Very Bad Things

62   EXT. SUBURBAN        62

As the guys get out and are mauled by the hyper kids and Lois and Liz.

LOIS: (with camera) Group shot. Here we go boys! Yes sir, compare and contrast time!

She starts herding the boys into a group pose.

LOIS: Feeling a little HUNGOVER are we? Do you kids take note? (taking pictures) See how pathetic Daddy and his jackass friends look?!

Fisher makes eye contact with Liz.

LIZ: What’s the word n the chairs?

FISHER: I’m working on it.

LIZ: Then you’d better work on it in the car. We gotta go see the Judge.

63   INT. JUDGE’S OFFICE        63

ON JUDGE LAUREL TOWER.

JUDGE TOWER: We don’t say “love, honor and obey” anymore. And we don’t say “till death do us part.” Today we say, “respect, honor and cherish, as long as you both do love.” How does that sound?

LIZ: I kind of like “till death do us part.” I mean, this is forever. In sickness and in health, through good times and bad. Honey, what do you think?

Liz looks at Fisher who is a nuclear wreck, barely coherent.

FISHER: Yea...It’s great...seems like...I don’t know you’ve got all the important stuff in there.

JUDGE TOWER: All right then. It’s refreshing to see two young people not afraid of real commitment. Will you have friends or family saying words – singing or anything?

FISHER: (beat) Are we supposed to?

JUDGE TOWER: It’s not a question of supposed to, it’s an entirely personal decision...Some do some don’t.

LIZ: We don’t think so. I mean, we just want the singing when I come out.

JUDGE TOWER: Okay great. What will that be?

LIZ: We’re just going to have the leader of the band sing alone with his guitar. Acoustic.

JUDGE TOWER: What song?

LIZ: “You Send me.”

JUDGE TOWER: Oh I know that. How does it go...

LIZ: You know, (talks it) Darling you...you send me...Darling you...You mend me. (to Fisher) Honey, sing it for Judge Tower.

In lieu of an anxiety attack, Fisher...

FISHER: (sings) “Darli...ing you, ewe ewe ewe , send me, Darli...ing you, ewe ewe ewe, mend me.

LIZ:“At first I thought it was infatuation...But oh it’s lasted so long...”

FISHER & LIZ: “Now I find myself wanting to marry you, marry you and take you home...”

Judge Tower joins in and the three squeak out the chorus and it’s pretty pathetic.

MUSIC OVER:  

64   INT. TUXEDO RENTAL STORE         64

The guys are being fitted for their wedding tuxes.

Lois takes pictures of the five groomsmen.

Liz closely watches as the TAILOR makes adjustments to Fisher’s tux.

Adam looks sick.

65   EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER – SUNSET        65

Fisher and his dad walk along the pier eating hot dogs. A father and son moment.

MR. FISHER: I wanted to just take this final opportunity to visit with you. You know, just to be with you, father and son, before you run off and do your own husband, daddy thing. (starts to choke-up) I’m just so Goddamn proud of you...God knows I didn’t always play it right with you...

FISHER: You did all right dad.

MR. FISHER: I could have done it better. I’m a fucking ball-buster I am.

FISHER: You never walked away dad. You could have walked away.

MR. FISHER: I’m just so scared of that song. That fucking, “My son just arrived the other day...he says thanks for the ball, come on let’s play. I got lots of bills come again next day. He’s grown up just like me...My boy is just like me.” Gordon fucking Lightfoot, Cat Stevens, whoever, that song just fucking kills me.

FISHER: Harry Chaplin. “Cats in the Cradle.”

MR. FISHER: Just kills me...

FISHER: I love you dad.

MR. FISHER: I love you so much it hurts. Me and your mother marvel at what you have become. You’re going to have a wonderful journey with this girl. I feel it deep inside. A wonderful, magical journey. (cries again) And I’m, like I said, just so proud of how you turned out. (hugs Fisher) You go out and knock ‘em dead Keith. Knock’em dead!

Off Fisher we...

CUT TO:

66   INT. ADAM’S OFFICE         66

TIGHT ON  A Vegas Newspaper Metro Section slammed down on a desk – A small article on Tina, the now missing prostitute.

FISHER: Where did you get that?

MICHEAL: At the newsstand on 3rd.

ADAM: (falling apart) Fucking Boyd. That fucking idiot. They’re on to us.

MICHEAL: They’re not on to us. I’m gonna call Boyd.

Micheal picks up the phone.

67   EXT. SOMEBODY’S YARD        67

TIGHT ON BOYD  talking into cell phone.

BOYD: Oh that’s just nothing. That’s just a missing persons thing, that’s all.

INTERCUT PHONE CALL

MICHEAL: You said nobody would miss her.

BOYD: No. I said nobody knew she was coming to the hotel.

ADAM: (grabs phone) Boyd you idiot, the shit’s coming down!

BOYD: What does that mean?

ADAM: You got us into this mess.

BOYD: Oh I did? I think it was your little rat fuck brother who decided to play Hamburger Helper with the hooker’s head.

ADAM: (freaks) Wold you, shush?! These phones aren’t secure!

BOYD: Lighten up Adam. Show some character.

ADAM: Don’t talk to me about character.

BOY: Watch the tone fella.

Fisher realizes he’s not breathing.

ADAM: Fuck you Boyd!

BOYD: Any time fat boy!

Boyd hangs up the phone, looks at his picture on the realty sign he just pounded into someone’s yard. Behind the bizarre sincere smile we now see the eyes of a maniac. Boyd picks up the sledge hammer and swings wildly, destroying his sign, splintering it into kindling.

68   INT. BAKERY     68

Fisher and Liz taste different samples of cake and compare different cake designs with a BAKER.

69   INT. FLORIST         69

Surrounded by hundreds of different floral arrangements, Liz shows a zombied Fisher the flowers she’s picked for the wedding.

70   INT. LIZ AND FISHER’S NEW HOME         70

A beautiful country style beach house in Santa Monica. Liz, Fisher and the realtor, MAGGIE, walk into the charming kitchen. Fisher seems stresses by the price tag.

LIZ: I love it. I just love, love, love, love it.

MAGGIE: Are you guys gonna fill this place with kids? You sure got room for them.

LIZ: We’re in no hurry. I think we’ll take some time to enjoy each other, enjoy our freedom before we surrender ourselves to kids.

MAGGIE: Take your time. I wish I had.

LIZ: (hugs Fisher) We will.

MAGGIE: So where to on the honeymoon?

FISHER: This is our honeymoon.

LIZ: After the wedding, which we’re paying for ourselves, and this house...

MAGGIE: Smart. Smart. Smart. Think big picture, take your time. I wish I had.

LIZ: That’s our plan.

MAGGIE: Well, I just need your signature on these contracts and a deposit check so I can get the ball rolling.

Liz looks at Fisher. She really wants the house. He takes out his checkbook. Liz throws her arms around Fisher, kisses him.

FISHER: How much?

MAGGIE: Five percent should be fine for now, which is, let’s see, twenty thousand dollars. Of course I’ll be splitting my commission with your friend. (beat) He is a very sweet man.

Liz stares at Fisher. His hand shakes as he writes the check.

71   EXT. GAS STATION MINI-MART        71

Adam, Lois and the kids pull into the mini-mart, up to the gas pump.

72   INT. ADAM’S MINI-VAN        72

Adam, ghost white, fumbles for a credit card as the kids go nuts in the back seat.

KIDS: (singing) “Do your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie ‘em in a knot, can you tie ‘em in a bow?”

ADAM: (snapping) Knock it off!

LOIS: Don’t snap at them!

ADAM: They’re driving me nuts!

LOIS: They’re singing.

A black sedan, looking like an unmarked police car, pulls up nose-to-nose with them at the pump. TWO MEN in dark suits in the front look like cops. Adam can’t help but notice.

ADAM: (getting out) It’s a disgusting song.

73   EXT. CAR        73

Adam slides his card through at the pump and starts filling his tank as one of the “suits” gets out of the black sedan and does the same.

Adam and the “suit” make eye-contact.

SUIT: How ya doing?

ADAM: (nervous mumble) What?

SUIT: What’s that?

ADAM: What did you say?

SUIT: I said how’s it going?

ADAM: I didn’t hear you.

SUIT: Well that’s what I said.