Young Frankenstein

FREDDY

Get the sedative ready!

MONSTER

(soft and loving)

MMmmm! MMmmm!

The Monster hugs Freddy's face. Freddy, still playing the violin, pats the operating table for the Monster to "lie down." He does – holding onto Freddy's face.

INGA

I think he wants to be tucked in.

FREDDY

Get a blanket from under that shelf!

Inga gets the blanket. The Monster holds Freddy's head onto his chest, as Freddy continues playing. Inga and Igor spread the blanket over the operating table, then gently tuck the Monster in "bed." The Monster pulls Freddy into bed with him and snuggles against Freddy's shoulder. Freddy continues playing the violin under the covers.

FREDDY

(to Inga)

All right – give it to him!

INGA

Are you serious? ?

FREDDY

Give him the sedative!

INGA

Oh! Yes, Doctor.

She prepares the hypodermic, then lifts up a small section of the blanket – AWAY FROM OUR VIEW – and pulls down the Monster's pants a short way.

IGOR

He's got quite a tush.

She puts the needle in.

FREDDY

Did you do it?

INGA

I think so.

FREDDY

Good! It shouldn't take more than a few seconds.

Freddy gradually stops playing.

MONSTER

(quietly, angry)

MMMMmmmmmmmm!

Freddy starts playing. The Monster kisses him.

INGA

I'm getting tired.

IGOR

Why don't we all turn in? It's been a long day.

FREDDY

Wait – I'm sure he's out by now. That shot was strong enough to stop a horse.

Freddy gradually stops playing. One of the Monster's hands sleepily closes around Freddy's throat.

IGOR

See you at breakfast, then!

Freddy continues playing.

INGA

Good night, Doctor.

FREDDY

(afraid to disturb the Monster)

Good night!

Igor and Inga LEAVE.

NEW ANGLE

Freddy is left alone with the Monster, still playing the violin.

FREDDY

(sarcastically)

Thanks... for all your help.

IGOR (O.S.)

(from behind a wall)

That's what we're paid for.

Freddy looks at the Monster – whose contented face nestles against Freddy's chin.

FREDDY

(as he plays the violin)

This song. This haunting melody. This ancient, quaintly atonal folk tune... is driving – me – crackers! I can't go on – do you understand? ? Can NOT go on playing this pathogenically rotten song. If you're not asleep yet, then kill me if you have to, but at the count of three... I stop! One!... Incidentally, I was thinking of making a big breakfast tomorrow – blueberry waffles and crisp bacon. Two!... By the way, I'm sorry I yelled at you before – I must have been over-tired. Anyway, I meant to apologize and just forgot. Two!... Maybe tomorrow would be a good day just to relax – go for a swim, maybe do a little water skiing. Well... we'll see after we finish a nice breakfast. Three!

Freddy stops playing. the monster is sound asleep. Freddy puts the violin down, throws off the blanket, then ties the straps that bind the Monster to the operating table.

FREDDY

(when the Monster is firmly tied)

Spoiled Sissy!

Freddy picks up the violin again and stares at it.

FREDDY

The song is over!

He looks at the sleeping Monster.

FREDDY

Das lied ist aus!

He breaks the violin in half. Immediately, he feels a sense of relief and lightheadedness.

FREDDY

Oh! Oh my! What a strange feeling that was. My head – I felt such a pressure, splitting my head apart. I feel so relieved and lightheaded. That horrible pressure... like voices... all calling to me, imploring me... swearing at me. Well, it's over now, thank goodness.

(he turns to the Monster)

Oh... my poor Doctor Delbruck.

(he strokes the Monster's head)

Doctor, Doctor... what have I done to you? Was habe ich von Dir gamacht? Your magnificent brain, locked in this... pile of... Forgive me, Doctor. I thought – for science only. I couldn't stand the thought to mankind. I was a fool! How dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge, and how much happier is that man who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to become greater than his nature will allow. Con you ever forgive me?

He puts his head down in silent prayer. MUSIC: ANOTHER VIOLIN PLAYS: THE EERIE TRANSYLVANIAN LULLABY. Freddy's body tenses. We cannot see his face, but his fingers go to his temples. He slowly raises his head.

FREDDY

That's a knockout tune! That tune is a winner. You can't call it 'wishy-washy' ... like some people I know. That song is going places.

(he looks at the Monster)

And so are we – Blubber Boy. With your body, and the brain of that kraut – we'll be 'Number One' in no time.

The MUSIC is PLAYING LOUDER and FASTER.

FREDDY

Right, voices?? I hear you skipping away in there. 'Do better than your father!' You're telling me I will. 'Do better than my grandfather!?' I'll make my famous grandfather look like a part-time nurse.

He rises.

FREDDY

There's no stopping now. Destiny is too potent. I – want – perfection!

A BOLT OF LIGHTNING!

FREDDY

I want a lot of it... and the best there is.

He grabs the Monster's head and hits it. A CRACK OF THUNDER!

FREDDY

Because from now on...

CUT TO:

INT. PRIVATE LIBRARY

Frau Blucher is insanely playing the violin and watching Freddy through a crack in the door.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. LABORATORY

FREDDY

... the only act we follow is the creation of fire. I'm going to explore unknown powers... I'm going to unfold to the world the deepest mysteries of creation... and I'm going to make – my – mommy – proud!

FADE OUT

FADE IN:

MONTAGE – INT. CONVERTED BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM – DAY

Mirrors and a warmup bar run along three walls.

Throughout the Montage, the Monster is dressed in leotards and lederhosen.

INT. CONVERTED BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM

The Monster is at the warmup bar, doing ballet exercises to the MUSIC OF CHOPIN – which is being PLAYED on the PIANO by Igor.

Inga – also in leotards – is at the bar in front of the Monster, so that he may follow her example.

Freddy sits on a chair in the middle of the floor, pounding out the "count" with a long stick.

FREDDY

And one and two and three and four and lift – lift , three and four and don't look sad for sympathy; you know we only stop to pee. And lift – lift, three and four and try and not to break the floor.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CONVERTED BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM

Freddy and Inga are wearing different clothes – to denote change of time.

Inga only watches this time, as the Monster tries a few "points" and "turns" across the room on his own.

Igor plays Chopin.

FREDDY
And one and two and point your toes

and two and two and stretch you thighs

and three and two and lift your knees

and watch that nasty temper, please.

The Monster is getting angry.

FREDDY

And one and two and point your toes...

Igor stops playing the piano, but continues speaking with the "count."

IGOR

And Oh-oh, Oh-oh... there he goes.

The Monster's hands are around Freddy's neck.

FREDDY

And oopy, not so hasty, please,

and stretch your legs

and lift your knees.

The monster, involuntarily, continues his footwork while he is trying to choke Freddy.

Freddy picks up a violin from under his chair and plays the EERIE TRANSYLVANIAN LULLABY – BUT IN THE SAME RHYTHM THEY HAVE BEEN USING, so that not a "count" is missed.

FREDDY

And even though we're nose to nose,

Always, always point your toes!

Don't knot your fists like monsters do,

but light-ly, gently, pas de deux.

A grateful bot who has a chance

would never kill if he could dance.

So take your fingers off my throat

and two – remove them from my chest

and three and two, continue please;

I didn't say 'It's time to rest.'

Don't stand flat footed; point your toes!

Don't hang your hands like some dumb clod;

Always lift them gracefully,

like little chil-dren praying to God.

That's the way an angel grows

but first he learns to POINT his TOES!

Igor continues playing Chopin. The Monster goes back to his exercises.

FREDDY

And one and two and stretch your thighs

and two and two and lift your knees...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CONVERTED BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM

The angelic face of the Monster sits in perfect concentration, as he prepares to play the harp.

He lightly ripples the strings: his face lights up!

He ripples the strings a second time: he is in ecstasy.

On the third ripple: ALL THE STRINGS COME OUT in his hands, like a mass of spaghetti.

Freddy, Igor, and Inga try not to look at each other.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CONVERTED BALLET REHEARSAL ROOM

MUSIC: a phonograph RECORD PLAYS TCHAIKOVSKY.

The Monster is dancing "reasonably" well with a YOUNG BALLERINA.

Freddy, Igor and Inga watch with great expectation.

The Monster lifts the Ballerina up, and sets her down. He lifts her up, and sets her down.

Now he takes her hand, prepares for the "big Twirl," lifts her up, and twirls her through the air.

The Young Ballerina sails out of the open window.

CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

An ELDERLY COUPLE are driving their horse and wagon to town.

A YOUNG BALLERINA SAILS PAST THEIR EYES.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CONVERTED BALLET – REHEARSAL ROOM

Freddy and the Monster stand over two enormous xylophones. Each holds his two wooden hammers.

Freddy – at his xylophone – passionately laces into Rimsky Korsokov's "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLE BEE."

The Monster strokes – in perfect time – the LAST NOTE of each phrase.

The crowning glory is a slow bridge of SEVEN PERFECT NOTES BY THE MONSTER.

When the piece is finished, Freddy, the Monster, Igor and Inga all hug each other in triumph.

TRIUMPHAL MUSIC.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. THEATRE – NIGHT

A poster reads:

"BUCHAREST STATE THEATRE

Tonight Only

DR. F. FRONKONSTEEN

in

'THE GREATEST DISCOVERY SINCE FIRE'

Presented in Cooperation With

TNS

(Transylvanian Neurological Society)"

A "SOLD OUT" sticker is pasted across the poster.

CUT TO: