Runaway Bride

       IKE
  With the priest, you liked them
  scrambled.  With the Dead Head, fried. 
  With the bug guy, poached.  Now it's
  egg whites only, thank you very much.

       MAGGIE
  That's called changing your mind.

       IKE
  No, that's called not having a mind of
  your own.  What are you doing, Maggie? 
  You really want to let that man drag
  you up Annapuma on your honeymoon?  You
  don't want to climb Annapuma.

       MAGGIE
  Yes I do!

       IKE
  No you don't.  You want a man who will
  lead you down the beach with his head
  over your eyes just so you can discover
  the feel of the sand under your feet. 
  You want a guy who will take you into a
  cave with a thousand candles just to
  read you a poem.  You want a man to
  wake you up at dawn because he's
  burning to talk to you and he can't
  wait another minute to find out what
  you'll say.  Am I right?

 He's laid her flat.  Maggie can't speak.

       IKE (cont'd)
  Am I right?

 She fights back angry tears.

       MAGGIE
  Stop.  Stop it!  I'm getting married on
  Sunday, and you're just trying to make
  me run!  Why?  Because you're a cynical,
  exploitative, mean-hearted creep who
  wouldn't know real love if it bit him
  in the armpit!  And all you do is tear
  other people down and-and-and laugh at
  them, and criticize what they do,
  because you're too afraid to do
  anything yourself!  I read your column. 
  You never wrote one about you.  I'm not
  the only one who's lost and you know it! 
  Am I right?  Well?  Am I right?

 ANGLE ON:  Bob comes outside.

       BOB
  Mag.  Help me out here.  Green Bay. 
  Right guard.

 Both Maggie and Ike are breathing hard.  Bob comes up to Maggie
 and gives Ike a very hard look as he puts his arm around his
 fiancee.

       BOB (cont'd)
  You know... Blocked Bart Starr, crewcut
  ... Are you okay?

 Maggie adjusts her face as best she can.

       MAGGIE
  Yes.

       BOB
  Let me take you back inside, okay?

 She lets him lead her away.

       MAGGIE
  Jerry Kramer.

 Ike looks at her drooped shoulder and he shakes his head and
 walks to his car.

 EXT. HALE METHODIST CHURCH - THE NEXT DAY

 Peggy and Cindy arrive for the rehearsal.  They leave Cindy's
 dog in Peggy's car and walk to the church.

       CINDY
  Tell me, why does Maggie need another
  wedding rehearsal and two days before
  the wedding?  She's already done this.

       PEGGY
  Bob is making her visualize the
  ceremony.

       CUT TO:

 INT. HALE METHODIST CHURCH - NIGHT

 They are in the church proper now.  Peggy waits in a pew as Bob
 leads Maggie and Ike up the back steps of the church.

       BOB
   (to Maggie)
  Okay, we're ready.  Want me to have Ike
  leave now?

 Maggie turns on Ike with "cheerful" hostility.

       MAGGIE
  No.  No -- Actually, let's make Ike the
  pastor.

       IKE
  I'd rather not.

       MAGGIE
   (sarcastically)
  Come on, it'll give you a great view. 
  It's perfect.
   (seeing Peggy) 
  Hey.

 Maggie smiles at Bob.  Ike sighs and goes with it.  Bob pulls Ike
 to the head of the aisle and places him.  Peggy follows Maggie
 into the foyer to get ready.  Cindy sits with Ted at the organ.

       BOB
  Team effort, Pastor Ike... Cindy, ready?
   (after no response)
  Cindy, come on.

 Cindy leaves to join the girls in the foyer.

 INT. CHURCH FOYER - THAT MOMENT

 Once in the privacy of the foyer, Peggy and Maggie talk.

       PEGGY
  He's going to be the pastor?

       MAGGIE
  Yep.  I want him to be front and center
  and to watch everything.

       PEGGY
  What happened at the luau?

       MAGGIE
   (flustered)
  ... I don't even want to talk about
  the luau.
   (then seeing a hanging rope)
  What's this?

       PEGGY
  It's for the bell.

 Cindy joins them.

       CINDY
  Bob's in a hurry.

       PEGGY
  Don't be nervous, Maggie.  Let us
  visualize.  Remember what Bob said? 
  "Be the ball."

       CINDY
  "Sink the putt."

       PEGGY
  "Make the shot."

       CINDY
  "Nothing but net."

       PEGGY
  "Never say die."

 Maggie puts her hands up.

       MAGGIE
  Go!

 Peggy and Cindy exit.  Maggie pulls the bell rope and sways back
 and forth as she rings the bell.

 INT. CHAPEL - THAT MOMENT

 It is Maggie's turn to enter.  They all turn expectantly.  Too
 much time passes.  Ted plays the organ, then stops.  Maggie
 swings back and forth in the foyer doorway.

       BOB
  Honey, are you okay?

 Maggie stops ringing the bell and pulls herself together.  She
 walks into the aisle looking a little shaky.  She takes a few
 tremulous steps slowly with her eyes closed, peeking
 occasionally with one eye.

       IKE
   (taking off his jacket)
  At this pace, it could be an evening
  wedding.

       BOB
  Hold it!  Hold it!  I think we're
  taking this too fast.

 He begins to pace.

       BOB (cont'd)
  We need to limber you up a little. 
  You're tensing.
   (thinks a moment;
    to Ike, moving him
    to groom's spot)
  You stand here and be me so she knows
  how far she'll have to go.
   (then to Maggie)
  I'm going to walk with you.

 Bob goes to Maggie and walks behind her.

       BOB (cont'd)
  Visualize!  Visualize!  It's game time.

 ANGLE ON:

 Maggie walking.

       BOB (cont'd)
  You are the football.  You're spiraling
  through the air towards the hands of
  the groom.

 She proceeds down the aisle.  Bob behind her.

       MAGGIE
   (eyes down)
  Yes, I'm spiraling through the air.

 ANGLE ON:

 Maggie raises her eyes and sees Ike in front of her as groom. 
 Ike and Maggie lock gazes.  If they had to, they couldn't look
 away.  All the things unspoken are now communicated -- the love,
 the longing.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  I streak towards the goal line.

 Maggie's pace quickens.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  And I land on the goal line.

 ANGLE ON:

 Bob beams to see Maggie's eager arrival at Ike's side.  He
 switches off the music and proceeds like a proud coach to be the
 pastor.

       BOB
  Okay, I'm the pastor.  Dearly beloved,
  blah, blah, blah.  So on and so forth. 
  Ra ta ta ta.  Yabada dabada.  I now
  pronounce you man and wife.  Kiss the
  bride, badum dum.
   (then moving toward Ted)
  We have the crescendo that leads to us
  right back down the aisle and out the...

 Ike kisses Maggie.  It is a world class, Olympic kiss.  It is a
 kiss that changes everything and can never be taken back.  It is
 a kiss you only get once in your life.

 NEW ANGLE:

 Bob's smile dies.  Cindy's mouth drops open as the kiss goes on
 and on.  Peggy loses control and screams.

       BOB (cont'd)
  Maggie!!!!?

 Like a bucket of water thrown on two dogs, Ike and Maggie are
 startled out of their kiss.  They pull apart and smile at each
 other.

 ANGLE ON:  Bob.

       BOB (cont'd)
   (furious)
  If you were imagining me, you did great.
   (to Ike)
  What the hell were you doing?

       IKE
   (eyes on Maggie)
  I'm sorry, Bob.  She kissed me back.

       MAGGIE
   (dazed but happy)
  I kissed him back.

       BOB
  Yeah, I caught that.  Want to tell me
  how long this has been going on?

 Maggie looks at Ike, wondrous, confused.

       MAGGIE
  About a minute...?

       IKE
  A little longer for me.

       MAGGIE
  Really?

       BOB
  What do you expect me to say to this?

       IKE
  How about -- "I hope you'll be very
  happy together"?

 Bob hauls back and punches Ike in the face.  Ike drops.

       BOB
  I hope you'll be very happy together.

 Bob storms down the aisle and out of the church.

       MAGGIE
   (to Peggy)
  Take care of him.

 Maggie leaves.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. CHURCH - THAT MOMENT

 Bob is halfway down the walk.  Maggie appears at the church door
 and calls after him.

       MAGGIE
  Bob, I'm sorry!
   (half to herself)
  At least I backed out before the
  wedding.  That's progress!

 He keeps marching.  Now Peggy appears next to Maggie.  Maggie
 calls again.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  Some woman is going to make you a lot
  happier than I ever could...

 The words are barely out of her mouth when Cindy comes out the
 door, racing after Bob at a full sprint.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  See?

       PEGGY
  Well, Maggie -- in the words of Mrs.
  Pressman: "Holy moly".  Call me later.

 Peggy goes to her car.  Cindy joins her as Bob speeds off in his
 car.  Now Ike takes Peggy's place next to Maggie.  Maggie turns
 to face Ike.  They are both beet red, stammering and unable to
 look at each other, trying to act normal.

       MAGGIE
  Okay.  So... what, uh... What just
  happened?  Just now?  Jus then?  In
  there?

       IKE
  I don't know.  I, uh -- I frankly don't
  even want to talk about it.

       MAGGIE
  Me, either.

 Ike GRABS Maggie and BOOM -- they are all over each other,
 kissing frantically, tongues, hands, hair, elbow, you name it.
 Blathering fools.

       IKE
   (blathering)
  I love you.  I love you.