Very Bad Things

89   INT. FISHER AND LIZ’S HOUSE       89

TIGHT ON Fisher.

FISHER: I’m sorry. Honey...it’s just for tonight.

Liz is in her robe, none to pleases. Adam Jr. and Timmy sit in the b.g. at the kitchen table eating cookies and milk.

FISHER: Lois is a mess and Micheal’s really upset. Everyone’s upset.

LIZ: We’re not canceling.

FISHER: I know.

LIZ: I won’t even discuss it.

FISHER: No one’s discussing it. I’m just gonna run Micheal home. I’ll be right back.

LIZ: I need you to pick up the cake tomorrow.

FISHER: Don’t we already have someone to do that for us?

LIZ: Yeah. You.

FISHER: Okay. Okay.

Fisher kisses Liz and goes.

90   INT. BAR        90

Dark, smoky, MUSIC. Micheal, Fisher and Moore sit in a corner booth.

MICHEAL: (finger in his ear) Do you hear buzzing fish?

FISHER: Buzzing?

MICHEAL: Yeah. I got some kind of buzzing. Like a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz thing just chipping away in the back of my skull.

FISHER: I don’t hear it.

MICHEAL: Yeah, well, it’s a nasty problem.

FISHER: Have another drink.

91   INT. ADAM AND LOIS’ HOUSE – NIGHT       91

TRACKING SHOT down hallway into bedroom where Lois sleeps peacefully.

92   INT. BAR – NIGHT      92

Fisher and Micheal. Moore, drinking, just listening.

MICHEAL: Dad used to bring home these sparklers to me and Adam. Out back we’d light ‘em up. The three of us. We’d hold ‘em up to the sky and watch the explosions of light. Sparks. And dad would be all...”Get ready”...”watch for it”...”here it comes,” here comes the “wahoo”

FISHER: The wahoo?

MICHEAL: The sparkler would burn hot, then hotter, then even hotter...and there would be one moment of pure burn when that little fucker would cook just perfect. Perfect. It would only last a second, but that second was it. It was it. That’s what dad had us looking for...You get me?

FISHER: The wahoo moment?

MICHEAL: That’s my point! You see Man...burning at his absolute. To see all the forces just come together, just right, you know, just in perfect harmony. That’s what I’m driving at. You get me?

FISHER: I think so.

MICHEAL: I’ve been looking for that flash and I look and I look and I can’t find it. And what if I already had it? You know. My moment? What if it’s gone? And I never saw it? (finishes drink) You’re getting married, man. That’s a fucking beautiful thing. Just a beautiful thing. I just can’t stop breaking beautiful things.

93   INT. LOIS’ HOUSE – NIGHT         93

Lois’ bedroom. As Lois sleeps, Boyd softly enters the room. Moving in on the sleeping Lois, another couple of steps, he looms over her, reaches his hand to her throat when, suddenly, Lois’ eyes snap open. Boyd is startled. Lois grabs mace from her night stand and sprays Boyd in the face. He MOANS, stumbles back. Lois leaps on him like a shark slamming a side of beef.

They go down hard on the floor and start fighting like wild animals.

LOIS: You picked the wrong woman mother-fucker!

As Lois sinks her teeth into Boyd’s balls.

94   BACK AT THE BAR       94

MICHEAL: You see for me it’s over. Over baby. I’m gonna turn myself in. After the wedding of course. After the wedding. Out of respect.

MOORE: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

MICHEAL: I said out of respect. Respect for you Fisher. For you and your wedding and your beautiful bride. There will be no more rain. You see where I am here?

FISHER: I appreciate it. I do, but...Maybe you ought to just ease up om yourself a bit.

MICHEAL: No. No. No. This is my doing. You see I’m gonna have my wahoo spark for my own. For Lois and the kids, for my brother, for Franco. I’m gonna turn myself in. I am all that. I’m gonna do it for sweet Lois.

95   LOIS’ BEDROOM        95

Boyd and Lois are choking the living shit out of each other. Boyd pulls back, swings with a left, Lois ducks, she swings, a right cross to Boyds eye. He goes down. She jumps on him. Choking him like a mad dog. As Boyd struggles for air...

96   THE BAR        96

Fisher checks his watch as Micheal fumbles with his eighth shot of Yukon Jack.

MICHEAL: If I was to think...If I were to think...No I mean I have thinked it over...I have. And without putting a lot of pressure on you I just...Well I just...

FISHER: What is it?

MICHEAL: (drunk-slow) Well if you do think about names...Micheal’s a pretty good one...It’s done me all right.

Micheal’s eyes bore into Fisher, like he knows something Fisher doesn’t. Fisher’s cell phone RINGS.

FISHER: (answers) Yeah.

97   INT. LOIS’ BEDROOM         97

TIGHT ON Boyd, eye swelling, scratch marks, hair a crazy mess.

BOYD: (into the phone) Okay. Here’s the deal and it’s a good one. Lois is cool. It’s a pacified situation.

98   INTERCUT BOYD AND FISHER         98

FISHER: What does that mean?

Micheal stares at Fisher.

BOYD: I’m talking about Lois having relaxed her anxiety. Only deal is...you still got Micheal there?

FISHER: Yeah.

BOYD: Good deal. Lois just wants to hear it from Micheal.

FISHER: Hear what?

BOYD: That it was all an accident. She wants to here it from Micheal’s mouth.

FISHER: Now?

Micheal drunkenly nods his head as if can hear the conversation.

BOYD: That’s right.

FISHER: Isn’t it a little late?

BOYD: Hold on a sec. (turns) Lois, you sure you wouldn’t rather do this in the morning?

PAN OVER to see Lois, half hanging off the bed, strangled to death. Boyd won.

BOYD: (back into phone) She says now’s the time. (quietly) I got a peace treaty thing happening over hear...let’s get this over with.

99   EXT. LOIS’ HOUSE      99

Fisher’s car pulls up. Boyd is waiting outside. He opens the back door. Micheal is drunk in the back. Fisher and Moore are up front.

BOYD: Okay Micheal, let’s go. (helps him out) Upsy daisy big guy.

MICHEAL: (hammered) How about my Fatburger?

BOYD: Come on tough guy. Listen to me. (takes Micheals face in his hands) You are going to tell Lois that it was all an accident. Okay cowboy? You got me?

MICHEAL: I love you.

MOORE: He’s too drunk.

BOYD: He’s fine. Okay Mikey, let’s go. (to Fisher and Moore) You guys stay here.

Boyd leads Micheal into the house.

100  INT. CAR        100

Fisher and Moore wait in silence...

MOORE: (beat) I’m thinking about maybe making a move.

FISHER: A move?

MOORE: Greenpeace.

FISHER: Greenpeace?

MOORE: Maybe go up to the North Pole, the Arctic. Tag polar bears with dart guns. I’ve always had a pretty good aim...

A “POP” resounds from within the house. Moore and Fisher lock eyes, frozen.

Boyd comes jogging out the front door, hops in the back seat. Fisher and Moore tur, eyes wide.

BOYD: Micheal was having an affair with Lois. That’s what Micheal and Adam were arguing about in the parking lot. Micheal killed Adam in a jealous rage. Lois broke it off with Micheal, he strangled her to death and then shot himself in the head. (beat) Happens all the time.

Boyd touches the painful scratches on his face.

BOYD: That Lois fought like a fucking Comanche.

ON Fisher and Moore in stunned horror...

101  INT. LAW FIRM        101

TIGHT ON BARRY MORRIS, mid-40’s, attorney.

BARRY MORRIS: I don’t see how this could have been kept from you. The facts are quite simple; last month Adam and Lois changed their will. They requested that you two, as a married couple, be the Custodians of Record for their estate including all properties, cash holdings, security holdings and...children. You are legal custodians of the Brenn Trust.

ANGLE ON

Liz and Fisher, flanked by Adam Jr. and Timmy, eyes wide, they sit across from the attorney, totally bazooka’d. They stare in horror at Morris.

LIZ: My god.

BARRY MORRIS: There’s more.

FISHER: More?

BARRY MORRIS: Adam and Lois were not terribly prudent in terms of providing for the possibility of the unforseen.

FISHER: What are you talking about?

BARRY MORRIS: I’m talking about Life insurance. I’m talking about money.

LIZ: Money?

BARRY MORRIS: Yes money. Adam had a five hundred dollar Term Life Insurance Policy.

PAUSE.

LIZ: What does that mean?

FISHER: That means we get five hundred thousand to help raise the kids.

LIZ: (amazed) No.

FISHER: Yes.

BARRY MORRIS: Actually, no. Adam was switching to a Whole Life Policy, but re-scheduled his medical exam...and failed to make his last payment...so his Term Life lapsed. So it’s value is null and void. (off Liz’s horror) Now he did have a pension account, worth another 150 thousand.

LIZ: (relieved) Well, oh...

BARRY MORRIS: And a house. Valued at 350 thousand.

LIZ: So where’s that leave us?

FISHER: 150 plus 350...we still get 500 thousand.

BARRY MORRIS: (beat) No. Not even close. With property values down, the house is worth 100,000 less than 450 he paid for it. With three credit cards, the minivan payments, and other outstanding debts...Plus the Income and Estate Taxes assessed on his IRA...(punches his calculator) You’ll get, oh...in the neighborhood of, ah...14,223 dollars.

Adam jr. suddenly slips off his chair, lands flat on his back, starts struggling to get up. Fisher tries to help Little Adam up.

LITTLE ADAM: Get away from me!

FISHER: I’m just trying to help...

LITTLE ADAM: I don’t want your help!

FISHER: Stop kicking. Stop kicking!

Fisher manages to get Adam Jr. back up in his chair. Liz looks rather horrified.

BARRY MORRIS: (breaking the tension) So. When is the wedding.

LIZ: Tomorrow (at Fisher) We are getting married tomorrow.