NOTTING HILL

    WILLIAM
  I'll see what I can do.

    JEFF
  Still, not sparkling.

    WILLIAM
  Absolutely.  Ice cold still water.

    JEFF
  Unless it's illegal in the UK to
  serve liquids below room temperature:
  I don't want you going to jail just
  to satisfy my whims...

    WILLIAM
  No, I'm sure it'll be fine.

    JEFF
  And maybe you could just adios the
  dishes and empty the trash.

    WILLIAM
  Right.

 And he does just that.  Scoops up the two used plates and heads
 to the bin.

    ANNA
  Really -- don't do that -- I'm sure
  this is not his job.

    JEFF
  I'm sorry.  Is this a problem?

    WILLIAM
  Ah -- no.  It's fine.

    JEFF
  What's your name?

    WILLIAM
  Ahm... Bernie.

 Jeff slips him a fiver.

    JEFF
  Thank you, Bernie.
   (to Anna)
  Hey -- nice surprise, or nasty
  surprise?

    ANNA
  Nice surprise.

 He kisses her.

    JEFF
  Liar.
   (to William)
  She hates surprises.  What are you
  ordering?

    ANNA
  I haven't decided.

    JEFF
  Well, don't over-do it.  I don't want
  people saying, 'There goes that
  famous actor with the big, fat
  girlfriend."

 He wanders off taking off his t-shirt.

    WILLIAM
  I better leave.

 Anna just nods.

    WILLIAM
  -- this is a fairly strange reality
  to be faced with.  To be honest, I
  don't realize...

    ANNA
  I'm sorry... I don't know what to
  say.

    WILLIAM
  I think goodbye is traditional.

 INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - NIGHT

 William walks away.

 EXT. RITZ - NIGHT

 William walks down the arcade outside the hotel.  He is
 stunned.

 EXT. LONDON BUS - NIGHT

 William sits alone on a bus.  We see him through the side
 window.  As it drives away, we see that the whole back of the
 bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna.

 INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 He gets into his room and sits on the bed.

 INT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT

 Space Anna, in the very hi-tech environment and a serious
 moods, fastens the last clasps on her uniform.  She takes a
 helmet type thing, and places it on her head.

 INT. CONNECT CINEMA - NIGHT

 Cut round to the Coronet cinema where this film is showing.
 It's not full.  The camera moves and finds, sitting on his
 own...William.  Just watching.  We see a momentous flash of
 light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye.

 INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

 William is looking out the window, lost in thought.  Spike
 enters.

    SPIKE
  Come on -- open up -- this is me --
  Spikey -- I'm in contact with some
  quite important spiritual vibrations.
  What's wrong?

 Spike settles on the arm of a chair.  William decides to open
 up a bit...

    WILLIAM
  Well, okay.  There's this girl...

    SPIKE
  Aha!  I'd been getting a female vibe.
  Good.  Speak on, dear friend.

    WILLIAM
  She's someone I just can't -- someone
  who... self-evidently can't be mine --
  and it's as if I've taken love-heroin
  -- and now I can't even have it again.
  I've opened Pandora's box.  And there's
  trouble inside.

 Spike nods thoughtfully.

    SPIKE
  Yeh.  Yeh... tricky... tricky... I
  knew a girl at school called Pandora
  ... never got to see her box though.

 He roars with laughter.  William smiles.

    WILLIAM
  Thanks.  Yes -- very helpful.

 INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

 Only two tables are being used.  William and his friends are
 on their first course.  Bernie reads an "Evening Standard,"
 with a picture of Anna and Jeff at Heathrow Airport.

    MAX
  You didn't know she had a boyfriend?

    WILLIAM
  No -- did you?

 Their looks make it obvious that everyone did.

    WILLIAM
  Bloody hell, I can't believe it --
  my whole life ruined because I don't
  read 'Hello' magazine.

    MAX
  Let's face facts.  This was always a
  no-go situation.  Anna's a goddess
  and you know what happens to mortals
  who get involved with the gods.

    WILLIAM
  Buggered?

    MAX
  Every time.  But don't despair -- I
  think I have the solution to your
  problems.

    WILLIAM
  Really?

 They all look to him for wise words.

    MAX
  Her name is Tessa and she works in
  the contracts department.  The hair,
  I admit, is unfashionable frizzy --
  but she's as bright as a button and
  kisses like a nymphomaniac on death
  row.  Apparently.

 INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 The kitchen.  William is looking uneasy.  A doorbell rings.

    MAX
  Now -- try.

 William nods.  Max heads off to the door.  We stay with William
 -- and just hear the door open and a voice come down the
 corridor.

    TESSA (V.O.)
  I got completely lost -- it's real
  difficult, isn't it?  Everything's
  got the word 'Kensington' in it --
  Kensington Park Road, Kensington
  Gardens, Kensington bloody Park
  Gardens...

 They reach the kitchen.  Tessa is a lush girl with huge hair.

    MAX
  Tessa -- this is Bella my wife.

    TESSA
  Oh hello, you're in a wheelchair.

    BELLA
  That's right.

    MAX
  And this is William.

    TESSA
  Hello William.  Max has told me
  everything about you.
  
    WILLIAM
   (frightened)
  Has he?

    MAX
  Wine?

    TESSA
  Oh yes please.  Come on, Willie, let's
  get sloshed.

 She turns to take the wine and William has a split second to send
 a message of panic to Bella.  She agrees -- it's bad.

 INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

 Max walks over to the table.  Honey, Bella, William and another
 girl.

    MAX
  Keziah -- some woodcock?

    KEZIAH
  No, thank you  -- I'm a fruitarian.

    MAX
  I don't realize that.

 It is left to William, who has been set up here, to fill the
 pause.

    WILLIAM
  And ahm -- what's a fruitarian exactly?

    KEZIAH
  We believe that fruits and vegetables
  have feelings so we think cooking is
  cruel.  We only eat things that have
  actually fallen from the tree or bush
  -- that are, in fact, dead already.

    WILLIAM
  Right.  Right.  Interesting stuff.
   (pause)
  So these carrots...

    KEZIAH
  Have been murdered, yes.

    WILLIAM
  Murdered?  Poor carrots.  How beastly.

 INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

 Time for coffee and chocolates.  Beside William sits the final,
 perfect girl.  She is Rosie, quite young, smartly dressed,
 open-hearted.  It is just Max and William and Bella and her.

    ROSIE
  Delicious coffee.

    MAX
  Thank you.  I'm sorry about the lamb.

    ROSIE
  No -- I thought it was really, you know,
  interesting.

    WILLIAM
  Interesting means inedible.

    ROSIE
  Really inedible -- yes that's right.

 They all laugh.  It's going very well.

 INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT

 William is with Rosie by the door -- just about to say goodbye.

    ROSIE
  Maybe we'll meet again some time.

    WILLIAM
  Yes.  That would be... great.

 She kisses him gently on the cheek.  He opens the door -- she
 walks out.  He shuts the door quietly and heads back into the
 living room...

 INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 Max and Bella wait excitedly.

    MAX
  Well?

    WILLIAM
  She's perfect, perfect.

    BELLA
  And?

 William makes a gentle, exasperated gesture, then...