Runaway Bride

       WALTER
  Gotta tell you this about my daughter. 
  My daughter makes real good time, even
  in a long dress and heels.  Maggie may
  not be Hale's longest running joke, but
  she certainly is the fastest.

 Walter cracks up.

       GRANDMA JULIA
   (sarcastically)
  Ha ha.

 CLOSE ON:  A tape.  It reads: "Maggie I, II, III."  Ike's
 interest is more than piqued.  Ike picks it up.  They get up and
 go to the dining room.

       DISSOLVE TO:

 INT. DINNING ROOM/MAGGIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

 The family dog, Skipper, steals food from the table.  Walter
 scolds him.  Walter whacks his crab with his hammer and Ike
 copies him.

       WALTER (cont'd)
  Emma and I were only blessed with one
  child, not for lacking of trying.

       MAGGIE
  This is good, Dad, don't leave anything
  out.

 Ike's hammer flies out of his hand.  He goes to pick it up.

       WALTER
  So I've come to see it as a bonus,
  really, that we've been able to plan,
  and pay for, so many weddings.

       MAGGIE
  Not this one.  This one's on me.

 Walter reacts.

       IKE
  That's fair.

       MAGGIE
  Despite what you think, I don't do it
  on purpose.  And I have no intention of
  doing it again.

       BOB
  That's right, Maggie.  Just keep your
  eye on the ball.

 Ike raises his eyebrows in question.  Bob explains.

       BOB (cont'd)
  Sports psychology.  It was my major in
  college.

       IKE
  Ahh.

       BOB
   (false modesty)
  I'm the town's unofficial fitness
  trainer.  Big advocate of the mind and
  body combining for success.  You could
  say or you can quote me, I'm a glass
  half full king of guy.

       MAGGIE
   (boasting)
  Bob's the head of the P.E. department
  at the high school.  And he coaches the
  football team.  And he's climbed
  Everest.

 To Maggie's satisfaction, Ike shoots Bob a look of begrudging
 respect.  Nobody who's been up Everest is a total clown.

       IKE
   (impressed)
  Everest.  Is that right?

       MAGGIE
  Twice...

       IKE
  Really?

       MAGGIE
   (sticking it to Ike)
  Without oxygen...

       BOB
  My girl likes to brag about me.

 Bob and Maggie kiss Ike two little love-birds.

       BOB (cont'd)
  I'm taking her trekking on Annapurna on
  our honeymoon.

 Ike is highly amused.

       IKE
  How romantic.

       MAGGIE
   (sharply)
  We think so.

       IKE
  Nothing like sharing your nuptial bed
  with two Sherpas and a yak.

 Walter cracks up, Maggie shoots Ike a look.  He smiles back.

       CUT TO:

 INT. IKE'S HOTEL ROOM/INT. FISHER AND ELLIE'S BEDROOM (NYC)

 INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

 Fisher and Ellie are exercising.  Fisher is on a cycle machine. 
 Ellie does yoga stretches.  Ike sits back on the couch, puts on
 his glasses and watches a video taped wedding playing on the TV
 screen.  Superimposed titles read "Brian Norris wedding."

       IKE
   (to Fisher; into phone)
  You won't believe what I'm looking at,
  Fisher.  A videotape of all three train
  wrecks.

 THE TV - CLOSE

 Two flower girls and Peggy enter a crowded church where the
 groom, Brian, and his best man wait at the altar.

 Now we see Maggie come down the aisle, then walk past the altar. 
 We see Maggie move away another aisle and out of the church. 
 SHOCKED WEDDING GUESTS rise in horror, as she runs from this
 first wedding.  She drags the train boy up the second aisle as
 she leaves.  Ike hangs up.  He gets up to pick up the remote and
 then sits back down to watch.

 The tape fast-forwards to the next wedding.  Now Ike is looking
 at a much more relaxed, hipper, backyard wedding.  It says,
 "Gill Chavez Wedding".  He hits the fast-forward button
 (sometimes slowing down).

 ON TV:

 We see the Carpenter's backyard.  It is Gill and Maggie's
 wedding day.  The yard is crowded with a MIXTURE of Hells
 Angels-types, Deadheads and townspeople.  The "altar" is a band
 platform against the back fence. 
 
 Gill is waiting on the platform with a rock combo playing
 Grateful Dead-type music.  He makes an introductory speech. 
 
 Maggie steps out onto the back porch.  She's beautiful in a
 hippie-type wedding ensemble.  She walks with her father to a
 trampoline.  We can see her tattoo.  She jumps on the trampoline,
 then dives into the crowd.  They watch her and body surf her
 over their heads to the back fence. 
 
 As she hits the stage, she looks at Peggy and Gill, then decides
 to go.  She jumps off the stage and runs up to a passing GUY on
 a dirt bike.  She jumps on and turns and waves as she rides
 away.  During the video, Ike scribbles: "Gill Chavez".  Maggie
 goes off on dirt bike.  The tape fast-forwards to the last of
 Maggie's fiascoes.

 ON IKE'STV

 He now sees the third wedding.  It's outdoors, in a tree lined
 area, MUSICIANS plays.  Ike laughs as he discovers that Maggie
 approaches the altar on horseback, in a simple white dress,
 wearing a crown of flowers.  The Maid Marian look.  Ike slows the
 tape.

 ON TV:  IT SAYS, "GEORGE SWILLING WEDDING".

 As Maggie rides down the aisle, suddenly the horse whinnies!

 Maggie has kicked it in the shins.  It rears and bolts,
 galloping off with the bride.  Ike FREEZE FRAMES the tape on an
 image of Maggie, hair blowing.  Although she is panic-stricken,
 her soul seems to shine through in tat single frame.  As Ike
 stares at her, the smirk fades from his face.  He just looks at
 her, allowing himself to see her expression, her eyes.  He can't
 help it.

 She gets to him.  Ike gets a restless look on his face.  He
 stares closely.  The groom is George from the bar.

       IKE
  Kamikaze!

       CUT TO:

 EXT. TE TROUT BAKERY - THE NEXT DAY

 Establishing.  High angle wide shot of a bakery in Hale.  Ike
 exits a neighboring shop and walks down the block.  He pauses in
 front of the bakery to take a look at Maggie's truck.  As he
 does, a middle-aged Black WOMAN walks by and whacks him with a
 newspaper.  Ike is stunned as she walks off.  He turns to a MAN
 sitting on a bench.

       IKE
  Did you see that?

       CUT TO:

 INT. THE TROUT BAKERY - CONTINUOUS

 CLOSE ON a group of plastic grooms and brides on a counter top.

 MRS. TROUT is behind the counter helping Maggie with a selection
 of grooms for her wedding cake.  The groom figures are spread out
 on the counter.  All sizes and colors, some attached to brides,
 some solo, some tuxes, some in dinner jackets.

       MRS. TROUT
  This one's very popular, but oh, you've
  used this one before... Brian.  But I
  like the white dinner jacket.

       MAGGIE
  No, he's no good.  Too blond.

       MRS. TROUT
   (picks up another)
  We'll go with total traditional.

       MAGGIE
  Too dark.

 Then, Ike comes up behind her as she discards another groom.

       IKE
  But he's got the Bobster's eyes.

 Maggie cringes at the sound of Ike's voice.

       IKE (cont'd)
  No -- the Bobster's eyes are closer set.

 She ignores him and continues her search.

       IKE (cont'd)
   (to Mrs. Trout)
  Could I have two coffees, please?  And
  what is that wonderful smell?
   (seeing the
    cinnamon rolls)
  I'll have two of those delicious
  looking cinnamon rolls.

       MRS. TROUT
  Sure.
   (picking up a
    miniature bride)
  Here, Maggie.  I think this makes the
  best you.

 Mrs. Trout steps away to get his order.  Ike moves to the other
 side of Maggie and picks up the bride and groom figure.

       IKE
  Let's see... Excuse me, isn't that cute? 
  Ahh...

 He makes the bride figure repeatedly knock the groom figure in
 the head and run away screaming.

       IKE (cont'd)
  Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!  Oh, help me! 
  Help me!  Yup!  That's her all right.

 Mrs. Trout just about bursts a gut laughing.  Maggie takes the
 bride from Ike coldly.

       MRS. TROUT
  You must be that Mr. Graham fellow.

 Ike turns and goes to her.

       IKE
  Yes, I am.  And who are you?

       MRS. TROUT
  Betty Trout.  Five dollars.

       IKE
   (as he pays)
  Oh, Betty.  I take it you're going to
  be making the wedding cake and they say
  you're throwing --

       MRS. TROUT
   (interrupting)
  -- The luau for Maggie.

 She starts picking lint off his sleeve and buttons his cuff.

       MAGGIE
   (all smiles for
    Mrs. Trout)
  Grandma made me the cutest outfit.  I
  can't wait to show it to you.

       IKE
   (cynical delight)
  A pre-wedding luau?

       MRS. TROUT
  Yes.  My husband and I love luaus. 
  It'll be fun.

 Mrs. Trout turns and grabs Ike's bag containing two coffees.

       IKE
  Fun?  Fun isn't the word.

 Mrs. Trout beams.  Maggie understands his answer a little better.
 Mrs. Trout hands Ike his items and he pays.

       MRS. TROUT
  If you're still in town, you should
  stop by.

       MAGGIE
  No, I'm sure he doesn't.

       IKE
   (to Mrs. Trout)
  Actually, I would love to come.
   (taps her service bell)
  Thank you.  Thank you so much.

 Maggie steps over, carrying her bride and groom figure choices.

       MAGGIE
   (exasperated)
  Is that what you're going to do now? 
  Follow me around everywhere I go?

 Ike smiles at Maggie enigmatically as he picks up his order and
 heads for the door.

       IKE
  No.

 He starts to leave with his bag.  Mrs. Trout stops him.

       MRS. TROUT
   (handing him the
    other bag)
  Your two cinnamon rolls.

       IKE
  Bye, Betty.  Thanks.

 He leaves.

       MAGGIE
  He's not a nice person.

 Maggie hands Mrs. Trout her bride and broom figures.  Maggie
 looks at Mrs. Trout, suddenly nervous.  She dashes out.  Mrs.
 Trout imitates Ike bamming the bride and groom, laughing.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

 Various High School SPORTS TEAMS practice.  Maggie strides across
 the football field, a scowl on her face.  A few HIGH SCHOOL
 FOOTBALL PLAYERS job past Maggie, doing laps.  A boy, KENDALL,
 calls out to her affectionately as she passes.  One of them,
 DENNIS, slows his pace to run alongside Maggie.

       DENNIS
   (playful)
  Maggie, don't marry Coach!  Marry me. 
  I love you.

       MAGGIE
  You're jail bait, Dennis.  Go away. 
  Run your laps.  Go. Go.

 Dennis runs on as Maggie continues toward her goal: Bob and Ike,
 standing together on the other side of the field.

 ANGLE ON BOB AND IKE

 They're both standing on the blocking sled.  Wave after wave of
 VARSITY FOOTBALL PLAYERS ram into the sled and drive it across
 the field with both Ike and Bob on top of it.  Ike is munching on
 one of the cinnamon rolls as Bob pushes the KIDS.

       BOB
  Drive!  Drive!  From your hips, get low,
  get low, get low.  Next!

 Ike smiles broadly atop of the sled as he sees Maggie
 approaching, looking mighty peeved.  He nudges Bob and points to
 Maggie.  Bob lights up at the sight of her.

       BOB (cont'd)
  Good job, gentlemen... Special teams.

 The football players move away from the sled.  Bob moves to
 Maggie, leaves Ike alone.