YOU'VE GOT MAIL

    JOE
  Readers.  They're called readers.

    NELSON
  Don't romanticize them.  It'll keep them
  from jumping down your throat --

    SCHUYLER
  What's the competition?

    JOE
  One mystery store.  Sleuth, on 86th and
  Amsterdam.  And a children's bookstore.
  The Shop Around the Corner.  Been there
  forever.

    SCHUYLER
  Cecilia's store.

    JOE
  Who's that?

    SCHUYLER
  Cecilia Kelly, lovely woman.  I think we
  might have had a date once.  Or maybe we
  just exchange letters.

    JOE
  You wrote her letters?

    SCHUYLER
  Mail.  It was called mail.

    NELSON
   (fondly nostalgic and kidding
    it slightly)
  Stamps.  Envelopes.

    JOE
  Wait.  I've heard of it.  It was a means
  of communication before I was born.

    NELSON
  Exactly.

    SCHUYLER
  Cecilia had beautiful penmanship.
  She was too young for me, but she was...
  enchanting.  Her daughter owns it now.

    NELSON
  Too bad for her.

 As a DECORATOR walks into the office carrying a pile of
 upholstered pillows, and Joe turns to look at them.

    COMPUTER VOICE (OVER)
  Welcome.  You've got mail.

    JOE (V.O.)
  My father is getting married again.  For
  five years he's been living with a woman
  who studied decorating at Caesar's
  Palace.

    COMPUTER VOICE (OVER)
  You've got mail.

 INT. SUBWAY - DAY

 Kathleen looks up from her book as a butterfly flies through
 the subway car.

    KATHLEEN (V.O.)
  Once I read a story about a butterfly in
  the subway, and today I saw one. I
  couldn't believe it.  It got on at 42nd
  --
   (continued)

 The train comes to a stop.  The butterfly flies out.

    KATHLEEN (V.O.)
  -- and got off at 59th, where I assume it
  was going to Bloomindale's to buy a hat
  that will turn out to be a mistake.  As
  almost all hats are.

 EXT. H & H BAGELS - NIGHT

 A flour truck is unloading flour into a hole in the ground.

    JOE (V.O.)
  Did you know that every night a truck
  pulls up to H&H Bagels and pumps about a
  ton of flour into the ground?  The air is
  absolutely amazing.

 As Joe comes around the corner and sees the dust filling the
 air.  It is amazing.

    KATHLEEN (V.O.)
  I guess I've read Pride & Prejudice about
  100 times --

 INT. JOE'S KITCHEN - DAY

 As Joe reads a copy of Pride and Prejudice.  He can't stand
 it.

    KATHLEEN (V.O.)
  -- and every time I read it I worry that
  Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are not going to
  get together -- but the truth is whenever
  I think about my favorite book I always
  think about the books I read as a child --

 INT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DAY

 As Kathleen takes a copy of Homer Price off the shelf.

    JOE (V.O.)
  Did you ever read Homer Price?  My all-
  time favorite children's book.
   (continued)

 She opens it to the illustration of the doughnut machine that
 won't stop making doughnuts.

    JOE (V.O., cont'd)
  There's a doughnut machine in it that
  won't stop making doughnuts, they just
  keep coming down the chute just as
  regular as a clock can tick.

 EXT. KRISPY KREME STORE - DAY

    KATHLEEN (V.O.)
  Have you been to Krispy Kreme?
   (continued)

 Joe, eating a doughnut, looks through the window at the huge
 doughnut machine as the doughnuts roll down the chute just as
 regular as a clock can tick.

    KATHLEEN (V.O., cont'd)
  There's a doughnut machine right in the
  window that makes 110 dozen doughnuts an
  hour.

 EXT. STARBUCKS - DAY

 As Joe leaves with his morning coffee.

 EXT. COLUMBUS AVENUE - NEW YORK - MORNING

 Joe goes to his painter at work: COMING SOON is as far as he's
 gotten.

 EXT. STARBUCKS - DAY

 She enters Starbucks.

 INT. STARBUCKS - DAY

 As Kathleen buys her morning coffee and listens to everyone
 ordering.

 We can hear the sounds of Starbucks: "Short decaf cap,"  "Tall
 mocha latte."  "Grande lowfat regular."  Etc.

 EXT. COLUMBUS AVENUE - A HALF HOUR LATER

 The painter is further along on the sign.  It now reads:
 COMING SOON, A FOXBOOKS SU --

 Kathleen walks past the construction site.  She doesn't
 really pay attention to the sign painter.

 We see two police cars barreling up 75th Street, followed by
 a television news truck.

 EXT. BROADWAY - CONTINUOUS

 The police cars and TV truck barrel uptown.

 EXT. 101st STREET - CONTINUOUS

 They turn left onto West 101st and stop in front of an
 apartment building on the block.  There are more police cars
 and a horde of television reporters with microphones, etc.

 George emerges from the building as a newscaster broadcasts.

    TV REPORTER
  The body of a woman was found this
  morning on the roof of a New York
  building...

 As George comes out of his building into a horde of REPORTERS
 with microphones, cameras, etc. and listens to the reporter,
 who, seeing George, sticks the microphone into his face.

    TV REPORTER
  Here is a resident of the building.  Your
  name, please?

    GEORGE
  George Pappas.

    REPORTER
  Did you see or hear anything unusual last
  night?

    GEORGE
  No.  I didn't go out.

 At that moment, George sees a young woman.  This is MEREDITH
 CARTER.  He is struck dumb.

    REPORTER
  The victim was red-haired, about thirty-
  five, wearing a jogging suit.  Did you
  encounter anyone by that description
  in the building?  Sir?

 George hasn't heard a word.

    REPORTER
  Have there been any wild parties
  lately?

 George doesn't answer.

    REPORTER
  Could it perhaps be one of your
  neighbors?

 George continues to stare at the beautiful woman.  As he
 does, she notices him.  She stares back.  The reporter,
 ignored, finally turns away.

    REPORTER
   (to camera)
  As you can see, no one here knows
  anything.

 He continues to stand there, dumbstruck for a moment.
 Meredith Carter starts to walk away.

 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY

 As George walks along Broadway, past the sign, which now
 says: "COMING SOON: A FOXBOOKS SUPERSTORE".  He sees it.

 INT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

 Kathleen and several CUSTOMERS in the store.

 George walks in and goes to the back to hang up his coat.
 Christina is unpacking boxes.  Birdie is at the desk.  George
 looks at Christina meaningfully.

    CHRISTINA
   (totally mystified)
  What?

    GEORGE
  The coup de foudre. I had one. I
  never believed in them, but I just had
  one.

    BIRDIE
  Is that the thing where you get cold
  suddenly, bang?

    CHRISTINA
  No, that's the coup de vieux.

    BIRDIE
  I had that.

    GEORGE
  The coup de foudre is where you get
  love suddenly, bang.  A thunderbolt.

    BIRDIE
  I had that too.  Only I had it in
  Seville, where it was called ,el
  estruendo de amor.

    GEORGE
  I don't know her name, or anything about
  her.  I may never see her again.

    CHRISTINA
  And if you ever do meet her, you'll find
  out all the horrible details, and that
  will be that.  She'll turn out to have
  pictures of the Virgin Mary all over the
  walls.

    GEORGE
  I won't care.

 Kathleen sticks her head into the back.

    KATHLEEN
  Can someone help me out here?

    CHRISTINA
  George had a coup de foudre.

    GEORGE
  And Christina's making fun of me.

    KATHLEEN
  Don't let her.  I believe in this, I
  completely believe in this.  It happened
  to Madame Bovary, at least six times.

    CHRISTINA
  And she was wrong every time.

    KATHLEEN
  Yes!
   (beat)
  Who was she?

    GEORGE
  I don't know.  She was standing outside
  my building with the police and the
  reporters.

    KATHLEEN
  What police and reporters?

    GEORGE
  Someone died.

    KATHLEEN
  Who?

    GEORGE
  I have no idea about that either.
  They found her on the roof.

    KATHLEEN
  A dead body.  That's so sad.  But
  you fell in love.  That's so great.

    GEORGE
  Oh.  One other thing.

 EXT. COLUMBUS AVENUE - DAY

 The sign is now complete and it says: "Coming soon, just
 around the corner.  A Foxbooks Superstore."

 Kathleen and George and Christina stand there looking at it.

    CHRISTINA
  Quel nightmare.

    KATHLEEN
  It has nothing to do with us. It's
  big, impersonal, overstocked and
  full of ignorant salespeople.

    GEORGE
  But they discount.

    KATHLEEN
  But they don't provide any service.  We
  do.

 George and Christina nod.

 INT. BARNEY GREENGRASS - LUNCHTIME

 Kathleen is having lunch with Birdie.

    KATHLEEN
  So really it's a good development.  You
  know how in the flower district, there
  are all these flower shops in a row so
  you can find whatever you want.  Well,
  this is going to be the book district.
  If you don't have it, we do.

    BIRDIE
  And vice versa.

 INT. KATHLEEN'S APARTMENT - DUSK

 Kathleen in the kitchen, unloading groceries.  Frank is
 standing there, plugging in an Olympia Report deluxe Electric
 typewriter.

    FRANK
  When you are finished with Foxbooks, the
  Shop Around the Corner is going to be
  responsible for reversing the entire
  course of the Industrial Revolution.

    KATHLEEN
  That is so sweet, Frank.  Thank you.
  That is so sweet.

    FRANK
  Hey --

 He holds his arms out.  They hug.

    KATHLEEN
  Although...

    FRANK
  What?

    KATHLEEN
   (over his shoulder, she notices
    the typewriter, breaks from
    the hug)
  What is that doing there?

    FRANK
  Listen to it.  Just listen--

 He strikes a key.  Practically swoons.

    FRANK
  The Olympia Report deluxe Electric
  Report.  As in gunshot.

    KATHLEEN
  That sound is familiar.

    FRANK
  Now listen to this.

 He puts his ear to the typewriter.

 Kathleen listens too.

    KATHLEEN
  That whirring?

    FRANK
  The gentle and soothing lullaby of a
  piece of machinery so perfect --

    KATHLEEN
  I know where I've heard it before.  I
  know.

 She whips a cover off the other typewriter on the table.
 It's the same machine exactly.

    FRANK
  I needed a backup.

    KATHLEEN
  Don't you have another one at your
  apartment?

    FRANK
  I might, I might.  So what?

    KATHLEEN
  You're turning my apartment into a
  typewriter museum.

    FRANK
  I'll stop.  I'll try.  I probably can't.
  I see one and my knees go weak.  Anyway,
  what were you starting to say?

    KATHLEEN
  When?

    FRANK
  Before.

    KATHLEEN
  Nothing.

    FRANK
  Come on.

    KATHLEEN
  I don't know.  I was just wondering about
  my work and all.  I mean, what is it I do
  exactly?  All I really do is run a
  bookstore --

    FRANK
  All you really do is this incredibly
  noble thing --

 Kathleen nods.

    KATHLEEN
  But I don't know if I --

    FRANK
   (stopping her)
  Kathleen --

    KATHLEEN
  But I just --

    FRANK
  You are a lone reed.

 Kathleen looks puzzled.