NOTTING HILL

    ANNA
  There's no 'unless.'  No one has said
  "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and
  even then it was only little girls
  with blonde ringlets.

    WILLIAM
  Exactly.  Here we go again.

 He fails, and unfortunately, spontaneously...

    WILLIAM
  Whoopsidaisies.

 They look at each other.

    WILLIAM
  It's a disease I've got -- it's a
  clinical thing.  I'm taking pills and
  having injections -- it won't last
  long.

    ANNA
  Step aside.

 She starts to climb.

    WILLIAM
  Actually be careful Anna -- it's
  harder than it looks...

 But she's already almost over.

    WILLIAM
  Oh no it's not -- it's easy.

 A few seconds later.  Anna jumps down into the garden.

    ANNA
  Come on, Flops.

 William clambers over with terrible difficulty, dusts himself
 off, and heads towards where she stands.

    WILLIAM
  Now seriously -- what in the world
  in this garden could make that
  ordeal worthwhile?

 She leans forward -- and, for the firs time since the first
 time -- she kisses him.  This time a proper kiss.  A tiny pause.

    WILLIAM
  Nice garden.

 EXT. MAGIC GARDEN - NIGHT

 They walk around the garden.  It's a moonlit dream.  We see
 the lights of the houses that surround the garden.  They come
 across a single, simple wooden bench.

    ANNA
  'For June, who loved this garden --
  from Joseph who always sat beside
  her.'

 We cut in and see an inscription carved into the wood.  She
 doesn't read the dates, carved below -- 'June Wetherby, 1917
 - 1992.'  She is slightly chocked by it.

    ANNA
  Some people do spend their whole
  lives together.

 He nods.  They are standing on either side of the bench,
 looking at each other.  The camera glides away from them, up
 into the night sky, leaving them alone in the garden.  Music
 plays.

 INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

 William in a towel rushes downstairs, having just had a shower.
 He shoots past Spike.

    WILLIAM
  Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.  Have
  you seen my glasses?

    SPIKE
  No, 'fraid not.

    WILLIAM
  Bollocks.
   (still searching --
    with no help from
    Spike)
  This happens every time I go to the
  cinema.  Average day, my glasses are
  everywhere -- everywhere I look,
  glasses.  But the moment I need them
  they disappear.  It's one of life's
  real cruelties.

    SPIKE
  That's compared to, like,
  earthquakes in the Far East or
  testicular cancer?

    WILLIAM
  Oh shit, is that the time?  I have to
  go.

 INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - EVENING

 He sprints downstairs, now fully dressed.

    WILLIAM
   (not meaning it)
  Thanks for your help on the glasses
  thing.

    SPIKE
   (sincerely)
  You're welcome.  Did you find them?

    WILLIAM
  Sort of.

 INT. CINEMA - NIGHT

 Mid-film.  We move across the audience.  And there is in the
 middle of it, we see Anna, watching the screen, and next to
 her, William, watching the film keenly, through his scuba-
 diving goggles.

 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

 A very smart Japanese restaurant.  We see Anna and William
 sitting, near the end of their meal.

    ANNA
  So who left who?

    WILLIAM
  She left me.

    ANNA
  Why?

    WILLIAM
  She saw through me.

    ANNA
  Uh-oh.  That's not good.

 We've been aware of the conversation at a nearby table --
 now we can hear it.  Two slightly rowdy men.

    LAWRENCE
  No - No- No!  Give me Anna Scott any
  day.

 William and Anna look at each other.

    GERALD
  I didn't like that last film of hers.
  Fast asleep from the moment the
  lights went down.

 Again -- Anna reacts.

    LAWRENCE
  Don't really care what the films are
  like.  Any film with her in it --
  fine by me.

    GERALD
  No -- not my type at all really.  I
  prefer that other one -- blonde --
  sweet looking -- has an orgasm every
  time you take her out for a cup of
  coffee.

 Anna mouths 'Meg Ryan.'

    LAWRENCE
  Meg Ryan.

 William and Anna smile -- they're enjoying it.

    GERALD
  Drug-induced, I hear -- I believe
  she's actually in rehab as we speak.

    LAWRENCE
  Whatever, she's so clearly up for it.

 Anna's twinkle fades.

    LAWRENCE
  You know -- some girls, they're all
  'stay away chum' but Anna, she's
  absolutely gagging for it.  Do you
  know that in over fifty percent of
  languages the word for "actress" is
  the same as the word for "prostitute."

 This is horrible.

    LAWRENCE
  And Anna is your definitive actress
  -- someone really filthy you can just
  flip over...

    WILLIAM
  Right, that's it.

 He gets up and goes round the corner to the men.  There are in
 fact four of them, the two meeker men, Gavin and Harry, hanging
 on the other guys' witty words.

    WILLIAM
  I'm sorry to disturb you guys but --

    LAWRENCE
  Can I help you?

    WILLIAM
  Well, yes, I wish I hadn't overheard
  your conversation -- but I did and I
  just think, you know...

 He's not a very convincing or frightening figure.

    WILLIAM
  ...the person you're talking about
  is a real person and I think she
  probably deserves a little bit more
  consideration, rather than having
  jerks like you drooling over her...

    LAWRENCE
  Oh sod off, mate.  What are you, her
  dad?

 Anna suddenly appears at his side and whips him away without
 being recognized.

    WILLIAM
  I'm sorry.

    ANNA
  No, that's fine.  I love that you
  tried... time was I'd have done the
  same.

 They walk on and then...

    ANNA
  In fact -- give me a second.

 And she walks straight back to their table.

    ANNA
  Hi.

    LAWRENCE
  Oh my God...

    ANNA
  I'm sorry about my friend -- he's
  very sensitive.

    LAWRENCE
  No, look, I'm sorry...

    ANNA
  Please, please -- let's just leave
  it there.  I'm sure you meant no harm,
  and I'm sure it was just friendly
  banter and I'm sure you dicks are all
  the size of peanuts.  A perfect match
  for the size of your brains.  Enjoy
  your meal.  The tuna's really good.

 And she walks away.  Gerald turns to Lawrence.

    GERALD
  You prick.

 EXT. RITZ ARCADE - NIGHT

 They are walking.

    ANNA
  I shouldn't have done that.  I
  shouldn't have done that.

    WILLIAM
  No, you were brilliant

    ANNA
  I'm rash and I'm stupid and what
  am I doing with you?

    WILLIAM
  I don't know, I'm afraid.

    ANNA
  I don't know either.

 They have arrived at the end of the arcade.

    ANNA
  Here we are.
   (pause)
  Do you want to come up?

    WILLIAM
   (he hoes)
  There seem to be lots of reasons
  why I shouldn't.

    ANNA
  There are lots of reasons.  Do you
  want to come up?

 His look says yes.

    ANNA
  Give me five minutes.

 He watches her go -- and stands in the street.  Music plays.

 INT. RITZ CORRIDOR/ANNA'S SUITE - NIGHT

 William coming along the hotel corridor.  He knocks on the
 door.

    ANNA
  Hiya.

 There's something slightly awry.  He doesn't notice.

    WILLIAM
  Hi.

 He kisses her gently on the cheek.

    WILLIAM
  To be able to do that is such a
  wonderful thing.

    ANNA
   (pause)
  You've got to go.

    WILLIAM
  Why?

    ANNA
  Because my boyfriend, who I thought
  was in America, is in fact in the
  next room.

    WILLIAM
  Your boyfriend?

 He is duly shocked.  She's trying to be calm.

    ANNA
  Yes...

    JEFF (V.O.)
  Who is it?

 Jeff drifts into view behind.  He is a very famous film star and
 looks the part -- well built, very handsome.  Unshaven, he has
 magic charm, whatever he says.  Over a t-shirt, he wears a
 shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.

    WILLIAM
  Ahm... room service.

    JEFF
  How you doing?  I thought you guys
  all wore those penguin coats.

    WILLIAM
  Well, yes -- usually -- I'd just
  changed to go home -- but I thought
  I'd just deal with this final call.

    JEFF
  Oh great.  Could you do me a favour
  and try to get us some really cold
  water up here?