STEPMOM

STEPMOM   

Ronald Bass

Second Revised Draft

Previous Drafts by:
Gigi Levangie
Elizabeth Chandler
Jessie Nelson &
Steven Rogers

 INT. RACHEL'S BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

 A billowy white screen.  An alarm clock BLARES.  As MAIN TITLES
 BEGIN, the lovely sleeping face of RACHEL KELLY rolls into frame.
 Then out of it.  Alarm keeps BLASTING.  Back she comes, pulling the
 sheets OVER her head.  Motionless now, as we hear...

 ... the DEAFENING SILENCE of the alarm shutting off.  A beat.
 Rachel SITS BOLTS UPRIGHT.  LEAPS out of the room.  From the back
 we see that she's dressed only in a pair of men's boxers.

 She makes it halfway down the hall, does a U TURN back into the
 bedroom, frantically YANKS a robe hanging from the door, taking the
 wall hook WITH her.  She FLINGS her robe on as she RUNS down the
 hall, wall hook STICKING OUT of her back.  BURSTING INTO...

 INT. BEN'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING

    RACHEL
  Ben!  You overslept again damn it!

 The room looks like a 6 (but I'm almost 7) year old exploded.
 Posters of MAGICIANS on all the walls.  Rachel darts about the room
 mismatching the clothes she forgot to arrange the night before.

    RACHEL
  Get Up Get Up Get Up!

 The LUMP under the cover doesn't move.

    RACHEL
  Ben you're late.  I'm serious.  I'm
  wearing a very serious face.  Don't
  make me start counting ONE...

 No movement.  Rachel tugs the sleeve of a shirt hanging on a chair,
 and out comes a magician's bouquet of FLOWERS.

    RACHEL
  TWO.

 She pulls a dirty handkerchief out of the pocket of the shirt --
 it's an endless MAGICIAN'S HANDKERCHIEF.

    RACHEL
  Don't make me say three I'm about to
  say three.
   (a beat, then)
  Three!

 She RIPS the covers off and a blow-up DINOSAUR sleeps in Ben's
 place.

    RACHEL
  Ben I'm not kidding around.  You make
  yourself appear this instant!

 A WHITE BUNNY saunters across her toes.  Rachel SCREAMS -- then
 gathers her wits and searches under the bed -- under the bureau --
 she opens the closet doors and shoving clothes aside.

    RACHEL
  You might think this is funny but this
  is actually NOT funny.

 Unseen by Rachel, six-year-old BEN sits, perched on the highest
 closet shelf, knees under his chin, holding his breath.  His eyes
 gleeful as Rachel frantically closes the closet door.

 INT. HALLWAY - EARLY MORNING

 Rachel hops over the Bunny, navigates through strewn toys and books
 STUBBING her baby toe.  She limps in agony past a big picture of
 the kids with their daddy and heads towards a door with a KEEP OUT
 EVERYONE! sign.

    RACHEL
   (bellowing)
  ANNABELLE!  WAKE UP!

 ANNABELLE'S BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

 ANNABELLE, 10 years old, sits on the edge of her bed, fuming, all
 of her limbs crossed.  She holds up a filthy purple tee shirt.

    ANNABELLE
  You forgot to wash my purple shirt.  I
  told you a hundred times it was Purple
  Day at school today.

    RACHEL
  I didn't forget.  I was up all night
  thinking about it and I concluded you're
  too special to look like everyone else.
   (she grabs an orangey
    red tee shirt)
  Orange Red.  That's your color.  Few
  can carry it off.  Now please.  Help
  me find your brother.

    ANNABELLE
  You lost Ben?!

    RACHEL
  Of course not.  Does he look lost to
  you?
   (big breath)
  BENNNNN!!!

 INT. SUBURBAN EXTREMELY WELL-STOCKED KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING

 Rachel, smoking a cigarette and drinking a diet coke, FLINGS open
 pantry doors, closet doors -- looking for Ben -- attempting to put
 stone hard butter on toast at the same time.  She glances at the
 clock -- 7:55.  Oh dear.  Annabelle sits at the table, in a grumpy
 orangey red mood.  Rachel hands her what was once a piece of toast.

    ANNABELLE
  No.  I told you.  I like apple butter
  not butter butter.

    RACHEL
   (hands her an apple)
  Here.

    ANNABELLE
  Never mind.  I'll just eat my lunch.

    RACHEL
   (forgot)
  I'm almost done making it.
   (to the non-existent Ben)
  Alright Ben -- you deal with the tardy,
  you write yourself a note, your daddy
  told you he had an important case this
  morning and he had to leave early and
  we were AAAAGGGGHHHH!

 She has opened a cupboard with a Lazy Susan that turns revealing
 BEN sitting there.  Rachel screams AGAIN!

    RACHEL
  Oh my God.  That is so not funny.  You're
  late.  You're really late.  Now get out
  here and have some cereal.

    BEN
  No.

    RACHEL
  Fine!  Eat in the cupboard.

 She hands him a bowl of sugared cereal -- puts two spoonfuls of
 instant coffee in Barney cup, and sticks it under the faucet.

    BEN
  No!  Cocoa Puffs on Top -- Fruit Loops
  on the bottom.

    RACHEL
  Fine.

 Rachel grabs the bowl, turn it UPSIDE DOWN on the table reversing
 the order of the cereal.  She SWEEPS it back in the bowl and
 quickly hands it back to him, the phone RINGS THROUGHOUT...

    BEN
  You touched it.

    RACHEL
  Then have a donut --

    BEN
  No.

    RACHEL
  Alright starve.

    ANNABELLE
  I'm gonna beep daddy at work.

    RACHEL
  He's badgering a witness.  Eat.

    BEN
  But you told us to starve.

    RACHEL
   (picking up phone)
  Hello?...Duncan...The Ad Agency's
  already there?...I'm out the door...
   (Ben flings a fruit loop
    at her)
  Ben!  Knock it off!
   (into phone)
  It's gonna go beautifully...
   (another fruit loop)
  Damn it Ben --

 Rachel runs around absentmindedly loading out leftover pizza,
 Hoho's, and Chips.  She glances at the clock again -- 8:00.

    ANNABELLE
  You swore.  You owe me a quarter.  Did
  you remember my egg carton?  I told
  you I needed my egg carton for seed
  planting today.

    RACHEL
  Absolutely Duncan I'm on top of
  everything.

 Rachel takes the eggs from the fridge, and dumps them -- accidentally
 missing the sink.  They SHATTER onto the floor.  She hands the empty
 carton to Annabelle.

    RACHEL
  ...EGGzactly.  I'm putting on my coat --
   (she hangs up, panicked)
  We are late.  We are seriously late.  Which
  means Mister Ben we've got to get you
  dressed --

    BEN
  No!

 Ben races away but Rachel LUNGES And CATCHES him.  He wiggles in
 her arms as she struggles to change his clothes.  Just as she gets
 his bottoms off she drops his clothes in the pile of gooey eggs
 when we hear a loud KNOCKING at the kitchen door.  Holding a half
 naked Ben in her arms, Rachel looks up at...

 JACKIE HARRISON.  An immaculately dressed, intimidatingly intel-
 ligent, utterly beautiful woman staring at her with extreme
 disapproval.

    ANNABELLE AND BEN
  Mommy!

 Annabelle and Ben RACE into their mother's arms like little angels.
 Jackie shoots a fiercely protective glare at Rachel.  They LOCK
 eyes.  Enough wattage to light up all of Manhattan.

 EXT. RACHEL'S LOFT, SOHO - MORNING

 Jackie and the kids exit Rachel's building, onto a bustling Soho
 street.  The kids clamber into the double-parked Volvo wagon.
 Jackie, still pissed, climbs behind the wheel.  Drives off.

 INT. JACKIE'S VOLVO STATION WAGON - EARLY MORNING

 Jackie drives the children down a tree-lined street in Englewood,
 New Jersey.  Ben is banging Jackie's sunglasses case against the
 window.

    JACKIE
  ...it's really not so bad Annabelle -- Red
  and Blue make purple.

    ANNABELLE
   (yes she does)
  I don't care.

    JACKIE
  I know you don't, but if you had, chrom-
  atically you are in the purple family.

 Jackie fishes through her purse.  Finds a toy airplane for Ben.  He
 stops banging her glasses case, starts banging the plane.

    BEN
  Why does Rachel wear Daddy's underpants?
  Doesn't she have underpants of her own?

    JACKIE
  I noticed a whopping pile of laundry
  sitting on the washer -- perhaps Rachel's
  underpants are in there -- Now where are
  your lunches?

 As if by rote, they hold out their lunches.  One is a plastic Vons
 bag and the other a crumpled Macy's bag.  She collects them and
 hands Ben and Annabelle two brightly colored lunch bags.

    BEN
  Annabelle sucked her thumb last night.

    ANNABELLE
  I NEVER do that, you ALWAYS lie!

 And SLUGS him.

    JACKIE
  Never say 'never' -- it's not fair to
  say 'always' -- and no name calling.
  Use your words.

    ANNABELLE
  I hate when you say that.

    JACKIE
  Thank you.  Those were all words.  I
  hate the planet Uranus.  Terrible name
  for a planet.

 Annabelle and Ben look up at her curiously.

    JACKIE
  I hate snails and blue cheese.
  Especially together.  Hate.

    BEN
  I have lava.

    JACKIE
   (reflects)
  Lava's hateable.  I never thought of
  that.

    ANNABELLE
  I hate overly ripe bananas -- they make
  me want to throw up.

    JACKIE
  Excellent point.

    BEN
  I hate wax lips and red ants and
  pretzels without salt...

    ANNABELLE
  I hate the crayon Burnt Sienna and
  people who spit when they walk.

 Jackie nods sagely.  Pulls up next to a school playground.

    JACKIE
  I hate to say goodbye.  Eskimo Kiss.
   (they rub noses)
  Russian Orthodox Wedding Kiss.

 They bump foreheads and elbows.  Ben runs toward the kindergarten
 playground; Jackie watches concerned as Annabelle climbs the steps.
 The only orangey red dot in a sea of purple.