Runaway Bride

       PEGGY
   (friendly)
  No, I don't think you're like, "I'm
  charming and mysterious in a way that
  even I don't understand and something
  about me is crying out for protection
  from a big man like you".  Very hard
  to compete with.  Especially to us
  married women who have lost our mystery.

       MAGGIE
  But you haven't lost your mystery! 
  You're very mysterious!

       PEGGY
  No.  I'm weird.  Weird and mysterious
  are two different things.

       MAGGIE
  But I'm weird.

       PEGGY
  No.  You're quirky.  Quirky and weird
  are two different things.

       MAGGIE
  Peggy, there's distinct possibility
  that I might be profoundly and
  irreversibly screwed up.  Despite that,
  I love you and I can promise that I
  will no longer flirt with Cory, and I
  beg your forgiveness.

 Maggie looks ready to cry.

       PEGGY
  I'm not worried about you and Cory or
  Cory and me or even that you're
  irreversibly screwed up.  But, Maggie,
  you've been like this since we were
  kids.  And I think now that you are
  aware of it and that it hurts people's
  feelings, maybe it's time to move on
  with your life and commit to someone of
  your own, like Bob, if he's the one.

       MAGGIE
  I think you're right.
   (then)
  Is there anything I can do to make it
  up to you?

       PEGGY
  Something that brings warmth to my heart.
   (pause)
  Duckbill platypus.

       MAGGIE
  It's only funny at Camp Birchwood at
  three in the morning at a tick hunt. 
  It's not anymore.

 Maggie makes her funny face.  Peggy doesn't laugh. 

       PEGGY
  You're right.  It's not funny now. 
  Maybe we both grew up.

       MAGGIE
  Thanks.  Will you fix my hair?

       CUT TO:

 EXT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - LATER THAT MORNING

 Maggie exits her house, gets on her bike and rides off towards
 town.

 INT. IKE'S HOTEL ROOM - LATER THAT MORNING

 Ike is still in bed.  He slowly blinks awake, stretches, and is
 about to  throw off the covers when Maggie's voice breaks the
 silence.

       MAGGIE
  Freeze.  Hold on to those covers -- I
  didn't come here to see Ike Junior.

 Maggie smiles cheerfully at Ike from the foot of the bed.  He
 narrows his eyes at her.

       IKE
  I take it the desk clerk is one of your
  many admirers.

       MAGGIE
   (deadpan)
  How do I do it?  I'm not that beautiful.

 Ike notices Maggie is holding two coffees.

       IKE
  Coffee.  Now.

 Maggie hands it to him.

       MAGGIE
  You're welcome.  Your notes made
  interesting bedtime reading -- if you
  like trashy fiction.  Your observations
  are distorted, ungrounded an incomplete. 
  You must be very proud.

       IKE
  I'm not a boastful man.  What's your
  point?

 Ike puts a shirt on as Maggie speaks.

       MAGGIE
  My point is that one again, you're
  getting it all wrong.  That won't
  improve your reputation any, and it's
  not very flattering to me either.  So,
  I'm going to give you a chance to write
  the truth.

       IKE
  Really.

 Maggie turns away from him as he dresses.

       MAGGIE
  I've decided to cooperate and let you
  interview me.
   (beat)
  For a thousand bucks.

 Ike clears his throat as he stands putting his pants on.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  I want a big wedding and a killer dress
  and for a grand I will answer all your
  questions and let you follow me around.

 Ike takes his coffee with him as he picks up his glasses, puts
 them on and crosses to the window.

       IKE
  My magazine doesn't pay because for
  stories.  It's not what you call ethical.

       MAGGIE
  Oh, but making up the facts as you go
  along is ethical?  Actually, I meant
  you.  You probably got severance or
  expenses or both.  I'll take your check. 
  No credit cards.

       IKE
   (to Maggie)
  You've seen the post-its.  I've already
  got more juicy material than I need. 
  Why should I pay you dollar one?

       MAGGIE
  Because I think you're writing on spec
  and with a first person interview, you
  might actually sell that thing.

 Ike knows she's right.

       IKE
  Too much.

       MAGGIE
  Seven-fifty.

       IKE
  Five hundred.

       MAGGIE
  Six-fifty.

       IKE
  Done.

 Scowling, he writes out the check and hands it to her.  Maggie
 looks at it and smile sweetly.

       CUT TO:

 EXT. MAGGIE'S HOUSE - DAY

 Ike jogs alongside of Maggie on her bike.  Maggie parks her bike
 and they go inside her door to the house.

 INT. MAGGIE'S FOYER AND STAIRS - DAY

 Maggie leads Ike upstairs to her workroom.

       MAGGIE
  Pardon the mess.  I haven't cleaned
  since the fifth grade.

 INT. MAGGIE'S WORKROOM - LATER

 Insert on a cappuccino machine.  We PULL BACK and see Maggie and
 Ike standing at her work table.  An automatic cappuccino maker
 stands on the table.  Its base is made from a used paint mixing
 machine.  It looks very shiny and futuristic.  Maggie's logo
 "MAG" is on the side.  The machine shakes as it steams the
 cappuccino.  Ike notices another homemade machine on the table.

       IKE (cont'd)
  What's this over here?

       MAGGIE
  It's a birthday present for my cousin. 
  Put your finger in.

       IKE
  Cindy the manicurist.

 He puts his finger in the wrong hole of the machine.

       MAGGIE
  No, the other one.

 He puts his finger in the correct hole.  She turns it on.  The
 brushes rotate.

       IKE
   (laughing)
  This is wonderful.  You reconfigure all
  these industrial parts and you do
  something amazing with it.

 He looks around and spots some gadgets and lamps on another table. 
 He walks to them.

       IKE (cont'd)
  Amazing.  Found industrial stuff. 
  Willow lamp... Rasta lamp...

 He picks up one of the many logos on the counter.  Each boasts a
 "MAG" logo.

       IKE (cont'd)
  Is this your preferred logo?

       MAGGIE
  I think so.

       IKE
  I like it.  This whole thing is pretty
  incredible.
   (studying a lamp)
  I think you could probably sell this
  lamp idea in New York.

       MAGGIE
  Maybe someday.

       IKE
  You afraid to try?

       MAGGIE
   (stares at him)
  No, I'm not afraid.  Just... Maybe
  someday.

       IKE
  Well, I'm impressed.  Absolutely
  incredible.
   (sitting)
  I didn't expect pink and lacy, but this
  isn't exactly a woman's room.

       MAGGIE
  What an incredible chauvinistic
  observation.

 INT. MAGGIE'S LIVING ROOM - A BIT LATER THAT DAY

 Maggie's showing Ike engagement rings.

       MAGGIE
  That's Brian's.  He took me ut canoeing
  on the lake and gave me the ring in a
  velvet box.

 Ike snores.  Maggie hits him.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
   (defensive)
  It was classic.

 Maggie hands Ike another ring.  This one is in the shape of a
 Grateful Dead rose.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  Gill.  Of course.  He proposed at the
  tie-dye t-shirt stand at a Dead concert. 
  It was very sweet until he hallucinated
  that the drum set was a blood-sucking
  space alien.

       IKE
  Always a mood killer.

       MAGGIE
  Still sweet.

 Maggie hands Ike a third ring.  It's in the shape of a butterfly
 and studded with multi-color gems.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  George.  He proposed at a butterfly
  farm in St. Thomas.  The ring was
  inside a cocoon.

       IKE
   (grimacing)
  It's a little "Silence of the Lambs"
  for me.  I can't believe you waited for
  the wedding to run.

       MAGGIE
  He's an entomologist!  I thought it was
  very unique.

 Now Maggie shows Ike the ring on her hand.  It's a gold "#1" with
 a diamond set into the number.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  And here we are at Bob.  He proposed
  during the seventh inning stretch...

 Ike touches her hand to examine the ring more closely.  Her
 surprise at his touch shows on her face as she finishes her
 sentence.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  ... At an Oriole's game.

 She takes her hand down.  Ike steps away.

       IKE
  Wait.  Don't tell me.  The scoreboard
  lit up with "Mary me, Maggie."

 Ike picks up his cup of cappuccino and moves behind the couch.

       MAGGIE
  It was one of the most wonderful
  moments of my life.  Cal Ripken even
  applauded.

       IKE
   (stopping)
  Highly suspect.

       MAGGIE
  What do you mean?  It was incredibly
  romantic!

       IKE
  Maybe it's just me, but -- if you got
  to dress it up, it doesn't ring true.

 Ike moves back to the couch.

       IKE (cont'd)
  I think the most anybody can honestly
  say is, "Look..."
   (sits on the arm
    of the couch)
  "I guarantee that we'll have tough
  times.  I guarantee that at some point
  one or both of us will want to get out
  of this thing.  But I also guarantee
  that if I don't ask you to be  mine,
  I'll regret it for the rest of my life. 
  Because I know in my heart -- you're
  the only one for me"

 Maggie stares at Ike for a beat.  His words have taken a little
 bit of her breath away.  She covers.

       MAGGIE
  I like it.

 She moves from the fireplace to a chair and sits.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  I'd like it better on a scoreboard.
   (lightly)
  Is that how you proposed when you asked
  your wife to marry you?

 Ike is taken aback.

       MAGGIE (cont'd)
  Don't look so surprised, you've got
  divorce written all over you.

       IKE
  I'm a work in progress.

       MAGGIE
  So?  Is that what you said to her?

       IKE
  No.  I think I said something eloquent
  like, "So, uh -- maybe we should, ya
  know.  What do you think?"

       MAGGIE
  Now that's romantic.  A proposal like
  that and you didn't find eternal bliss? 
  What went wrong?

 Ike takes a swallow of cappuccino.

       IKE
  I don't know.

       MAGGIE
  You don't know.

       IKE
  No.

       MAGGIE
  Maybe you should ask her some time. 
  Ever thought of that?

 Ike is restless.  He stands up.

       IKE
  Call me crazy, but I believe that check
  I gave you entitles me to ask the
  questions for a while.

 Ike puts down his cup of coffee, gets his tape recorder and sits
 close to Maggie.