Runaway Bride

       MRS. PRESSMAN
  It's her fourth time to the altar, you
  know.  Not seven like they said.

       IKE
  I know.  Tell me something.  Do you
  think she's going to make it all the
  way this time?

 During the Ike/Mrs. Pressman exchange, Maggie looks at Ike. 
 There's something familiar about him.  She looks over at Peggy
 and beckons her to a copy of Ike's column affixed to a mirror. 
 A goatee and horns, have been scrawled on Ike's byline picture. 
 He's been "devilized".  Peggy coughs as she recognizes Ike in
 the newspaper clipping.

       MAGGIE
  She swallowed her gun.

 Mrs. Pressman continues her story to Ike.

       MRS. PRESSMAN
  I'm not sure.  Mr. Schullian runs the
  newsstand, he's our local bookie, you
  know, he's giving eight to one odds she
  won't.  He says she's so famous now,
  maybe Vegas will give odds on her.  I'm
  going to wait to hear what the pros say.

       IKE
  Good fact.  Well, you let me know.

       MRS. PRESSMAN
  Oh, I will.

 ANGLE ON:

 Maggie indicates column to Peggy.  She looks over at the part of
 the shop used to wash and dye hair.  There's a sink, stool and a
 cabinet affixed to the wall above sink, which holds various
 shampoos and hair dyes.  Maggie gets an idea.  Maggie and Peggy
 step forward toward Ike.

       MAGGIE
  Well, instead of a haircut, how about
  a wash?  You know, get all that city
  grit out of it.

       IKE
  You'll answer my questions?

 Maggie nods affirmatively.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (removing his jacket)
  Fine.  You wash, I'll ask the
  questions.

       PEGGY
  Great.

 Ike hands Peggy his jacket.  A mystified Peggy leads Ike to the
 sink.  While she does this...

       MAGGIE
  Have a seat.  Peggy, why don't you give
  him the special treatment that
  strengthens the follicles.

 Ike sits in the chair near the sink.  Maggie shakes out a smock
 and puts it around Ike.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  So, what do you want to know?

 Ike leans and rests his head on the sink.  Peggy bends over him
 and wets his hair.  She grabs various hair coloring products.

       IKE
  Getting nervous?

       MAGGIE
  Nervous?  Not at all!  No.  I've never
  been more certain in my life.  Except
  -- I am having all kinds of weird
  dreams.

 Ike pulls the cloth down from over his face.

       IKE
  Weird dreams?  You're going to tell me
  about them?

       MAGGIE
  Yes.

       PEGGY
   (calming)
  Let's just put this back here for the
  aromatherapy.

 Peggy recovers his face, then continues to fuss with the hair
 coloring products.  Maggie helps.

 INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - LATER

 Ike sits with a towel over his head as Peggy blow-dries the back
 of his head.  His back is to the mirror, his body faces Maggie. 
 Cindy does her own nails as Mrs. Pressman scratches off lottery
 tickets.  The dog, Sprout, sits in is basket.

       MAGGIE
  In another one...

 PETE, wearing a hat, comes in the front door of the salon.

       PEGGY
  Hey, Pete, I'll be right with you.

 Ike peeks out from under his towel as Maggie continues.

       MAGGIE
  I'm inside the church.  Everyone I know
  is there, only they're not really them. 
  They're like Frankenstein monsters, but
  without the bolts coming out of their
  necks.  It's all very "Night of the
  Living Dead".  And here's the creepiest
  part -- I look down at my dress and
  it's red.  I mean, I have no idea what
  it means.  Red's not my color!

 Ike listens intently and stares steadily into her eyes.  Peggy
 removes the towel.  His hair is divided into equal parts and
 dyed orange and red.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  So what do you think?

 Ike stares back at her, the tickle of suspicion creeping up his
 spine.

       IKE
  I think you'd look good in red.

       PEGGY
  No, she's talking about your hair.

 Maggie swivels his chair so that Ike faces the mirror.  Ike
 looks at his brightly colored hair.

       MAGGIE
  You're all ready for football season,
  Mr. Graham.

 Ike stares at his hair in total confusion.  With icy calm, Ike
 rises from his chair and primps the end of his hair as if giving
 it the finishing touches.  Then he sees his defaced newspaper
 clipping and all becomes clear.  He picks up the article and
 shows it to everyone.  Ike does a slow burn.

       IKE
  Yes, I think I nailed the personality
  profile of the women of Hale.

 Ike turns and puts the clipping up on the mirror.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (to Peggy)
  My jacket, please.

 Peggy hands him his jacket.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (sarcastically)
  Thank you.

 Ike moves toward the door.  He spots Pete.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (putting on jacket;
    to Pete)
  Excuse me, Pete, do you know a place
  that sells shampoo... Strong shampoo?

   PETE
  Doc's Pharmacy.  Third and Elm.  Tell
  him Pete sent you.  Want my hat?

       IKE
  No thanks.

 Ike smiles at Maggie and exits.

       MAGGIE
   (to Peggy)
  He seems crabby.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY

 In front of beauty salon, Maggie follows Ike out.

       MAGGIE
  If you're looking for Elm Street, it's
  that way.

 She puts on her sunglasses.

       IKE
  Thank you.

 He walks the other way.

       MAGGIE
  If you came down here in the pursuit of
  happiness, you might as well go back. 
  Because you can't make me feel bad.

 She stops walking and turns to Ike.

       IKE
  I'm not here to make you feel bad.  I'm
  here for vindication.  In my heart...

       MAGGIE
  You have one?

 Ike walks back to Maggie.

       IKE
  I feel I'm right about you.  You got me
  fired, lady.  You destroyed my
  reputation and you screwed up my hair. 
  You chew men up, spit them out and
  loved it.  And I'm down here to satisfy
  myself on that point.

 PASSERSBY stare at Ike's hair and giggle.

       MAGGIE
  Did something happen to make you care
  about reality?

       IKE
  Yes.  Conviction.  Conviction that I'm
  onto the truth.  You're going to do the
  same thing to "poor bastard number four"
  that you did to the last three.  You're
  going to run again.  And I'm not
  leaving until you do.

       MAGGIE
  You're going to be very disappointed.

       IKE
  We'll see.

       MAGGIE
  I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got
  to get back to work.  I still have my
  job.

 He stares at her for a beat, stung by her words.

       MAGGIE
  I have nothing to hide, Mr. Graham. 
  Talk to whoever you want.  You might
  actually stumble upon a fact or two.

 Maggie walks away.  Ike walks a few steps and stops at a KID on
 a bike.

       IKE
  Hey, kid, I'll give you ten bucks for
  your hat.

 Kid agrees.  Ike puts the hat on and starts to cross the street. 
 An OLD WOMAN walks by and hits him with a newspaper.  Ike is
 stunned.

 EXT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - DUSK

 Maggie pulls into the driveway in her truck.  She's in a fine
 mood as she walks right in the house.

 INT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - DUSK

 Bob, Walter, and Maggie's GRANDMOTHER JULIA sit in the living
 room.  Grandma is sewing one of Maggie's wedding veils.  Walter
 drinks wine, Ike wears a hat.

       WALTER
  You know, when I only see one dog, I
  know I've had too much to drink.

 Te family dog, Skipper, sits near a ceramic dog table.  Maggie
 smiles as she walks in the front door and puts down her tool box
 and bag.

       MAGGIE
  You'll never guess who came crawling
  into town with his tail between his
  legs.

       IKE (o.s.)
  Who?

 Maggie enters the parlor to see Ike smiling evilly from his seat
 on the couch.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (innocently)
  Hello, Maggie.  I just came by to
  apologize to your family.
   (looks to Walter)
  When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  I pushed a
  story.  I made a mistake.

       WALTER
  In other words -- he's only human.  An
  he brought us a bottle of wine.

 Raises the bottle to Maggie.

       IKE
  They made me put my hat back on.

       WALTER
  Oh, yeah.  Scared the hell out of
  Skipper.

       MAGGIE
  You've got to be kidding me.

 Maggie stares at them both.

       BOB
   (enjoying the moment)
  No, no, you should have seen Skipper.
   (then, imitates
    growling)
  It wasn't that funny.

 Maggie gives him a look that says, "You are not absolved."  She
 smiles stiffly, looking back at Ike.  She then sits on the arm
 of Bob's chair and puts her arm on his shoulder.

       MAGGIE
  So, the forces of good and evil have
  already met.

 Maggie takes the wine bottle from the table next to Walter.  She
 snaps a look to Bob, who follows her.

       BOB
  I'll help you take into the kitchen.

       GRANDMA JULIA
  Check on the crabs, Bob.

 We overhear them murmuring in annoyed tones about the wedding
 plans as they exit... Walter puts down his drink.

       IKE
  Gee, I hope they don't have a fight out
  there.  You don't think they'll call it
  off...?

       WALTER
  Well, wedding cake freezes.  This we
  know.

       IKE
  You know, your daughter seems...

 Ike notices that he's been sewn to the veil.

       GRANDMA JULIA
  Sorry.

       IKE
  That's okay, Grandma.

 Grandma cuts the thread and separates the veil from Ike's sleeve.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (continuing his thought)
  ... Like such a lovely girl.

 Walter points to a portrait painting on the wall.

       WALTER
  Like her mother.

       IKE
   (seeing the portrait)
  Ah, beautiful.
   (gets up to admire
    the portrait)
  I just can't see her leaving multiple
  grooms in the dust like that.

       GRANDMA JULIA
  Oh, yes, you can.  She's has 'em all on
  tape.

       IKE
  She has a tape?

       WALTER
   (good-natured)
  Yeah.  Lee at the hotel videos wedding. 
  I mean Maggie didn't know she was going
  to make the hundred-yard dash.

 Walter gestures to a pile of video cassettes on the bookcase. 
 Ike checks on the tapes.

       IKE
  Dad's fishing trip, Grandma's knee
  operation, Grandma's birthday...