Runaway Bride

       IKE
   (putting the list
    down, standing)
  See?  You want custody of my job? ...
  Why not just consider my wrist slapped
  and call me when you feel I've served
  my time?

       ELLIE
  I'm sorry, Ike.  This is permanent.

 Fisher winces and looks away.  Ike and Ellie look at each other
 for a sober moment.

       ELLIE (V.O.; cont'd)
  If you go quietly, I'll get you
  severance pay.

 Ellie fidgets with her toy rake, then Ike heads for the door. 
 He laughs a little at the painful truth of her words and walks
 out.  Ellie collapses back in her chair.  Fisher goes to her and
 rubs her shoulders.

 EXT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY

 Ike rides sadly on the back of a forklift, gets off and walks
 out.

 EXT. HALE RESIDENTIAL STREET - ANOTHER MORNING

 ANGLE ON MAGGIE'S HOUSE:

 A train goes by.  A modest clapboard house with a porch.  Two
 entrances.  A PAPERBOY tosses a paper onto the lawn in front of
 the house.  The front door opens and Maggie appears fresh out of
 bed, wearing only a jacket and panties.  Heedless of being seen
 this way, she scampers out to the sidewalk to pick up her
 delivered paper:  USA Today.  She tears off the plastic bag and
 rips into it, looking for her letter.  She finds it.  A smile on
 her face, then she scampers back into the house.

 INT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - THAT MOMENT

 Maggie skips back into her house which she shares with Father
 and Grandma.  A cozy and eclectic place creatively furnished on
 a shoe-string.  She rushes into:  KITCHEN WHERE BOB KELLY,
 fiance #4, is packing cans into a backpack.  Bob, 38, has a
 pleasant face and a body that is almost shockingly buff.  He's
 wearing a T-shirt that reads: "Mountaineers Do It Against the
 Wall.", Maggie dances over, waving the paper and singing.

       MAGGIE
  She canned him, she canned him...

 Bob test the weight of the backpack adding dehydrate food.

       BOB
  Come here, Mag, and try this on.

 Maggie puts the paper on the kitchen counter and starts to read
 aloud, paying no mind to Bob, who is sticking her arms through
 the straps of the backpack.

       MAGGIE
  Listen: "Dear Ms. Carpenter, I
  apologize to you for this unfortunate
  matter.  Ike Graham's column will no
  longer be appearing in this paper. 
  Best of luck in you upcoming marriage!"

 Bob continues to hold up the weight of the backpack as he straps
 it onto Maggie's shoulders.

       BOB
  That-a-girl!  You sacked him.
   (checking pack)
  This is the weight of the pack you're
  going to have to carry in the Himalayas.
  Tell me if it's too heavy.

 Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKWARD, disappearing behind the
 counter, and hitting the floor, with a THUD.  Bob looks down at
 her.  Maggie's voice rises from the floor behind the counter.

       MAGGIE (o.s.)
  It's a little... It's a little heavy...
  Help me, baby.

 Bob has no answer.  He reaches a hand down.  He yelps as Maggie
 pulls him down on top of her, out of frame.  We HEAR them giggle
 and kiss.

 INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOTHER DAY

 Fisher uses the dock for a photo shoot featuring men and women
 in evening and formal wear from Escada for G.Q.  Fisher is not
 actually shooting the camera, but rather supervising it. 
 Fisher claps his hands and calls the models to attention.  Then
 he goes onto the stage and sets the models in their positions.

       FISHER (cont'd)
  Remember, we are putting the "fun" back
  into formal.
   (to Ike)
  I just say that for the agency guys.  I
  don't even know what that means.  Now
  follow me.

 INT. USA TODAY OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

 Elevator doors open.  Ike and Fisher exit and walk towards the
 coffee table.

       FISHER
  Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride
  piece, and since I do freelance stuff
  for G.Q., I'm in a different position
  now...

       IKE
  What are you trying to say to me, Fish?

 They stop walking.

       FISHER
  Vindication.  How would you like to get
  some?  A chance to prove that, though
  your facts weren't entirely straight,
  your theory was correct.

       IKE
   (hiding his hope)
  The real story on Miss Carpenter.

       FISHER
  All the gory details.

 They start walking again.

       IKE
   (excited)
  The anatomy of the black widow spider
  of Maryland.

       FISHER
  It wouldn't be a bad way to get you
  back into writing feature pieces
  again.

       IKE
   (enthusiastically)
  This is good.  It is a good story,
  Fish.

 They stop at the coffee table and grab something to eat.

       FISHER
   (nods)
  If she runs, then it's a cover story. 
  All true.  All accurate.

       IKE
   (confesses)
  Okay, you were right.  I hated my
  column, but I can do this assignment.

       FISHER
  Then you've got it.  If you leave
  tomorrow for the hinterlands, you'll
  have plenty of time before her next
  wedding trot.

       IKE
  "Paid vindication"  That's what I call
  justice.

       FISHER
  Justice, yes.  Paid, I don't know. 
  They like the idea, but my hands are
  tied with budget restraints.

       IKE
  But I'll get my normal fee, right?

 He walks away.

       IKE
  You want me to do it on spec?!

 He follows him.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. MARYLAND HIGHWAY - DAY

 We see Ike driving down the highway.  The car sputters a little
 as he and Fisher continue their conversation in voice-over. (If
 needed by the editor.)

       FISHER (V.O.)
  Don't say "spec" like it's a dirty word. 
  Nobody ever paid Shakespeare to write a
  play!  Plato never got a book advance...

       IKE (V.O.)
  Oh yeah!  I happen to know from
  reliable sources that Nietzche got
  expenses and a rental car.

 We hear Fisher laugh.

       IKE (V.O.; cont'd)
  I'm going to make this work, Fish.  I'm
  going to do it!

 Ike's car drives into Hale, passing a billboard reading,
 "Welcome to Hale."

       CUT TO:

 EXT. HALE STREET - DAY

 Ike drives down picturesque Main Street.  He passes Hale
 Hardware.  Sign says: "At Curl.  Be back soon."

 EXT. ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

 A BARBERSHOP QUARTET is singing in front of the only hotel in
 town.  Ike pulls up and goes inside.

 INT. LOBBY/ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

 Ike has checked into the Atlantic Hotel.  The clerk, LEE, hands
 him his key.  Ike asks about room service and the restaurant. 
 An OLDER WOMAN asks him if he plays bridge as he goes up the
 stairs to his room.

 EXT. HALE MAIN STREET - DAY

 Ike exits his hotel as the Barber Shop Quartet finishes singing
 "Camptown Races."

 He now walks down the charming main artery of the town, looking
 exactly like what he is:  a cynical New York out of his element
 on sunny Main Street, USA.  KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming
 balloons behind them.  A balloon hits Ike on the face.  As he
 crosses the street, he mutters into his tape recorder:

       IKE
  I think I'm in Maryberry.

 Flags hang on all the storefronts and the place sparkles with
 wholesome attitudes as PEOPLE greet each other familiarly.  Ike
 comes to beauty parlor called "Curl Up and Dye".  The place is
 doing business and crowded with WOMEN.

 INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY

 Cindy, the manicurist, does Mrs. Pressman's nails.  Maggie sits
 on the floor next to Peggy's salon chair, fixing the base of a
 barber chair.  She tightens a screw and looks up, satisfied. 
 Cindy's dog is on the floor near Maggie.

       MAGGIE
  Cindy, you better 86 Sprout.  He seems
  to be enjoying the petroleum
  distillates.

 Cindy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back
 to her station.

       CINDY
  That's it.  Back to obedience school.

       MAGGIE
   (to Peggy)
  Okay -- have a seat... gently,
  carefully.

 Peggy sits in the chair.  Maggie spins her around and around.

       PEGGY
   (delighted as
    she spins)
  You're a goddess!

       MAGGIE
  I didn't even need to change this
  gasket, just put in a little hydraulic
  fluid.

       PEGGY
  Stop it.  When you talk like that, I
  get turned on and it frightens me.

 JUST THEN.  Ike enters the salon, taking off his sunglasses. 
 Peggy hops off the chair.

       IKE
  Hello.  I'm looking for Maggie
  Carpenter.  There was a sign at the
  hardware store across the street...

       PEGGY
  Are you a reporter?

 It's a little early in the game for Ike to be thrown off guard.

       IKE
   (shocked)
  What?

       PEGGY
   (eyeing his loafers)
  It's been our experience that anyone
  with some sort of gewgaw on his loafers
  ends up being another big city reporter
  wanting to interview Maggie.

       IKE
  About her upcoming wedding and all.

       PEGGY
  No, about her getting that asshole from
  New York fired.

 Ike smiles down at his loafers and shrugs.

       IKE
  I am just such a reporter.  And you are?

       PEGGY
  Peggy Phleming.  Not the ice skater.

 Peggy steps aside.  Ike moves toward Cindy and Mrs. Pressman.

       IKE
  And who are these lovely ladies?

 Te ladies shake his hand and introduce themselves.

       CINDY
  Cindy.  Maggie's unmarried cousin.

       MRS. PRESSMAN
  Mrs. Pressman.  No relation.

       PEGGY
  And you are?

       IKE
   (turning toward her)
  Looking for Maggie.

       PEGGY
  Yep.  Maggie -- Someone to see you.

 Maggie looks over from her sitting position on the floor.  She
 gives Ike the once-over, focusing on the shoes.

       MAGGIE
   (yelling to Peggy)
  Reporter?

       PEGGY
  Yup!

 Ike crouches to see Maggie on the floor just as she rises to her
 feet.  Ike straightens up.  For a moment, he is thrown by her
 beauty and intelligent eyes.

       MAGGIE
  I hope you have a different angle. 
  It's pretty much all been covered.

       IKE
  Originality is my speciality.

       MAGGIE
  Excellent.

       PEGGY
  Hold on -- Nobody interviews Maggie in
  here unless they're getting haircut.

       MAGGIE
  She's the boss.

       IKE
  Sorry, no.  I just got one.

       MRS. PRESSMAN
   (to Ike)
  Excuse me, sir.  I have an actual fact
  for you.

       IKE
   (steps to Mrs. Pressman)
  Yes, Mrs. Pressman.