Raising Arizona

HI

It's true I've had a checkered past, but Ed here is an officer of the law twice decorated...

THE AGENT

Looking, with a dead pan, from the file to Hi .

HI
... So we figure it kind of evens out.

His face still deadly neutral, the agent looks back down at the file and unfolds the accordioned rap sheet, revealing it to be a couple feet long.

VOICE OVER

... But biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.

INT. SQUAD CAR

On Ed as she stares vacantly out the passenger window.

VOICE OVER

Our love for each other was stronger than ever...

ON HI

Driving. He looks from Ed out to the road.

VOICE OVER

... but I preminisced no return of the salad days.

TRAILER BATHROOM

Over Hi's shoulder as he stares listlessly at himself in the mirror, a razor held forgotten in one hand, his face half lathered and half shaved.

VOICE OVER

The pizzazz had gone out of our lives.

TRAILER BEDROOM

The bedroom is somewhat messy. Ed sits on the edge of the bed, also staring listlessly. Her police uniform is on but not yet buttoned. Her hands lie palm-up in her lap, like two dead fish.

VOICE OVER

Ed lost all interest in both criminal justice and housekeeping. Soon after, she tendered her badge.

MACHINE SHOP

Once again Hi works as his sweaty gum-chewing colleague stands idly by.

VOICE OVER

Even my job seemed as dry and bitter as a hot prairie wind.

BUD
So here comes Bill a-walkin' down Nine Mile – that's Bill Parker, y'understand – got his sandwich in one hand, the fuckin' head in the other...

ON HI DRIVING

Alone in his Chevy. He looks to the side.

VOICE OVER

I even caught myself drivin' by convenience stores...

HIS MOVING POV

7-Eleven.

VOICE OVER

... that weren't on the way home.

TRAILER LIVING ROOM

Hi and Ed sit listlessly watching TV.

VOICE OVER

Then one day the biggest news hit the state since they built the Hoover Dam...

Ed perks up, reacting to something on TV. Hi notices her reaction and also sloughs off his stupor to watch.

VOICE OVER
... The Arizona quints was born.

THE TV

A newscaster silently reading copy. Behind him news footage of five nurses holding infants mortices in.

VOICE OVER

By "Arizona" quints I mean they was born to a woman named Florence Arizona.

BACK TO HI AND ED

Watching intently. Eyes still locked on the set, Ed reaches her hand out to Hi. Eyes still locked on the set, Hi takes her hand in his.

VOICE OVER

As you probably guessed, Florence Arizona is the wife of Nathan Arizona. And Nathan Arizona – well hell, you know who he is...

THE TV A LATE-NIGHT LOCAL COMMERCIAL

NATHAN ARIZONA, a stocky middle-aged man in a white polyester suit, is gesturing expansively with his white cowboy hat toward a one-story warehouse store with a football stadium parking lot, chroma-keyed in behind him.

NATHAN ARIZONA

(mixing up on the TV)

So come on down to Unpainted Arizona for the finest selection in fixtures and appointments for your bathroom, bedroom, beaudoir!

VOICE OVER

... The owner of the largest chain of unpainted furniture and bathroom fixture outlets throughout the Southwest.

NATHAN ARIZONA

And if you can find lower prices anywhere my name ain't Nathan Arizona!

BACK TO HI AND ED

As they slowly look from the TV set toward each other.

LINE OF NEWSPAPER VENDING MACHINES

Hi lounges near one of the vending machines as a businessman puts in a quarter.

VOICE OVER
Yep, Florence had been taking fertility pills, and she and Nathan had hit the jackpot.

The businessman takes his newspaper and releases the machine door as he turns to leave.

Hi snags the door before it closes and takes his own five-finger discount copy.

He flips the paper over to look at the headline.

FRONT PAGE OF NEWSPAPER

The banner headline of the Tempe Intelligencer is:

"ARIZONA QUINTS GO HOME!"
 
The subhead: "More Than We Can Handle,' Laughs Dad." Next to it is a picture of Nathan.
 

VOICE OVER

Now y'all who're without sin can cast the first stone...

A pull back from the paper shows Hi and Ed reading it together at home. They look from the paper to each other.

Hi opens to an inside page and we pan a row of pictures – the five tots with their names underneath: "HARRY, BARRY, LARRY, GARRY and NATHAN JR."

VOICE OVER
... but we thought it was unfair that some should have so many while others should have so few.

BILLBOARD

In the middle of the desert. It reads: "WELCOME TO TEMPE! POPULATION 13,948... PLUS FIVE!"
 

EXT. TRAILER TWILIGHT

We are floating in toward Ed who is seated, waiting, in the driver's seat of Hi's Chevy. Hi enters frame and cinches down a ladder that is tied to the roof of the car. Pieces of red flag flutter at either end of the ladder where it sticks out beyond the car.

VOICE OVER
With the benefit of hindsight maybe it wasn't such a hot idea...

Hi gets in the car.

FROM BEHIND THE CHEVY

It starts down the long, winding road leading away from the trailer, kicking up dust.

VOICE OVER

... but at the time, Ed's little plan seemed like the solution to all our problems, and the answer to all our prayers.

The title of the film burns in: "RAISING ARIZONA". A building chord snaps off in a shock cut to:

SUBURBAN LIVING ROOM EVENING

Tableau of a couple at home. Nathan Arizona is on the telephone, his stocking feet up on an ottoman. Florence sits reading Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care.

The living room is dominated by a large oil portrait of Nathan and Florence, gazing out from the wall over the mantelpiece.

NATHAN
(into the phone)

 Eight hundred leaf tables and no chairs?! You can't sell leaf tables and no chairs! Chairs, you got a dinette set! No chairs, you got dick! I ask my wife she got more sense!...

A title is supered:
 
"THE ARIZONA HOUSEHOLD"
 

From somewhere upstairs we hear an infant start to cry. Florence stops reading and looks up at the ceiling. Nathan is oblivious.

NATHAN

... Miles, all I know is I'm away from the office to have me some kids and everything goes straight to heck! I ain't gonna stand for it!

Another title is supered below the first: "SEPTEMBER 17, 1985". The baby stops crying and Florence's attention returns to her book.

VOICE OVER
... Yeah, and if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass a-hoppin'! I'm sick of your excuses, Miles! It is

now...

As he throws out his wrist to look at his watch a third title is supered beneath the first two: 8:45 p.m.

VOICE OVER

... 8:45 in the p.m. I'm gonna be down to the store in exactly twelve hours to kick me some butt!

He starts to replace the receiver but brings it back with an afterthought:

VOICE OVER

... Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!

As he slams the phone into the cradle the titles disappear. Another baby starts crying. Florence looks up at the ceiling.

NATHAN

That sounds like Larry.

Close on the crying baby as Hi bounces it, gently but desperately.

HI

Shhhh! Shh! Nice baby...

He starts to lower it back into the crib. The crib is unpainted with the name of each baby burned Bonanza-style into the headboard: Harry, Barry, Larry, Garry, and Nathan Jr. Instead of quieting as he is lowered into the crib, the squalling baby only sets off one of his brothers. Hi hurriedly lifts him back out.

He looks desperately around the room.

The room is wallpapered with nursery rhyme characters.

There are toys strewn around. There is one adult-sized easy chair in the corner.

Hi carries the baby over to the chair, stepping on and reacting to the squeal of a squeeze-me toy on the way. He sits the baby deep in – the chair and then returns to the crib to deal with the second crying baby.

He lifts the baby out of the crib and gently bounces it. This baby stops crying.

Another one in the crib starts bawling.

Hi sets the second baby down on the floor and gives it a rattle to keep it pacified. He reaches for the third baby in the crib. Sweat stands out on Hi 's brow. He is desperately chucking the third baby under the chin when we hear a muffled PTHUMP!

He whirls to look across the darkened room.

The first baby has dropped off the easy chair and is energetically crawling away toward a shadowy corner.

LIVING ROOM

Nathan and Florence are sitting stock-still, staring at the ceiling. After a moment, another baby starts crying.

NATHAN
What're they, playing telephone?

They stare at the ceiling.

NURSERY
 

Loose babies are crawling everywhere. Hi is skittering across the room in a half-crouch, a baby tucked under one arm, reaching out with the other as he pursues a crawling baby across the room.

He hefts the other baby with his free arm and brings the air back to the crib.

He turns to look frantically around the room.

The other three babies have disappeared.

There is perfect quiet.

Hi goes over to the closet door, which is ajar, and swings it open.

He reaches under a moving pile of clothes on the floor and pulls out a baby.

He returns it to the crib and freezes, listening.

The sound of a rattle.

He drops to the floor to look under the crib.

WIDE ANGLE UNDER CRIB

A baby holding a rattle leers into the camera in the foreground. Behind him Hi, on his stomach, is reaching in to grab at his leg.

Hi is pulling the baby out, away from the camera, when with a plop! a baby drops onto Hi 's back from the crib above.

Hi twists one arm back to grope for the baby crawling on top of him.

He is straightening up, a baby in each arm, when he reacts in horror to something he sees across the room.

HI'S POV

The hindquarters of a diapered baby are just disappearing around the corner of the nursery door into the hallway.

LIVING ROOM

Florence and Nathan are staring at the ceiling. After a beat we hear a muffled plop! on the ceiling. A beat later, the bleat of the squeeze-me toy.

NATHAN

... Whyn't you go up and check on 'em?

They sound restless.

UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

The floor-level wide-angle shot shows a baby crawling toward the camera in the foreground. Behind him, in the background, just rounding the open door from the nursery, yet another baby is making a mad dash for freedom.

Hi emerges from the nursery and, stepping around the background baby, trots toward the baby in the foreground. By the time he reaches it the low-angle cropping shows us only his feet and calves.

CLOSE ON HI

Perspiring as he tiptoes the last two steps to the baby.

HI'S POV

The baby and, beyond it, the stairway down to the main floor. We hear footsteps approaching.

BACK TO HI

He scoops up the baby and hurriedly tiptoes away toward the nursery.

LOW-ANGLE REVERSE

The baby at the nursery door in the foreground; the staircase in the background. As Hi reaches the baby we hear footsteps climbing the stairs.

Hi's free arm comes down into frame to scoop the baby up and out of frame just as:

Florence's head appears, bobbing up as she climbs the stairs.

She approaches the nursery, still clutching the Dr. Spock book.

NURSERY

As Florence enters from the hallway door.

We track back into the room, on her, as she approaches the crib. Halfway there she freezes, staring, in shock.

HER POV

All of the babies have been replaced in the crib but not lying down: They are seated in a row, staring back at her, lined up against the far crib railing, like a small but distinguished panel on "Meet the Press."

THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF THE CHEVY

ED's POV of Hi approaching the car. He is shrugging and displaying a pair of manifestly empty hands.

CLOSE ON ED

Barely able to fight down her anger. Hissing:

ED

What's the matter?!

Hi appears at her – the driver's-window.

HI

Sorry honey, it just didn't work out.

He is reaching to open the door but she slaps his hand away from the handle.

ED
What d'you mean it didn't work out?!

HI

They started cryin', then they were all over me...

He is trying to open the door, which Ed is holding shut with all her might.

HI

... It was kinda horrifying – Lemme in, honey.

ED

Course they cried! Babies cry!

HI

I know that now! Come on honey, we better leave –

Ed is rolling up the window and locking the door.

ED

You go right back up there and get me a toddler! I need a baby, Hi; they got more'n they can handle!

Muffled, through the closed window, and very forlorn:

HI
Aw honey I –

ED

Don't you come back here without a baby!