NOTTING HILL

    KAREN
  Great.  And you...
  
    WILLIAM
   (seeing it on a coffee
    table)
  'Horse and Hound.'  The name's
  William Whacker.  I think she might
  be expecting me.

    KAREN
  Okay -- take a seat.  I'll check.

 They sit down as Karen goes off.

    TARQUIN
  You've brought her flowers?

 William goes for the cover-up.

    WILLIAM
  No -- they're... for my grandmother.
  She's in a hospital nearby.  Thought
  I'd kill two birds with one stone.

    TARQUIN
  I'm sorry.  Which hospital?

 Pause.  He's in trouble.

    WILLIAM
  Do you mind me not saying -- it's a
  rather distressing disease and the
  name of the hospital rather gives it
  away.

    TARQUIN
  Oh sure.  Of course.

    KAREN
  Mr. Thacker.

 Saved by the bell.

 INT. TRAFALGAR SUIT CORRIDOR - DAY

    KAREN
  You've got five minutes.

 He is shown in through big golden doors.  Karen stays outside.

 INT. THE TRAFALGAR SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY

 There Anna is, framed in the window.  Glorious.

    WILLIAM
  Hi.

    ANNA
  Hello.

    WILLIAM
  I brought these, but clearly...

 There are lots of other flowers in the room.

    ANNA
  Oh no, ho -- these are great.

 A fair amount of tension.  These two people hardly know each
 other -- and the first and last time they met, they kissed.

    WILLIAM
  Sorry about not ringing back.  The
  whole two-names concept was totally too
  much for my flatman's pea-sized
  intellect.

    ANNA
  No, it's a stupid privacy thing.  I
  always choose a cartoon character --
  last time out, I was Mrs. Bambi.

 At which moment Jeremy, Karen's boss, comes in.  A fairly grave,
 authoritative fifty-year-old PR man consulting a list.

    JEREMY
  Everything okay?

    ANNA
  Yes, thanks.

    JEREMY
  And you are from 'Horse and Hound'
  magazine?

 William nods.

    ANNA
  Is that so?

 William shrugs his shoulders.  Jeremy settles at a little desk
 in the corner and makes notes.  A pause.  William feels he has to
 act the part.  They sit in chairs opposite each other.

    WILLIAM
  So I'll just fire away, shall I?

 Anna nods.

    WILLIAM
  Right.  Ahm... the film's great...
  and I just wondered -- whether you
  ever thought of having more...
  horses in it?

    ANNA
  Ahm -- well -- we would have liked to
  -- but it was difficult, obviously,
  being set in space.

    WILLIAM
  Obviously.  Very difficult.

 Jeremy leaves.

 William puts his head in his hands.  He was panic.

    WILLIAM
  I'm sorry -- I arrived outside -- they
  thrust this thing into my hand -- I
  didn't know what to do.

    ANNA
  No, it's my fault, I thought this
  would all be over by now.  I just
  wanted to sort of apologize for the
  kissing thing.  I seriously don't
  know what got in to me.  I just wanted
  to make sure you were fine about it.

    WILLIAM
  Absolutely fine about it.

 Re-enter Jeremy.

    JEREMY
  Do remember that Miss Scott is also
  keen to talk about her next project,
  which is shooting later in the summer.

    WILLIAM
  Oh yes -- excellent.  Ahm -- any horses
  in that one?  Or hounds, of course.  Our
  readers are equally intrigued by both
  species.
    ANNA
  It takes place on a submarine.

    WILLIAM
  Yes.  Right... But if there were horses,
  would you be riding them yourself or
  would you be getting a stunt horse person
  double sort of thing?

 Jeremy exits.

    WILLIAM
  I'm just a complete moron.  Sorry.
  This is the sort of thing that happens
  in dreams -- not in real life.  Good
  dreams, obviously -- it's a dream to
  see you.

    ANNA
  And what happens next in the dream?

 It's a challenge.

    WILLIAM
  Well, I suppose in the dream dream
  scenario.  I just... ahm, change my
  personality, because you can do that
  in dreams, and  walk across and kiss the
  girl but you know it'll never happen.

 Pause.  Then they move towards each other when... Jeremy
 enters.

    JEREMY
  Time's up, I'm afraid.  Sorry it was
  so short.  Did you get what you wanted?

    WILLIAM
  Very nearly.

    JEREMY
  Maybe time for one last question?

    WILLIAM
  Right.

 Jeremy goes out -- it's their last seconds.

    WILLIAM
  Are you busy tonight?

    ANNA
  Yes.

 They look at each other.  Jeremy enters, with another journalists
 in tow.  Anna and William stand and shake hands formally.

    ANNA
  Well, it was nice to meet you. 
  Surreal but nice.

    WILLIAM
  Thank you.  You are 'Horse and Hound's'
  favorite actress.  You and Black
  Beauty.  Tied.

 INT. TRAFALGAR SUITE CORRIDOR - DAY

 William exits fairly despondent and heads for the door.  Tarquin
 is in the corridor calling on his mobile phone.

    TARQUIN
  How was she?

    WILLIAM
  Fabulous.

    TARQUIN
  Wait a minute -- she took your
  grandmother's flowers?

 William can't think his way out of this.

    WILLIAM
  Yes.  That's right.  Bitch.

 He turns to go, but is accosted by Karen.

    KAREN
  If you'd like to come with me we can
  rush you through the others.

    WILLIAM
  The others?

 INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

    KAREN
  Mr. Thacker's from 'Horse and Hound.'

 A forty-year-old actor with great presence warmly shakes
 William's hand.

    MALE LEAD
  Pleased to meet you.  Did you like the
  film?

    WILLIAM
  Ah... yes, enormously.

    MALE LEAD
  Well, fire away.

    WILLIAM
  Right, right.  Ahm -- did you enjoy
  making the film?

    MALE LEAD
  I did.

    WILLIAM
  Any bit in particular?

    MALE LEAD
  Well, you tell me which bit you liked
  most -- and I'll tell you if I enjoyed
  making it.

    WILLIAM
  Ahm right, right, I liked the bit in
  space very much.  Did you enjoy
  making  that bit?

 INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

 Same room same seat, minutes later, with a monolingual foreign
 actor and an interpreter.

    WILLIAM
  Did you identify with the character
  you were playing?

    INTERPRETER
  Te identicaste con el personaje que
  interpretabas?

    FOREIGN ACTOR
  No.

    INTERPRETER
  No.

    WILLIAM
  Ah.  Why not?

    INTERPRETER
  Por que no?

    FOREIGN ACTOR
  Porque es un robot carnivoro
  psicopata.

    INTERPRETER
  Because he is playing a psychopathic
  flesh-eating robot.

    WILLIAM
  Classic.

 INT. RITZ INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

 And now William is sitting opposite an eleven-year-old American
 girl.

    WILLIAM
  Is this your first film?

    GIRL
  No -- it's my 22nd.

    WILLIAM
  Of course it is.  Any favourite among
  the 22?

    GIRL
  Working with Leonardo.

    WILLIAM
  Da Vinci?

    GIRL
  Di Caprio.

    WILLIAM
  Of course.  And is he your favourite
  Italian film director?

 INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - DAY

 William emerges traumatized into the corridor.  It is full of
 camera crews.  And there is Karen.

    KAREN
  Mr. Thacker?

    WILLIAM
   (so weary)
  Yes?

    KAREN
  Have you got a moment?

 INT. ANNA'S SUITE SITTING ROOM - DAY

 They knock on her door.

    ANNA (V.O.)
  Come in.

 William enters.  A certain nervousness.  They are alone again.

    ANNA
  Ahm.  That thing I was doing tonight
  -- I'm not doing it any more.  I told
  them I had to spend the evening with
  Britain's premier equestrian
  journalist.

    WILLIAM
  Oh well, great.  Perfect.  Oh no --
  shittity brickitty -- it's my sister's
  birthday -- shit -- we're meant to be
  having dinner.

    ANNA
  Okay -- fine.

    WILLIAM
  But no, I'm sure I can get out of it.

    ANNA
  No, I mean, if it's fine with you,
  I'll, you know, be your date.