Runaway Bride

       FISHER
  Whoa, Ike.  Getting a complex, buddy?

       ELLIE
  Fisher, let him talk.

       IKE
   (sits)
  But one of those guys -- not one of
  them -- knew her at all.  Each one was
  convinced that she was perfect for them,
  but they didn't see her.  And she never
  showed up so they couldn't see her. 
  It's a very symbolic thing happening. 
  She becomes what she thinks they wanted
  to be.

 Fisher doesn't like the sound of this.  He glances at Ellie, who
 is looking very interested.

       FISHER
   (in shock)
  Ike is turning sensitive and I can't
  bear to watch.  I'm going to make a
  fresh pot of tea.

 The phone rings as Fisher exits.  Ike goes to the piano as Ellie
 picks up the phone.

       ELLIE
   (into phone)
  Yeah... Oh, Jay... Okay... Bye.
   (hangs up, then yells to Fisher)
  Fisher, don't forget the fortune
  cookies.

 She joins Ike at the piano.  Ike gets serious.

       IKE
  Is that what I did to you?  Is that
  what happened?  Did I just not see
  you?

       ELLIE
  No.  No, you didn't.

 He hugs her.

       IKE
   (heartfelt)
  Well -- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,
  Ellie.

       ELLIE
  I'm sorry, too.
   (beat)
  Wow.  That only took us between years
  to say.

 Ellie blinks back sentimental tears.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. TROUT'S BARN - THE NEXT NIGHT

 We hear Hawaiian music.  We see a truck with GUESTS drive up and
 HULA DANCERS through barn slats.

 INT. TROUT'S BARN - NIGHT

 It's a small barn that's been converted into a luau with a bar. 
 A BAND plays for two hula dancers.  The Trouts had decorated it
 as a little slice of Hawaii.  There are tiki lights, numerous
 rented plastic palm trees and fiberglass copies of Hawaiian
 statuary.  Strings of colored lights crisscross the ceiling. 
 It looks like a Hawaiian high school gym on prom night.

 Maggie's family, Mrs. Trout and people we've already met, and
 more, are here, milling around wit tropical drinks garnished
 with umbrellas.  Plastic leis abound and most people have
 managed to find their old Hawaiian shirts.

 As we come in, the hula dancers finish their applause and Mrs.
 Trout announces.  Hula dancers stop.

       LOU TROUT
  Welcome to our annual country luau.  As
  you know, Betty and I got married on
  the rim of the crater, Diamond Head.

       MRS. TROUT
   (grabbing the
    microphone)
  This year, we're dedicating our first
  dance to the soon-to-be newlyweds, the
  King and Queen of Hawaii, Maggie and
  Bob.

 The couple enters.  Bob is a goody bronzed god in his King
 Kamahamela outfit.  Maggie is spectacular in her authentic
 looking Hawaiian Princess get-up.  But her face reflects none
 of the festivities around her.  Every now and then, she looks up
 and glances around for Ike, hating herself for it.

       MRS. TROUT (cont'd)
  King and Queen, dance.

 Maggie and Bob start to dance as the Quarter sings "Aloha Oe."

       MRS. TROUT (cont'd)
  Everybody dance.

 Everybody dances.

       TIMES OUT:

 Maggie and Bob pose for pictures with some of the guests.

       MRS. TROUT
  Pictures of the King and Queen.

 Dennis poses with Maggie.  Cory poses with Bob.  Mrs. Trout runs
 out of film and goes to get more, leaving Peggy and Maggie alone.
 Peggy whispers to Maggie.

       PEGGY
  Lighten up, wahine.

       MAGGIE
  Lighten up, what?

       PEGGY
  This party is for you and Bob.  Get
  your mind off the reporter.

       MAGGIE
  I haven't seen him in twenty-four hours. 
  It just gives me the creeps a little bit. 
  I'd feel better if I knew where he was.

       PEGGY
   (nods to door)
  Would it?

 ANGLE ON:  Ike just entering the party.  At least he tried. 
 He's got a tropical sheet wrapped around his pants and shirt. 
 He walks to the bar and is greeted warmly by Lee.  Maggie gets
 very flustered.

       PEGGY (cont'd)
  What are you doing?

       MAGGIE
   (after a beat)
  I'm going to go dance with Bob. 
  Because he's the man.
   (referring to her headdress)
  I like those grapes.

 Maggie dances affectionately with Bob as Mr. Trout, tending
 bar, greets Ike.

       LOU TROUT
  Hey, Mr. Graham, welcome to our luau. 
  What can I get you?

       IKE
  You got something without a toy in it?

      TIME CUT:

 A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON

 A pair of expressive pantomime "A Little Grass Shack".

 PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

 Mrs. Trout is on stage, introducing hula contestants.  Grandma
 judges the Hawaiian dancing.  The party is at full tilt -- a
 little wild, a little goofy.  Some guests (Bob, Cindy, Cory, Lee
 and Ted) do the limbo.  Walter, Mrs. Pressman doesn't turn as
 she hears him.

       IKE
  Aloha.  That's a very fetching
  headdress you're wearing.

 Ike leans into Maggie, enjoying the smell of her hair.  She
 notices, but acts casual.

       MAGGIE
  Where did you disappear to?

       IKE
  Missed me bad, huh?

       TIME CUT:

 All the guests start banding their pineapple cups.  Walter rises
 unsteadily, lifting his pineapple.

       MRS. TROUT
  Attention.  Listen to Walter.  Listen
  close, he slurs.
   (then)
  Shut up, wahines!

       WALTER
  In the tradition that has grown through
  the years, it is now Toast Time!  First
  up, our host, "A Honey of a Beekeeper",
  Lou Trout..

 Lou Trout stands with his glass raised.

       LOUT TROUT
  May the groom's heart be filled with
  hopes and the bride's feet be filled
  with lead!

 There are shouts of "Hear hear!"  Walter roars.

       MRS. TROUT
  May the pitter-patter of little feet
  not be Maggie's.

       MRS. PRESSMAN
  May the gifts be returned!

       TED
  May the back of the dress be as pretty
  as the front!

 The laughter swells and swells, led by Walter.

 ANGLE ON:

 Ike watches as Maggie takes the heat, raising her glass along
 with the others.  Bob raises his glass like the good sport he is.
 Ike can't believe it.

       WALTER
  You know the old saying, "You're not
  losing a daughter..."  Well, I'd like to!

 Walter gets a bit laugh.  He goes again.

       WALTER (cont'd)
  Maggie may not be Hale's longest
  running joke...
   (under her breath)

 Maggie finishes the punchline along with his father.

       WALTER AND     MAGGIE
  -- But she's certainly the fastest.

 Uproarious laughter.  Maggie looks terribly pained.  Ike's had
 enough.  He pushes himself to his feet.  Walter is thrilled.  He
 shushes the CROWD.

       WALTER (cont'd)
  Oh, look, Mr. Graham, how about a toast?

       IKE
  I don't know, give me a minute.
   (to Maggie)
  Are you all right with this?

       MAGGIE
  Excuse me?

       IKE
  Are you all right with this?  You think
  this is funny?

       MAGGIE
  Yes.

       IKE
  I don't and I don't think you should...

       BOB
  It's a joke.  They're kidding.

       WALTER AND CROWD
   (yell)
  Come on and give us a toast.

       IKE
  You want me to make a toast?  Okay...
  I'll give you a toast.  To Maggie's
  family and friends.  May you find
  yourselves the bull's eye of an easy
  target.  May you be publicly flogged
  for all of your bad choices and may
  your noses to rubbed in all of your
  mistakes...

 Ike watches their reaction.  The silence is deafening.  All the
 guests stare at Maggie.  Mortified, she holds back tears.

       MRS. TROUT
  That was funny.
   (a pause)
  But enough toasts, let's hula.  Let's
  start the music up.

 She gets everyone up to hula.  Band plays fast tune.  Maggie
 walks through the CROWD down the steps and outside.  Ike
 follows, but Peggy grabs a coat for her.  Bob watches her go as
 Cory approaches.

       CORY
  Hey, Bob.  I got twenty dollars bet on--

       BOB
  Not now.

 Bob rushes after Maggie.

       PEGGY
   (calling after her)
  Maggie.  Maggie.
   (to Ike,  handing him a jacket)
  Here.  She may need this.  It's not
  really Hawaii.

 Ike exits.  Then, Bob comes over.

       BOB
  Where'd Maggie go?

       PEGGY
  Oh, she just went to get me something
  from the car.

 Cory comes over with Dennis to Bob and Peggy.  BOB/PEGGY/CORY/
 DENNIS CHUFFA:  About Bart Starr and football.  (Which keeps Bob
 from going outside to follow Maggie).  Bob thinks about it.

 EXT. TROUT'S BARN - NIGHT

 Ike runs after Maggie.  He grabs her arm and turns her to him.

       IKE
  I'm the only goddamn person in there
  pulling for you.

       MAGGIE
  You humiliated me!

       IKE
  No, Maggie, I defended you. 
  Humiliating you is what everyone else
  is doing.  It's the theme of this party.

       MAGGIE
  I had it under control.  Now they feel
  sorry for me.

       IKE
  Well, they should.  Because they're
  about to watch you hang yourself again.

 Maggie has no response.

       IKE (cont'd)
  -- Tell me something, do you really
  care about Mount Everest?

       MAGGIE
  It's fun!  It's high.

       IKE
  Or the sexual habits of locusts?

       MAGGIE
  That was very interesting research
  George was doing!

       IKE
  What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary
  tattoo?

       MAGGIE
  I already explained about that.

       IKE
  And where you ever really going to run
  the leper colony in Molokai?

       MAGGIE
   (wincing)
  Brian told you that?

       IKE
  Or maybe you just wanted to wear the
  headdress.

       MAGGIE
  Every one of those times I was being
  supportive.  Something you won't
  understand.

       IKE
  Supportive?  You weren't being
  supportive.  You were being scared. 
  Just like now.  You are the most lost
  woman I have ever laid eyes on.

       MAGGIE
  Lost!

       IKE
  That's right.  You're so lost you don't
  even know how you like your eggs.

       MAGGIE
  What!?