.
FRANK
Here, how抯 this?
Frank holds out an inky black dress. Susie sizes it up.
FRANK
Close enough. Let抯 go.
Frank begins to drag Susie into the dressing room.
SUSIE
Hey, pal. I don抰 know about you, but where I
come from there抯 a little girl抯 room and a little
boy抯 room and the little boys don抰 go where the
little girls go.
FRANK
All right, but make it quick.
(remembering)
Shoes! What size do you wear?
SUSIE
(from the dressing room)
Nine.
FRANK
Nine?
SUSIE (O.S.)
NINE!
FRANK
(to himself)
Big feet.
34 INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - SHOE DEPARTMENT
- NIGHT
Frank and Jack work the shoe department quickly.
FRANK
See anything?
JACK
How about these?
Frank grabs the shoe out of Jack's handand gestures to a
SALESMAN who looks like Jimmy Breslin.
FRANK
Hey! Do these come in black?
SALESMAN
I'll be with you in a minute,sir.
FRANK
I don't have a minute, pal. Yes or no?
SALESMAN
(glowering)Yeah. They come in black.
FRANK
Okay. Give me a pair of nines.Pronto.
The salesman glances casually at Jack.
SALESMAN
Does he want a pair, too?
35 INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DRESS DEPARTMENT
- NIGHT
As Jack and Frank return to Ladies Wear, Frank jettisons
the shoe box and tissue paper.
FRANK
All right, we got your shoes.
Just then, Jack and Frank notice Susie, standing in front of
a mirror in the new dress. The dress is open down to the
small of her back. It抯 a nice back.
SUSIE
(turning)
What do you think?
FRANK
Uh... good.
SUSIE
(to Jack)
Zip me up?
As Jack takes the zipper, he gives Frank a 搘hat did I tell
you?glance.
SUSIE
Shoes?
FRANK
Right.
Frank puts the shoes down and Susie steps in.
SUSIE
They抮e tight.
FRANK
They抮e nines.
SUSIE
Well they抮e aspiring to be sevens.
FRANK
We can buy new ones tomorrow. Don抰 worry.
We抣l take these out of your share.
SUSIE
You抮e a prince.
36 OMITTED
37 INT. HILTON KITCHEN - NIGHT
As the trio rushes in, Frank hands Jack the Miracle Hair
can, then turns to Susie.
FRANK
Okay, now remember, Jack and I go on first, I do
the set-up, then introduce you. And you say...
SUSIE
(as Jack sprays Frank抯 head)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I can抰 tell
you how thrilled I am to be here.
As Susie starts to inquire about Frank抯 head, RAY, the
assistant manager, leans into the kitchen.
RAY
Winding your watch these days, Frankie?
FRANK
We had a little emergency, Ray.
RAY
(seeing Susie)
Who抯 this, Minnie Pearl?
All eyes turn to Susie抯 dress, which still has the tags
attached. Frank turns to the kitchen crew.
FRANK
Scissors! We need scissors here!
RAY
(exiting)
I want seventy-five minutes, Frankie.
FRANK
Jesus... Let抯 go, Jack. Fix your tie.
WAITRESS
(in passing)
Good luck, guys. It抯 a pretty ugly group. They抮e
sending back the cheeseballs.
As Jack and Frank exit, Susie turns and sees a TINY
MAN in an apron holding a meat cleaver.
TINY MAN/CARLOS
No scissors.
38 INT . HILTON LOUNGE - NIGHT
As the Bakers slide quickly behind their pianos, Frank
bumps his head on the microphone.
FRANK
Good evening. Welcome to the Ambassador
Lounge. My name抯 Frank Baker and no, you抮e
not seeing double, it抯 just my little brother Jack.
The audience peers at Jack as if he were some curious life
form they抳e never seen before. Jack and Frank exchange
a wary glance.
39 INT. HILTON KITCHEN - NIGHT
Susie, sitting on a stool, fits something on her wrist while
Carlos looks for a good angle to get at the tags. As the
waitress passes by, Susie snares a drink.
WAITRESS
Hey!
SUSIE
Just a sip. To kill the butterflies.
WAITRESS
Okay. But no lipstick. Hey, what抯 that on your
wrist?
SUSIE
The next hour and a half of my life.
Carlos brings the cleaver down with an ominous chop.
40 INT. HILTON LOUNGE - NIGHT
An audience of stone.
FRANK
This is nice. I feel an unspoken warmth here. We
may not know each other抯 names, but over the
years we抳e shared something. A little music. A
little laughter. Maybe even... a few tears. But I
guess that抯 what life抯 about, huh?
Dead silence. As Frank glances at Jack, Jack cuts a rueful
grin.
FRANK
Well, anyway. This is a very special evening for
Jack and I, because tonight we have with us a
young lady who we think is very exciting...
Smoking nervously offstage, Susie checks her wrists,
which is fitted with tiny cards, each containing the lyrics
to a song.
FRANK
As far as I抦 concerned, she couldn抰 have chosen
a better place to make her debut.
(solemnly)
Because, for us, there抯 one place that抯 always
been a very special place. And that place is this
place, the Ambassador Lounge. Ladies and
gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a
very special lady with a very special way of
singing a song, Miss Susie Diamond...!
Absently crushing her cigarette into a container of cocktail
napkins, Susie strides to the microphone, which,
unfortunately, is not on.
FRANK
(whispering)
The switch. Hit the switch.
SUSIE
Switch?
(hitting it, voice booming)
What fucking switch?
Silence. Susie looks at the audience.
SUSIE
Pardon me.
Jack and Frank glance at one another, then quickly plunge
into the opening number.
SUSIE
I can抰 tell you how thrilled I am to be here.
The feeling at this point, it would seem, is not mutual.
Susie glances at her wrist, finds the song she wants, then
grabs the microphone. It抯 stuck. She gives it a yank,
trying to free it, but pulls so hard that the rubber band
holding the cards snaps.
Mystified, Jack and Frank watch as the couple nearest the
stage is showered in tiny cards. Then they notice Susie.
She抯 frozen. Stiff.
Jack looks at Frank. Frank looks at Jack. Then...
FRANK
(singing)
揑 work at the Palace ballroom...?
Every head in the lounge, Jack抯 included, swivels
to Frank.
FRANK
揃ut gee that place is cheap
When I get back to my chilly old room
I抦 much to tired to sleep...?
Jack looks at Frank like he抯 insane. Frank nods earnestly
to him as all heads swivel to Jack.
JACK
(reluctantly)
揑抦 one of those lady teachers
A beautiful hostess you know
One that the palace features
At exactly a dime a throw...?
Jack抯 voice -- damning evidence that he and Frank are
related -- brings Susie around. She takes the next lines
right out of Frank抯 mouth.
SUSIE
揟en cents a dance
That抯 what they pay me
Gosh how they weigh me down
Ten cents a dance
Pansies and rough guys
Tough guys who tear my gown...?
Compared to what preceded her, Susie sounds like
Streisand. The audience -- bewildered, but oddly charmed
-- applauds spontaneously. The effect on Susie is
immediate. Hitting on all cylinders now, she grips the
microphone like a trophy.
SUSIE
揝even to midnight I hear drums
Loudly the saxophone blows
Trumpets are tearing my eardrums
Customers crush my toes...
揝ometimes I think I抳e found my hero
But it抯 queer romance
All that you need is a ticket
Come on big boy, ten cents a dance...?
41 EXT. HILTON SERVICE ENTRANCE - NIGHT
(LATER)
The new trio comes out into the night.
FRANK
Fucking. She says fucking in front of an entire
room of people.
SUSIE
I apologised.
FRANK
(to Jack)
Did you hear it.
JACK
Fucking.
SUSIE
Look, they were all on their third Mai Tai by the
time I got out there anyway.
FRANK
FUCKING.
SUSIE
For Christ sake, I SAID it. I didn抰 DO it. Besides,
I don抰 think they were too offended, do you?
Susie pulls out some crumpled bills. Frank grabs them.
FRANK
We are not a saloon act. We do not take tips from
dirty old men.
SUSIE
(innocent)
I was gonna split with you guys.
FRANK
WE DO NOT TAKE TIPS. I抣l apply this to the
cost of the dress.
Frank puts the money away. Susie watches, steaming.
SUSIE
Then I want my name on the poster. And my
picture! And these shoes are too goddamn tight!
Susie hurls the shoes at Frank and stalks off barefoot.
Jack, leaning against a wall, watches with amusement.
JACK
Nice girl.
On Frank抯 expression we hear the opening NOTES of
揅an抰 Take My Eyes Off Of You?and a MONTAGE
begins.
42 INT. VARIOUS LOUNGES - NIGHT - MONTAGE
of Susie and boys performing the song in one lounge after
another, playing to increasingly enthusiastic crowds, no
empty tables now. As the song ends, we close on the
cardboard stand-up, newly done over with a picture of
Susie and an accompanying exclamation: 揝EE THE
SENSATIONAL SUSIE DIAMOND!? As the final
CHORD sounds, the
MONTAGE ENDS and we --
43 INT. LLOYD扴 OFFICE AT STARFIRE - NIGHT
Where, once again Jack and Frank stand before the
supercilious Lloyd.
LLOYD
I gotta hand it to you, guys. This two Jacks and
Jill bit -- very sharp. Where抎 you find her,
anyway. The girl.
FRANK
Ah, you know these kids. They hang around. We
figured we抎 give her a break.
LLOYD
You抳e got a kind heart, Frankie. Well, give her
a tip from me, will ya: The smaller the dress, the
larger the crowd.
(closing an envelope)
Okay, guys, there you go. Don抰 spend it all in
one place.
As Frank reaches for the envelope, Lloyd pulls it back.
LLOYD
Oh... maybe you want to count it, Jack.
FRANK
We trust you, Lloyd. You know that.
Frank takes the envelope and starts to leave.
LLOYD
Say Frankie. Long as I抳e got you here... How抯
next week look for you guys?
Frank glances at Jack, giving it to him.
JACK
We抣l call you.
As Lloyd抯 face falls, we --
44 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE OF HOTEL - NIGHT
(STARFIRE)
An exultant Frank spins giddily out of the hotel.
FRANK
Did you see his face? Did you see it! 揥e抣l call
you.?
Jack calmly lights a cigarette, says nothing.
FRANK
The world is good, little brother... Don抰 let
anybody tell you different...
As Frank dances away with the stand-up, Jack notices
Susie standing at the corner, watching Frank too, a slight
smile on her face.
SUSIE
慛ight, Baker.
45 EXT. CITY - DAY
The city, gray and cold. Once again we hear a tentative
PIANO: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh
what fun it is to ride... Oh what fun it is to ride... Oh what
fun...
46 OMITTED
47 EXT. VETERINARY CLINIC - ESTABLISH - DAY
47A INT. VETERINARY CLINIC WAITING ROOM - DAY
Jack and Eddie wait with several other pet owners and
their pets.
48 INT. VETERINARY OFFICE - DAY
Jack looks on as a VET examines Eddie抯 mouth.
DR. FINNEGAN
Mmm... mmm hmm...
(looking up)
They gotta go.
JACK
Go? What do you mean?
DR. FINNEGAN
Five抯 my guess. Maybe more. Won抰 know till I
get in there.
JACK
How will he eat?
DR. FINNEGAN
Cottage cheese to start. A banana now and then.
JACK
No bones?
DR. FINNEGAN
(patting Eddie)
慒raid those days are over, my friend. Don抰
worry, Mr. Baker. We抣l knock him out. He won抰
feel a thing.
As Dr. Finnegan exits, Jack looks at Eddie.
JACK
You shoulda brushed, pal.
49 OMITTED
50 INT. MOONLIGHT LOUNGE - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
Jack, wearing a Santa hat, sits on a busing cart backstage,
smoking. Frank and Susie, in the midst of a discussion,
are also wearing Santa hats.
SUSIE
Look, all I抦 telling you is what Bernadette over
the Hilton said. The nights we play, she抯 drawing
three times the tips because the Chivas is jumping
out of the bottle and the room抯 pearls instead of
polyester.
FRANK
I don抰 understand. You抮e saying we should...
SUSIE
Ask for a percentage of the bar.
FRANK
Mel Torme doesn抰 get a percentage of the bar.
SUSIE
Maybe he never asked.
HOUSE MANAGER
(passing by)
Five minutes, Baker.
FRANK
(to Jack)
You hearing this?
JACK
How much you say she抯 drawing?
SUSIE
Let抯 put it this way. Two months ago she抯
wearing a Timex. Now she抯 got a Seiko strapped
to her wrist. And it sure as hell wasn抰 the Hilton
that put it there.
FRANK
You抮e not actually listening to this, are you?
Jack rolls the tip of his cigarette in an ashtray.
JACK
Jerry Stein books the Hilton, right?
FRANK
For eight years.
JACK
Forget the bar. We抎 look like amateurs. But why
not bump him for an extra hundred up front.
FRANK
And if he tells us to take a walk?
JACK
We play the other side of the street.
FRANK
I don抰 like it. It抯 not the way we play the game.
Susie watches Jack crush out his cigarette.
JACK
The game is changing.
51 INT. MOONLIGHT KITCHEN - NIGHT (AFTER THE
SHOW)
Becky, the pretty young kitchen worker, drops a bunch
of bananas into a bag.
BECKY
The cottage cheese is at the bottom. You're sure this is
what you want?
JACK
(exiting)
Perfect. Merry Christmas, Becky.
52 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MOONLIGHT - NIGHT
As Jack exits the hotel, he finds Susie standing on the
sidewalk, shaking her purse. She sees the bag he抯
carrying.
SUSIE
Ol?Freckles in the kitchen slip you a stack of
T-bones?
JACK
Not exactly.
Susie fishes a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. Empty.
SUSIE
Damnit!
Jack offers his pack.
SUSIE
No thanks. I never touch American cigarettes.
(searching again)
Three fifty a pack and I go through 慹m like
toothpicks.
JACK
Huh?
Susie hands Jack the empty cigarette box. It has an exotic
design.
SUSIE
Paris Opals. Three fifty a pack. Know how much
that is a piece?
JACK
Seventeen cents.
SUSIE
Seventeen and a half. But I figure, If you抮e gonna
be sticking something in your mouth, might as well
make it the best.
JACK
As Jack ponders this, Frank steps outside in a
lumpy Santa suit.
FRANK
What do you think?
Jack and Susie just stare.
FRANK
Thought I抎 give the kids a thrill.
(moving off)
Don抰 forget Monday. Bright and early. We抳e got
a long drive.
As Frank leaves, Susie goes back to her purse.
SUSIE
I don抰 know. It抯 hard figuring you and egghead
as brothers. Seems like the hospital might抳e
scrambled the babies somewhere.
(finding an Opal)
Ah, here抯 a lost soul.
Jack flicks out his lighter, snaps it. Susie inhales.
SUSIE
Mmm. Like kissing a rose. Well, au revoir.
JACK
(studying her)
You feel like a cup of coffee?
SUSIE
(looking up)
Now? On Christmas Eve?
Jack nods.
SUSIE
Nah. Gives me the shakes. Anyway, I抎 better get
home. Rest the pipes.
JACK
You want me to walk you?
Susie looks at Jack a little funny.
SUSIE
No. Thanks.
She starts to move away, then stops and looks back.
SUSIE
Hey, listen, you抮e not going soft on me, are you?
I mean, you抮e not gonna start dreaming about me
and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like
I抦 some kinda princess when I burp.
JACK
Forget it.
SUSIE
I mean, that抎 be too creepy with us working
together and all.
JACK
Forget it.
SUSIE
Nothing personal...
Jack holds up his hand. Susie just stands there.
JACK
Better hurry. You抮e a nickel down on your
cigarette.
53 EXT. VET CLINIC - NIGHT
A sign flickers: 揟wenty-Four Hour Emergency Care.?
54 INT. VET CLINIC - NIGHT
Inside, a KID with deep-set eyes is bent over a magazine.
Jack enters, still wearing his tux.
KID
Super Chief around the corner.
JACK
Huh?
KID
Bathroom. Super Chief around the corner.
JACK
No, I, uh, left a dog here this morning.
The kid looks up, eyes Jack抯 tux warily.
KID
Regular hours are eight to five.
JACK
Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just passing by.
Thought I抎 check in on him.
KID
You can check in on him tomorrow. Between
eight and five.
JACK
Yeah, well, I thought maybe...
KID
Hey, pal. We抮e not communicating, are we?
The kid shakes his head with contempt.
KID
You want to know if he抯 okay. Right?
JACK
(uncomfortable)
Yeah.
KID
All right. Hold on.
JACK
The name抯 Baker...
KID
Save it. What抯 he look like?
JACK
(puzzled)
Black. Lab.
KID
All right. They lay the dead ones out in the cold
room. I抣l take a look.
The Kid disappears. Jack stands frozen, watching the
swinging door come to rest, looking like a man who,
unexpectedly, finds a razor pressed to his throat.
Suddenly the door swings back open.
KID
Nope. Just a couple poodles.
As the kid hunches down again, Jack stares at him.
Slowly, as Jack抯 shadow falls across his magazine, the
kid looks up. Jack looks like he could EAT a dead poodle.
JACK
I WANT MY DOG.
KID
Listen, pal. Get the hell...
Jack, quick as knife, pinches the Kid抯 nose between his
thumb and forefinger.
JACK
No, YOU listen, you little fuck. You either get off
your candy ass and get me my dog or I抦 gonna
roll that magazine and stick it straight down your
throat.
(leaning in close)
Are we communicating now?
55 OMITTED
55A INT. HALLWAY - JACK扴 BUILDING - NIGHT
Jack, with Eddie slung over one shoulder, mounts the
stairs to his apartment.
56 INT. JACK扴 APARTMENT - NIGHT (SAME TIME)
Nina is watching an old Christmas movie in the dark, the
walls of the apartment dripping with black and white
snow.
JACK
(entering)
Hey. How about a little light in here.
Hearing Jack, Nina turns and flips on a lamp.
NINA
Eddie!
JACK
Forget it. He抯 still circling the airport.
Jack plops Eddie onto the couch and heads for the kitchen.
NINA
I didn抰 know he was coming home tonight.
JACK
Yeah, well, we sorta skipped the paperwork.
Besides, it抯 Christmas, right?
Nina just nods, strokes Eddie. Jack studies her, then grabs
a carton of eggnog and two glasses.
JACK
So, where抯 Ma tonight?
Nina just shrugs.
JACK
You play her the song.
NINA
Maybe tomorrow, she said.
Nina looks up and sees the carton of eggnog.
NINA
From Hurley抯?
JACK
Eighty proof. Think you can handle it?
Nina nods. As Jack fills the glasses, Nina takes the Santa
hat from his pocket.
NINA
Jack.
JACK
Yeah.
NINA
Can I stay here tonight? Even if she comes home
alone?
JACK
(a beat)
Okay.
Jack settles next to Nina, staring out the window with her.
NINA
I think I抦 getting drunk.
Jack studies the lights twinkling in the darkness beyond the
window.
JACK
That抯 what you抮e supposed to do on Christmas
Eve.
57 INT./EXT. FRANK扴 CAR - MORNING
As Frank drives through the city, Susie pores over a slick
hotel brochure.
SUSIE
Get this: 揈ach room is an event, an excursion
into unprecedented luxury. Step outside and the
adventure continues with your own private
terrace...?Jesus, this place is like OZ.
Frank glances at the brochure dispassionately. Susie
looks up from the brochure.
FRANK
You don抰 think it really looks like that, do you?
SUSIE
It抯 right here. Pictures.
FRANK
Welcome to the road, Dorothy. You抮e about to
lose your virginity.
58 EXT. FRONT OF JACK扴 BUILDING - MORNING
As Frank turns the corner into Jack抯 street, Jack is sitting
on a suitcase in front of his building... with Eddie.
FRANK
What the hell...?
As Frank stops the car, he gets out, looks at Eddie.
FRANK
He抯 just seeing you off, right?
Jack picks up his suitcase, moves to the trunk.
FRANK
Jack. This is not possible. Jack...
59 INT./EXT. FRANK'S CAR - MORNING
Jack and Eddie sit in the back. Susie hangs over the front
seat, studying Eddie.
SUSIE
You try mashed potatoes? Or how 'bout yams? I
love yams. Put me right to sleep.
FRANK
He doesn't need to sleep, he needs to eat.
SUSIE
I'm just throwing out suggestions.
FRANK
The dog just had oral surgery. Why don't you two
give him a few days before you set him up at a
smorgasboard.
Frank, so agitated he's let the car wander, gets some
vigorous HONKING from the next lane.
FRANK
(yelling out the window)
That the only tune you know!
JACK
Hey. You're spooking Ed.
FRANK
(to himself)
I'm spooking Ed.
60 EXT. 揔ING扴?HOTEL - DUSK
The hotel, done in a sort of King Arthur motif.
61 INT./EXT. FRANK扴 CAR - DUSK
As Frank guides the car down a simulated cobblestone
drive, Susie smiles.
SUSIE
Is it just me? Or is that one spectacular hotel?
FRANK
(unimpressed)
Stunning.
Two boys in jodhpurs descend upon the car immediately,
opening the doors with exaggerated courtesy.
SUSIE
Why, THANK YOU.
(to Jack, Frank)
I抣l see you boys inside?
As Susie strolls inside, she gives them a little wave with
the brochure.
62 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?LOBBY - NIGHT
Susie stands in the lobby, fixed on the brochure. We
HOLD on the picture in her hands -- a lobby of rich
velvets and handsome woods, gleaming under a
magnificent vaulted ceiling -- then TILT UP SLOWLY
to the real thing.
A perfect match.
As the doors behind her open, Susie turns to see Jack and
Frank enter. They stop cold. Eddie yawns.
SUSIE
Come on, Toto. Tell the Tin Man and the
Scarecrow to get the lead out. Dorothy抯 got a
five day engagement. Guaranteed.
63 INT. FRANK AND JACK扴 ROOM - NIGHT
A magnificent room, with a pair of mammoth fruit baskets.
Frank is lining family photographs on the dresser.
FRANK
I took the right side of the closet like always,
okay?
JACK
Okay.
FRANK
Since I have the bed on the right and the drawers
on the right, I figured it抯 easier to remember.
JACK
Good idea.
FRANK
But if it doesn抰 work out, let me know. I抦
flexible.
JACK
Right.
Just then, Susie enters from the other side of the suite,
through the connecting bathroom. She has a piece of fruit
in her hand.
SUSIE
Looks like Carmen Miranda had an accident in
my room.
(seeing their baskets)
They must get a deal on these things. What do you
make of this?
Susie holds up the tiny furry fruit in her hand.
FRANK
Kiwi.
SUSIE
Jesus. It抯 got more hair than you, Frank.
(exiting)
No peeking at tub time.
63A EXT. HOTEL GROUNDS - INNER
COURTYARD - NIGHT
The inner courtyard is a maze of low hedges and small
bridges, with a tiny stream running through it all. As
Susie and Eddie inspect the menagerie of topiary animals
along the way, Jack and Frank follow several yards
behind.
FRANK
I'm telling you right now, I'm not gonna put up
with it. Did you see what she ate at dinner?
Jack, working his mouth with a toothpick, studies Susie's
trim figure up ahead.
FRANK
Prime rib, confetti pasta, a festive cheese
platter, my potato, and two desserts. Two.
JACK
You never eat your potato. Besides, we're not
paying for it. What do you care?
FRANK
You think they'd don't keep track of these things?
Frank spots Eddie, up ahead, sniffing a topiary animal.
FRANK
Oh, that's very attractive. Your dog just went to
the bathroom on an elephant.
JACK
I think it's a unicorn.
FRANK
And she has no business talking about my head.
JACK
Frank. Relax, will ya. You know what happens
when you get tense on the road.
Frank gives Jack a look.
JACK
Howard Johnson? Four years ago.
FRANK
I do not sleepwalk.
JACK
Frank. I found you down in the lobby at 3 A.M.
sitting by the Christmas tree in your pajamas.
FRANK
I went down for a pack of Chiclets, I saw the tree,
I sat down for a few minutes. That is not
sleepwalking.
JACK
Then how come you leave the bathroom light on?
Frank, a little thrown, stops.
FRANK
I leave the light on in case either of us has to
get up in the middle of the night.
JACK
(walking on)
Mm hm.
FRANK
You want me to leave it off tonight? Fine, I'll
leave it off...
64 INT. JACK AND FRANK扴 ROOM - NIGHT
Pitch dark, except for a tiny sliver of light coming from
the bathroom. Suddenly, the BLARE of BIG BAND
MUSIC is heard coming from Susie抯 side of the suite.
A bedside lamp flicks on. Frank.
FRANK
What the hell is this?
Jack squints awake. Eddie, in the chair by the window,
looks up groggily.
FRANK
Do you hear this? Do you?
JACK
I do now.
Frank, wearing boxers, gets out of bed.
FRANK
This is great. Before we play a single note, we抮e
gonna get thrown out.
Jack sits up, takes a cigarette.
JACK
So she抯 playing a little music.
FRANK
A little music! She抯 got the Harry James
Orchestra in there.
JACK
Ellington.
Frank yells through the bathroom.
FRANK
Hey!
JACK
Frank.
FRANK
What?
JACK
You look a little tense.
FRANK
Of course I抦 a little tense. It抯 two o抍lock in the
morning. She抯 gonna wake up everyone in the
hotel.
Suddenly there抯 a KNOCK on the door.
FRANK
See? See?
As Frank opens the door, a hulking FIGURE is there.
HULK
Massage?
SUSIE扴 VOICE
Down here, gorgeous.
Susie is leaning out her door, 揚erdido?is BLASTING
into the hallway. She eyes Frank抯 boxers.
SUSIE
Funny, I would have figured you for jockeys,
Frank.
65 OMITTED
thru
68
68A EXT. "KING'S MANOR" HOTEL - MORNING
69 INT. FRANK AND JACK'S ROOM - MORNING
(SAME TIME)
Jack, rubbing a bad night's sleep out of his eyes, glances
over at Frank's bed. Eddie is lying there, lost in deep
slumber. A light SNORING is heard and Jack looks
down between the beds.
Frank. Blissfully asleep.
70 INT. "KING'S MANOR" DINING ROOM - DAY
Darkness. Quickly, one chandelier after another burns on,
illuminating a grand dining room. At the far end sit two
dazzling Steinways.
SUSIE
Holy shit.
The trio, standing by a panel of light switches, stares up
at the chandeliers.
SUSIE
You know, it's the least dusted lighting fixture in
the world. Fulla spiders. That's a fact.
Jack and Frank don't quite know how to respond to this.
SUSIE
Guy I met on an escort gig sold 'em.
As Jack and Frank nod, Susie looks at the stage.
SUSIE
Hey, turn 'em off.
Susie dashes to the other end of the room, to the stage.
SUSIE
Come on. Kill 'em.
FRANK
(doing it)
Do you mind telling us exactly what it is we're
doing?
SUSIE
(out of the darkness)
When I say go, you hit the lights. Okay? Okay?
FRANK
(sarcastically)
Sure. Why not?
SUSIE
Okay... Go!
As Frank hits the switches, the chandeliers trip on,
sending a rolling wave of light towards the stage.
SUSIE
Ladies and gentlemen! The Sensational Susie
Diamond!
As the stage bursts to life, Susie is revealed, head thrown
back, arms outstretched. Lena Horne couldn't do it better.
Finally, Susie breaks her pose. Jack and Frank are
staring at her.
SUSIE
Oh. And The Fabulous Baker Boys...
As Jack and Frank look at each other, MUSIC begins, and
we --
CUT TO:
71 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?DINING ROOM
A sea of elegantly-dressed couples dancing cheek to
cheek on the dance floor, while others sit at candlelit
tables, sipping wine. As the stage drifts INTO VIEW,
Susie steps forwards and begins to croon, 揟he Look Of
Love,?while Jack and Frank underscore her voice with
lush phrasings. The atmosphere is dreamlike, hypnotic.
Almost too good to be true.
72 EXT. FRANK AND JACK扴 TERRACE - NIGHT
(LATER)
The trio is on the terrace, surrounded by champagne
buckets and caviar, radio purring SOFT MUSIC. Frank抯
hair looks a little wild, as if someone has been rubbing
his head.
FRANK
(euphoric; smashed)
Why kid ourselves? It抯 time to set new goals.
Cruise ships... it抯 ours if we want it.
SUSIE
Fulla rats. I guy I escorted gave me the lowdown.
FRANK
(undeterred)
After that... Europe.
SUSIE
Europe?
FRANK
Music抯 the international language.
SUSIE
I thought love was.
FRANK
Mark my words. From this night forward, our
lives will never be the same.
SUSIE
Tell you what, Frank. You get more pop out of
two glasses of champagne that anyone I know.
FRANK
This is a long way from Hula Girl Hideaway,
huh, Jack? Remember? Banana trees in the lobby.
JACK
Takahama抯 Tahitian.
FRANK
Takahama抯? We play there. I thought we just
stopped for teriyaki.
JACK
Three nights.
FRANK
(to Susie)
It抯 amazing. He can remember every place we
ever played. The day, the month, the year, how
many shows -- you name it. When was
Takahama抯, Jack?
JACK
August. ?4.
FRANK
See? He抯 brilliant. Really. Brilliant. Hey, Jack.
JACK
Hm.
FRANK
You抮e brilliant.
JACK
Thanks.
FRANK
(to Susie)
Same with music. You should抳e seen him when
we were kids. No one could ride the keys like
Jack. Miss Simpson would play something once
and that was it -- he had it.
Susie, intrigued by this, studies Jack.
SUSIE
Really?
FRANK
I never won a single blue ribbon until the day
Jack showed up drunk at Spring Recital and
played 揗oon Over Cuba?instead of 揅lare de
Lune.?
Susie glances at Jack.
JACK
The mood just hit me.
FRANK
Hey... 揗oonglow.?
Frank turns up the VOLUME of the radio and looks at
Jack with a smile. Jack shoots him a warning glance.
SUSIE
揗oonglow?..?
FRANK
High school formal. I didn抰 know how to dance.
Jack did the boxstep with me for a week.
JACK
It wasn抰 a week, it was an afternoon.
SUSIE
You two are closer than I thought.
JACK
He paid me.
FRANK
Worth every penny. It was my first big social
with Donna. We fell in love on the dance floor.
I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful children...
all because of my brother.
JACK
I think you抮e overestimating the boxstep.
Suddenly Frank slips into Susie抯 arms and begins to
dance with her, humming to the radio. Susie laughs, then
goes with him. Jack takes a sip of champagne, watching.
FRANK
It was just like this on our honeymoon. The moon,
the stars... Remember, Jack?
JACK
I wasn抰 there.
FRANK
Oh, right. My first solo gig. God, she was
gorgeous. Couldn抰 believe she was mine. How
come I got so lucky, Jack?
JACK
You抮e a lucky guy.
FRANK
I am. I am a lucky guy. She could抳e married
anyone, but she chose me...
(to Susie)
You know I抳e never kissed my wife on New
Year抯 Eve. Not once. Always onstage
somewhere.
This seems to make Frank a little melancholy and he
almost stops dancing. Finally, he pulls away.
FRANK
I think I抦 drunk. You two dance. I gonna go
sit with the wallflowers.
As Frank turns Susie toward Jack, they glance at each
other awkwardly.
SUSIE
I don抰 know. I抦 not used to leading.
FRANK
Come on, Jack. Give the girl a glide.
SUSIE
I think maybe your little brother prefers to dance
alone.
Susie smiles slightly, offers Jack a cigarette.
JACK
No thanks. I never touch French cigarettes.
Susie抯 drunk enough that this tickles her a bit. Jack steps
forward and takes her hand and they begin to move.
SUSIE
Your brother抯 a pretty good dancer.
FRANK
Big heartbreaker. Never had to say a word.
Couple turns on the dance floor and that was it.
SUSIE
(amused)
REALLY.
FRANK
(tapping his knees)
Got 慹m right in the knees. They practically had
to carry the girls off the floor.
SUSIE
How thrilling.
JACK
Frank, why don抰 you have another drink?
FRANK
I抦 sleepy.
JACK
Why don抰 you go to sleep then.
FRANK
All right.
Frank grabs a bottle and disappears into the bedroom.
SUSIE
Looks like I lost my chaperone.
JACK
I think you抮e safe.
Jack presses in closer, moving smoothly to the music.
SUSIE
So, where do you keep all your blue ribbons,
Baker?
JACK
Frank keeps them.
Jack slides his hand a little lower on Susie抯 back.
SUSIE
Nice night, huh?
JACK
Hm-hm.
Susie swallows, melting into the rhythm of Jack抯
movements, into his body, drifting to the purr of the
MUSIC, swirling under the stars. Suddenly, she dips in
a little quivering motion and Jack catches her.
JACK
Careful.
Susie looks a little shocked by her body抯 betrayal. She
separates from Jack and takes a step back.
SUSIE
I... I think I抳e had too much to drink. Champagne
goes right to my... head.
JACK
Maybe we should call it a night.
Susie nods. A smile flickers on Jack抯 lips, then he turns
away. Susie looks down.
At her knees.
73 INT. FRANK AND JACK扴 ROOM - NEXT MORNING
Seemingly empty, both beds unmade and unoccupied, a
champagne bottle on the carpet, a tuxedo jacket hanging
cockeyed on the closet floor, and Frank... fast asleep in
the chair by the window.
74 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?LOBBY - MORNING (EARLY)
As Susie steps out of the elevator, THEO, the clerk at the
front desk, motions to her.
THEO
Oh, Miss Diamond. These just arrived for you.
A dozen red roses are sitting on the desk.
THEO
Looks like you抳e got an admirer.
SUSIE
There抯 no card.
THEO
The gentleman who left them said he would be in
contact with you. I can have someone put them in
water if you like.
SUSIE
Nah, that抯 all right.
Susie takes the roses and turns back to the elevators. As
the doors open, Eddie trots out, heading off across the
lobby. Susie watches him go by, then we...
CUT TO:
75 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?CORRIDOR - EDDIE -
MORNING
A moment later, coming toward us down a corridor off the
lobby. As he passes out of sight, Susie appears at the
opposite end.
SUSIE扴 POV
as Eddie disappears into the grand dining room. Curious,
she follows. As she draws closer, the SOUND of a piano
becomes clear. Peering inside, she finds Jack playing
alone at one of the grands onstage.
76 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?DINING ROOM - MORNING
In the vast emptiness of the room, the piano resonates
powerfully and the music Jack makes is like nothing
we抳e heard him play before. Fluid and unpredictable, it
is played with the focused abandon of a jazz hand. Susie
watches, transfixed.
As he finishes, Jack notices Susie, but says nothing,
instead pouring himself another glass of whiskey and
starting to play again.
SUSIE
Working overtime?
JACK
I like the crowd.
Susie smiles slightly.
JACK
(the roses)
Win a pageant?
SUSIE
First runner-up. Story of my life.
Jack doesn抰 react, just keeps playing. Susie drops the
flowers onto a table and walks over to the piano.
SUSIE
What抯 this? You抮e playing?
JACK
(shrugging)
Just thinking out loud.
SUSIE
Nice.
JACK
Hm?
Susie watches Jack抯 hand glide deftly over the keys,
then looks at his face. He is oblivious to all but the sounds
he is making.
SUSIE
(quietly)
Nice.
77 INT. "KING'S MANOR" LOBBY - MORNING
Frank steps out of the elevator, looking like a man with
the worst hangover in history.
THEO
(cheery)
Good morning, Mr. Baker
FRANK
(grim)
Hi, Theo.
THEO
Your wife's called again.
FRANK
Yeah, what is it now?
THEO
(reading a note)
Little Frank refuses to ride his new bike unless the
training wheels are removed, he's locked himself
in the bathroom, and he has Cindy with him. He's
says he'll only talk to you. (pointing)
You can use the courtesy phone around the
corner if you like.
Frank nods wearily. He goes to the phone, begins to dial,
then hears the SOUND of Jack's piano. Hanging up the
phone, he wanders down to the dining room and looks
inside.
78 INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING
Susie is leaning over the piano, smoking a cigarette, a
shoe dangling from her toe as she watches Jack play.
There is something intimate in her posture.
There is something about it Frank doesn抰 like.
79 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
As Jack smokes calmly, Frank paces tensely. He takes a
few steps, glances at Jack, then resumes pacing, stops,
looks at Jack again.
FRANK
You know I think it抯 been five years since I saw
you without a cigarette in your mouth. Five years.
Jack, a cigarette dangling from his lip, just stares at Frank.
FRANK
The whole goddamn room upstairs smells like an
ashtray. You know that, don抰 you? The sheets, the
carpet, the drapes, the towels, my tux, my shirt.
Do you want to smell my shirt? Do you?
JACK
Maybe later.
FRANK
I抦 not kidding about this. Do you have any idea
what an insidious habit that is? I mean, how many
cigarettes do you smoke in one day? It must be
hundreds.
JACK
This is just a wild stab, but... is something
bothering you, Frank?
FRANK
Leave her alone. I mean it.
Jack looks at Frank, puzzled.
FRANK
Jack. This isn抰 some hatcheck girl you can leave
behind at the Sheraton. You got two shows a
night with her.
As Jack realises what Frank means, his eyes harden.
JACK
You don抰 know what you抮e talking about.
FRANK
I know trouble. And its name starts with an 揝.?
JACK
Do me a favour, Frank. Relax.
FRANK
Do me a favour, little brother. Stick to cocktail
waitresses.
80 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Moments later, onstage. Frank is addressing the audience.
FRANK
You know, meeting here each night as we do,
sharing these few moments, I feel as if we抮e
becoming one big happy family.
Jack, still burning from Frank抯 comments backstage,
eyes Frank coolly.
FRANK
The candlelight. The music. You. Everyone of you.
Just being yourselves. People being people. What抯
all this mean? I don抰 know. Who抯 to say? All I
can tell you is, it makes it very special for us up
here to have you out there. Right, Susie?
SUSIE
Right, Frank.
FRANK
Right, Jack?
JACK
Right. But if I could, I抎 just like to add one thing...
I love you, Frank.
FRANK
(stunned)
What?
JACK
I love you. I just wanted to say it.
Frank stares incredulously at Jack. Suddenly the audience
breaks into APPLAUSE.
FRANK
Uh, well, thanks for sharing that with us, Jack.
(moving quickly)
So. Susie. How 慴out it?
SUSIE
Huh?
FRANK
Got another song for us?
SUSIE
Oh. Yeah. I gotta bunch of them.
FRANK
Well then... shall we?
As Frank stares over at Jack, Jack lights a cigarette and
exhales a long plume of smoke.
81 INT. FRANK AND JACK扴 ROOM - NIGHT (AFTER
THE SHOW)
Eddie watches Jack and Frank undress in heavy silence.
Susie, washing up, listens from the bathroom.
FRANK
You came in late on 揕ittle Green Apples.?
JACK
(pointedly)
I抦 sorry?
FRANK
You heard me.
JACK
You came in early, Frank. You抳e been coming in
early for the last decade.
FRANK
I never miss the beat.
Jack lets out a derisive chuckle.
FRANK
I NEVER MISS THE BEAT.
JACK
That抯 because you make it up as you go along.
Frank stops undressing, stares at Jack.
FRANK
Take it back.
JACK
Take it back? What is this? Third grade?
FRANK
TAKE IT BACK.
Jack frowns at his brother, then tosses him a kiwi.
JACK
Eat a kiwi, Frank.
Frank flings the kiwi back at Jack. Jack ducks.
JACK
Hey!
81A INT. BATHROOM (SAME TIME)
Susie peeks through the door. Jack is standing in his
boxers, a pineapple in his hand, pointing at Frank.
JACK
Go to bed, Frank. Or this is gonna get ugly.
SUSIE
(to herself)
It抯 the fucking Newlywed Game.
Shaking her head, Susie exits, flicking off the light.
FRANK (O.S.)
Hey!
SUSIE
(flicking it back on)
Sorry.
82 INT. JACK AND FRANK扴 ROOM - MORNING
We START on the kiwi, lying in a battered lump on the
windowsill, PASS OVER a pack of cigarettes on the
night table, then SETTLE on Frank... nestled under Jack抯
shoulder, dead to the world.
Jack blinks awake. Slowly his eyes slide over...
83 INT. SUSIE扴 ROOM - MORNING (SAME TIME)
As Susie strokes her hair before the mirror, the phone
RINGS.
SUSIE
Yeah?... No, Mr. Baker抯 next door... Huh?...
Urgent?... No, never mind, I抣l get him.
Susie passes through the bathroom, opens the door.
SUSIE
Phone call, Frank. They say it抯... important.
Susie stops, seeing Jack, smoking now, with Frank still
slumbering under his shoulder. It抯 a rather striking
tableau.
SUSIE
Guess you guys made up, huh?
84 OMITTED
85 INT. FRANK AND JACK扴 ROOM - A SUITCASE
- DAY (LATER)
Frank moves like a twister through the room, tossing his
belongings in a suitcase.
FRANK
We made a deal. Man to man. Training wheels for
a month, then we抎 see.
SUSIE
He ran into a car?
FRANK
Mrs. Ramondino抯 station wagon. It wasn抰 moving.
It was just parked on the street. He barely made it
out of the driveway. All right, who抯 got a pencil?
SUSIE
Pencil?
FRANK
I want you to take down the New Year抯 show.
Remember, at ten o抍lock you start with 揟hanks
For The Memories,?then...
JACK
I know the show, Frank.
FRANK
I just think it抯 best if...
JACK
Frank. Go.
Frank gives in, grabs the suitcase, then pauses by the door.
FRANK
Guess I抦 gonna get to kiss my wife on New
Year抯 after all.
86 INT. JACK扴 ROOM - DAY (SEVERAL HOURS
LATER)
Jack has lined a row of kiwis on the windowsill and is
shooting rubber bands at them.
87 INT. SUSIE扴 ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)
Susie is smoking a cigarette, staring out the window. She
glances at the bathroom once, twice, then takes the
newspaper and passes through.
88 INT. JACK扴 ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)
SUSIE
Any word from Egghead?
Jack shakes his head. Susie nods, offers the paper.
SUSIE
I抦 through with it.
JACK
Oh. Thanks.
SUSIE
Left the crossword.
This doesn抰 seem to excite Jack, but he nods anyway.
SUSIE
Well. Happy reading.
89 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Susie retreats, frowns to herself, then notices Jack抯
shaving cup. Curious, she takes the brush, runs the
bristles over her cheek, then spins the cap off a bottle of
aftershave, sniffs.
90 INT. JACK扴 ROOM - DAY
Jack, up and pacing, pauses as he passes the bathroom,
listening to the strange STIRRINGS inside.
91 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Susie inspects a few more items, then exits. Seconds
later, the door opens tentatively and Jack enters. He eyes
his things, adjusts the shaving brush. He glances as the riot
of powders and creams crowding Susie抯 sink. Picking up
a tiny perfume vial, he gives it a spray: it packs quite a
wallop. Startled, he waves his hand to defuse the odor.
92 INT. SUSIE扴 ROOM - DAY
Outside, Susie pauses on her cigarette, sniffs the air.
93 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Jack replaces the bottle, accidentally causing a stir among
a few other others, then exits. As Susie re-enters, a tiny
nail polish bottle wobbles upright. She studies the bottle,
sniffs again, then pokes her head into Jack抯 room.
94 INT. JACK扴 ROOM - DAY
SUSIE
Anything yet?
JACK
Not a peep.
SUSIE
Well. I think I抣l take a bath.
Jack nods. Susie nods.
95 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Susie pulls the door closed, frowns again, then turns on the
bath. Taking a bottle of Mr. Bubble, she sits on the toilet
and sprays pink lazy eights into the tub.
96 INT. JACK'S ROOM - DAY
Jack stops, pivots and sends a kiwi towards the
waste-basket. SWISH.
97 INT. SUSIE'S ROOM - DAY
Susie goes to the bedroom, strips, slips into a robe.
There are cigarettes burning in every corner of the room.
Oblivious, she lights another.
98 INT. JACK'S ROOM - DAY
Eddie ducks as a plum sails over his head. The carpet
around the waste-basket is littered with fruit. Jack grabs
a coconut, eyes the basket, then notices a crescent forming
on the carpet outside the bathroom. He raps on the door,
gets nothing.
99 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Jack enters just as Mr. Bubble glides over the lip of the
tub.
100 INT. SUSIE'S ROOM - DAY
Susie, staring at the ocean like Garbo, hears the BOTTLE
tumble, then sees the water. She dashes in.
101 INT. BATHROOM - DAY
As the door pounds Jack, Susie does a little slip-slide-spin
on the sudsy floor and tumbles into Jack's arms.
Not exactly "From Here To Eternity", but the room IS
pretty steamy and Susie's robe has slipped off one very
nice shoulder. Jack looks at the shoulder, then into Susie's
eyes. Susie looks back. Swallows.
SUSIE
Thanks.
They stand like this, sort of like a statue, then the phone
RINGS. They disengage. Jack goes to the phone.
JACK
Yeah... Oh, hi, Frank.
(to Susie)
It's Frank.
Susie nods, pulls her robe closed.
JACK
So. How's little Frank?... Yeah?... Well, that's a
relief, huh?... No, I understand, call me when you
have more time... Huh? Oh, nothing. We're taking
a bath. Well, Susie's taking a bath, I'm doing the
crossword. Huh?... What's that?... Newt?... Yeah,
I know what it is. Turns up a lot, huh? okay, I'll
remember. Thanks. 'Bye...
Jack hangs up the phone, looks at Susie.
JACK
Kid's in the pink.
Susie nods, tightens her robe again.
SUSIE
Well. Thanks for the catch. Coulda got quite a
bump.
JACK
It was nothing.
Susie nods, pulls the door closed.
102 INT. "KING'S MANOR" BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
Susie, wearing a very sexy black silk dress, joins Jack.
She hands him a piece of paper.
SUSIE
Theo at the front desk just dropped this on me.
JACK
(reading aloud)
"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a family emergency,
my dear brother is unable to share this most
special of evenings with us..."
SUSIE
Frank must've dictated it from the hospital. There's
patter for all the songs, too.
As Jack stares at the paper, Susie inspects her hair in the
reflection of a silver tea tray.
SUSIE
Gotta give it to ol' Egghead. Never gives the kite
too much string.
As Susie turns back to Jack, he crumples the paper.
JACK
So what do you want to open with tonight?
103 INT. 揔ING扴 MANOR?DINING ROOM - NIGHT
A banner stretched between two chandeliers, proclaims
揌APPY NEW YEAR!?As the CAMERA DESCENDS,
Jack can be heard picking out a familiar TUNE, but
showering it in blue notes, drawing it out, giving it
smoke.
Susie抯 face drifts up INTO FRAME, her eyes closed,
but the CAMERA CONTINUES to drop, moving like
syrup down her body, over the silk that clings to her hips
and thighs, down her legs to a pair of wicked
arch-breaking heels.
She抯 standing on Jack抯 Steinway.
SUSIE
(cooing)
揂nother bride,
Another June,
Another sunny honeymoon
Another season
Another reason
To make whoopie...?
Caught somewhere between Ray Charles and Marilyn
Monroe, Susie抯 voice slides silkily from a whisper to a
growl, her fingers running like sand over her body.
SUSIE
揂 lot of shoes,
A lot of rice,
The groom is nervous,
He answers twice,
It抯 really killin?
The boy抯 so willin?
To make whoopie...?
As Jack knocks hell out of the bridge, Susie melts onto
the piano like a kitten, stretching out languorously on her
back. On the dance floor, men in tuxedos sneak guilty
glances while their wives just stare, mouths agape. In less
that a minute, Susie抯 managed to turn a dignified resort
hotel into a sizzling roadhouse.
SUSIE
揚icture a little lovenest
Down where the roses cling
Picture that same sweet lovenest
See what a year can bring...
(toying with Jack抯 chin)
I tell you the boy抯 washing dishes,
baby clothes
He抯 so ambitious,
Ooooh, I tell you he sews?
Susie runs her fingers through Jack抯 hair and slides
oh-so-slowly off the piano, slinking toward the audience,
and suddenly it抯 apparent: she抯 winning them over.
SUSIE
It抯 really killin?
The boy抯 so willin?
To make whoopee...?
104 INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT (HOURS LATER)
Now a mass of swarming jubilation. Suddenly, the
lights begin to dim.
SUSIE
All right, boys and girls. Find a friend. This is it.
Ten. Nine...
Gradually the entire room joins the chant.
SUSIE/EVERYONE
... Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. THREE. TWO!
ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A blizzard of confetti fills the air as people scramble for
that certain someone to kiss in the new year. In this
moment, Jack and Susie find themselves oddly distanced
from the happiness below them.
Susie glances at Jack, then finally goes to him. As their
lips touch, they kiss lightly, then pull away awkwardly.
As Susie turns away, Jack sounds the first chord of
揂uld Lang Syne?and the room rises as one voice.
SUSIE/EVERYONE
揝hould old acquaintance be forgot...?
105 INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT (HOURS LATER)
Dark and lonely now, the tables and floors covered with
confetti, like virgin snow. Jack sits on a table, looking
out at the moonlit ocean. Susie comes up behind him,
carrying a half-empty bottle of champagne.
SUSIE
So. Make any resolutions?
Jack shakes his head. Susie sits down on the table next
to him, their arms almost touching.
JACK
You?
SUSIE
Nah. I figure that stuff抯 all a bunch of crap
anyway. You do what you do, right?
JACK
Right.
Susie takes a drink, looks over at the empty stage.
SUSIE
Boy, ol?Egghead would抳e blown a gasket if
he抎 seen us tonight, wouldn抰 he?
Jack just takes a drag on his cigarette, says nothing.
SUSIE
You抮e good, aren抰 you?
As Jack looks up, Susie抯 eyes shift, staring straight
into his.
JACK
I can carry a tune.
SUSIE
Better than that.
Jack just looks out the window again, takes another drag
on his cigarette. Susie studies his face, then pushes off the
table, walks over to the window.
SUSIE
You know, I saw you guys once. You and Frank.
At the Roosevelt.
JACK
Must抳e been a cheap date.
SUSIE
Soap convention.
Jack glances over at Susie.
JACK
Soap?
SUSIE
Yeah, they got a convention for everything. This
guy was some big roller in suds. At least he was
clean. Some of the guys I met through the service,
you wouldn抰 believe. The older ones, they were
okay. Nice. Polite. Pulled the chair out for you.
But the younger ones...
Jack watches as Susie takes another hit off the bottle.
SUSIE
It wasn抰 so bad, though. I抎 get a nice piece of
steak, flowers, sometimes even a gift. Usually
whatever the guy was into. Got a set of socket
wrenches once. Believe it? The guy looked like
he抎 just given me four dozen roses.
Susie smiles to herself, then her face changes, becomes
almost wistful.
SUSIE
But I stayed at the Hartford once. You should see
the rooms. All satin and velvet. And the bed. Royal
blue, trimmed in lace clean as snow. Hard to
believe sleeping in a room like that don抰 change
your life. But it don抰. The bed may be magic, but
the mirror isn抰. You wake up the same old Susie.
(pause)
I didn抰 always, you know. If I liked the guy...
Susie glances at Jack, uncomfortable.
JACK
I never liked the Hartford much myself.
Susie抯 eyes lock into Jack抯, then she turns a little and
starts to roll her neck.
SUSIE
My neck is so tight. Usually singing relaxes me,
but I don抰 know, tonight...
Jack watches her a moment, then stands up and sweeps
the hair off her shoulder, placing his hands on her neck,
massaging the muscles softly. She swallows.
SUSIE
Thanks.
Jack hesitates, then unhooks the catch, letting the panels
divide a bit.
SUSIE
Thanks.
As Jack抯 fingers work down to Susie抯 shoulders, the
dress begins to divide slowly, the fabric pulling silently
apart. Susie turns her head a little just as Jack抯 fingers
slip under the silk, skimming down her sides, just below
her breasts. He leans in and kisses her neck.
SUSIE
Oh shit...
106 OMITTED
107 INT. "KING'S MANOR" CORRIDOR - MORNING
As the service elevator opens, two maid exit left, then
Eddie trots out and turns right.
We TRACK him for a moment, then he stops: by a room
service tray sitting outside a door. He sniffs finds nothing
to his taste, then moves down the hall to the next tray.
Finally, after several stops, Eddie returns to the elevator
and waits... three T-bones in his mouth.
108 INT. SUSIE扴 ROOM - MORNING
Jack, quiet as a mouse, slips out of bed, gathers his
clothes, and in approximately ten seconds, is dressed.
SUSIE
You抎 make a helluva fireman, you know that?
Jack stops, looks over his shoulder.
SUSIE
You practice that at home with a stopwatch?
JACK
Didn抰 want to wake you. Early riser.
Susie glances out the window. It抯 gotta be about noon.
SUSIE
Yeah. Listen. I didn抰 expect you to rush out and
buy me a corsage this morning, you know. Your
school ring抯 safe.
Jack nods, slips into the bathroom.
109 INT. BATHROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)
As he closes the door, Jack looks in the mirror.
JACK
Shit.
110 INT. SUSIE扴 ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)
Susie stares at the bathroom door, then notices Jack抯 tie
slung over the bedpost.
SUSIE
Shit.
111 INT. "KING'S MANOR" LOBBY - DAY
As Jack stands at the front desk, members of the hotel
staff pose for photographs with Eddie.
JACK
I don't get it.
THEO
What's that, Mr Baker?
JACK
Ed. He barely touched a thing while he was here,
but I don't know... I could swear he's GAINED
weight.
Theo points his finger to a line on the checkout form.
THEO
(as Jack signs)
Well, we're sure going to miss him. All of you.
It's too bad your brother missed all the excitement
last night.
Jack glances up.
JACK
Yeah. Too bad. You seen Miss Diamond?
THEO
I believe that's her talking to the gentleman in the
blue suit.
Across the lobby, Jack sees Susie talking to a man in the
far corner.
THEO
Have a nice day, Mr. Baker.
JACK
Yeah, you too...
112 EXT. THE CITY SKYLINE - NIGHT
Home.
113 INT. JACK扴 APARTMENT - NIGHT
As Jack and Eddie enter, Jack sets his suitcase on the
floor and flicks on a lamp. A string, hanging like a smile
from one side of the bedroom door frame to the other,
droops with paper letters: 揥ELCOME HOME.?
In the kitchen, Jack opens the refrigerator. A container
of cottage cheese. Two desperate bananas. One beer.
Opting for the beer, he goes to the piano by the window,
sits down.
He taps out a skeleton phrase, teases it, then, like the
morning Susie found him in the dining room, begins to
expand on the idea, filling the room with music.
113A EXT. DINER - DAY
In the front window, the usual photos of celebrity patrons,
including one of Susie placed between those of Jack and
Frank.
114 INT. DINER - DAY (SAME)
Susie and the brothers sit at a table strews with empty
coffee cups and half-eaten food. Frank has several slips
of paper before him with names and dates.
FRANK
That takes care of the week of the fifth. After that,
we got the Avedon downtown or the Plaza. Four
day turns. What do you think, Jack?
Jack is staring out the window. Bored.
JACK
You with me, Jack?
SUSIE
The Avedon抯 a dump. No cover. No minimum.
And they water their drinks. It抯 strictly for the
Fuller Brush crowd.
Susie, as she says this, pours sugar into her Coke.
FRANK
(watching)
It抯 not that bad. Besides, Blackie Carson books
the Avedon. He抯 always been good to us.
JACK
(drily) He抯 hasn抰 been that good to us.
FRANK
All right, we抣l take the Plaza. After that, we抮e
locked into the Capri for five days, then we got
our choice...
SUSIE
The Capri? Oh Christ, not the goddamn Luau
Lounge again.
FRANK
What抯 the matter with the Luau Lounge? They
don抰 salt their peanuts?
SUSIE
Singing 揊eelings?knee deep in paper orchids
and plastic tiki lamps isn抰 exactly my idea of a
fun evening.
FRANK
Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid,
remember?
SUSIE
I抦 just saying maybe we should vote on it. Or
maybe... we should ask Jack what he thinks.
FRANK
I don抰 have to ask Jack what he thinks. I know
what he thinks.
Jack, hearing this. shifts his eyes coolly to Frank.
FRANK
It抯 five days. The money抯 green. We抮e there.
Susie, looking tense, watches Frank go back to his slips.
Jack taps an unlit cigarette on the table.
FRANK
And by the way, speaking of 揊eelings,?you
might think about brushing up on the lyrics. The
other night, at the resort, you sang the first verse
twice.
SUSIE
Really? That must explain the gasp I heard from
the audience.
FRANK
Okay. Let抯 hear it. We抳e trashed the Avedon and
the Luau Lounge. What抯 our beef with
揊eelings?
SUSIE
Nothing.
Frank nods, starts to go back to the slips.
SUSIE
EXCEPT... who cares? I mean, does anybody
really need to hear 揊eelings?again in their
lifetime? It抯 like parsley...
(taking a sprig from her plate)
Take it away and no one would know the
difference.
FRANK
揊eelings?is not parsley.
SUSIE
To you, 揊eelings?may be goddamn filet mignon.
To me, it抯 parsley. Less that parsley.
Jack, mildly amused, settles against the window to listen.
FRANK
Look, 揊eelings,?despite what you may think of
it, has always been one of the bright moments in
the show and a consistent crowd pleaser.
Consequently, we have an obligation to play it. If
we didn抰 the audience would be disappointed.
SUSIE
Yeah, well, they weren抰 exactly crying their eyes
out on New Year抯.
Frank stops shuffling the slips, looks up slowly.
FRANK
You passed over 揊eelings?
SUSIE
Yeah. And for your information, 揃ali Hai?went
out with the bathwater too.
Frank looks from Susie to Jack.
FRANK
Well, I see. The cat goes away for a night and the
mice take over the orchestra.
SUSIE
Hey. I ain抰 no mouse.
FRANK
That抯 right. You抮e parsley.
Big silence.
JACK
I think you better calm down, Frank.
FRANK
I think you better make sure it抯 your head that抯
doing the thinking these days, little brother.
Susie stands up, takes her coat.
SUSIE
This food抯 been sitting here too long. It抯 starting
to make me feel SICK.
Susie turns and slams out the door.
JACK
Why don抰 you loosen the leash.
FRANK
Let抯 not let a whiff of perfume blow off fifteen
years. Be reasonable, Jack.
JACK
I play three hundred nights a years with you,
Frank. How much more reasonable you expect me
to be?
115 EXT. JACK扴 BUILDING - EARLY EVENING
Susie paces under a street lamp, working on a Paris Opal.
She takes a glance up at Jack抯 window, then drops her
cigarette to the sidewalk. There are half-a-dozen others
already there. Deciding, she enters the building.
115A INT. JACK扴 BUILDING - STAIRWELL
Susie arrives at Jack抯 door, knocks. A moment passes,
then it swings open.
Nina.
116 OMITTED
&
117
118 EXT. JAZZ CLUB - NIGHT (LATER)
The murmur of MUSIC can be heard.
119 INT. BASEMENT - JAZZ CLUB - NIGHT
Jack sits at the bar, sipping a whiskey gingerly, watching
a trio perform on the dimly-lit stage. A BLACK MAN in
a suit steps up next to him.
JACK
(watching the trio)
How you doing, Henry?
HENRY
Can抰 complain. What do you think of the kid?
Jack glances at the baby-faced pianist onstage.
JACK
When抯 his mother pick him up?
HENRY
He抯 been playing here a year. You oughta come
around more often, Jack.
JACK
He抯 good. That Tyler on drums?
HENRY
(nodding)
Some old man, huh? Guy抎 fall down a fucking
staircase and keep the beat.
As the bartender passes, Henry motions to Jack抯 drink.
HENRY
On the house, Tony.
(to Jack)
So how about Jack Baker? Still stompin?at the
Sheraton?
JACK
Keeps me out of trouble.
HENRY
So what抮e you doing here?
Jack crushes out his cigarette.
JACK
Lookin?for trouble.
120 EXT. JAZZ CLUB - NIGHT (LATER)
Susie arrives, glances around. She hesitates, then
pushes through the doors to the club.
121 INT. JAZZ CLUB - NIGHT (SAME TIME)
As Susie descends the cement stairs inside, a man with a
saxophone rushes past her, heading for the street. Patrons
linger in the corridor, drinks in hand, talking animatedly,
laughing.
The main room is even darker, full of shadows smoking
cigarettes. Susie looks for Jack, doesn抰 see him, then
settles by the bar.
SUSIE
Double vodka.
Across the room, the men抯 room opens and two black
men exit, but no one else. Scanning the tables again, Susie
sees only the same unfamiliar shadows.
Then she hears the PIANO.
Turning slowly, Susie discovers Jack, hunched over the
piano onstage, playing with the trio. At first, he toys with
the melody, finding his way, then seduces the song away
from itself entirely. Lost in concentration, he plays more
expressively, ending with a passionate cascade of notes
as he reconstructs the melody. As the audience
APPLAUDS, Susie settles back into the shadows of the
bar. Hidden, studies Jack.
His face is calm. Peaceful.
122 INT. STAIRWELL - JACK扴 BUILDING - NIGHT
(LATER)
Jacks trots up the stairs to his apartment, then stops
suddenly. Susie is sitting on the landing, one shoe off,
massaging her bare foot.
SUSIE
Oh. Hi.
(uncomfortable)
I was in the neighbourhood. Thought I抎 drop by.
Jack nods, eyes her foot.
SUSIE
(shrugs)
Big feet.
Jack says nothing, starts up the stairs.
SUSIE
Look, don抰 get nervous or anything. I just came
over to...
Susie抯 voice falters as Jack hooks her stray shoe on his
finger and continues toward his apartment.
SUSIE
...talk.
Jack doesn抰 want to talk.
123 EXT. JACK扴 BUILDING - MORNING
As the sun comes up.
124 INT. JACK扴 BEDROOM - MORNING
Naked, Susie slips quietly out of bed, gathers her clothes,
dresses. Twelve seconds, tops. Only one problem: only
one shoe.
Limping to the bathroom, Susie catches herself in the
mirror, grimaces, then hobbles to the front room...
...Just as Nina pushes open the window and enters from
the fire escape. Both stop cold, stare at each other.
NINA
I guess you found him, huh?
SUSIE
Yeah...
NINA
I came to walk Eddie.
Susie nods. Nina eyes Susie抯 footwear situation, then
slips off the windowsill and goes to the kitchen, where
Eddie抯 leash is hanging on the wall.
NINA
You don抰 have a toothbrush with you, do you?
Susie, puzzled, shakes her head. Nina nods, then points
behind Susie. There, on the bookshelf, is her shoe.
SUSIE
Oh... thanks.
As Nina exits with Eddie, Susie stares at the door, a little
confused, then goes to retrieve her shoe. There, sitting on
the shelf, is an old photograph of Jack and Frank. Wearing
boyish grins and bad suits, they hold a bottle of liquor out
for the camera.
JACK
Terry抯 Tap Room.
Susie jumps, surprised to see Jack, dressed now. He
smiles, nods to the photo.
JACK
First gig we ever played. The guy that ran the
place gave us the bottle but wouldn抰 open in.
SUSIE
How come?
JACK
(charming)
Told us to save it. Said someday it would soften
the edges of the bad times and make the good ones
seem even better. The best idea would抳e been to
drink it before we played Terry抯 Taproom.
Jack watches Susie study the photo.
JACK
Coffee?
SUSIE
Yeah... no. I mean...
JACK
Look, if you want to leave...
SUSIE
No... yeah. That is...
JACK
I抣l see you tonight at the Hilton. Okay?
Susie nods, but doesn抰 move.
SUSIE
Listen. The reason I came by last night... I抦
thinking about leaving. The act.
Susie looks at Jack, but he says nothing.
SUSIE
It抯 a... I met this guy over New Year抯, at the
hotel. He liked my voice. And, well, it抯... He
thinks I can sell cat food just singing about it.
Crazy, huh?
Susie tries to laugh. Jack nods.
SUSIE
I mean, it抯 nothing big. Mostly local stuff
probably.
JACK
Take it.
SUSIE
Well, I haven抰 decided. I抦 just thinking about it...
JACK
Take it.
Susie stops, studies Jack抯 face.
SUSIE
So how long you been taking care of the kid
upstairs?
JACK
I don抰 take care of her.
SUSIE
Doesn抰 look that way to me...
JACK
What抯 the difference?
SUSIE
(beat)
Yeah, well, anyway, like I said, I know Frank抯
got us booked through March.
JACK
Don抰 worry about Frank.
SUSIE
What about you?
JACK
What抯 that got to do with anything?
SUSIE
Well... nothing. I just mean, I don抰 want to leave
you guys with an empty mike...
JACK
Hey. There抯 always another girl.
Susie looks at Jack. His face is unflinching.
SUSIE
(grabbing her coat)
Right. Well... Thanks for the advice. I抣l think it
over.
As the door slams behind Susie, Jack抯 face changes,
resolve giving in to ambivalence.
125 INT. HILTON OLD AMERICA LOUNGE - NIGHT
(AS IN SC. 38)
As Susie croons, waiters pass by.
SUSIE
揊eelings... Wo wo wo... Feelings...?
126 INT. HILTON BACKSTAGE - NIGHT (AFTER THE
SHOW)
Susie whips on her coat tensely.
SUSIE
I can't sing it anymore.
FRANK
What?
SUSIE
That song. I can't sing it anymore. I'm gonna get
sick.
127 INT. HILTON KITCHEN - NIGHT (SAME TIME)
Frank follows Susie into the kitchen, where a KID in an
apron is chopping onions.
FRANK
(patiently)
Look, Susie. We talked about this. I told you why
we...
SUSIE
(stopping)
I'm going to throw up Frank. Do you understand?
I'm going to vomit right into somebody's Pina
Colada.
FRANK
It's just a song. It's a couple times a night. Ten
minutes of your life. That's all.
SUSIE
And ten minutes tomorrow night, and ten minutes
the next night, and the next night. Frank, I can't
sing that fucking song anymore!
As Susie storms out of the kitchen, the Kid in the apron
looks over.
APRON
Volare?
128 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE HILTON - NIGHT
Susie comes up alongside Jack.
SUSIE
I抦 quitting.
JACK
Congratulations.
SUSIE
As of now.
JACK
Well, if you ever need a recommendation, let me
know.
SUSIE
Jesus, you抮e cold, you know that? You抮e like a
fucking razor blade.
JACK
Careful. You抣l have me thinking you抮e going soft
on me.
Susie stops, looks at him in amazement.
SUSIE
You don抰 give a fuck, do you? About anything.
Jack stops, turns.
JACK
Hey. What do you want from me? You want me to
tell you to stay? Is that what you抮e looking for?
You want me to get down on my knees and beg
you to deliver the Baker Boys from doom? Well,
forget it. We survived for fifteen years before you
strutted onto the scene, sweetheart. FIFTEEN
YEARS. Two seconds and you抮e bawling like a
two year old. You shouldn抰 be wearing a dress.
You should be wearing a diaper.
SUSIE
Jesus. You and Egghead ARE brothers, aren抰 you?
JACK
Damn straight. And let me tell you something.
Over the years they抳e dropped like flies in every
fucking hotel in this city, but we抮e still here.
We抳e never held a day job in our lives. He may
be an easy target, but add it up and you抣l see;
Frank抯 done fine.
SUSIE
Yeah. Frank抯 done great. He抯 got the wife, the
kids, the little house in the suburbs. Meanwhile his
brother抯 sitting in a shitty apartment with a sick
dog, Little Orphan Annie, and a chip on his
shoulder as big as a Cadillac.
JACK
(tensely)
Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That抯 it.
Once the sweat dries, you still don抰 know shit
about me. Got it?
SUSIE
I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home
putting the kids to sleep last night, little brother
Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few
minutes.
Jack just stares at her.
SUSIE
I was there. I saw it in your face. You抮e full of
shit. You抮e a fake. Every time you walk into
some shitty daiquiri hut, you抮e selling yourself
on the cheap. I know all about that. I used to find
myself at the end of the night with some malt ball
mogul, then wake up in the morning and tell
myself it didn抰 matter. You kid yourself that you
got this empty place inside where you can put it
all. But do it long enough and all you are is
empty.
JACK
I didn抰 know whores were so philosophical.
SUSIE
At least my brother抯 not my pimp.
Susie turns to walk away, then stops and looks back.
SUSIE
You know I had you pegged for a loser the first
time I saw you. But I was wrong. You抮e worse.
You抮e a coward.
As Susie turns away, we HOLD on Jack.
129 INT. HILTON LOUNGE - THE AMBASSADOR LOUNGE - NIGHT
The site of Jack and Frank's first night with Susie. As
busboys move in and out, Jack and Frank stand with Ray,
the assistant manager.
RAY
Sick? How sick?
FRANK
The flu.
RAY
So she's got a few sniffles.
FRANK
Doctor's orders.
Ray frowns, looks at the two pianos across the room.
RAY
You got no right springing this on me, Frankie.
It's unethical.
FRANK
Look, Ray. You want us to pack up, we'll pack up.
RAY
What am I gonna do? Put a record player out there?
(exiting)
Bad, Frankie. Bad.
JACK
What're you doing?
FRANK
Just until we find another girl.
JACK
Cancel, Frank.
FRANK
We're in for three weeks solid, Jack.
JACK
Better give her pneumonia.
130 INT. STARFIRE LOUNGE - NIGHT (2 NIGHTS
LATER)
Jack and Frank, onstage. A small crowd.
FRANK
You know, my brother and I have been playing
together, gosh, I don抰 know. Jack?
JACK
Thirty-one years.
No response. As Frank clears his throat nervously,
Jack studies the bored, brutally indifferent faces of the
people in the lounge.
FRANK
Of course, uh, back then it was, uh, a little
different. We were just kids. Just about the only
one who would listen to us was the family cat,
Cecil. We must抳e shaved three lives off old
Cecil, huh, Jack?
Frank laughs. His voice, eerily magnified by the
microphone, is the only sound in the room.
FRANK
Yeah, well, anyway. It抯 nice to be back here at
the Ambassador Lounge, because this place has
always been a very special place for Jack and I...
Jack watches a woman dribble her drink accidentally and
let out a peal of laughter.
FRANK
Why? I guess you could say it抯 just... the people.
As Frank launches into 揚eople,?Jack watches the
woman wipe her chin, still laughing, and we --
CUT TO:
131 EXT. CITY STREETS - NIGHT (LATER)
Jack moves down the block, then starts to slow as he
sees Susie up ahead, standing on the corner, talking with
a man. She says something to him, laughs, and the man
gives her a peck on the cheek and walks away. As she
begins to search her purse, Jack approaches. Just as her
face comes INTO VIEW, she senses him and turns,
startled.
Not Susie.
For a moment, he just stares at her.
JACK
Sorry.
132 INT. JACK扴 APARTMENT - NIGHT (LATER)
Jack enters and slams the door. He looks wired up,
restless. Lighting a cigarette, he flicks on the TV, gets only
haze, adjusts the antenna, still gets nothing, then gives it a
pop with his fist... still nothing. Infuriated, he steps back,
eyes the TV, then gives it a kick with his foot, sending it
tumbling. He studies it, unsatisfied, turns to the bookcase,
and clears a shelf with a sweep of his arms. He looks at
the debris at his feet, sees the 揟erry抯 Tap Room?photo
of he and Frank and picks it up, studying it as he drags on
his cigarette. Sliding behind the piano, he props the photo
there, and begins to play, searching for something
interesting, but he抯 too distracted. He stops, tries again,
loses the groove after a few bars and then begins to pound
the keys furiously in frustration. As he stops, his eyes shift
to the photograph of he and Frank.
Two skinny kids, smiling goofily.
133 INT./EXT. FRANK扴 CAR - NIGHT
As Frank guides the car through the wet city streets,
Jack cradles a whiskey flask, occasionally taking a hit.
It抯 two A.M. and raining hard.
JACK
We抮e not getting paid then.
FRANK
No.
JACK
Nothing. We get nothing.
FRANK
I told you, Jack. It抯 a telethon. No one gets a cent.
JACK
What抯 it for?
FRANK
I don抰 know. Some disease.
JACK
What disease?
FRANK
I don抰 know.
JACK
You don抰 know?
FRANK
It抯 a disease, Jack. We抮e against it. It抯 not a
moral decision.
JACK
What channel抯 it on?
FRANK
Seventy-one.
JACK
Seventy-one? What抯 seventy-one?
FRANK
(defensively)
A channel. It抯 just a little further down the dial,
that抯 all. Look, it抯 publicity. Publicity抯 publicity.
Right?
Jack stares at Frank, then takes another drink.
JACK
Right.
134 INT. TELEVISION STUDIO - NIGHT
Jerry Lewis need not fear. This is strictly a tinfoil and
crepe paper operation. In front of a huge tote board, a kid
in a wheelchair is doing basketball tricks before the
camera.
FRANK
I抣l see when we抮e on.
As Frank leaves, Jack glances around the studio like he抯
walked into a nightmare. At the phone bank, a heavyset
MAN in a sweatshirt and cap looks over. Both the
sweatshirt and the cap have 揈arl?printed on them.
EARL
You the magician?
JACK
No.
EARL
(disappointed)
Oh. What do you do?
Jack points to the pianos across the room.
JACK
Piano.
EARL
(hopeful)
Two at a time?
JACK
My brother and I. One each.
EARL
(disappointed again)
Oh.
JACK
(indicating the kid in the wheelchair)
What抯 wrong with the kid?
EARL
Knee. Tore it up against St. Joseph抯. Right before
the accident.
JACK
Accident?
EARL
The fire. The way we抮e going, we抣l be lucky to
buy a carton of jockstraps, let alone a new gym.
As Jack registers this, Earl抯 phone RINGS. Frank
returns and gestures to the kid in the wheelchair.
FRANK
We抮e on after Meadowlark.
JACK
Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking
kidding me?
FRANK
What?
JACK
We抮e playing for a goddamn gymnasium!
FRANK
(worried)
What?
Just then, the kid in the wheelchair rolls off and a guy in
a cheap rented tux strides in front of the camera. He抯
VINCE NANCY, the host.
VINCE
Let抯 hear it for our own Jimmy Marshall, shall
we?
The audience APPLAUDS.
VINCE
As most of you know, young Jimmy put a nasty
twist on that knee trying to win one for good ol?
Grant High this year. Luckily, the doctors tell us
Jimmy抣l be able to play next season. That is...
if there is a next season.
(Uncle Sam)
That抯 where you come in. Pick up that phone.
Make a donation. Let抯 keep our kids off the
streets and in the gym where they belong.
APPLAUSE.
VINCE
All right. Well, friends, what can I say about our
next guest?
(consulting a card)
He, uh, they, uh, we are very pleased to have with
us two of the most respected men in the musical
entertainment field... The Fabulous Bunker Boys!
Come on out here, guys.
Vince gestures grandly to the left and Jack and Frank enter
from the right.
VINCE
Whoops, there they are. Hey, nice suits, fellas.
(to camera)
Now, I know a lot of you amateur musicians out
there are going to want to rap with these guys --
and don抰 worry. Right after they finish up here,
they抮e going to be manning the phones. Maybe
we can even convince them to raffle off a few
piano lessons if we抮e lucky. What do you think?
The audience APPLAUDS. Jack glares at Frank.
VINCE
Well all right then. What are we waiting for?
Take it away, guys.
As Jack and Frank begin to play. As the music rises, the
studio becomes very quiet, almost still. Unfortunately,
Jack and Frank are barely though the opening passage
when a thunderously loud BELL begins to ring. Suddenly
Vince steps out again.
VINCE
Uh oh. We know what that means, don抰 we? It抯
time to turn the big board over again.
(to Jack, Frank)
I抦 afraid you fellas抣l just have to wait a minute.
All right boys. Bring it out.
Two post-pubescent giants roll out the tote board -- right
in front of Jack and Frank. Jack looks homicidal.
FRANK
Jack...
Jack kicks out the piano bench and starts to leave. Then,
seeing the kid in the wheelchair, he grabs the basketball
and fires it and Vince.
VINCE
What the...
JACK
(pointing at him)
You抮e a fucking creep, you know that. I oughta
kick your ass.
FRANK
(whispering)
Jack, you抮e on television.
JACK
Shut up, Frank.
Earl of the sweatshirt and cap puts his hand on Jack抯
shoulder.
EARL
What do you say we go for a walk, pal?
JACK
Get your hand off me.
EARL
Come on friend. I can smell it on you. Get
yourself a cup of coffee. You抣l forget what
you抮e angry about.
JACK
Go fuck yourself.
Earl抯 eyes go hard.
EARL
You抮e a real tough guy when the ladies are
around, aren抰 you, Ace?
JACK
I don抰 see any ladies here. Except maybe you.
That does it. Earl takes hold of Jack抯 collar and starts
to wrestle him roughly toward the door.
FRANK
Hey, leave him alone.
JACK
(eying Earl抯 sweatshirt, cap)
Buy all your clothes at the same place, Earl?
Earl shoves Jack out of the studio, hard. Jack stumbles
back, ends up in a heap.
EARL
Who do you think you are, asshole? Liberace?
135 EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Jack walks down the street, mindless of the rain. Frank
follows a few yards behind him.
FRANK
Jack. We just passed the car. JACK. This is a
tuxedo. Three hundred dollars.
(pause)
You gonna talk to me? Or is this Jack抯 famous
silent act? Look, it was for publicity. Do you
understand? Publicity.
Jack stops and stares at Frank incredulously.
JACK
What are you? A fucking moron? It抯 three
o抍lock in the morning, Frank. Who抯 watching?
Paperboys?
FRANK
Look. I didn抰 know when we were going to be
on until yesterday.
JACK
Basketballs, Frank. You had us playing for
basketballs.
FRANK
I抦 sorry. I should抳e checked it out. I screwed
up. But that doesn抰 mean you walk out in the
middle of a gig.
JACK
WHAT?
FRANK
It wasn抰 professional, Jack.
Jack just stares at Frank, as if looking at a stranger.
JACK
What抯 happened to you, Frank? You been kissing
ass so long you抮e starting to like it? You let that
guy turn us into clowns tonight. We were always
small-time, but we were never clowns, Frank.
What抯 happened to your dignity?
FRANK
Dignity? Who the hell are you to talk about dignity?
Frank steps forward and reaches into Jack抯 coat, coming
away with the whiskey.
FRANK
This where you get your dignity, Jack? This
where you get your courage?
Jack tries to grab the bottle but Frank holds it away.
FRANK
No, let抯 do it straight for once.
Frank tosses the bottle into the street, where it
SHATTERS.
FRANK
I want to explain something to you, little brother.
See, there are people in this world who depend on
me. I抳e got a wife, and two kids who expect to
wake up every morning with food on the table and
heat in the house. I got a mortgage. I got car
payments. And, oh yeah, I got you. My little
brother Jack who抯 so cool and so hip and so
fucking sure he抯 better than everyone else. Don抰
you think I抎 like to walk up to one of these
assholes and blow smoke in his face? Goddamn
right I would. But I can抰. I have to be
responsible, little brother. I have to make sure the
numbers balance out in my favour at the end of
each month so everyone can go on living their
lives. You don抰 win medals for it, but you can be
damn sure you抎 all take notice if I folded up
shop. So don抰 talk to me about dignity, little
brother. You抮e drawing on a weak hand.
Jack stares at Frank through the rain, then turns and
begins to walk away.
FRANK
Great. Terrific. Walk away. You抮e good at that,
Jack. You never could commit to anything, even
a conversation.
JACK
Is that what that was? Sounded more like a speech
to me. Next time save it for the PTA.
FRANK
(beat)
You just had to, didn抰 you, Jack? You couldn抰
keep your cock in your pocket.
Jack stops, glares at Frank.
JACK
Hey. Who I fuck and who I don抰 fuck is none of
your fucking business. Got it?
FRANK
It is when it affects my business.
JACK
Your business. YOUR business? Your business
exists because of me.
FRANK
YOU? Who抮e you kidding? I make the calendar,
I pay the expenses. Christ, I even make your shoes
are shined. What do you do? Show up for a couple
hours a night and smoke cigarettes.
JACK
Frank. If someone requested 揅hopsticks,?you抎
ask for the sheet music.
FRANK
(stung)
If it wasn抰 for me, little brother, you抎 be playing
for dimes out of the back of a truck.
JACK
Yeah, you抮e a real pro, Frank. You were doing
such a bang up job a few months ago, you had
慹m paying us NOT to play. That抯 fucking genius.
Enraged by this, Frank glares at Jack, then suddenly bolts
forward, drilling hard with his shoulder, driving Jack
into the wall.
JACK
Jesus, Frank! What the fuck抯 the matter with you?
Jack twists Frank around and pushes him off, but Frank
charges back.
JACK
Goddamnit, Frank! Knock it off!
As they pound off the wall again, Jack抯 anger suddenly
multiplies on itself, as of fuelled by fifteen years of
frustration. Flinging Frank against the wall, he becomes
the aggressor, pounding, pulling, and slamming him in
fitful rage. Frank is suddenly scared.
FRANK
Jack!... Jack!...
Frank slides down the cement wall, trying to protect
himself. Unrelenting, Jack comes down with a vicious
fist at Frank抯 face, catching his fingers instead.
FRANK
My hands! My hands!
Jack grabs one of Frank抯 hands roughly, twisting the
fingers back.
FRANK
(terrified)
Jack!
Jack twists Frank抯 fingers harder. A knuckle cracks.
FRANK
Jack! JACK!
Frank抯 voice ECHOES high above the SOUND of the
rain. Jack stops, looks at Frank抯 hand, still clasped in
his own. Letting go, he stares at his own hands, the skin
split and bleeding. He no longer looks dangerous. He
looks hollow, frightened.
JACK
I抦 through with it. I can抰 do it anymore.
Before Frank can say anything, Jack turns away, leaving
his brother on the sidewalk, and disappears in the rain.
136 EXT. CITY SKYLINE - DAWN (A FEW HOURS
LATER)
WOMAN扴 VOICE
(singing)
揥ho can take a sunrise
Sprinkle it with dew...
Toss it in the air
And make a groovy lemon pie
The candy man can...
The candy man can...?
137 INT. DINER - DAWN (SAME TIME)
Jack, looking like he抯 gone fifteen rounds, is sitting at the
table by the window, his head against the glass. He opens
one eye, sees a waitress smiling over him. Monica
Moran.
MONICA
You抮e one of the 揊abulous?guys. I remember.
JACK
Wrong number.
MONICA
Ah, you can抰 kid me. I see you every day.
She points behind the cash register, to the wall covered
with photographs. Frank. Himself. Susie...
MONICA
That抯 why I took the job. The day I came in I seen
you and your brother抯 faces hanging there and I
figured it was like a sign or something. Like
destiny.
Jack looks away from the photo of Susie, nods.
JACK
How you doing, Monica?
MONICA
Swell. Only it抯 Blanche here.
Jack nods, starts to take his coffee, but Monica pushes it
away and turns over a fresh cup.
MONICA
Nah, don抰 touch that. That抯 three hours cold.
(pouring)
Yeah, I been sitting over there just waiting for
you to wake up. Finally, I figured maybe you had
an appointment or something.
(s