Very Bad Things

102  INT. CAR        102

Fisher drives, Liz up front, Adam jr. and Timmy in the back. Everyone is shocked in silence. Fisher looks deathly ill, like he’s about to vomit. He pulls the car over and gets out.

103  EXT. FISHER’S CAR     103

Fisher leans on the trunk, puking. Liz gets out to help him, he starts crying. Liz is gentle and loving.

LIZ: It’s okay...It’s okay baby. Cry for Mama. Cry for Mama.

FISHER: No it’s not okay. It’s not.

The kids watch from the rear view window but can’t hear.

LIZ: Cry for Boom Boom. It’s okay.

FISHER: (sobbing) Liz we’ve got to cancel, we have to put it off.

LIZ: (ice) Don’t even.

FISHER: Do you love me?

LIZ: What?

FISHER: Do you love me?

LIZ: What kind of stupid question is that?

FISHER: (breaking down) Oh God. We. Liz. We. We. Killed a woman. We...

LIZ: What are you talking about?

FISHER: (completely hysterical) Oh Liz. We. God. We, in Vegas. Micheal crushed her skull. She was dead. There was nothing else to do. It was an accident.

LIZ: Who’s dead?

FISHER: The prostitute.

LIZ: You fucked a prostitute?

FISHER: No Micheal did. It was an accident.

LIZ: You killed a prostitute.

FISHER: Micheal, by accident.

LIZ: Call the police.

FISHER: it’s too late.

LIZ: my God. You’ve got to call the police, tell them it was an accident. Where is she?

FISHER: She’s in the desert. She’s out in the desert.

LIZ: You left a dead prostitute out in the desert? Alone?

FISHER: She’s not alone...She’s...Boyd...Oh God...He’s gone nuts...He killed Lois and Micheal...it’s all...

LIZ: Stop! You stop right here. I don’t want to know anymore. I told you not to do this Bachelor Party thing. You were warned.

FISHER: But...

LIZ: No buts. I told you your friends were Jackasses.

FISHER: But...

LIZ: No buts. I’ve waited twenty-seven years, twenty-seven years I have focused and prepared to walk down that aisle. I will not be derailed! I will not be embarrassed! I will not be denied! I am walking down that aisle tomorrow come hell or high fucking water!

Liz marches back to the car, gets in and slams the door. Fisher just stares in shock.

104  EXT./INT. CHURCH – FISHER AND LIZ’S WEDDING        104

It’s pouring rain outside.

Shots of guests dashing from their cars to the church.

Fisher’s parents with Adam Jr. and Timmy, looking overwhelmed.

Upstairs: Liz and her Bridesmaids help Liz get dressed. Everyone looks depressed.

105  INT. CHURCH BASEMENT        105

Fisher and Moore in tuxedos. Boyd enters, shuts the door. Fisher looks ill.

BOYD: Okay, we’re about two minutes out. Moore, better take your position.

Moore looks at Fisher.

BOYD: Chop chop.

Moore goes. A long tense BEAT between Fisher and Boyd.

BOYD: This is a situation that defies judgement. We have acted and showed courage that is not of a kind known by most.

FISHER: I’m getting really tired of your bullshit.

BOYD: My what?

FISHER: You’ve got a warped thought process. Your brain doesn’t function properly.

BOYD: You care to add a little specification to that slanderous accusation?

FISHER: (snaps) I’m talking about some bad, bad, very bad things. Bad things! Those are bad fucking things!

BOYD: Okay fine.

FISHER: Fine? Fine what?

BOYD: Whatever you say Kojak.

FISHER: I’m serious.

BOYD: I’m serious. I’m the serious one here. I’m the one making the play. I’m the Indian Runner. And I want my money.

106  INT. CHURCH     106

The organ is playing. The guests are seated. Liz and her father are waiting in the front hall.

LIZ: I told Boyd two fucking minutes!

107  INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – CONT’D     107

FISHER: What money?

BOYD: Blood money. Insurance dollars that you have thus fucking far decided not to tell me about at all. In no way have you mentioned that money. And I find that to be very very offensive.

FISHER: You’re sick.

BOYD: (veins pulsing) And if you think you can fuck me, don’t. Cause I’m fucking insulated Fisher. Protected. Backed up on floppy. Do you get me? I want my fucking money!

FISHER: Not a prayer.

BOYD: I’m a lifesaver. A lighthouse. Up all night in the rain, in stormy gale force wind, tornado and fucking earthquakes. I stay lit for you. I stay lit. I don’t go dark. I never go dark!

FISHER: You need help.

Fisher turns away. BOYD combusts. He leaps on Fisher with a wild cry.

BOYD: I want that money!

Boyd and fisher fight like animals; choking, pounding, mauling, a fight to the death. Fisher is losing, Boyd is choking the life out of him, killing him. Fisher is going down, eyes rolling back, he’s dying, until...

CRASH. Boyd’s head is caved in from behind. REVEAL Liz wielding a big, heavy crucifix. Boyd slumps to the ground. Fisher gasps for air. Boyd stirs. Liz beats him repeatedly with the crucifix until he’s dead as a door knob. Fisher is stunned. Liz tosses the cross. Miraculously, only one perfect droplet of blood has gotten on her wedding dress. She flicks it off with her finger.

LIZ: (composing herself) Here comes the bride.

Liz gathers up her train and marches out. Fisher looks at Boyd, a bloody dead mess.

108  THE WEDDING     108

Fisher joins Moore at the alter. JUDGE TOWER smiles warmly at Fisher.

MOORE: Where’s Boyd?

FISHER: (whispers) Downstairs in the closet.

Before Moore can ask, the ORGAN begins playing the WEDDING MARCH. Liz starts down the aisle, escorted by her father, She smiles radiantly.

Liz’s father kisses her and gives her to Fisher. They stand before the Judge who starts talking. TIGHT ON Fisher. His head pounding. He hears none of what the Judge says until...

JUFGE TOWER: May we have the rings please?

FISHER: What?

JUDGE TOWER: The rings?

Fisher looks at moore.

109  INT. CHURCH BASEMENT        109 

Moore opens the closet. Boyd falls out.

110  INT. CHURCH     110

Everyone waits patiently. Fisher is sweating. He looks at Liz who stares straight ahead.

111  INT. CHURCH BASEMENT        111

Moore rolls Boyd over, checks every pocket, trying not to get blood on himself.

112  INT. CHURCH     112

Moore returns.

MOORE: Got ‘em.

He hands the rings to the Judge, at which time, he, she, Fisher and Liz all see blood on his white shirt cuff. The Judge looks at Moore. He pulls his jacket sleeve down.

JUDGE TOWER: (continues) These rings represent the commitment Fisher and Liz make to each other on the day. Fisher do you take Liz to be your beloved wife, to respect, honor and cherish till death do you part?

FISHER: I do.

Liz slides the ring on Fisher’s finger.

JUDGE TOWER: Liz do you take Fisher to be your beloved husband, to respect, honor and cherish him till death do you part?

LIZ: I do.

Fisher slides the ring on Liz’s finger.

JUDGE TOWER: I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Fisher kisses Liz. They turn to face their guests who applaud. Liz cries tears of joy.