Young Frankenstein

FREDDY

(holding out his hands)

Give – me – your – hand!

The Monster slowly extends his hands to Freddy. Freddy takes them and leads the Monster into his first steps.

PRODUCTION NUMBER – "ALIVE"

... in which Freddy, the Monster and Igor do a SONG and DANCE that teaches the Monster how to move. Occasionally, Inga and an unseen FIFTY-PIECE ORCHESTRA join in. The Monster tries, in his own special way, to imitate the gentle, "Soft Shoe" examples of Freddy and Igor. But where they "Ping" and "Clink" ... he "PONGS" and "CLONGS."

ANOTHER ANGLE

After a big finish, the Monster beams ecstatically. He bows out of instinct: "Show Business" is in his blood.

FREDDY

Whew! I'm glad that's over with.

IGOR

You can say that again.

FREDDY

Yes.

IGOR

You're just supposed to repeat what you said.

FREDDY

Why?

IGOR

What's the point of my setup? It's not funny unless you repeat exactly what you said.

FREDDY

I'm not trying to be funny.

Igor looks at the Movie Audience.

IGOR

Repeat it anyway – it's a wonderful cue.

FREDDY

... I'm glad that's...

IGOR

No, no! That whole thing!

FREDDY

... Whew! I'm glad that's over with.

MONSTER

MMMMmmmmmmmmm!

They all look at the Monster.

IGOR

See what I mean?

Freddy gives Igor a dirty look.

MONSTER

(signifying "More!")

MMMmmm! MMMmmm!

INGA

I think 'It' wants to do it again Doctor.

FREDDY

It looks that way.

INGA

What do you think we should do?

MONSTER

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

FREDDY

Oh... let's do it a little more.

ANOTHER ANGLE

They all SING and DANCE a short encore of "Alive". The Monster gets violently carried away in his search for dance perfection.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Freddy, Igor and Inga drop from exhaustion after another, even bigger ORCHESTRAL finish. The Monster immediately asks for:

MONSTER

MMMmmm!

They all stare at him in horror.

MONSTER

(signifying "More")

MMMMmmmmm! MMMMmmmmm!

Freddy walks boldly up to the Monster.

FREDDY

Stop that! Now just stop that this instant and listen to me!

The Monster stares at Freddy in fascination.

FREDDY

I have given you one of the finest minds of this century. You are a brilliant endocrinologist. You are a superb scientist. And you are making naughty! Now that's enough. Finished! From now on, you will behave like a man, and not a spoiled, snot-nosed, sniveling brat who thinks he can get anything he wants by bullying people with sheer brute force.

The Monster gives Freddy a WHACK you wouldn't believe unless you were there. Inga SCREAMS.

IGOR

This fellow's got great timing.

The Monster picks Freddy up in his two hands and then holds him high over his head.

INGA

Oh, Doctor – be careful!

The Monster is about to dash Freddy to pieces, when: MUSIC: A VIOLIN is HEARD PLAYING the EERIE TRANSYLVANIAN LULLABY. The monster FREEZES – still holding Freddy over his head.

MONSTER

(soft, pathetic cries)

Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm!

INGA

Doctor! There's that strange music again. what could it be?

IGOR

It seem to have stopped the big fellow in his tracks.

FREDDY

(from over the Monster's head)

Ayegor! Find out where that music is coming from as quietly and as blindingly fast as you can.

IGOR

Yes, Master!

FREDDY

Act casual!

Igor casually takes out a box of jujubees from his pocket and eats one. He walks over to the Monster, who is still holding Freddy over his head.

IGOR

(to the Monster)

Care for a jujubee?

The Monster lowers one hand – holding Freddy up with the other – and takes the box of jujubees. He sniffs them.

FREDDY

Clever ploy!

The Monster drains the box of jujubees in one gulp, then hands the empty box back to Igor.

IGOR

(looking at the empty box)

NO movies together for us – that's for sure.

Igor MOVES OFF in search of the MUSIC. The Monster – deeply affected by the LULLABY – slowly sets Freddy down.

INGA

It's almost as if he were afraid. he loves that music.

The Monster begins to hug Freddy and snuggle him. He behaves like a frightened, loving child, as he holds his arms out to Freddy.

INGA

I think he wants you to carry him, Doctor.

Freddy nods agreement.

INGA

What are you going to do?

FREDDY

I think I'll... carry him.

Freddy prepares to lift the Monster. Suddenly: THE MUSIC STOPS! The Monster's eyeballs float menacingly towards Freddy.

MONSTER

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

INGA

Doctor! The music has stopped.

The Monster's hands creep around Freddy's neck.

FREDDY

Do you think you can sing it?

INGA

Me? Sing?

FREDDY

Yes – quickly, dear!

The Monster is really choking Freddy now.

INGA

I'd be so nervous.

FREDDY

This is not the finals – just sing!

INGA

(singing)

It's some-thing dar-ing,

'The Con-ti-nen-tal,'

A way of danc-ing

that's real-ly ul-tra new;

It's ver-y sub-tle,

'The Con-ti-nen-tal.'

The Monster is temporarily distracted. then he gives Inga an angry look. The is not the music that he wants.

INGA

(singing)

Be-cause it does what you want it to do.

MONSTER

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

The Monster's hands tighten around Freddy's neck.

INGA

(singing)

It has a pas-sion,

'The Con-ti nen-tal... '

FREDDY

Stop – singing!!!

Igor WALKS IN, holding a violin and bow. He sees the Monster choking Freddy.

IGOR

How's it going?

FREDDY

What did you find out?

IGOR

Someone was playing this in the music room.

FREDDY

Where is he?

IGOR

How do you know it was a 'he'?

FREDDY

All right – where is she?

IGOR

How do you know it was a 'she'?

FREDDY

(gasping his last breath)

Bring – me – the – violin!

IGOR

Can you play it?

FREDDY

Maybe... if you get here on time.

Igor goes to Freddy and hands him the violin and bow. Freddy plays the TRANSYLVANIA LULLABY to the best of his ability. The Monster's hands begin to loosen.

INGA

It's working! Oh, Doctor – you play beautifully.

IGOR

Do you know the theme from 'Doctor Zhivago'?