South Park:

                          South Park:   
                    Bigger, Longer and Uncut

                               By
                           Trey Parker
                           Matt Stone
                                &
                            Pam Brady

        FADE IN:

        Very happy, Disneyesque MUSIC swirls in.

        PAN DOWN from a pretty blue sky, to a small quaint town
        nestled in the hills. A wooden sign tells us this is South
        Park.

        EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

        Birds fly into the air, TOWNSPEOPLE smile to each other as
        they walk by.

        It is a scene reminiscent of, if not directly ripped off
        from, the opening number of 'Beauty and the Beast'.

        A little eight year old boy walks happily down the street. He
        is STAN MARSH, a noble looking boy with piercing blue eyes
        and a strong chin. As he walks, he sings a happy song.

                             STAN
                   I'm going to the movies
                   To see the brighter side of life!
                   I'm going to the movie
                   Everything's gonna be alright!
                   Forget all my troubles
                   Put my own life on hold
                   Let a studio tell me
                   how I should view the world
                   Where everything works out
                   I love it that way
                   I'm going to the movies
                   The movies today!

        Stan merrily walks up to a crappy looking house.

        INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

        We are in a young boy's bedroom, just as his alarm clock goes
        off. BRRRRRTTT!!!

                             RADIO ANNOUNCER
                   Good morning South Park! It's five-thirty
                   a.m. on Sunday!! Time to feed the horses
                   and water the cows!!

        From the back, we see the blond haired kid sit up from his
        bed. He stretches, and then walks over to his closet.

        We still only see the boy from the back as he reaches in his
        closet and pulls out an orange coat.

        The kid puts his coat on, then turns to camera and pulls the
        hood shut, so that we never get a good look at his face.

                             MOTHER (O.S.)
                   KENNY! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH!!!

        This boy's name is KENNY, and under his orange coat, we have
        no idea what he looks like, except for his European nose and
        hazel eyes.

                             KENNY
                   Mph rmph rm!

        INT. KENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN

        Kenny walks through his small, dirty house and into the
        kitchen, where his MOTHER, FATHER and OLDER BROTHER are
        sitting at the humble table.

                             KENNY'S MOTHER
                   Sit down, you can share some of your
                   brother's waffle.

        The doorbell rings. Kenny walks over to the door.

        EXT. KENNY'S HOUSE - DAY

        Kenny opens the door to find Stan.

                             STAN
                   Kenny! The Terrance and Phillip movie is
                   out! You wanna come?!

        Stan shows Kenny a newspaper clipping. It's an ad for the new
        Terrance and Phillip movie 'Asses of fire'. Kenny's eyes
        light up.

                             KENNY
                   Mph rmph rm, rmph!

        Kenny walks away with Stan. His mother comes out after him.

                             KENNY'S MOTHER
                   Kenny! Where're you going?

                             KENNY
                   Mph mprh mprh rm!

                             KENNY'S MOTHER
                   What do you mean you don't want to go to
                   church?

                             KENNY
                   Mrmph, rmph rmph rm rmph.

        Kenny and Stan walk down the street.

                             KENNY'S MOTHER
                   Well fine, go ahead and miss church!! And
                   then when you die and go to hell you can
                   ANSWER TO SATAN!!

        Dramatic MUSIC STING. Kenny stops, thinks for a minute... And
        then walks off with Stan anyway.

        EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

        Stan and Kenny now both happily march down the street to the
        happy beat.

        TOM, a plastic surgeon, peeps his head out the door of his
        Rhinoplasty office.

                             TOM
                   Say, where are you boys going?

                             STAN
                   We're going to the movies!
                   To see the brighter side of life!
                   Where everyone is beautiful
                   And have their hair combed just
                   right!

                             KENNY
                   Mph rmph rm rmph rm!
                   Mph rm rmph rm!
                   Mprh rm rmph rm rm
                   Rmph rm rmph rm rmph!

                             TOM
                   Have fun you rascals!

        EXT. KYLE'S HOUSE - DAY

        Kenny and Stan knock at the door.

        A handsome eight year old Semite, KYLE, answers the door.

                             KYLE
                   Hey, dudes... Aren't you supposed to go
                   to church, Kenny?

                             STAN
                   Kyle, check it out.

        Kenny holds up the newspaper clipping.

                             KYLE
                   OH MY GOD, DUDE!!!

        Kyle slips on his coat and heads out the door. But just then,
        Kyle's little brother, IKE, a two year old adopted Canadian
        boy bounces up next to him.

                             KYLE
                   No, Ike! You can't come with me!

        Kyle's MOTHER, a big fat bitch, comes to the door and yells.

                             KYLE'S MOTHER
                   Kyle, you take your little brother out to
                   play with you!

                             KYLE
                   Aw, ma!!

                             KYLE'S MOTHER
                   Do as I say, Kyle!

        Kyle's mother closes the door.

                             KYLE
                   Damn it!!

        EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

        Now the three boys, and little Ike, merrily strut down the
        street and sing in unison.

                             BOYS
                   We're going to the movies
                   To see the better side of life
                   Where something interesting happens
                   Every day and night!

                             KYLE
                   In movies we can pretend
                   That love is real
                   and good always wins-

                             STAN
                   We can even make believe marriages
                   last!

        A HOMELESS guy is lying in the alley.

                             HOMELESS GUY
                   Spare a dollar? Spare a dollar?

        Stan walks by and throws a dollar at him. The homeless guy
        suddenly jumps up.

                             HOMELESS GUY
                   I'm going to the movies!
                   To see the brighter side of life!
                   I'm going to the movies
                   Everything's gonna be alright!
                   Forget my troubles
                   Put my own life on hold
                   Let a studio tell me
                   how to view the world!

                             KYLE
                   Let's go get fat ass!

        EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE - DAY

        This house looks just like all the others.

        INT. THAT SAME HOUSE

        CLOSE UP on a bag that reads 'CHEESY POOFS'. A hand reaches
        into the bag, pulls out a wad of orange crunchies and raises
        them --

        BOOM UP to reveal the fat face of eight year old ERIC CARTMAN
        who chows down on the chips.

        Now we see that fat little Eric is sitting on his couch,
        eating Cheesy Poofs and watching television.

        The doorbell rings. Cartman doesn't move a muscle.

                             CARTMAN
                   MOM! SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR!

        CARTMAN'S MOTHER enters. She is extremely June Cleaveresque
        (except that she's a hermaphrodite crack whore). She returns
        with Stan, Kyle and Kenny.

                             CARTMAN'S MOTHER
                   Look, Eric it's your little friends.

                             CARTMAN
                   What the hell are you guys doing here?

                             IKE
                   Baba turtre bad!

        Kyle holds up the newspaper ad.

                             CARTMAN
                   Ooh!

        EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE

        Now all four boys are merrily walking down the street and
        singing.

                             BOYS
                   We're going to the movies
                   To see the better side of life!

                             CARTMAN
                   Maybe there'll be pirates!
                   Or a whole city burnin'!
                   Maybe we'll see a monster
                   Or, better yet, Uma Thurman!

                             BOYS
                   We're going to the movies!
                   Everything's gonna be okay!

        The boys skip out of frame.

        EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - DAY

        The movie theatre is nestled neatly between two other South
        Park buildings.

        The boys walk up to the geeky, teenage TICKET GUY.

                             BOYS
                   Going to the movies!
                   The movies today!!!!!

                             STAN
                   Can I get five tickets to Terrance and
                   Phillip Asses of Fire, please?

                             TICKET GUY
                   No.

        Suddenly, all the happy music that has permeated the film
        comes to an ABRUPT HALT.

        The boys look confused.

                             KYLE
                   What'dya mean, no?

                             TICKET GUY
                   Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire is
                   rated 'R'. You kids can't get in.

        The boys look shocked. They just stand there, in silence.

                             CARTMAN
                   The hell we can't! My money is just as
                   good as any white person's!

                             TICKET GUY
                   You have to be accompanied by a parent or
                   guardian.

                             KYLE
                   But why?

                             TICKET GUY
                   Because this movie has naughty language,
                   and it might make you kids start using
                   bad words.

                             CARTMAN
                   Listen you son of a bitch, if you don't
                   let us in to see this movie I'm gonna
                   kick you square in the nuts.

                             TICKET GUY
                   Sorry, Charlie.

                             KYLE
                   Damn it!

                             TICKET GUY
                   Next, please?

        A few TEENAGERS walk up to get their tickets. The boys step
        aside.

                             STAN
                   This is terrible! This can't be
                   happening!!

                             KYLE
                   We HAVE to see this movie, dude!

                             CARTMAN
                   Aw, screw it. It probably isn't all that
                   good anyway.

                             KYLE
                   Cartman! What the hell are you talking
                   about?! You LOVE Terrance and Philiip!