Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Who Framed Roger Rabbit   

                         A MAROON CARTOON
                             In color

                   BABY HERMAN and ROGER RABBIT
                               in

                         SOMETHIN'S COOKIN'

B. Herman: Brrh Brrh brrh brgh.

Lady: Mummy's going to the beauty parlour darling. But I'm leaving you with your favorite friend Roger. He's going to take very very good care of you. Because if he doesn't, he's going back to the science lab!

Roger: Plplpllllease! Don't worry. What ever you say! Yes ma'am. Aye aye sir. Oke dokey. Why, I'll take care of him like he was my own brother. Or my own sister. Ow! Or my brother's sister. Or my second cousin who was twice removed.

B. Herman: Brbrll bobl Cookie!

Roger: Or a nice cousin who is nine times removed from his place off side.Or like a sixteenth cousin...

B. Herman: [Escapes from cot] Aaaaaaah!

Roger: ...who was sixteen times removed from my mother's side. Or a 32nd cousin who was 37...

  Baby Herman lands in front of the fridge and looks up at the fridge where the cookie jar is.

B. Herman: Cookie!

Roger: ...times removed from his fathers side who was eleven...Or like my 17th cousin who was 156 times removed, from any side!

  Sees Baby Herman climbing up some open drawers

Roger: Aaaaaaaaahhh!

  Baby Herman is crawling across the hob turning on the burners as he goes narrowly avoiding them.

B. Herman: I'll save you baby!

B. Herman: Cookie!

  Baby Herman knocks a rolling pin on to the floor.

Roger:  Don't burn yourself baby Herman.

  Rushes into kitchen and slips on rolling pin.

Roger: Wow! Wub wub wub wub wub woooooaaah! Waaaaaahhoooowow!
Waaaaaaah!

  As he rolls past Baby Herman he kicks a Teapot onto Roger's head

Roger: Who turned out the lights? Boy, it's dark in here. Don't
they pay the electricity?  What happened?

  Not seeing where he is going he rolls into the oven which Baby
Herman turns up to Volcano heat.

Roger: Where are you baby? Where are ya?

  Baby Herman crawls across some plates in the sink.

B. Herman: Cookie! Ahhhh! Brblblblbl. Aha!

  Baby Herman's face slips under the water but he lifts it up and accidentally turns on the tap and water starts spilling onto the floor. The soap also falls down to the floor. The oven sign turns to well done and Roger bursts out trailing smoke.

Roger: Oooh! Ooh! Ow! Owwwwww! Owwwwwwwwww!

  He slips on the soap and shoots into the air and the soap flies across the kitchen and riccochets of the door handle and hits the baby flinging him up to the clock pendulum. Roger falls back and slides across the kitchen and ends up with his fingers in the power supply and is zapped by electricity. In trying to escape he headbutts the wall wiyh the teapot and disloges a shelf and all the pots and pans fall on his head. As he lies there a bottle of chilli sauce falls into the spout of the teapot.

B. Herman: [From the clock] Cookie.

  Roger, with his head on fire shoots across the kitchen and ends up with an ironing board in his mouth which folds up into the wall. Baby Herman swings from the clock to a shelf which falls down and a box on the shelf falls catapulting a box of knives through the air. Baby Herman lands on a plunger and bounces up to the fridge. The plunger flies through  the air and lodges itself in a toaster which then falls over. Roger bursts out of the fold up ironing board.

Roger: I'm here BabaaaaaRRGGGHHH!

  Roger sees the knives flying towards him which lodge themselves in the wall around him. One parts his hair and a meatcleaver hits the wall between his legs. The toaster then fires the plunger at Roger and sticks to his face. As he struggles to get it off he ends up flying across the kitchen and removes it in mid air. His momentary pleasure is forgotten as he crashes into the suc-o-matic which then begins to pump him full of air. When he looks more like a baloon he starts to deflate, flying around the kitchen breaking crockery and eventually hitting the fridge, lodging his head underneath. As he struggles to get free he dislodges Baby Herman who falls from the top of the fridge with his cookie. Roger lifts the fridge of his head and seeing that Baby Herman is safe holds him in his hands.

B. Herman: Cookie. Ah!

  Roger suddenly realises there is an unsupported fridge above his head which crashes back to earth. The fridge door opens to reveal Roger with birds flying round his head.

Raoul: Cut!

Background: Alright. That's it cut.

Raoul: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! [Throws script on floor]

B. Herman: What the hell was wrong with that take?

Raoul: Nothing with you Baby Herman. You were great. You were                                          perfect. You were better than perfect. It's Roger. He keeps        blowing his lines. Roger... [Grabs bird] ...what's this?

Roger: A tweeting bird?

Raoul: A tweeting bird! [Throws bird to the floor] Roger read the script. Look what it says. It says "Rabbit takes clunk. Rabbit sees stars." Not birds- STARS! Can we lose the playback please? You're killing me! Killing me.

B. Herman: [Stomping off] For crying out loud Roger! Like how many times do we have to do this damn scene? Raoul! I'll be in my trailer! Taking a nap!

Lady: Oooh!

B. Herman: 'Scuse me toots.

Raoul: My stomach can't take this. This set is a mess! Clean this set up. And get him out of there. Or seal him up in it. Loose the lights. And say lunch.

Background: LUNCH!

Raoul: That's lunch. Run ahead.

   Roger climbs out of refrigerator and follows Raoul off set.

Roger: Pplpllllease Raoul. I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time.

Raoul: Roger! I've dropped that on your head 23 times already.

Roger: I can take it though. Worry about me.

Raoul: I'm not worried about you I'm worried about the refrigerator.

Roger: I can give you stars.[Grabs frying pan off a passing trolley] Look.  Look!  Loook!   Plplllease Raoul. I can do it I swear. Just give me another chance. Well come on Raoul...

  Standing watching all of this is Eddie Valiant.

Valiant: Phhh. Toons.

He takes a swig from a bottle and puts it back in a holster on his belt.

Roger: ...just give me another chance. Look. Watch Raoul. Watch Raoul. Plplplllease, you gotta give me another chance. Come on Raoul!

  A lady opens some double doors and shows Valiant into Maroon's office.

Secretary: Mr Maroon, Mr Valiant's here to...

  R.K. Maroon is watching a piece of film playing through a moviola and he waves his hand at the woman.

Secretary: He'll be right with you.

Maroon: No, no, no! Wait untill he gets to his feet, -then- hit him with the boulder.

Editor: Right on it.

  The editor wheels the machine away and Maroon turns to Valiant.

Maroon: How much do you know about show business Mr Valiant?

Valiant: Only there's no business like it. No business I know.

Maroon: Yeah, and there's no business more expensive. I'm 25 grand over budget on the latest Baby Herman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his work. You know why?

Valiant: One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?

Maroon: Nah! He's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off. But break his heart, he goes to pieces just like you or me. Read that. [Hands Valiant a newspaper]

Valiant: [Reading aloud] 'Seen cooing over Calamari with not so new sugar-daddy was Jessica Rabbit, wife of Maroon cartoon star Roger.' What's this gotta do with me? [Hands paper back.]

Maroon: You're the private detective, you figure it out.

Valiant: Look, I don't have time for this.

Maroon: Look Valiant! His wife's poison but he thinks she's Betty  Crocker. I want you to follow her. Get me a couple of nice juicy pictures I can wise the rabbit up with.

Valiant: Forget it. I don't work Toontown.

Maroon: What's wrong with Toontown? Every Joe loves Toontown.

Valiant: Well get Joe to do the job, 'cause I aint going.

Maroon: Whoah fella! You don't want to go to Toontown, you don't have to go to Toontown. Nobody said you had to go to Toontown anyway. [Forcing Valiant into a seat] Have a seat Valiant. The rabbit's wife sings at a joint called the Ink and Paint Club. Toon review. Strictly humans only. O.K.? So what do you think Valiant?

  Valiant is more interested in the drinks cabinet.

Maroon: ...Well?

Valiant: [Getting up to make himself a drink] The job's gonna cost you a hundred bucks, plus expenses.

Maroon: A hundred bucks! That's ridiculous.

Valiant: So's the job!

Maroon: Alright, alright. You've got your hundred bucks. Have a drink Eddie.

Valiant: I don't mind if I do. [Looks out of the window]

Background: Look I've got it. Careful Dave. I've got it. Dave, you're gonna drop it. I'm not gonna drop it! You're dropping it!

   Some workmen drop some large wooden boxes releasing some toon instruments which begin to play. As Valiant watches a pair of eyes suddenly appear at the window.

Valiant: Aaah!

Maroon: Kind of jumpy aren't you Valiant? It's just Dumbo.

Valiant: [Getting up from beneath the drinks cabinet and taking the check off of Maroon] I know who it is.

Maroon: I got him on loan from Disney. Him and half the cast of
Fantasia. [Opens blinds] Best part is... they work for peanuts!

  Marron throws a handful of peanuts out of the window and Dumbo flies off sucking them up with his trunk.

Valiant: Well I don't work for peanuts. Where's the other fifty?

Maroon: Let's call the other fifty a carrot to finish the job.

Valiant: You've been hanging around rabbits too long.            

  Valiant leaves the studio passing an ostrich and a frog on the stairs. Valiant looks to his right where a sax player is playing to some brooms sweeping by themselves. From behind them emerges a stork on a bike, apparently a postman, and as he rides by he begins to lose his balance and crashes sending letters everywhere. As he reaches the bottom of the steps a hippo bumps into him.

Hippo: Oh! Excuse me.

  Valiant walks past a group of cows practicing their lines.